The List

23 July 2002

Dear Diary,

To say I’m obsessed with ranking is an understatement. Seeing phrases like “Top 10 rankers of the class”, “Top 5...”, “Top 3”... “The 1” and the names make me happy. These are the set of students who are deemed the best from the rest! And the adrenaline rush if I’m in one of them!!

May all domains be ranked - “Top 50 actors”, “Top 50 artists”, “Top 50 innovators”. I wish to make it big by being ranked in one of the prestigious lists.

But, I’m a third-grader. So let’s focus on class ranks now. 

***

8 November 2003

Dear Diary,

I am now in 4th grade and I have participated in an ‘Essay competition’. It started at the school level and goes on to the International Level. The grade-level topic was “Mahatma Gandhi”. I put my heart into writing and I wrote 4 pages! I was certain I would win and I did!!! 

I came first in my grade. So, the next level was at the school level - I competed with 1st to 6th graders of my school. The topic was “A book that changed your life”. Unfortunately, I came fourth here. 

Not going ahead now - only the first three winners will go.

***

14 April 2012

Dear Diary, 

It feels good to get back to you Diary. The feeling of stumbling across a long lost friend as I cleaned my room is priceless. The familiar smell of you and the feeling as I turn across the pages that track my journey.

Did you know all through my schooling I managed to be in the top rankers? And, some haters tell first-rankers never manage to make it big outside. I want to prove them wrong. I have just started my Bachelors in Software Systems Engineering. I’m still getting used to the new-found-liberty. As a result, all my exercises have gone to dogs. I eat excessive junk food now. Guess why? Well, I can feel you saying “it’s because of the taste” but that’s where you’re wrong. It’s because McDonald’s has “Monopoly”. I just have to be 18 years old and get the desired coupons. Besides, I’m banking on McDonald’s as I have 3 out of 4 coupons and no one in my province has won.

Yeet! Yeet! Fingers crossed Diary. I could be on the list again! 

***

03 January 2015

Howdy Diary?

Now, I’m in my third year of Engineering at the university and the professors warn me that I need to know XYZ Language to get into a company. I practice interview questions for Google, Amazon, Facebook, Apple. I read self-help books and I enter coding contests on online platforms. They promise internship opportunities for winning candidates. I try and I fail. I try again and my ranking improves. I try a little harder and I manage to get a spot in the top 50 rankings, but I’m not good enough yet to be hired. Hiring takes place only till 25th rank and I’ve reached the deadline.

I’m dejected. I feel I am not qualified. Not even for something that I was destined to, as I had thought. 

Wait, what is it Diary? Are you asking something? Oh, is it about the Giveaway? Ah! That was a bummer too. I have resorted to Self Help Books.

Soon Diary, soon I might have some positive news.

***

16 June 2017

Hi Diary,

It’s been 1 year since I joined this company. I feel trapped in the 9 to 5 schedule, so I explore my Interests and pitch some of my ideas at a Business Incubator. From the bottom of my heart, I feel these have some potential. 

They show interest in one of my ideas. I qualify for Pre-Screening and it goes all the way to Discovery Call, Formal Application for an Angel Investor, and Pitching in front of an Advisory Council. In doing this I have come ahead of 50 ideas. I have high hopes for this one. I have provided them with all the information they have asked for. 

Will I finally win something, Diary?

***

23 November 2017

Hey Diary,

I’m as surprised as you about my frequency of writing. This might be the first time I’m writing within 1 year. I channelize my thoughts in 3-5 books, so it gets tricky sometimes. Some are about my startup ideas, some about self-learning, favorite quotes. But.. I swear you’re the one I come to track my competitive spirit.

Alright, so let me fill you in on what happened last time around. I was one of the 15 potential ideas that were approved by the Advisory Council. There were rigorous, hands-on sessions that helped us in paperwork, networking with people in other domains, surveying possible customers. We finally had to present where our company was after these sessions. I was the 8th candidate. I couldn’t believe it myself. How could I not rank in the top 5?? They said I was still “missing something” before I became an entrepreneur. 

I don’t understand - what did Bill Gates, Larry Page, Mark Zuckerberg have that I didn’t? We’re all starry-eyed children with big dreams.

Kay, rant apart - my job’s been going slow too. I do not enjoy much of what I do. I freelance sometimes and work part-time too. It’s all being monotonous. 

This is when I read about the dangers of Depression, Anxiety, Panic, and how they capture people so whimsically. I often give myself a reality check if the monotone that I feel is not linked to any of the aforementioned. God Forbid, should I be diagnosed with any, I hope that I muster the strength to identify it soon.

In this regard, I have read 12 notebooks over a span of 5 months. There were some that I devoured and soaked in all the cognizance I could in a single day. Then, there were a few that took me 3 days nonstop, leaving me on the edge of my seat. 

I use a Book Reader challenge and in its words “I’ve outdone myself! I read 12 books with the initial goal of 7. That’s a whopping 170%!”. 

Are we getting somewhere? :p

***

02 February 2018

Diary!!

Things escalated pretty quickly. I work part-time as a Project Manager for a startup and I have been reading research papers on how to take the company to greater heights. The founder is impressed with me and she arranged a meeting with a professor from Marlon University. 

The meeting went very well and I’ve been invited to research at the University. I will be getting a 75% scholarship even. I just finished all the Masters’ application formality and I’m eagerly waiting for the offer letter. 

I have some colleagues and friends who’re pursuing Masters - but they haven’t gotten a scholarship. I’m starting to think, I’m eventually getting ahead of the curve. 

Wish me luck, Diary. If all goes well I will start in the Summer semester (May).

***

04 January 2019

Hi Diary,

Two semesters have passed and I’ve got through them with flying colors. My supervisor is content with my work and I’ve managed to secure an 8-month internship with Amazon. I start on the 15th. 

I apologize Diary, I cannot write in detail like how I used to.

***

16 September 2019

Woah Diary!

Time flies fast when you’re seriously having fun and enjoying yourself. My internship went great - though online, the company ensured my transition was smooth. I had a great training process and I benefited the most from the hands-on approach. 

I liked how my research project went hand in hand with my line of work. My managers and co-workers were easy to talk to and very kind. So, I’ve been presented with an opportunity to rejoin them as a full-time employee when I finish my Degree. I’m humbled by the offer. 

It was certainly an enriching experience and I feel so recharged to return to University.

***

03 November 2019

Diary!!!

Do you remember in 3rd grade I wished there was a ranking in every domain? Turns out they really have!! The most esteemed one is called Forbes! Every year they accept nominations in various disciplines - technology, education, artists, etc.

And guess what?? I just learned that my manager at Amazon has nominated me for 2021 Forbes 30 Under 30 Innovators!! The sheer fact that I was on his mind fills me with so much gratitude. This means so much more to me than actually winning!! He has even talked this through my supervisor and he was in concordance too. In my supervisor’s words - I was an asset to the University. The classes that I have taken as a Teaching Assistant have good overall grades. The students in their survey say that they felt very supported.

And though I’m yet to come to terms with it, it seems like out of all the contests - I have made some progress in the competition of life. 

Thanks for being a constant support system, Diary.

We’ll meet again soon.

***

03 December 2020

Hello Diary,

Did you hear the news? My name is listed under “30 under 30 - Innovators”!!! This is so heartwarming!! I have finally made it to the big list! 

As I answer calls and respond to the congratulatory messages - this makes me reflect on the purpose of this book. Dear Diary, YOU have helped me narrow down my goal and ensured I excel irrespective of the number of competitors. 10 people? 5? 3? Or just “1”? If it’s only 1 competitor - it would be me. I would be my own competitor.

When I pushed myself to try harder, I realized that the rejections I faced were relatively less. Over the last 2 years, I have been hand-picked to apply for a university, excelled there, made an impact in my co-op, and have even been listed by Forbes Under 30. Also, did I tell you? I was the “Best Outgoing Student” at my University. 

I will now take a break and bask in the glory.

Until we meet again, Diary.