silly rabbit, murder's for dummies

You need me, Sport. 

“I don’t need you. You’re nothing.” 

You’re lying. You need me. You love me. I need you. I want you. Stay with me, Sport, and we’ll do such wonderful things. You’ve seen how much fun we’ve had, you know, before you decided you didn’t want to listen anymore. But you know what happens when I feel ignored, don’t you? Don’t you know?

“Would you stop that? I said I’m done. I’m leaving and you’re staying and there’s nothing you can do about it. Goodbye.” 

Don’t you dare. 

“I will! I am daring. And what’s more, I’m doing. I hate you and everything you stand for so if you’ll permit me, I’ll take my exit and draw the final curtain because guess what? You and me? That’s an act that’s over.” 

I’d honestly like to see you go a day without me. 

“I will! I’ll be so great without you, you’re gonna see. I’m gonna be fun, and have fun, and it’ll be the best time of my entire life, something you’ll never know because you-” 

Stop it. 

“Why? I’m still talking to you.” 

Sport, I really recommend you stop talking like that. I don’t appreciate it. 

“Do I look like I care what you do and don’t appreciate?” 

You’re making me mad. 

“And? I want you to be mad! Don’t you see what you’ve done to me?”

Sit down. We’re not done here. 

“Yes, we most certainly are! I never want to see you again, or hear you, or be around you, or touch you. I hope you stay in that box you’ve made for yourself. I hope with all my heart you never get to treat anyone like you’ve treated me.” 

Sit down, I said. 

“No! I said no. Watch me. I’m walking out the door.” 

If you do this now, you’ll never be able to come back. 

“Even better.” 

They’ll blame you for the things I do. 

“They can never blame me for something you do again. I’m not part of you, and you’re not part of me. For once in my life, I’m gonna do something I want to do. I’ll go to the beach, I’ll wear something pretty, I’ll eat how I want to and maybe I’ll meet someone, even.” 

What do you mean, you’ll meet someone? No one loves you like I do. They never could.

“Liar. Someone could love me like you never have. You don’t know what love is. You know death, and you know what you want from me is something I was never willing to give before I met you, before getting pulled into your little games and the bigger traps. I’m not doing anything for you, ever. I’ve washed my hands of you.” 

There’s not enough soap in the world to amend the crimes you’ve committed.  You’ve killed so many people, there’s no going back no. And what’s more, you don’t regret what you’ve done because you’ve done it, only because I told you to do it and you did and now out of nowhere, you decide you don’t like control. 

“You blackmailed me. Manipulated me. There’s no love there. And if you still think that’s what it was, then you’re worse off than I thought. I hope you die just as painfully as all the people I killed for you.” 

Such a nice boy, your son. It’s a shame he ended up with electrical pliers stuck up his nose, feet went straight to the water. He always did like swimming, didn’t he?” 

“Now you’ve gone too far. I know Jimmy’s just fine, he’s at home with my mother. Stop lying, you’ve done enough.” 

Ah, but you’re scared now, aren’t you? 

“Well, no. I’m not scared, no.” 

You should be. You should get back over here and sit down. Look at me. Listen to me. 

“I said I wouldn’t-”

And I said I wouldn’t count on your son being as fine as you think he is. You don’t think I could take care of some little old lady like your mother? She’s weak, just like you. You’ll come back to me one day, even if it's not today. You’ll see, you’ll be wrapped around my finger sooner or later, just like you’ve always been, like you’ve always wanted to be. Don’t lie, you say? Then why do you lie to yourself? 

“I think it’s the other way around, and you know that full well. I’ve never been wrapped around anything of yours. It’s ironic you out of everyone would say that, isn’t it?” 

I’ll see you again soon. 

“You’d like to think so.” 

Goodbye for now, Sport. 

“Goodbye forever, Sid.” 

Later that week on the morning news: 

THIS JUST IN! YOUNG BOY FOUND DEAD IN FAMILY SWIMMING POOL. SAYS HERE HE WAS FOUND BY HIS GRANDMOTHER, WHO IMMEDIATELY CALLED THE POLICE, BUT BY THEN IT WAS TOO LATE, THE MURDERER WAS GONE. WHAT A SHTRANGE CASE INDEED. WHAT KIND OF MURDERER COULD GET AWAY SO DARN FAST? 

And a little while after that this was heard as well: 

GRANDMOTHER OF DEAD POOL BOY ALSO MURDERED! REMEMBER THAT CASE FROM THE OTHER DAY, FOLKS? WELL, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THIS? IT SEEMS THE GRANNY KICKED THE BUCKET TOO, OR RATHER, SOMEONE KICKED IT FOR HER! SHE’S DEAD! CHOKED OUT BY SOME MYSTERIOUS KILLER. I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT AS FOR ME? I’M GONNA BE WATCHING MY BACK A LITTLE MORE CLOSELY, THAT’S FOR SURE. 

Three days after that: 

OH! KIERLEN “SPORT” JANSEN ACCUSED OF DOUBLE HOMICIDE IN THE CASE OF THE GRANDMOTHER AND GRANDSON WHO WERE FOUND DEAD AT THEIR FAMILY HOME. THAT WAS HIS MOTHER AND HER DAUGHTER. WHAT MAKES A PERSON SNAP LIKE THAT, I WONDER? WHAT IN THE WORLD COULDA POSSESED THE WOMAN? KILLING HER OWN FAMILY? NOW, I’M GLAD THERE’S NOT A SERIAL KILLER OUT ON THE LOOSE, BUT IS THIS ANY BETTER? I’D SAY ABSOLUTELY NOT. IT’S ONE THING TO BE SCARED OF THE UNKNOWN, BUT WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT IS, YOU KNOW BETTER THAN ANYONE, AND THEY STILL END UP KILLING YA? HUH. THE WORLD’S GONE WILD, I’LL TELL YOU THAT MUCH. BONKERS. 

In case you thought we were done, this came up next: 

NEW! WITNESSES IN THE LATEST CASE SAY THEY LAST SAW JANSEN TALKING TO SOMEONE AT A PAWN SHOP. CAN YA BELIEVE THAT? THIS COULDA BEEN PREVENTED IF ONLY WHOEVER SHE WAS TALKING TO TOLD HER TO STOP. WHAT A SHAME, TWO LIVES WASTED AND TWO PEOPLE WHO KNEW IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. IT BREAKS MY HEART, TRULY, TO SEE THE CORRUPTED STATE OF THIS WORLD. WHAT’S THIS? SOMEONE SAID… WELL, HERB, THAT CAN’T POSSIBLY BE TRUE. THAT’S RIDICULOUS. I’M SORRY, I MUST BE HAVING TROUBLE HEARING YOU, COULDYA REPEAT YOURSELF? OH, OKAY. YEAH, I GOT IT. 

WELL, FOLKS. 

THE WITNESSES SAY SHE WAS TALKING TO A SMALL WOODEN DUMMY, AND THE DUMMY SEEMED TO BE TALKING RIGHT BACK. 

this has been a PSA.

don't play with weird toys.

they'll play right back and chances are

they're never playing to lose.