The Anima App (Part 8)

“Well,” I shrug, slumping back down onto the ground. “Fuck my life”

“Really?” Vedette shakes her head, pacing inside the tiny cabin as she rants. “I mean, you just heard that you’re about to die. And you don't even care?"

"We aren't going to die," I tell her, expressing confidence I don't feel. Maybe this entire time, my apathy was confidence. Or maybe I'm just here, barely wanting to see her lose it. What happened to my world?

"That kiss," Vedette brushes her sleeve against her mouth, smudging her black lipstick into a garish grin that doesn't mimic her face. "Don't ever speak of it"

"What the fuck!" I scream, standing up. She just turns up her nose at me, a grimace on her face. "You just told me all these things, and then you pretend it didn't even happen?"

"I don't like to feel," she admits, gripping my shirt as she curls it, her mouth stretching into a sticky sweet smile. No positive emotion comes from her eyes, betraying the psychotic grin plastered up on her face. "I will never love you"

"Fine!" I scream back at her, shifting away. "Did you think that I loved you?"

"Why are even fighting about this!"

"Because you told me everything!" I shove her against the wall, not even caring to wonder how stupid I look. "You can't just do that to a person! Do you get off on the pain of people?"

"Don't even dare push this onto me," Vedette growls, kicking me square in the chest. "I won't have this debacle move on any longer"

"Whatever," I huff, falling again. "Let's just wait for Carson. If Nœl really wants to take me, he'll have to go through you, right?"

"Technically," Vedette shakes her head. "No. He's my superior. If I were to break away and attack him if he tried to take you away, I'd be ejected from the time travelers"

"So you wouldn't be able to time travel?"

"No," the goth time traveler admonishes, shying away from me. "I'd have all the technology I need. Nœl may control the technology, but I'm sure that I'd be able to work it without him"

"That sounds really fucking ominous," I admit, leaning against the wall as I stare back through our tiny crack of a window. The rain splatters against the side of the car much more violently than it did outside, shaking my world as a white bolt arcs across the glass sheen. "If Nœl can control all your technology, then wouldn't he be able to stop us?"

"Well," Vedette plays with a small pocket watch, staring at it intently. "My more powerful magic comes from Nœl. I'd wager I could time travel a little bit with this without Nœl's help. It's more likely that I'd be able to use my own magic easier without Nœl's advising"

"He's holding you back?"

"Everyone holds their fears back. I just happen to be his real nightmare"

"That's..."

"Depressing?" Vedette pulls the hair from her face angrily. "Don't state the obvious, Caddy. It just makes you look even more like an idiot"

"Do you try to hurt me with your words?" I roll my eyes. "Because it's not working"

"Oh, trust me. You'd know if I was trying to kill you with my words"

I bite my lip, trying to direct the conversation away. I honestly have no doubt she could perform some witchy voodoo with just a word. Before I have to stomach the idea of returning to worse topics, Carson barges in, invading just as Vedette opens her mouth to speak.

"Vedette, they didn't have much of anything on the list you gave me," Carson squeezes through the crack of the door, dropping a pile of food onto the table. Vedette catches her cards just before they flutter down to the ground, making sure to keep them face down as she replaces them.

"Be more careful, fool"

"They didn't have any real fresh fruit," Carson ignores her, taking a few boxes out haphazardly. “They raisins... and I thought that might be alright”

“Let’s hope you brought home something edible,”. Vedette sighs, rubbing her temple in annoyance.

I can see Carson begin to fret as he pulls out more food. “I couldn’t find many other healthy things... so I got you some fries”

“Fries,” Vedette holds up a single limp fry from the box Carson hands her. “Oh... how long is this trip going to be?”

“What if you just took Carson and me out of this time period?” I ask, shifting closer to the food Carson brought me. A lukewarm hamburger wet with ketchup. Better than some of my other meals.

“I’m afraid that’s not possible,” Vedette takes a fry to her mouth experimentally before shoving it away. “Time travelers aren’t that great with traveling normally. All sanctioned time-traveling brings us to the same spot; exactly where Cogshire would have been if it still remained”

“Well, where is that?” Carson asks in between bites of a veggie burger.

“Someplace off the shores of London," Vedette twirls her fry in the air like a baton. "The isle of Sheppey, I believe. Nœl does love his sheep... mindless things that they are"

"You know," I slam my hand down a little too violently. "It doesn't sound like you're such a fan of Nœl"

"No," she stares down at the carpet as if trying to avoid everyone's eyes. "It wouldn't seem that way, would it?"

"Can't you give a straight answer?" Carson sighs, sounding fed up. Vedette flinches at his words, sounding a little offbeat as she retorts back.

"Nœl and I had a falling out when he first claimed that I would be the one to ruin this world. If I were to do an unsanctioned time travel, he'd have my head for it. Everyone's life is on the line here"

"So we're all just gonna die," I scream. "Why didn't you do anything about this?"

Carson looks over the food, reminding me of her past grievances. "And what's this about a list? I never saw you give Carson any instructions"

"She told me before," he sighs.

"You knew we'd have to run?"

Vedette barely even attempts to defend herself. "I try to be prepared, Caddy"

"Why do you always act as you prepare for the worst?"

"This is the worst!" she screams back at me, eyes going red. Her face goes red when she loves me, and her eyes are bloodshot when it's the opposite. Why is she always a different person? "I prepare for people to die because I know they're going to!"

"I used to be a pessimist," I confide. "But you're worse"

"I'm a realist," Vedette huffs snootily. "Don't you dare think we're the same thing!"

"What the fuck is with you!" Carson shouts too, his burger falling to the ground. "I had hopes that you would make up while I was gone"

"She ruined my life in one day," I plead with Carson. "This day. Do you remember what we were doing just 24 hours ago?"

"24 hours ago?" he gives me a snide, dry laugh. "You tried to kill yourself. I was crying myself to sleep. Vedette was being told lies by her boss. Isn't it better that we're at least here together instead of suffering alone?"

"Misery loves company, huh?" my voice sounds hoarse and horrible. "What a load of shit"

Vedette opens her mouth, probably to state some blatantly obvious fact, but the entire train seems to want her to finally shut the fuck up. It jolts to the side, screeching to a halt.

"Protect the cards!" she screeches like a maniac. Carson doesn't react fast enough, his pile of food covering the middle card.

"You idiot!" her hands almost wrap around Carson's neck, but I step in between them.

"This is your cousin you're about to maul," I remind her before her black nails rip into my best friend's neck "Think a little"

"These cards will save our lives," Vedette reminds me. "Each of us could use one when we're in trouble. They'll protect us"

"You seem to have a lot of pride in them," Carson tells her as she releases her iron grip. I can't tell if she hears the dry wit in his tone or sees the arched eyebrow.

"Well, they're going to do heaps of help compared to Caddy's Anima. Do you have any sort of magic you'd like to share with us before I leave?"

"First," his eyes narrow. "I can repair things"

She snorts back at him, almost in a mimic of me. "Yeah, because that really seemed to work on Caddy and me"

"Like cars and machines," Carson finishes. "Second of all, where are you going?"

"I suppose you'll tease me for it," Vedette covers her chest with tight arms. "But I'm going to speak to the manager. Or at least the conductor. If we stop, Nœl is bound to find us. Now... if you'll excuse me"

She edges out of the room awkwardly, leaving the two of us staring at the food now lying on the ground.

"At least they're still in their bags," I mumble, barely even trying to seem helpful. Since when was conversation between us forced.

"I wanted to ask you something..." Carson twists his fingers around each other.

"Are you gonna ask me something again about why I tried to die? Or is this about your crush on me?"

"Could you stop talking about that?" his face goes red. "Look, what does it take to make you know I'm sorry"

"You don't have to apologize for feelings," I hold my knees up to my chest, staring into his eyes as the lights dim from the curtains blowing in the wind. Why did Vedette open the windows? "Just learn from them"

"Got it," Carson shivers a little from the breeze entering the cabin.

"I'll close the window," I unfold my body, sliding towards the window. "Wait..."

A misty pink substance coats the window, dissipating as I touch it. "Do you think this is Anima?"

"Its power is based on your subconscious desire, right?" Carson shrugs.

"Well, I'm pretty sure I didn't want to open the window"

"Maybe it's trying to tell you something?"

A gleam of light momentarily blinds me, like flashlights being sprayed onto my face. "There are cars chasing the train," I shake my head in disbelief.

"It must be Nœl!" a crash comes from behind me as Carson stumbles up, a nervous creak slipping into his voice.

"Shit," I curse, slamming the door open.

"Should we tell Vedette?"

"She probably already knows. Why are you cradling your arms like that?"

Carson almost trips from the way he's walking. "I'm carrying the cards,"

“Why would you risk your life for some stupid cards?”

“Listen,” after nearly tripping again, Carson looks me in the eye, turning my head. "I trust Vedette. I have no idea why you seem to literally want her to fucking die, but don't you dare do this"

"I CAN'T TRUST HER!" I stamp my foot, sounding like a child. Carson stares at me like I'm one, and I know everyone hates me. Parents stare at me, shielding their kids from me. I'm a monster to them, the cautionary tale. The one that finally got ruined.

"Why?"

"She..." I choke back my words. "She kissed me"

"Oh..." A thousand thoughts run through Carson's head, but I can't focus on him now. Somehow, it's like I'm the only one who exists. "Who even are you? Is this why..."

"I don't like girls," I tell him without thinking. I don't want her to be the one. I don't want to question my life. Because how can someone do something like that? You don't just make them ask everything about their life and leave. You don't change their world and disappear. If I'm a monster, that's the coward's role, no matter how misunderstood they are. If Vedette truly wanted to love me, she could come back. She wouldn't act this way. She'd tell me her world, and I'd give her mine back.

After you give someone your life, you find yourself without love. I am devoid of feelings and ambitions. My life has gone under, and everyone else drowns along with me. Not even Carson can bring me out of this.

"Vedette's just across this car," Carson determines. "We need to go outside and walk across to the next one"

No matter how hard I try, I can't put on a tough act. "Then let's go"

The moment my converses touch that freezing sheen of metal, I know the world's been ending around me, without me, circling in. The sky is tinged red from the city lights setting fire to the clouds, leaving a streak of disaster. The rain tastes like salt, pouring down without any sort of remorse. Everything is grey and red from my hate-tinted glasses.

Carson takes the first step across just as another bolt of lightning strikes down, setting fire to a hefty forest. "We've already been ending the world," I don't even notice the words that leave my mouth until they do. "I'm just the last step"

"You can't die on me, Caddy," Carson promises. Can it even be a promise? Or is he just trying to reassure me?

"If I die," I shut my eyes and stop breathing, only to gasp when it ends. "It's like the world's ending anyway"

"Aren't there any other people in your world?" he asks me, already on the other side of the train. "Or is it just Caddy"

"Carson..."

"I'm serious. You keep acting like it's just you"

"Carson," I warn him for the final time, shutting him up. "Move your scrawny ass over so I can get on the next car"

He does, but there's no smile on his face. Maybe my jokes just don't land anymore. I know I'd like to fall as flat as them. I take a tentative step, only to jolt back when another bolt of electricity strikes right by us.

"You can do this!" Carson urges.

I know it. It's a simple thing, but it's so hard. I breathe in hard, jumping across.

"Good," Carson confides in me as his hands fly back to his side, slipping out of mine. The soft hands I hadn't even known for a second. "Now, let's ju-"

A crash comes from behind us, a screech following it. A distinctive sucking sound envelops behind me.

"Don't run," The man's voice comes in deep and throaty, yet distinguished.

"Nœl," my voice is filled with acid at the gentlemanly-looking man in front of me, his skin wrapped in a thick golden light.

"I didn't want to do this," Nœl apologizes as he takes a step forward, a dull-looking weapon enclosed in his hands. "But Vedette failed me"

"Vedette never failed you!" Carson steps in front of me, looking up at his tall head. "She just wanted to help Caddy"

"Sometimes, we have to overlook one life to save the world," the god takes another step toward us, daunting and foreboding. "Caddy, you're coming with me..."

"Yeah right!" I scream back at him, my legs carrying me into the next cart before I even know it.

"Wait," the world tilts a little as I enter the next car. "Where are all the people?"

"I needed them to vacate the premise," Nœl's voice comes from behind us. "This is the end of the line, Caddy. Don't worry; you'll be let out of your eternal chamber when the world's saved"

"What if this timeline never ends?" I ask, a nervous fear rising in my throat. "What if I'm stuck there forever, just waiting?"

Nœl scratches the inside of his long admiral's coat. "Once I deal with Vedette, that shouldn't be a problem"

"Don't you dare harm her!" I shout back at him.

"I wouldn't dare to," Nœl sniffs. "She'd only fight back harder. However, if Vedette has a chance to break the timeline, we may be doomed. At least one of my other problems may now be slowly burning to death inside your orphanage. The other is dealing with the other child of Anima"

"Other?" Carson pipes up as he slowly edges away, grabbing the fabric of my shirt.

"Oh yes," Nœl's face breaks out into a rare, conniving smile. "In the case that our experiment works, you will be disposed of, Caddy. We are attempting to build a stronger version of Anima's vessel. It should be brilliant!"

"No way," I bolt away from him just as the manic glow erupts through his eyes. He holds out his hand and clenches it, a shimmering bronze glow furiously lighting up inside his hand.

The train tilts again, even further than the last time. The entire train spins with us inside of it. Carson and I try to keep running, but it's not long before our legs get caught in the luggage holder at the top of the train.

"Stop struggling!" Nœl shouts back, reaching to grab me.

Right as his glowing hand touches me, Carson whips a silver tube from his backpack of food. Nœl screams in pain as a mist sprays into his eyes.

"Vedette asked me to get some expensive perfume for her too," he answers. "Looks like it ended up being useful"

I gag on the air as we escape the metal prison. "Since when do teenagers wear lavender?"

Nœl is up almost instantly, shutting his eyes as the train's technology further tortures us. Watches and phones shoot through the air, barraging us in a storm of metal. Pipes burst and blow exhaust in our face as the train quickly speeds up and slows down, knocking us to the ground.

"Technology bends to my will," Nœl explains. "You can't run from me in your dysfunctional society"

"Nœl?" familiar voice questions. I twist my head, shocked.

"Vedette," Nœl's voice almost cracks from pain. "You never should have disobeyed me"