1963
Violet walked to the front window to see what was coming into view at the edge of the high beams.
“Slow down.”
Her vehicle began to decelerate smoothly, but she felt nothing.
Must not have heard.
“Slow down,” she repeated, louder this time.
Still, nothing. She frowned.
"Slow down!”
The vehicle replied by displaying a speedometer on the smooth glass. She glanced at the screen. A number was slowly ticking down: 147…146... 145. She glanced to the side. It was dark, but the penumbra of the headlights was just enough to see some trees and shrubs for reference, which confirmed the vehicle and its smug speedometer were indeed correct.
She pursed her lips, shook her head, and gave out a nasal huff. I hate autono-mobiles. She looked up through the curved, transparent roof saw it was a clear night. Almost there.
After a few minutes, the vehicle had slowed down enough for Violet to spot the gravel road.
“Here. Pull over.”
Her autono-mobile silently slowed to a stop. It was standard model: a glassy, cylindrical log the size of a subway car that glided just above the ground.
“Open.”
The entire right side seamlessly slid up into the roof like a pocket door. She stepped out, turned around, and grabbed the top handle of her backpack with both hands, maneuvering it to the ground like a kettlebell. The glass door slid back down automatically.
“Wait here. I'll be back tomorrow. Manual override," she said impatiently as she waited for the window display to turn on, "1-9-6-3.” She always used the same code. I miss him.
Immediately, her numbers displayed on a yellow background, awaiting her response.
“Confirmed.” The background switched to green. The vehicle gave out a harsh, trichord chirp. Do they program irritating sounds on purpose?
"Power off.” The vehicle went dark and fell into formation with the other West Texas silhouettes—nearby Live Oaks and faraway wind turbines.
At last, Violet was alone. There would be no people, and more importantly, no autonomous machines of any kind, until she returned to her vehicle tomorrow. A small smile curled up the corner of her mouth as she hoisted up her backpack. With a grunt, she strapped it on and set off down the gravel road.
She quickly encountered the rust-caked gate that was supposed to swing open on its hinges, but instead had to be lifted and dragged about its anchor post. “Remind me to fix that, Vee,” she remembered Grandpa saying.
She was only five years old the first time they went out West, and like any five-year-old, she thought her grandpa had meant what he had said. On holidays and weekends when she slept over at his house, she faithfully reminded him about the broken gate on the ranch. It took a few years for her to realize he was not going to fix it. Maybe he likes it broken, she could remember thinking.
She slipped through, closed the gate, turned around, and stared down the road. “Race you there!” His voice rang in her head again.
Grandpa never raced, but at least that made sense. He carried the backpack, and was always somewhere in his 70s—Violet never cared to do the math. Still, his words had never failed to send her squealing and sprinting ahead. Tonight, though, she walked.
Thirty minutes later, the cabin came into view. It was twice as large as her autono-mobile and had an A-frame roof. She walked up to the door. The lock had no electronics, just a number pad with loose metal buttons that wiggled when she pushed them and left a strange smell on her fingertip.
1-9-6-3. The lock clicked. She pushed it open—these hinges worked just fine. She took out a small lamp and a few other necessities from her pack. The rest could wait until morning. She fell asleep instantly on one of the old cots, just like when she was five.
The sunlight woke her up. It took a moment for her to remember where she was. Coffee, her brain grumbled. After putting a cup of water on the handheld stovetop, she washed up in the small bathroom, being careful not to ingest any of the water. Can’t be too careful with well water. She emptied a sleeve of instant coffee into her thermos and poured in the now-boiling cup of water, giving it a stir with the other end of her toothbrush. She put on fresh clothes, laced a light pair of shoes, and walked outside to the garage.
It was a chilly, sunny day. She paused in front of the garage's side door to sip her coffee. If anyone ever finds this, I’ll be arrested. She entered the same code on this lock, and it opened with the same click. The silhouette of the 1963 Chevrolet Corvette Stingray greeted her. She could just barely make out the baby-blue color with the pale light coming in from behind her. She walked to the front of the garage and pulled up the sectional door. The rectangular panels rattled into the ceiling. Sunlight flooded the space, and she was five years old again.
“This is our little secret, Vee.”
“Ok, Grandpa.”
“You can’t say a word about this to anyone, understand?”
“Yes, Grandpa.”
“Not even mommy and daddy.”
“Why’s that?”
“I’ll tell you when you’re older. Now, promise me."
"I promise."
Violet was born in 2049, the same year Congress passed the Vance-Eagleton Act. She was around seven or eight when she understood its implications. One day each year, she and Grandpa went to the ranch... one day each year, they drove a gasoline car, with their own feet and hands... That meant she and Grandpa were outlaws, sworn to secrecy!
When she was five, the blue Corvette exactly matched her height. She asked if he had made it just for her, and in a way, he had. She loved it. She loved it, loved it, loved it. She loved the two headlights that popped up. She loved the metal frame that the engine could make hot. She loved the buttons she could press. She loved that you could tell it anything you wanted, and hear nothing back. But her favorite part was that split rear window: half for her, and half for him.
After her eyes adjusted to the light, she took another sip of coffee and opened the car's small door to sit down in the driver’s seat. Driver’s seat. The name always gave her a thrill.
Before she started, she went through the ritual in her head. Right foot, brake. Right hand, ignition. Right hand, gears. Right foot, gas. She performed it perfectly. Just like you taught me.
The two-door, gas-powered, human-driven Corvette was unbelievably loud inside the small garage. Violet could not even begin to imagine the noise from a superhighway full of these wild, mechanical beasts. How did people put up with all that racket? She knew human drivers and gas engines were outlawed in the name of public safety and pollution, but in her opinion the noise was a perfectly valid reason, too.
The Corvette crept out of the garage and onto the grey-white gravel road. Just as she toed the gas, a funny thought crossed her mind. Maybe, just maybe, the engine’s roar isn't so bad after all.
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23 comments
Fascinating read. It's a unique take and certainly a warning tale. You don't spell out what the Act was, or other dystopian/futuristic world ideas, which I appreciate. You talk about the gas powered cars without taking a side. You let the reader pick. I do think focusing more on the car and the grandfather would add impact. The first section doesn't mention the car, and though it's necessary as an intro, it's long. You could easily cut some of it and add meat to what Violet really cares about. I love number titles, not sure why. Good job...
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Thanks for the feedback!
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Awwwh I thought this was lovely! Ever heard "Red Barchetta" by Rush? Very similar vibe. I really liked how the introduction seemed as though she was speaking to a person, but it was actually the machine. And how the machine acted like it knew better - a personal hate of mine with "smart" technology. The characterisation was really effective too - I connected easily with Vee and her relationship with her grandfather. Thanks for the read!
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Just checked it out. Apparently the song was inspired by... another short story! Go figure. It's called "A Nice Morning Drive" by Richard Foster.
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Hi William, This was a fun read. I enjoyed how the mystery of 'what's the hobby' built to a satisfying ending. And Iiked how you used italics to convey Violet's inner thoughts. And how the things around her sparked memories of her Grandpa. Now I've heard you'll trade critiques, so below are mine. If you get a chance could you read "The Early Bird" (a comedy) or "Skeleton Crew" (a mystery), depending on your mood. So, onto a few minor suggestions. You could say 'both hands' instead of 'two hands' in the sentence: "She stepped out, tur...
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Very helpful. I've made all those changes. I'm always up for consonance. Thank you so much! Heading to your story now...
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Lovely story
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Thanks!
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Hi William! Thanks for sharing. This was really unique and I enjoyed reading it. I think you did a wonderful job of world building, and evoking nostalgia for time and people long gone. I wondered a bit at the statement that she hates autono-mobiles, as it was my understanding she would never have lived in a world with anything else, except for this secret of course, which I don't see her ever having been able to drive too often or too far. But it's just a small detail in a larger narrative that was really engaging. Great job :)
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Thanks for the kind words! Here was my thinking behind the "I hate autono-mobiles" line... 1. Objectively, autono-mobiles are frustratingly perfect (and rather annoying/sassy with speedometers and/or chirping noises). 2. Compared to the deep connection to her grandpa's Corvette, autono-mobiles are emotionless and therefore rather unpleasant. The line itself is a bit dramatic, i.e. she doesn't HATE hate them. It was just a moment of frustration bubbling over.
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Totally! It was just a tiny detail that gave me pause on a second read through - didn't take away from the fantastic story at all :)
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I loved how you intertwined Violet's relationship with her grandfather and her attachment to the Corvette- beautifully done. One thing though - I don't think you need to describe the cabin as square when comparing it to the autono-mobile (brilliant name, by the way). I think most people expect cabins to be square-ish, but will not know what the autono-mobile looks like. Perhaps describe that in more detail when leaving the vehicle behind instead of the shape of the cabin? Just a suggestion; please feel free to ignore!
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Is that better? Thanks so much for the feedback.
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Much better :) glad to be of help. I forgot to say last time, the description of the gate and the grandfather not fixing it was beautiful. That image will remain with me a long time.
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Another good story. What I liked was the reverence for the act of the rebellion and the ghost of her grandfather circling around in her memories. What I believe would make it even better is a stronger, longer emotional description of the car. There are a couple of ways this could be done. If driving was abolished mechanical transport would be functional. The design of cars has always been done to present the vehicle as an extension of the driver. This gives you space to go into detail about the shape and form through evocotive language and i...
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That's very helpful. It is a beautiful car. I'll probably add a description before the contest ends. Thanks so much!
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It's a pleasure. I have a piece called 'If the Heart had Stings'. It is for an outside competition and the prompts they gave me were awful (they are in the comments). Looking at your bio an honest opinion would be greatfully appreciated. I am deleting it Friday off Reedsy.
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Will do!
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I added a little description. I'm a little torn about adding more, though. It's a Corvette, and it's old. Is it asking too much from the imagination to fill in the gaps?
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The car you have chosen is nostalgic and also alien to today's readers. Some people know exactly what it is for others it is like describing an undiscovered dinosaur. There are three different ways to treat it a/ like a sex scene, very sensual b/ like a piece of descriptive fantasy all language and metaphor c/ describing an abstract painting, poetic but obscure.... But that is your choice. You kinda have to write it for both camps. The more you write the smaller the gap. The problem is if you paint the whole the picture we lose the relations...
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I like option c.
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The car is from Jerry Seinfeld’s episode of “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee” with Barack Obama!
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I understand, thank you.
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