Immolate

“It doesn’t count if you’re already planning your defeat.” Sara’s gaze remained fixed on her lap, mumbling her father’s rule as she held his talisman. We had just tucked ourselves inside the cave’s dual entrances, cold air making its way from within as the ice walls held our backs up.  Peering out at the sky, I note that the rain hasn’t stopped since last Sunday, making it harder than it should be to tell the time of day. 

“I don’t think you ever explained it to me,” I added.

“The effort you put into something counts for nothing if you doubt yourself and others all the time,” sounding sure of herself, she continued, "The clergy will know if you question them even in sleep, even in the library. In that case, they will pull you out of your dream state before you can get back to your body, before it's safe to do so, hence why dad applied his rule to this mission. Your trust in them is what we need most Harper, this talisman should help too, it’s one of a kind." She leaned forward and took my hand, firmly planting the talisman in my palm. 

A small stone mockingbird her father had made hung from its dark rope, various symbols carved deeply into its backside. Most were for faith or luck, though scribed messily in the center of the talisman was ‘Immolate’. I looked up to ask about it but Sara had already made her way down the other cave passage, I could faintly make out her torch bobbing in the distance.

Numbness crept over my backside, the cave's walls proving icy as I stood up and looked towards the entrance I’d be taking. I lit my torch and made my way down the path, my free hand running over the narrow cave walls, moss that had grown around the cave ceiling remained undisturbed. A sudden turn had warm light flickering just ahead of the cave’s curve. As my steps meet the light of the room, I find the clergymen assembled in front of me. Long, beautifully made veils of satin kept their identity unknown to me.

I step forward, signaling the group over. They moved silently, appearing to float due to their gowns and quick, fluid steps. One of the veiled figures motioned to a bed of moss at the back of the cave. They had lined up beside me, four to my left and four to the right as I walked to the bed. A liquid they’d scooped out of their cauldron was poured into a wooden chalice and offered to me. I took it and looked at its contents. The brown liquid looked thick, brothy. A near-perfect imitation of my mother’s rabbit stew, the wretched smell being the difference. I took the chalice and drank, trusting them as Sara had reminded me. A veiled figure took the chalice back and placed it on the stone table behind us. I laid on the moss bed, already feeling my limbs grow tired.  A clergyman in red began to set candles around me quietly, lighting them and returning to the others once it was done. They stood together, locking their arms to form a solid wall, and began to sway in time with one another, their movements nearly putting me in a trance. Then, they began to chant in unison. I was startled by their sudden noise but quickly found myself lulled by it. My eyelids began to feel heavy and I gave into sleep quickly, my limbs long at rest.

I stood up, feeling my mind clear as the sleep left me. Inverted colors met my eyes and I turned my gaze behind me, finding my sleeping body still on the bed of moss. With this and the library laid out ahead of me, I knew I’d made it where I needed to be. Bookshelves stretched on for miles, though I wasn’t here for books. I scanned the room, searching for the lectern. I knew it was near the front, but I needed to take at least thirteen steps in. I counted as I moved down the row of shelves, stopping once I came to a dead end. I turned, about to retrace my steps when I noticed the lectern in my peripherals. I sprinted over, taking care not to trip over the stray book stacks on the floor. The scroll sat diligently on top, though when I went to read it my heart dropped, the scroll was blank. Anger kicked up inside of me, I didn’t have a backup of any kind, this was meant to be it. Failure ran through my mind as my blood was left to boil and I began to run back to my body. Just as I could make out my sleeping figure my legs gave out, the rest of my body crumpling onto the ground.

My temples throbbed, dull pain in my head. Opening my eyes, I notice the warm glow of a fire bouncing off the cave walls. When I went to turn my head I felt something restricting the movement of my neck, along with my arms and legs. A man suddenly appeared above me, he looked familiar somehow though I knew we weren’t acquainted. A hand reached up and the man swiftly took Sara’s talisman out, as though he’d known I had it on me. A smile lit up his otherwise dark eyes as he removed the talisman from my neck, as though remembering something fond. He put it on a gold plate at my side, on top of a pile of similar talismans, all appearing to be a mocking bird with carvings. My thoughts felt scattered and uncertainty grew in me as I recalled Sara telling me that the mockingbird talisman was one of a kind.

My voice had left me, I realized I couldn’t make a sound and felt myself panicking. A veiled cleric, having sensed this, came over holding the same chalice from earlier. I began shifting my weight back and forth hoping to get loose though this only made them rush over and try to stabilize me. My mouth was abruptly forced open as they poured the ritual substance down my throat, I gagged violently before feeling the effects of the liquid once more. I felt my mind numb as my consciousness faded, forgetting everything around me as I succumbed.

The headache was back, though this time it felt more like an immense pressure on my skull. Able to look around this time, I found myself in a metal cage and the heat coming from below felt nearly too much to bear, looking down through the bars I saw a large pit of fire directly beneath me. A familiar singing came from below, along with wild chanting. I look down and find Sara standing with the robed figures, guiding them with her voice. The man with the pile of talismans had a hand on her shoulder, with them standing beside each other I could now see the resemblance. Examining the cage, I noticed scratchings on the bars, whoever was here last left carvings that only said ‘Immolate’. The talisman had told me from the start it would end this way, just as Sara had told me my efforts would go to waste for not having what I now realized was blind faith. Sara raised her hands to the sky, the chanting coming to a halt as the bottom of my cage opened, releasing my body to the fire below.