Once upon a time, there was a young boy named Jimmy. He didn't think he was anything special, but he was more special than he thought he was. He could do something no other person could do: he could really talk with animals. He didn't know how he'd gained the ability. It wasn't something he'd been born with. Maybe the accident he'd been in had made his head work differently than before. Whatever the reason, he looked forward to waking up and telling his parents about his newfound ability. How amazed they would be.
“How is he, sir?” a nurse whispered to a doctor, nodding in the direction of the little boy in the hospital bed. The little boy didn't move and had a bandage wrapped around his forehead.
“Jimmy is still unconscious,” the latter whispered back. “He needs the sleep to help him heal. It's a miracle that he survived the accident. I can only imagine how he'll react when he discovers that his parents are both dead and he's an orphan.”
“Maybe we can postpone that information?” the nurse whispered.
“But for how long?” the doctor whispered back. “He's going to ask about them eventually. You know how I am about lying.”
The nurse nodded. “We won't lie to him. When we think he's strong enough and ready to hear it, we'll tell him the truth.”
The doctor sighed softly. “Maybe you should do that. I think I'll be too scared to.”
She smiled and shook her head. “I've been beside you in the operating room, sir. I've seen you completely focused and doing complicated surgical procedures without any hesitation. You're the bravest man I know.”
“Is that just to make me feel good or do you mean it?” he whispered.
“Both,” she whispered back.
Jimmy wasn't quite sure where he was.
The last thing he remembered was sitting in the back seat of his parents' car, seat belted, looking outside as they headed home from the movie.
The movie was Disney's “Aladdin”. It hadn't been in the movie theaters since 1992 and now it was being re-released. His father and grandfather had gone to see it in 1992 and had really enjoyed it. This time around, Jimmy was glad he was able to enjoy it, too. The big blue genie was just so funny.
It had been cold outside and Jimmy could see snow falling. Maybe there would be enough to play in in the morning. He had hoped so.
But then a pair of big bright lights suddenly appeared in front of their car, too close to avoid.
Then silence. And more silence.
And darkness. And more darkness.
Then the darkness slowly started to fade, turning to pale gray. Like being awake before the sun rose, watching the night sky go away, replaced by the rising sun.
Jimmy could tell that he wasn't sitting in his parents' car anymore. He was sitting on the ground, instead, surrounded by a circular bed of daffodils and tulips. What in the world was he doing here? He should be with his parents. They would probably be home by now.
Something hopped past. Too quickly to see exactly what it was. Then a few more hopped past. This time he could see them. They were bunnies. They reminded him of Thumper from Disney's “Bambi”.
“Hi, Thumper!” he called to them.
The last of the bunnies stopped, then turned to look at him. It looked puzzled. Then it hopped towards him, until it was a few feet away.
“It's okay,” Jimmy told it. “I won't hurt you.”
“Who are you?” the bunny asked.
“I'm Jimmy,” the boy said.
“How can you talk with me?” the bunny asked. “Humans can't talk with us.”
Jimmy shrugged. “I don't know.”
“Maybe because you're new here,” the bunny suggested and seemed about to hop away.
“But where is here?” the boy asked. “I've never been here before.”
“This is the Endless Forest,” the bunny said.
“Do you live here or are you just passing through?” Jimmy asked.
“We live here,” the bunny said.
“Just bunnies like you?” the boy asked.
The bunny shook his head. “Plenty of animals. Bunnies, foxes, wolves, eagles, owls, bears, to name a few. It's the only place where we're safe.”
“From who?” Jimmy asked.
“From the hunters,” the bunny whispered. “They come with their sticks. They shoot at us and they try to kill as many of us as they can. We hide as best we can. Some day, though, we'll probably all be killed.”
“That's terrible!” the boy said, shocked. “Why would they do such a horrible thing?”
“Because they're human,” the bunny said. “Like you.”
“I wouldn't hurt you,” Jimmy said.
“Then you're the exception,” the bunny said. “Look, I have to leave. They're waiting for me in the bushes.”
“Will I see you again?” the boy asked.
“Maybe,” the bunny said. “If we're still alive.”
“Before you go, could you tell me your name?” Jimmy asked. “I called you Thumper, but that's probably not your name.”
“It isn't,” the bunny said. “I'm Ha'ru.”
“Haroo?” the boy asked.
“Close enough,” the bunny said and hopped away, disappearing into the bushes.
Jimmy heard what sounded like thunder and looked up. He couldn't see any dark clouds, though. Was it going to rain? He felt the first drops falling on his face and hands. Yes, that was rain.
Was there somewhere he could stay dry?
He looked around, but didn't see anything that was big enough for him to hide in.
The rain was falling harder and he was getting soaked.
Then he found a shallow dry pit under a bush. He wiggled under the bush and lay there, listening to the rain.
I wonder if I'll ever be able to go back home, Jimmy thought.
“Blood pressure 130 over 90,” the nurse said as she removed the cuff from Jimmy's right upper arm. “What could be causing the increase? He was just 120 over 80 only an hour ago. No, wait, it's gone back down again. That's never happened before.”
“Maybe he had a bad dream?” the doctor asked.
The nurse shrugged. “Maybe we should ask the resident psychologist. She might know how to deal with this. With your permission, sir?”
“You have it,” the doctor said. “In the meantime, I'll stay here and monitor him.”
The nurse nodded and left the hospital room.
What could possibly be going through your head that would change your blood pressure both up and down? What in the world are you thinking about? What are you dreaming about?
That psychologist can't get here soon enough. I'm out of of my depth, here.
The rain had stopped.
Jimmy crawled out of his hiding place and sniffed the air. It reminded him of how he smelled after taking a bath.
He wondered if Ha'ru would come back or if he had to be on his own for now.
There was a rustle in the bushes and Jimmy smiled, thinking it was the bunnies returning. Or at least one of them.
But, instead, something much larger and darker stood there, looking down at him. Something with a body like a horse, but with antlers like an elk.
“Well, what are you staring at?” it asked him. “Haven't you seen a moose before?”
“Only in pictures,” Jimmy replied. “Are you really a moose?”
“Of course, I am,” it said. “Why else would I look like this? Say – aren't you a little young to be out here on your own?”
“I'm trying to find my way home,” the boy said. “I was in a car and then woke up here. I was hoping that Ha'ru would come back. I liked talking with him.”
The moose paused and tried not to stare. “You're human.”
“And you can talk with us,” the moose went on.
Jimmy nodded again. “I don't know how I do it. I couldn't do it before. Before I was in the car, I mean.”
The moose backed up a little.
“Please don't go,” the boy pleaded. “I don't like being alone in this forest.”
The moose paused, looking thoughtful. “Maybe Gaia knows what to do about this.”
“Who is Gaia?” Jimmy asked.
“She's in charge of everything here,” the moose said and lowered itself as much as it could. “Climb on. I'll take you to her.”
The boy scrambled up onto the moose's back, sitting just behind its head.
“Hold onto my antlers,” the moose said and stood up. “Still there?”
“Still here,” Jimmy said. “Is this going to be fun?”
“It's always fun when I run,” the moose said and galloped away.
As they raced along pathways through the forest, Jimmy asked, “Do you have a name like Ha'ru does?”
“You can call me Mammut,” the moose said.
“It was nice meeting you, Mammut,” the boy said.
“What's your name?” the moose asked.
“I'm Jimmy,” the boy said.
“Nice to meet you, Jimmy,” the moose said.
“Blood pressure is up again, a little higher than before,” the nurse said to someone as she returned to Jimmy's hospital room.
The doctor saw a woman behind her. An older woman with short dark and silver hair. This was the resident psychologist.
“It's been awhile, Nina,” the doctor said.
“Indeed it has, Duncan,” the psychologist said and sat down on the opposite side of Jimmy's hospital bed. “What seems to be the problem, besides the blood pressure fluctuations?”
“They don't seem to have any health-related source,” the doctor explained. “We've made him as relaxed as possible while he's sedated.”
“Which is why you thought it might be dream-related, Cheryl?” the psychologist asked the nurse.
“If were in my laboratory at the university, I could do a little more,” the psychologist said. “But maybe still not enough.” She lifted Jimmy's left eyelid, shined a small pen-light at it his eye, and then did the same to his right eyelid and eye. “Rapid Eye Movement. Otherwise, everything seems normal enough. When do you think you'll wake him, or do you expect to keep him sedated for the time being?”
The nurse and doctor looked at each other.
“The problem is: Jimmy doesn't know about his parents,” the nurse said. “They both died in a car accident. He was the only survivor.”
“You aren't planning to lie to him, I hope,” the psychologist said, frowning.
They shook their heads.
“But how much can we tell him, without causing any major problems?” the nurse asked.
“The human mind is infinitely able to defend itself,” the psychologist said. “It can also rewire itself in ways we can't begin to understand. Put upside-down glasses on a subject and the mind rewires itself and vision returns to normal. Reverse the glasses again, and the subject goes through the process a second time.”
“You think his mind is defending him right now?” the doctor asked.
“I wouldn't doubt it,” the psychologist replied, standing up. “Call me before you wake him. I want to be here.”
“Understood,” the doctor said. “And thank you.”
At the center of the forest was the biggest oak tree that Jimmy had ever seen. It looked like it reached right up to the sky, like the beanstalk in “Jack and the Beanstalk”. Would there be a castle up on one of the clouds? He hoped so.
In front of the tree was a pond. A woman lay next to it, her eyes closed. She had long green hair, green eyes, and wore a green dress that reached down to her bare feet.
The moose cleared his throat. “Excuse me,” Mammut said. “I hope we're not interrupting.”
“That depends,” the woman said. “What do you need?”
“Another human has arrived in the Endless Forest,” the moose said.
The woman opened her eyes, blinked a few times. She sat up and looked at the moose. “Where is the human?”
Jimmy waved. “I guess that's me.”
“A child?” the woman asked and sighed. “They keep getting younger. All right. Dismount.”
“I don't know how,” Jimmy said.
“Same way you climbed on,” Mammut said and lay down as low as he could.
Jimmy slipped off. “Thank you for the ride,” he said to the moose.
“You're welcome, Jimmy,” the moose said, standing up again. “Do you need me?” he asked the woman.
She shook her head. The moose turned and galloped away.
“You're Jimmy?” the woman asked the boy.
“I'm Gaia,” the woman said. “Follow me.”
She led him to the lowest section of the tree, where the trunk seemed grow right out of the ground, with huge roots spreading out in all directions except where they stood. She knocked on the trunk. A door appeared and opened.
Once they were inside, the door closed and disappeared.
“Are we really inside a tree?” Jimmy asked.
“Indeed we are,” Gaia replied. She crouched in front of him, checking him out much like a doctor would. “You seem to be in good shape. I can't see why you would end up in the Endless Forest. Maybe a mistake happened. Maybe you're here too soon.”
“Does that mean I can go back?” he asked. “Back to my parents? Back home?”
A bright flash suddenly covered Jimmy's face. He instinctively covered it, trying to protect himself from getting blinded.
“Make it stop,” he complained. “It's too bright.”
Then the flash disappeared, almost as suddenly as it had appeared.
“That's better,” Jimmy aid. “What was that?”
“Someone's checking to see if you're all right,” Gaia said. “Apparently, they're satisfied.”
“Does that mean I'm okay?” he asked.
“It means that you have to decide whether to stay here in the Forest, or go back where you came from,” she said. “Which would you rather do?”
“I want to be with my parents,” Jimmy said. “I want to go home.”
“I'm afraid that you can't be with your parents,” Gaia said. “Not anymore.”
He started to cry. “No! Don't say that!”
“I can't lie to you, Jimmy,” she said. “Mother Nature can't lie to anyone. Not even to herself.”
“I want them to live!” he said. “Make them live again!”
Gaia looked thoughtful again. “Do you really want that? No matter what the cost was?”
His tears slowed. “What would it cost?”
“There are two options,” she explained. “Either you get to live … or they get to live. You can't have both. Not in your world.”
“Where could I have both, then?” Jimmy asked. “Here in the Forest?”
Gaia nodded. “If that's what you really want.”
“I really want it,” he said.
Jimmy's hospital room was filled with more people than it had ever been filled with. All of them trying to figure out what went wrong and how to prevent it from continuing. But nothing they did did any good. He just lay there, his eyes closed.
Only this time he was smiling.
“At least he's happy now,” the psychologist said. “Wherever he is, he's happy.”
As they left the tree, Jimmy thought he heard his name being called. He saw his parents running towards him, arms outstretched. He ran toward them, crying with happiness, and hugged them both.
“You're okay again, you're okay,” he told them. “Everything's going to be back to normal now.”
His parents looked at Gaia. “Thank you,” they told her.
She inclined her head. “Thank your son. It was his love for you that brought you here. You're very lucky, the two of you.”
As she spoke, there were sharp, loud noises. Almost like thunder, but the sky above the tree was clear.
Gaia's expression darkened. “They have come back. I warned them not to, but they wouldn't listen.”
Animals arrived soon after, frightened and looking for somewhere to hide. Ha'ru hopped over to Jimmy and snuggled against him. Mammut walked over to him. Both were trembling, asking for comfort. He petted them as best he could.
“There's nothing to be afraid of,” Jimmy told them. “Nothing at all.” He looked at Gaia. “Is there?”
“Not as long as I'm here,” she said. “You are safe as long as you stay near or inside my tree.”
“What are you going to do?” Jimmy's mother asked Gaia.
“What must be done,” the latter replied and departed.
Just a few minutes later, there was silence. Absolute, total silence. The sky turned pitch black and they heard a sudden clap of thunder like a very loud bomb blast going off much too close to them. Silence returned. Then the sky cleared again until it was blue with fluffy white clouds here and there. After another few minutes, birds began to chirp and sing, tentatively at first, then more confidently.
Gaia reappeared. “You won't have to worry about the hunters anymore.”
“What did you do?” Jimmy's mother asked her.
“What had to be done,” Gaia replied. “It is my job to defend the natural world and defend I will against all who threaten it.”
“Does that mean it's lunchtime?” Ha'ru asked.
Gaia smiled and laughed softly. “Are you ever not hungry, my furry friend? You and all the other bunnies?”
“Sometimes,” he admitted. “Thankfully, not often.”
“May you never change,” she said and turned to face them all. “Let the feast of celebration begin. The Endless Forest and all who live in it will be safe forever.”
And they all lived happily ever after.
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Great story. I love the way you have crafted this story. Well done !!! Could you please read my latest story and share some feedback on it. Thanks a lot ~Palak Shah
Glad you liked it. I'll try to read your story as soon as I can. One warning, though: If a recommended story doesn't interest me, I apologize. But I won't downvote it. I'll read something else instead. I hope you'll understand. Btw, I've already read (and no doubt commented) about two of your stories already. One thing I've noticed is that when you write dialogue, you tend to do this (and you're not the only writer on this website who does it): "I'm all right." I said. [this is just a made-up line to use as an example.] The first ...
That's fine; everyone has a different taste in stories so it doesn't matter. Yeah, I have been getting a lot of my punctuation and I think I really need to improve on that as soon as possible; I think as I write more my punctuation will just fall into place naturally. Anyway, thank you so much for reading my story and sharing your feedback that was wonderful
Glad to hear it. Maybe that's the way they do punctuation where you live? Different writing rules in different countries. Kind of like spelling where if you aren't American, you tend to spell (for example) "colour" instead of "color". There's nothing wrong with it so I wouldn't mention it in editing comments. After all, being born overseas (my late father was in the US Army and stationed in Germany when I was born), the books that my parents read to me when I was little (that is, up to age 5; we moved from Germany to Turkey when I was 2...
Yeah I also live in England but I read lots of American novels so I think that would have a major impact on my writing. Yeah I just read my story aloud and hope to find some errors or I get someone else to read it out to me. I think I have also massively improved on this platform due to all the feedbacks I have been given :)) I love the way people take a perception on the prompts it is wonderful; I find it hard to think of an idea on the spot and it is very hard for me to find the right story to fit the prompt and it takes me 2 days to actu...
I guess it was different fifty years ago. There were American books published in Europe, but I guess I was still too young to read most of them. My father would read aloud from books like the English translation of the Asterix & Obelix comic books (published in England, not in America). I try to edit my stories as best I can, but I still miss things. I'm grateful that readers help me to track down the mistakes I didn't find before submitting the stories to this website. The mistakes aren't plentiful, but if they really interfere with un...
Yeah, it is fine that you didn't like my story. I don't mind but your feedback was fab and now my story sounds so much better. Thank you so much :))
Good work on this! A beautiful, yet sad fairy tale. Definitely a creative take on the prompt as well. Having Jimmy be so childish and innocent really twisted the knife when it came to the ending. As a note, I thought the dialogue between the nurse/doctor/psychologist could have sounded a bit more ... realistic? Apart from the moment when the nurse says "Both", that was good. It seems to me there wouldn't be this whole reiteration of should we tell him, let's not lie to him. I'm sure this isn't the first time they've been in this situation....
Thank you. I was aiming for something more like the original Grimms' fairy tales. The ones which were too dark for the parents reading them to their children. The ones that Disney wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole without getting rid of all the dark stuff first. I don't think it was entirely sad. Yes, it had its sad moments. Jimmy's parents died in a car accident. But in the end, his love for them brought them back to life ... just not in our world. The Endless Forest is not a place of innocence. It's a place of love and safety. ...
In case any readers of this story haven't read my responses to comments about it: The idea of the boy who can talk to animals when he's asleep isn't mine. It's Laiba's. She very kindly let me borrow her idea.
This story was amazing, and I loved every bit of it. I think that’s it’s really cool how you’re able to write in many different genres. I also liked how you jumped between Jimmy’s perspective to the doctors POV. I might just be overthinking this, but it’s kind of like the doctors and nurses represented the “reason” in the story while Jimmy and the Endless Forest represented the realm of “fantasy and dreams.” Along the way when we met each animal it really allowed Jimmy’s character to shine through, especially his innocence. I actually searc...
Glad you liked it. If you read my responses to Nainika and Asha, you'll learn more about how the story came to be. For instance, one of the ideas wasn't mine: It was Laiba's. The idea about a boy who, when he's asleep, can talk with animals. She kindly let me borrow it. I was thinking that there were two worlds: the real world (or "earth") and the forest world (or "heaven"). The doctors and nurses wanted Jimmy to stay in the real world, but it's possible he wouldn't have survived there. Instead, he gets to live in another world wher...
Even though writing a fairytale story might not be your genre of choice, it's probably nice to take a break from what you usually do. Unfamiliar genre's can be pretty difficult to work in, but I thought this one went well. I'll check out your other comments on this story, too. I've been wanting to read Watership Down for a long time, thanks for reminding me of that one. On Netflix, I'm not sure if they still have it or not, but there were episodes based on Watership Down. I watched the first few, but I didn't want any spoilers before I actu...
Agreed. It might even be helping me to write the stories I prefer to write. I haven't seen the animated version of "Watership Down" in a very very long time. But I remember thinking that it was well done. A little scary at times for a 13-year-old in 1980 (my mother, my two older brothers, and I saw at night, which probably helped the mood that I watched the movie in), but it was nowhere near as scary as "Night of the Living Dead" (which I've seen once and don't want to see again; too scary for me).
I’m not into scary stuff, either. I don’t often read, write, or watch horror. I feel like today’s movies or tv shows put so much extra violence, blood, and gore in them. I might read something a bit scary (in my opinion) because at least I can picture and imagine what I want to see.
Sometimes scary can be fun to watch. Especially older movies, like Japanese horror movies of the 1950s and 1960s (okay, it's mainly the bad English dubbing that makes me laugh at them). Some of the horror movies from the 1920s to the 1950s is rather well done. Like "Nosferatu" (which came out in 1922), "Frankenstein" and "Bride of Frankenstein" which came out in the 1930s, "The Mummy" (starring Boris Karloff), etc. I learned from a Neil Gaiman essay that the stereotypical blow-up-the-lab scene began with the scene near the end of "Bride ...
1. While yes, there probably *were* some other orphans that probably wanted to escape just as badly as Cora, she escaped by herself. She was kind of more of a loner back then and didn't really have anyone, she mostly started to get her abandonment fear once she befriended Axel and Reboot, though it's always been in the back of her head through all the years. 2. There'd probably be a lot of reasons for her not wanting to talk about her siblings and other family, possibly because she just doesn't want to talk about a lot of it. Or again, mayb...
This is definitely easier to read. I wish the thread margins didn't keep shrinking as each thread gets longer. 1. I can sympathize with Cora again. It's not easy depending on others when you've mostly depended on yourself. How could you possibly trust that the support would always be there? Without warning, it could be taken away and you're back on your own again. (Of course, if it's living support, that support tends to have a finite lifespan anyway.) 2. I wonder if Cora wasn't the only child in that family who escaped. But she mi...
1. I can kind of imagine that when Cora first became friends with both Axel and Reboot, she'd probably be a bit surprised by how much they care for her and possibly be a bit confused aswell due to her fears and everything else that's happened. If she got injured or sick (just during the time when they were first getting to know each other after they first met) she'd probably just be very confused that their helping her. 2. Well, if that *was* the case, then her sibling could possibly be a little happy to know that they have somebody else, b...
Sorry that I'm on here later than usual today. Last night was one of the most painful nights I've had in a long time. I hope it doesn't get any worse before it gets better (if it does). 1. Maybe Cora subconsciously empathizes with those who are misfits and outsiders like she sees herself as. Maybe that's why she feels she has more in common with Axel and Reboot than with other humans (or half-breeds) like herself. 2. If Cora *does* have a sibling who thinks like she does, I have the feeling that that sibling probably has become estran...
1. That does make sense, and it kind of is true. This kind of stuff will probably be explained in later parts of the series. By now, she's had to be with the two of them for several years now, so she would probably consider she has a lot more in common with the two of them, and their still her only friends. Or like I said earlier, some of the only people who care about her (besides her mom, who's gone) and they are all almost like a family. 2. I have a little feeling that if any of this did end up happening, Cora might start to get a little...
1. Kind of like the crew in the canceled TV series "Firefly" (there was also a movie, "Serenity"). "They're a family and all they have is each other," as Jewel Taite (the actress who played the character Kayleigh) once said. 2. You're making Cora sound a lot more insecure about herself than I did when I wrote scenes about her. After the time she spent in the orphanage and surviving on the streets, I think she'd gain some self-confidence. If only to remind herself that if she's survived this long, then she must be good at it. Maybe tha...
Another good one by you. You are a very good writer. I have been going through some of my own issues this end of the month and into the new month of April. My son Eon was born on April 6th and died the same day. So I don't know if anything I have written lately can be called good, but you are welcome to have a look. It could help me some get back into the right mind set and thinking.
I'm glad you liked it. I confess -- as I have to others on this website -- that this isn't a favorite story of mine. There are others that I wish had been shortlisted instead. But, since I'm not one of the judges, the decision wasn't mine. The idea of the boy who, when asleep, talks with animals came from Laiba (she let me use it). That's why I gave her credit for that idea. I thought it was the right thing to do. I'm so very sorry (which is hopelessly inadequate). I wish I knew what I could say to comfort you. It must have been an ...
Hi there. God definitely has a sense of humor. The day before I finally get three car-related things taken care of, my body decides to get temporarily sick. Nothing virus-related. At the risk of TMI, it's intestine-related. Feeling better now. Btw, I'll be out of the house for at least an hour or two tomorrow between about 1 pm and 3 pm Eastern USA time. In case you send me a message during that time and wonder why I haven't answered yet. Hope your day has been better than mine. Did you find a story prompt worth writing about? You ...
I'm not entirely sure if I *will* write a story this week, I'm not really in the mood that much, but I still do really like the trickster god prompt. The thing is, I was kind of thinking of making my own trickster god/goddess character instead of using an existing trickster god and stuff, like Loki.
Maybe you need to get into a Puck-ish sort of mood and go hob-nob-gobblin' along? *grin* Making up a new trickster god could be interesting (both for writer and reader). I'm curious about what prompts will be offered on Friday.
The only thing I've managed to think about for it is that the character had actually just become a goddess, so they're getting used to it and all that. The new prompts could probably be something about Easter.
That sounds pretty good. I'm curious and want to read the story once you've finished it and submitted it to this website. Btw, I decided to try to create my very own blog using the Wix website. It's not much of a blog yet (the photo isn't even mine, but it was a free one I found on the Internet; there are two posts; one is an introductory/explanatory post; the other is a selection of poems that you might or might not have read; I might have to go back and make each poem a separate post if lumping them all together in one post makes it har...
Would you want me to give you a few more suggestions on little scenes you could do for the Axel/Reboot/Cora thing?
Sure! I'm *always* in favor of suggestive suggestions. *grin*
Here's the idea: Something happens to Cora and she ends up going into a deep sleep, it could almost be like a coma. That isn't really the worst part though, in her sleep all of her worst nightmares are happening, she'd possibly die from not waking up and from the nightmares doing things to her. So basically Axel would go into her mind/dreams to try and help her.
Or maybe she gets trapped in one of her nightmares and *can't* wake up until she escapes from it? Maybe with Axel's help, she can escape from the "trap" she's in. Is everything chaotic, like being in a windstorm? Nothing feels solid to her, but she still can't escape and wake up. How would Axel interact with her subconscious mind? Maybe he wouldn't look or sound like Axel at first? Maybe, at first, he seems like another part of her nightmare? A scary monster or a guillotine's blade dropping toward her or a blade swinging like a pendul...
While I like what you started with, this is what I was kind of imagining for it: Yes one of her fears there would be her father, but another main thing she fears is Reboot and Axel just abandoning her like I mentioned at some other point. I think Reboot would find a way to send Axel into Cora's mind to actually help her with all this and stuff, but she might not be listening to him. Maybe she'd be like "You left me...what are you doing here again? Are you going to do it again? Why'd you do it...I don't want to be left alone again..." or some...
That was actually my second attempt. I deleted most (or all) of my first attempt (it wasn't that good; I was trying to include a Celtic myth and it just fell flat on its face). I sort of borrowed the fear-of-father from Raven (one of the Teen Titan characters). In "Nevermore", you find out how poorly Raven and her father get along (at least inside her head). In Raven's case, she's angry with her father, but in a way, she's also angry at herself. WIth Cyborg and Beast Boy's help, she seems to find a way of dealing with that inner anger. ...
Once I saw that piano, I knew I had to read at least one of your stories. And let’s just say that I was not disappointed! Your use of tone could use a little bit of work at the beginning, but you really got it into full swing after a little bit! Great story!!!
I'm not that good at writing fairy tales. I had to step out of my comfort zone to write it. But, thankfully, Laiba let me borrow one of her ideas, and that helped me write the story. I'm glad you liked it. Maybe, if I get more practice at writing fairy tales, they'll start more smoothly. I was trying to write from Jimmy's point-of-view at first (and there are things he obviously didn't know about yet). I also wanted a fairy tale that was more like the Grimms' Fairy Tales, rather than the Disney versions of them. Something that was a b...
I really enjoyed it 😊 Thanks for writing that story and the ending wasn't what I was expecting. If you don't mind, please read mine.
I'll add your story to my list. I already had another writer asking me to read theirs first. Yours will be next. I'm glad you liked it. It's not the kind of story I usually write. But sometimes I try to step out of my comfort zone and see what happens there. I'd really rather go back to writing what I usually write. Maybe I can use stories like this fairy tale as rest breaks in between the other stories. Btw, if you want to know more about the inspiration and writing of this story, please read my responses to Nainika, Asha, and Jose....
Thank you 😊
You're welcome. I'm sorry if my editing comments are a bit on the lengthy side. You should see what it's like sometimes when I'm editing my own stories. It can take even longer to edit than it does to write. Sometimes I just have to stop rereading for the umpteenth time, because it's all but guaranteed that I'll find more things to add or change.
The Best as always, I throughly enjoyed reading the story and it kept me glued till the end .
Very glad you liked it. Please read my response to Nainika. I explained how it got written and where one of the ideas came from. I'll add some more, though, in the next paragraph: Some things were added in the editing process (but that was mostly tweaking and reducing the word-count to 3000 or less). I wish I'd had Jimmy talking to more animals, but I thought that, with only 3000 words to work with, two animals was enough. It's implied that he can talk to any other animal in the Forest. What is the Forest exactly? I'm thinking it's k...
Wow Philip! Amazing story once again. I loved the way you styled story as well as how you created the fairytale aspect. It really brought together the entire story and I loved Jimmy’s character in his development. The entire thing was just so amazing and I love the style that you worked and wove through the entire story. I would’ve just liked to see more of Jimmy’s background and how his past kind of tied into his future and I know it was a fairytale and so I’m being a little nitpicky But overall just an amazing story. I did one kind of sim...
This story got a better reaction than I dared hope for. I stepped out of my comfort zone quite a bit further than usual and wasn't exactly happy with the result. But, as sometimes happens, the reactions disagreed with me. I'm glad you liked it. The idea of the child who talks with animals while he's asleep isn't mine: I was allowed to use it by Laiba. I didn't want to cite her as the inspiration if the story did badly. But since it seems to be doing well, I am citing her now. Jimmy is my idea. He was actually an idea for a different...