A Dangerous Hunt

Submitted into Contest #50 in response to: Write a story about a proposal. ... view prompt


Thriller Mystery Fantasy

"Alright." A short, bald man with a thick Chinese accent said. His thin brown eyes were narrowed and he was holding a piece of paper. The paper was a wanted poster, and it had a picture of a girl and boy - they looked about 12 or 13. They were both smiling, but their lips were tightly shut as if they were scared that something was going to slip out. They were twins, and they both had green eyes, greener than grass, but the girl's eyes were outlined with black, heart-shaped glasses and dark brown beach waves. The boy's eyes were outlined with short, wavy, brown waves too. "Let's make a deal." He said to the woman next to him.

She stared at him with cold grey eyes and brushed her luscious black bob with her fingers, her albino skin clashing with the color.

She sighed loudly. "Whatever is it, Jiro?" She asked in a polished British accent.

"Look at this poster." Jiro insisted, revealing cracked, yellowed, teeth in his grin. The woman next to him tilted the chandelier on the ceiling so that it would hit the poster.

"Okay, I did. So what?" She asked, rolling her eyes. Then, her eyes narrowed and she glared at Jiro, her mouth stretched into a frown. "Exactly what are you scheming about this time, you big buffoon?!" She inquired accusingly, her eyes wide.

Jiro winked at her, pointing at the twins on the poster. "Do you know what they are?" He asked, his eyes flashing with a rabid-like craziness.

The woman shook her head, her bob bouncing, and she leaned on the contemptible, unsteady table next to her. "This better be good." She muttered to herself under her breath. "You better not be wasting my time for nothin’." She yelled, violently shaking her pointer finger at Jiro.

"Answer the question, Miranda. Do you know who these kids are?" Jiro asked, digging his finger into the girl's face.

"No. Inform me, please?" Miranda asked, a smirk on her face. "Who are these very special people? Did they win a prize or something? Is that why you're digging for gold on their wanted poster?" She asked, pointing at Jiro's finger, which was on the girl's nose.

Jiro rolled her eyes, taking his finger off of the poster. "These twins are two of the most despicable creatures I've ever seen." He seethed, taking a knife out of his pocket and stabbing the boy's eyes. He twisted the light gray switchblade so holes appeared where the girl's eyes used to be. "It's so obvious, Miranda!"

Miranda stared at Jiro in mock irritation. "Who the hell are these people?!" She exclaimed. 

"They're dang in-betweens, for goodness sake!" Jiro yelled, rolling his eyes. "They're both DISGUSTING in-betweens! The ones that aren't in the living or dead world!" He screamed.

"I thought they were all gone..." Miranda whispered, her eyes wide. The look on her face grew hard. 

Jiro grinned once again, but this time it was a dangerous one. "Do you want to hear the deal or keep stalling?" He asked her, raising his eyebrows.  

"Sure, whatever. What's the deal?" Miranda asked in a monotonous voice, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. Her arm brushed the plain, grey walls of the room. 

"So..." Jiro started, taking a dramatic pause and a deep breath. "You know how you've always wanted-" He began, but Miranda interrupted him.

"JUST GET TO THE POINT ALREADY!" She yelled, feeling like she was ready to slap Jiro in the face. 

Jiro sighed. "Okay. If you manage to capture them for me, I'll hand over my business." He announced, grinning. 

Miranda gasped, her hand over her mouth. Then, after a second, her hand went down and a smile replaced her surprised expression. "Okay, deal." 


Amalia Rodriguez glanced at Amalo, her twin brother, who she was bumping shoulders with. They were crouched behind a pine tree, their arms around their knees and their faces paler than usual.

"Do you think we won't be soaked here?" Amalo asked Amalia, yet they both knew the answer to that question. Even though they were both spirits, they are in-betweens, which means they are affected by the earth's rages, sadness, and happiness - weather. And unlike spirits who have fully crossed into the Land of the Dead, they can show themselves to people only if they want. 

"Of course we will," Amalia told Amalo, but she knew that he already knew the answer. After one glance at Amalo's face, she knew that he wasn't actually asking her that. "We'll be safe, Amalo. Nobody will ever hurt us again. Unless we let them." She reassured him, ruffling his dark brown waves.

Amalo nodded, and a faint smile was seen on his opaque face. Suddenly, the twins heard a twig crack behind them and jumped up. Amalia grabbed Amalo’s arm and glanced around cautiously.  

“H-hello?” A voice called, and they sounded almost as if they were afraid. “Is anyone there?”  

Amalo stared at Amalia with wide eyes, and Amalia nodded at him. “We’ll check who it is, but we won’t show ourselves.” She whispered, but Amalo already knew what she was going to say.  

Amalia and Amalo, both holding each others’ hands, took a deep breath and looked behind the tree. There was an extremely tall woman with straight jet-black hair and a shoulder-length bob glancing around the woods worriedly. Her gray eyes were wide, and her face was remarkably pale.  

Help! Is anyone there?” She cried out, tears running down her cheeks. The giant tears fell to the ground and hit Amalia and Amalo like a tsunami, yet they didn’t feel it. “Please help!”  

“Should we reveal ourselves?” Amalo asked in his quiet voice.  

Amalia shook her head. “Who’s to say what she’ll do to us if she finds us. Anyways, she’s a giant! They’ve always hated in-betweens!” She said, rubbing her rumbling stomach.  

“Okay, then… we won’t be ourselves!” Amalo suggested with a faint smile on his face. He was a very reserved, antisocial boy, and he didn’t like talking to anyone but Amalia, so Amalia found it unusual that he wanted to be in the presence of a person.  

“Amalo, as the older twin,” Amalia started, her expression firm. “I promised to protect you, and you’re NOT attempting a transformation. It’s really dangerous.” She told Amalo, rubbing his shoulder.  

Amalo looked at Amalia, his eyes pleading. “Please.” He whispered, his voice barely audible.  

“Amalo,” Amalia said in a warning tone. She gnawed on her bottom lip for a while and sighed. “Okay, fine.”

“Please help me! Somebody?” The woman cried.  

Amalia looked up the woman, and then looked at Amalo. “If we get hurt, don’t blame this on me.” She told him, shaking her head solemnly.  

They suddenly began to increase in size, until they were big enough to face the giant woman.  

Amalia tapped the woman on the shoulder. “Hello, uhm… lady?” She said, revealing herself to the woman.

The lady turned abruptly, her black hair smacking Amalo in the face as he stood awkwardly next to Amalia. Her countenance was one of immense joy and for a second, Amalia thought she saw a smile of sadistic joviality, so she backed away from the woman slowly. "Oh, hello little children." She purred, smiling.

"Are you okay?" Amalo asked quietly, looking at the ground. "We heard you crying out for someone."

The woman stopped smiling, grabbed something from the back of her pants, and showed Amalo. Amalia and Amalo backed away from the woman, their eyes wide.

"W-why are you carrying perfume in your hands?" Amalo stuttered, his breathing unsteady and shaky. "We're no harm to you."

"Oh, but you are. You disgusting creatures don't belong here. You don't deserve to see the beauties of the world and be invincible to danger." The woman snapped, spraying them in the face with perfume. "Now you won't be able to run."


Miranda glared at Jiro, her hand extended towards him. She waited, and when nothing happened, she snarled. "Company. You promised." She said, her mouth twitching. "And if you don't give it to me, remember. I still have the kids."

Jiro glanced at the unconscious twins in Miranda's firm grip and glared at her. "You play a smart game, huh?" He asked, smiling. "Too bad I play a better one." He snarled, stepping towards Miranda.

July 17, 2020 13:05

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.


Natalie Rarick
15:55 Jul 23, 2020

Hi Avalee! I'm in your critique circle. I love your twist on the prompt! I was expecting another cutesy marriage proposal story, and you TOTALLY went a different direction. Bravo! I think some of your diction is just wonderful and stylistically unique -- I particularly love the table being described as "contemptible," but also love the "smile of sadistic joviality." I think the relationship between Amalia and Amalo feels very genuine, and particularly love the detail of Amalia insisting, as the "older twin," that she has to protect Amalo (su...


Raquel Rodriguez
16:14 Jul 23, 2020

Thanks, Natalie! I really appreciate all the good things you wrote, and I'm glad that you liked this story! I also liked the relationship between Amalia and Amalo, because I have a brother and if I knew something was dangerous, but he desperately wanted to do it, I would be like, "No, because I have to protect you!" But yeah, thank you so much! ;)


Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Valerie Preston
13:13 Jul 23, 2020

I found this story most intriguing. I felt as if I was actually there with the characters. It kept me interested from the beginning. Well done.!


Raquel Rodriguez
16:07 Jul 23, 2020

Thank you, Valerie! I tried to write a bit differently here, so it means a lot to me that you like the story! :)


Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Batool Hussain
13:44 Jul 17, 2020

Oh, you wrote something different than your usual style and I love it. The ending is...just perfect;)


Raquel Rodriguez
13:53 Jul 17, 2020

Thank you so much, Batool! I worked so hard on this, it took like, four days. So I'm extremely elated to hear that you like the story.


Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Ariadne .
22:55 Oct 16, 2020

Upvoting done!


Show 0 replies

Bring your short stories to life

Fuse character, story, and conflict with tools in the Reedsy Book Editor. 100% free.