I loved the ghungroos on the string, it reminded me of all the good times I had in my life. ARYAMAN had made it when we were in Kashmir. When we visited here, he would become a full time Romeo. Making bouquets, biryani, thupkas and sometimes even ponchoe for me. In the day he used to be busy writing songs and in night he would sing them for me. He wasn't ARIJIT SINGH but the rawness in his voice was like honey to my ears. Now this cottage is empty, but is filled by chilled winds. It was not easy for me to make the decision, it was never easy for me. I sold everything, returned everything back to the respective person, but couldn't part away from this anklet, cause it represented me.
Like how this thin sensitive string had connected to these heavy ghungroos. Even I was burdened by big decisions and responsibilities on my small source of happiness.
And this anklet wouldn't come to notice if they were unless on someone's feet. They wouldn't produce this delicate music if they wouldn't be at someone's feet.
Even my life had become like that. I would only be noticed or shine due to someone's guidance or had to dance at someone's fingertips.
But when I was with him I never felt that I needed someone to express myself. But as usual my happiness is like perfume it only lasted for few moments.
I have to part away from this anklet, and if I wouldn't I would get more and more tangled and in the end I would just disappear without anyone noticing me.
At first place I shouldn't have fallen for his golden brown eyes. He had a big family, that means he had big responsibilities, big decisions and a bigger heritage.
Hence I had to accept that he couldn't have choose me over them in any way, but still i fell in love with him because he made me live each and every moment.
I still remember that how he crafted this beautiful anklet with his own hands, he selected each and every ghungroo strung them together.
he was so anxious to tie it around my ankle that he choose to tie it when I would be sleeping.
how he had entered the room like a thief and slowly removed the blanket from my legs, gently lifted my feet and tied it with such a tenderness as if the anklet would have torn my feet.
then he looked upon it and smiled and in that all i was pretending to be asleep.
sometimes I think that I should have woken up at that time and kissed his tender lips.
my heart used to always warn me from people, and I used to give in too. but this time my heart itself was perplexed from his smile.
Because no mortal had the will power to ignore his smile.
I still remember when he smiled for me. I just froze and like my whole organ system collapsed to his child like smile.
But now everything had gone.
All I had left with me was tears, silence and some beautiful letters.
He knew that I loved letters, so he would send me every month. Even if we were staying together under a roof.
He would be so happy when he finished his letters, he would rush out from the door, jog away to the post office. Put the letter in a envelope, buy a expensive stamp and address it right to our home where we were staying.
The post office would laugh on his antics, and once again I was crying remembering those heartfelt moments. His every letter is engraved on my heart, but now its burdening and fogging my breath.
I don't remember when I would start crying and when I would stop.
His memories were stinging now.
I have to part away from everything that belonged to him.
that included the LETTERS and the ANKLET as well.
I couldn't destroy it?
so what to do if you couldn't destroy something?
you just hide it.
so that what I'm going to do.
bury it up in this cottage itself.
making a time capsule from a horrible break up sounds so disgusting, but it wasn't a breakup for me it was a liberation.
in all this chaos I found my true self. I realised that how badly i was cheating myself from all this years.
if the soul had a right to leave the body on its own will, it would have left me a long time back.
because in all this years I exploited myself so badly that I didn't had my own identity left with me.
I had left myself on such a road that it was impossible to love someone else without loving myself.
so I decided to end it once for all...
to forget about others and to forgive myself from right now
now I had to do it for my own sake
it was time that I had to fall in love with myself again and again...
no matter what anyone tells me to do
its about to end for once and all
so I decided to
I re read them
I CRIED AGAIN
I wore the anklet and danced
I CRIED AGAIN
I chose the box and kept them inside it
I CRIED AGAIN.
I started to dig
I WAS CRYING.
I BURIED IT
I COULDNT CRY ANYMORE.
I didn't sell the cottage, it still in both of our names.
he wouldn't have been bothered even if I would have sold it.
but I kept it.
cause the next time if I would come here, I had wanted to be in love with me.
I should have accepted, expressed and loved myself so much that this buried time capsule wouldn't bother me AGAIN!!!!!
NOTE; SELF LOVE AND SELF DISCOVERY IS IMPORTANT.
YOU WONT LOVE YOUR LIFE IF YOU WONT LOVE YOUR SELF FOR THE WAY YOU ARE.