Lights Out

The rough stone bit into my hand. I glanced around nervously. No one else was here, no one would see. I took a deep breath. One shot. I would only take one shot at it. If I missed, then I’d give up. I lifted the rock and aimed it at the power box high on the post. I hurled it with all my might.

The heavy thud of rock on metal was quickly followed by a blast of light and an electrical popping sound. I covered my head with my hands to protect myself from the shower of sparks. The streetlights flickered wildly, then went out all at once. I heard confused and angry shouting in the distance. The whole neighborhood must have been out. Perfect, the perfect excuse.

I needed to get out of there before someone came to investigate. I picked up the rock and tucked it in my hoodie pocket. I’d toss it along the way. Just a rock like any other. No one would know. 

I jogged up the street. A couple of people were out on their lawns trying to exchange information, but it was getting dark fast. The streetlights had just come on when I broke the box. This was the perfect time of day, the perfect day to do this, everything was just like before now. I just needed to remind him of that day.

I jogged up to his house and knocked on the door. I heard a slight shuffling in the house, then the door swung open. The light was dim, but I could see Ben’s eyes widen with surprise. He was just wearing sweatpants and his hair was a mess, he must have been napping. He looked so gorgeous with bedhead. I smiled at him nervously.

“Hey, Ben. Your power too huh?” I asked innocently.

“Yeah,” he grumbled, annoyed. “What the hell’s with the power lately? Didn’t it go out last month too?”

My heart fluttered. He did remember. I tried to calm myself. I had to stay focused. I didn’t have him yet. I cleared my throat.

“Yeah, I was jogging when the lights went out. It wasn’t too dark, but it was still pretty scary,” I said, pouting. “I hate the dark, and being alone in the dark terrifies me.”

He didn’t really respond. I could see the hesitation on his face, wondering if we should continue talking or not. I was losing him. I needed some extra push.

“Hey, isn’t Maggie on a business trip all week?” I continued. “It’s gotta be pretty spooky for you too. We could keep each other company. Just for a couple hours. You know, until they fix the power.”

“Umm,” he hesitated a moment. “Y-yeah. I guess it’s okay if you stay for a couple hours.”

“Great!”

He moved aside. I had to restrain myself from skipping into the house. It was getting dark, but everything was right where I remembered it. We went to the living room and sat down. He started fumbling with a box of matches to get the candles on the table lit. It was a dim light, but we could see each other now. That was all we needed to see.

“So… how have you been, Candy?” He asked. “It’s been a while.”

I pouted. “Yeah, because you never talk to me anymore.”

“Right,” he muttered, looking away sheepishly. “Umm, I’m sorry. I guess I thought we should have some space after… well, you know.”

“You didn’t seem to want too much space that night,” I teased.

He sighed. “I know, I know. I haven’t really been fair to you. I was the one who started things that night, it’s not fair for me to blame you for it. I’m sorry Candy. I didn’t mean to make things weird between us.”

I reached out and grabbed his hand. He seemed shocked. I smiled at him. He was always so sweet, so considerate.

“You didn’t make things weird, Ben. We both wanted it. What upset me is that you never acknowledged it. Why are you hiding from me?”

“I guess it was hard to act normal around Maggie when I saw you,” he explained. “God, the last thing I want is for her to find out. I figured it was easy to avoid if I never saw you.”

“So what if she finds out?” I huffed. “She’s always away on business anyway. She’s not around to fulfill your needs, so what’s wrong with you finding a woman who will?”

“That was no reason to do what we did,” he explained. “Yes, she was always gone. Yes, I was lonely. Yes, I felt like I wasn’t getting what I needed from her. But she’s my wife. I made a promise to stick things out with her. I love her.”

My heart froze. Loved her? No, he didn’t. He couldn’t. If he really loved her, then he wouldn’t have slept with me. He was scared, that was all. Divorces can get messy, there’s a whole stigma to it, he was just afraid of what might happen. I needed to remind him of what his future could be like. With a woman who really loved him.

I stood up and walked over to him. He looked up at me in shock. Slowly, I lowered myself into his lap. He started shaking his head as I did.

“Candy, no. I-”

“Shh,” I shushed him gently. “I know it’s scary, but remember how we were that night? The way you held me as we made love. You can’t tell me you didn’t feel something, Ben. ‘The best night of your life.’ That’s what you called it. You’re honestly trying to take it back now?”

“Candy, it can’t happen again,” he said sternly.

“Sure it can,” I murmured. “And it can happen as many times as you want. We could be that way forever, you know. I’m the woman who would appreciate you. I’m the woman who would love you like you deserve.”

“Maggie’s pregnant,” he blurted out. 

My mind instantly went blank. “What?”

“Maggie’s pregnant,” he said again. “We found out last week. Look, that night was fun, but it was wrong. I love my wife and I need to make things work with her. Especially now.”

“Y-you can’t!” I shouted.

He scowled. “Candy, I made a mistake that night. We both did. I’m sorry if I hurt you, but it was a one time thing.”

“No! No!” I cried, tears welling up in my eyes. “It wasn’t a mistake. I love you, Ben. You love me too. I know you do! What we had wasn’t just some fling, it-it was a connection. We belong together.”

He gave a frustrated cry. “Candy, you-”

“Ben, I’m pregnant too!”

“What?!”

I nodded vigorously. “Yes. Almost a month. You’re the only person I’ve slept with in that time. She just found out, which means I was pregnant first. So you have to stay with me.”

“Christ! Are you kidding me?!” He shouted. “Candy, I’m not leaving my wife.”

“It’s your baby, Ben! What am I going to do without you?”

“Get rid of it! God, I can’t believe this!”

He shoved me off his lap and onto the floor. The pain radiated through my body. He got up and started pacing wildly. The tears slid down my face. Get rid of it? It? Our baby? How could he say something like that?

He held me so gently that night. He looked into my eyes and told me we had something special. I thought he wanted me. I thought he wanted more. He paused suddenly and turned my way. His eyes were cold.

“Look, I’ll pay for it, but get rid of that thing.”

“No!” I shouted. “It’s our baby. I’m not getting rid of it.”

“I don’t need this shit, Candy!” He hollered. “I’m just starting to get back on track with Maggie. We’re married, we’re having a baby together. I’m not going to throw all that away just because you have some delusion about us being together.”

I felt sick. This was all wrong. I wanted this to be the night we finally came together, and he was pushing me away. Not just pushing me away, but throwing me out. He looked at me like I was a piece of garbage. I loved him, I wanted to be with him. Why wasn’t I enough for him? He shook his head and turned away from me. 

“That night was the biggest mistake of my life,” he grumbled. “Stay the hell away from me and my family. You even try to come near me with that kid and I’ll tell everyone you’re a lying, gold-digging whore.”

I stood slowly. Over. Everything was over. It was all a lie. He used me. And I had let him. I felt something heavy in the pit of my stomach. No, not in my stomach. Near it.

The rock. I forgot to throw it away. The lights flickered on at that moment.

“There. Now get out,” he said coldly, refusing to look at me.

My hand wrapped around it involuntarily. The rough stone bit into my skin. I lifted the rock. I was going to put the lights out again.