The Pointed Claw

Submitted into Contest #58 in response to: Write about someone who purposefully causes a power outage.... view prompt

14 comments

Fantasy Thriller

I dropped my wine when I saw it. Glass smashed on the kitchen floor tiles and merlot hit my feet and I just stood there dumbly. I wanted so much to run but my legs were having none of it. My stomach was a swirling black hole at that moment and I imagined my body being sucked inward like water down a bathtub's drain. That would be great, though, right? I'd disappear. Then I wouldn't be peering through the window, into the dark of the yard, right at the yellow-eyed thing that I couldn't believe was real.


The light from the kitchen cast a sickly glow on my prowler. A horror film director couldn't have set the scene any more perfectly. Its flesh was the color of ripe artichokes and sort of wet-looking. Was it sweating? Did it catch my scent and run hard and fast to find me? The idea of that chilled me through and through. The idea of being prey to some grotesquerie living in the woods. Watching. Waiting.


The hair on its head was scant, gray, and hung limply over its protruding brow. The skin of its face was covered in scars; were they defensive wounds? I suddenly had the feeling that the thing was old. Very old. How long had it been hunting in the dark places of the world? Had it been driven out of its natural habitat by mankind's so-called 'progress'? My mind raced as I continued to study the creature. Nostrils flared beneath its hooked nose and dry lips retracted to reveal jagged teeth. There was meat between them.


It lingered--hunched and poised to move at any moment. The loincloth that covered its genitalia swayed as it lurched back and forth. I could see the pumped muscles of its thighs twitching. I felt nauseated. It tapped a gnarled foot on the pavers. The bastard was growing impatient. This game of chicken couldn't go on forever.


I hazarded a glance to my left--to the back door that led out into the rear yard. Pro: I could make for the back gate and into the lane behind the house. Con: I'd have to run past the thing to get there. I looked over to my right, at the door to the garage. Pro: I could hop in the car and drive until I ran out of gas. Con: my truck was unreliable at best. Would it start? Would I be a sitting duck? Did this awful, greasy creature have friends?


When I worked up the courage to run for the door to the garage--the door that led to freedom--I didn't. I felt like an antelope locking eyes with a lioness: one false move spelled certain, grisly death. I felt warmth in my crotch as my bladder voided itself. I hadn't wet myself for thirty-odd years. I didn't know how to feel about it.


I scanned the room--moving my eyes and only my eyes--noting anything that could be used as a weapon. There was a disturbing lack of available knife ware. A kitchen with no knives! Bloody ridiculous!


I spotted an unwashed spoon in the sink and a tin opener. Being the neat and tidy type was doing me no favors. Were I more lax in my washing up habits, I might have had more of an arsenal at my shaky fingertips. The slobs would inherit the Earth it seemed, if there were indeed more of these ... things.


Needless to say, things weren't going great. I had a friend who used to drone, "No matter how bad things are, they can always get worse." I always thought it was a needlessly negative take. I let his words bounce around my skull as the creature licked its fissured lips. Then things got worse.


The sound of a key scraping the front door lock echoed down the hallway and hit me like a punch in the guts. I wanted to call out but I couldn't risk it. The knob turned and the door opened. "I'm home!" called a voice from the doorway. The voice belonged to my ten-year-old daughter.


I wasn't expecting her. She was away at her friend's house--they were supposed to be having a sleepover. Poor little thing must have wet the bed again. 'Like father like daughter' I thought to myself, laughing in spite of the horrific circumstances. The things demeanor seemed to change then like it was offended by my candor. It looked satisfied when it thought I was terrified. Not so much when I appeared grimly amused, I guess.


Stupid monster. Didn't it get that my laughter was really thinly veiled terror? Subtlety was lost on this ghoul. I took a punt and yelled over my shoulder toward the front of the house, "Don't come into the kitchen, sweetie!"

"Why not?" answered my only child.

"There's broken glass!" I replied, trying to sound as together as I could.

"Okay! I'm gonna' go to the bathroom!"

"Take your time!" I called back. My bed-wetting theory seemed to hold weight. Hopefully, that meant that she'd be a while and I could deal with our intruder. A rush of adrenaline surged through me and I shook, no longer out of fear, but with sheer anticipation. I was going head to head with this fucker. And I was going to win.


That's when the creature displayed more perception than I expected: its brow furrowed and it nodded. It looked for all intents and purposes as though it had read my thoughts and it was agreeing to some sort of duel. Silly beast--I had something to fight for and it was just here for what? Food? Sport? It had grossly underestimated its opponent.


Through force of will, I bent my knees and turned to run for the back exit. The things eyes scanned right and it grinned. It knew what I was planning. It lifted an arm and extended a long, clawed finger, pointing it at the fly-screen door. The unlocked flyscreen door. My heart drummed and my ears rang and all strength left me for an instant. The creature's eyes met mine. Its smile was gone. It writhed as it began to mumble unheard things into the night. Then the lights went out.

September 08, 2020 04:31

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14 comments

Zea Bowman
13:23 Sep 21, 2020

Wow! I loved reading this story; it was full of great descriptions and I loved the way you ended it. The words seemed to flow effortlessly together. Could you please come read some of my stories? Thanks :)

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Jason Parker
00:07 Sep 22, 2020

Thank you so much, Zea. I really appreciate your comments. I would love to read your work. : )

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☆ Ariadne ☆
19:28 Sep 16, 2020

The story has an excellent hook that drew me in from the first line. The suspense is placed strategically throughout the story. My favorite scene is when his young daughter comes in... imagine she comes down to see her father fighting this creature! I can totally see her giggling at her father afterward when she learns that he also wet himself... Excellent story! Keep writing! It would make my day if you could like and review my stories! Thank you! :)

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Jason Parker
21:41 Sep 16, 2020

Thank you so much, Adrienne. I'm really happy the daughter plot point landed as intended and I deeply appreciate your kind and encouraging comments. It would be my pleasure to read your work. : )

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Keerththan 😀
10:14 Sep 14, 2020

The starting was spooky👻. Enjoyed reading this story. Your descriptions are amazing. Keep writing. Waiting for more... Would you mind reading my new story? Thanks.

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Jason Parker
23:44 Sep 15, 2020

Thank you, Prakash. I would be happy to read your work. : )

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Molly Leasure
16:18 Sep 13, 2020

I was really drawn in, even at the first line! I like that you build the suspension fast only to slow it down and build it again. The back and forth really had my fight or flight senses tingling. (I would have fought that thing too). I also like the surprise of his daughter coming home, and the fact she doesn't suspect a thing. I imagine him having a showdown later, crashing around, and her just humming up in the bathroom haha. Anyway, wonderful story! I look forward to reading more of your writing in the future!

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Jason Parker
06:35 Sep 14, 2020

Thank you so much for your comments, Molly. You really are insightful--I certainly was going for a variance in tempo throughout the story. I can totally see the poor father desperately wrestling an unspeakable horror, intercut with scenes of his blissfully unaware daughter Lol. Thanks again for reading--I really appreciate it. : )

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Molly Leasure
16:38 Sep 14, 2020

Yes! That's exactly how I was imagining the following scene--straight from the movie in my head. I also just wanted to add that your subject matter often reminds me of Dean Koontz, as well as how you set the scene. He's probably my favorite author--so I hope that speaks to how much I enjoy your writing!

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Jason Parker
00:23 Sep 15, 2020

What a fantastic compliment! Dean Koontz is phenomenal. You've made my day, Molly. : )

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Charles Stucker
21:15 Sep 12, 2020

You have a very vivid writing style which is smooth enough I detected none of the little errors which plague my work. Your opening is strong and the terror keeps getting more horrific with each paragraph. At first glance, it is unfinished, with an ending when the lights go out, but then the trick emerges. The thing has magic able to confound technology and the protagonist must fight it for the life of his daughter. Yet it is clearly a chihuahua vs rottweiler match-up where the underdog has no chance. Leaving the gruesome ending to the reader...

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Jason Parker
02:54 Sep 13, 2020

Thank you so much, Charles, for your insightful and complimentary comments! From what I've read of your work so far (positively brilliant by the way), I can see none of the errors that you refer to. If you're like me--you're probably quite the self-critic; I can relate! I'm glad the ending landed where it was meant to--I'm a fan of action taking place 'off-camera' as it were and any comparison to Hitch is very kind. I grew up on his films (as well as the short stories of Edgar Allan Poe--I was an odd kid). Your comments made my day. : )

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Woooah, creepy story!! But really, REALLY good. I loved this line: ‘ I let his words bounce around my skull as the creature licked its fissured lips.’ Keep writing!

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Jason Parker
01:46 Sep 09, 2020

Thank you, Aerin. Your comments are very inspiring! : )

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