Contest #179 shortlist ⭐️

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This story contains sensitive content

Note: This story contains substance abuse, language, and thoughts about suicide.


***


Toward the end of the evening, I like to take a drink. The longer I work at the taco truck, the earlier the end of the evening becomes. You know, there’s that saying about it being five o’clock somewhere, a saying that a lot of people use as an excuse to get drunk before dinner. I always say it’s five o’clock somewhere, too, which irritates the hell out of me. I want to sound more refined than that. The gourmands I once starved to impress say they drink at 17:00. Well, I imagine they say that. I always thought their twenty-four-hour clock sounded so much more glamorous yet practical. It never repeats until a new day begins. I thought it sounded perfect for fine dining. When I opened my place, I listed my reservation options on the website using the 24-hour clock, but the elegance of that format confused a lot of people. Well, I think it did. I lost my restaurant trying to make taste buds tingle to railway time. My mother said I never had any business opening a restaurant, not even a lemonade stand. She claims I can't organize anything and that I hate the routine needed to survive in any business. She also said that I could fuck up a cracker for a starving man. Rethinking the whole thing, the 24-hour clock does make the American five o’clock seem like a long way off. For drinkers, a drink should always seem like it’s one minute away. Damn. It’s hard to tell time when you’re drunk. 


***


The people that live here complained that I never honored our Appalachian heritage with upscale dishes from the area. That always infuriated me, so I ended the discussion by beginning it with a question like, “Which upscale Appalachian dish do you mean…goat balls?” Still, I know I messed up some of the dishes on the menu even though I love Europe. Europe’s a big place. It’s hard to create a decent menu based on a continent of forty-four countries. Hell, I can’t even name all of the countries and honestly, I’ve never been outside of the United States. It’s starting to feel like I’ve never been outside of this taco truck. It’s a country of its own. No, it's a continent full of American taco shells that collide like continental shelves when the owner farts. This thought made me laugh so hard that he asked if I’d been drinking again. I only had a sip or ten before work, so I said no. 


***


If it wasn’t for the taco truck job, I wouldn’t have enough money to even consider suicide in a respectable manner, which to me means a suicide performed peacefully in a bathtub full of bubble bath while drinking the finest whatever I can get my hands on. Bubble bath and the finest whatever cost money. I’ve told my mother this a million times. The last time I mentioned it, she said her arthritis was the only thing that kept her from killing me. 


“Ah, shit, here we go again,” Mom said. “You begged me to take you in after that dumb fucking bisto—"


“Bistro, Mom, bistro, for fuck’s sake.”


“Oh, whatever the hell you call it you shouldn’t have opened it and now you gotta live with Mama. Well, I don’t want to hear all the suicide talk. You better not kill yourself here. You get your own home if you want to do that because this is my home, not yours. There’s no peaceful anything for you here, not even a peaceful suicide. I’ll kill you before I let you do that to my bathtub,” she said, slamming her bedroom door. I could hear her opening her underwear drawer for the Southern Comfort.


About an hour later, I found her cuddling the bottle like most women cuddle a man. Well, that’s how I feel about being a woman. At forty-nine. I cuddle bottles instead of men. I leaned over to hear if she was still breathing and also because I saw whisky in the bottle. When I started to move the bottle from her arms, she sat up and swung the bottle into my nose, screaming, “You keep your suicide out of my bathtub and you keep your hands off my Comfort. This ain’t your party time.” Then she fell back asleep with a snore.


She didn’t break my nose, but it hurt. 


***


Tonight, Steve suggested that I go to AA. I resisted the urge to say that I wish he’d suppress his ideas but let his farts fly free all the time because they sound better than any of his ideas. But the work line I walk is thin, and the home I make a living hell is no sure thing, especially without a bit of cash. There are many reasons to work a job but liking it usually isn't one of them.


“Customers complain about you a lot. They say you make the tacos soggy. I think it’s because you drink too much.”


“Yeah, I do. I do, and I need to change, ” I said, scrubbing the grill for the hundredth time in an hour. My God, I was standing there saying the same thing I’ve said for the last twenty years. I wanted a drink so bad.


It felt like he was reading my mind because he said, “You’re here because I love your mom, and she said that if we’re gonna get married, I need to give you a job. It might sound funny, people our age wanting to get married. But I don't want to be alone no more. I love your mom so much that she can drink all she wants. But you can’t do that because you work for me, and I’ll be damned if you ruin my place like you ruined your own. I mean to support your mother in the finest ways. I want to take her to Florida in the winter. And you really do need AA."


He waited for me to respond, but I didn’t want to look at him because Mom is never going to marry him and I'm probably never going to AA. He wasn’t the first of her men to give me a job. It hurts my heart, the things that old man doesn't know.


“Now, are you going to go to AA or what? It’s the start of a new life. For all of us. I may be the oldest, whitest son of a bitch you’ve ever seen, but I know Mexican food, by God. My wife always made the best tacos. And look, I know you like to cook so you can use some authentic Mexican food things that you like. If you just tell me what it is, I'll get it. Come on, Angie,” he said, opening his arms wide. “Put that big pretty head of yours right here on my shoulder and let me hug you so hard you bust your gut. We’re almost family standing here in this taco truck. This is where we can make dreams."


I squinted my eyes against the tears. Loners shun the family they have, and I hated to accept a hug from my boss who dreamed nonsense about my mother. But he was right. I had a big head. I hugged him back. 


"Will you go, for me?” he asked, squeezing hard. "We really could make this work."


"Sure, I will, Steve," I said, not sure if I was lying or not. But I was going to a party after closing. 


***


 I stood outside Debbie’s house looking at a guy I wanted to light my cigarette. Just ask, I hoped. Just ask. Let me know I have something to offer. Say you see the sun in me, even though it’s midnight. Finally, I said, “Do you have a light?”


He lit me up then went back to scrolling, but my sun didn’t want to set.


 “The great anti-smoking campaign worked, didn’t it?”


Nothing.


 “Well, it did in some ways. I mean, we’re the only two out here. No one’s smoking cigarettes inside, you know. They’re all doing whatever and drinking, but none of them are smoking.”


He kept scrolling, but said, “I did whatever earlier. Now I’m smoking a cigarette. A good cig is hard to beat,” he said, walking toward the door. “I’m going to smoke inside from now on.”


I laughed. “Really? You’re brave.”


“I’m also bored, so.” 


I’m on my way home, unsure if I’m going to bed or the bathtub.




January 07, 2023 04:50

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39 comments

Amanda Lieser
06:40 Jan 16, 2023

Hi Tara! Congratulations on the shortlist! This title was so fascinating and I loved the Frank way so many deep issues are discussed in this piece. I think, sometimes, we assume that conversations that are challenging HAVE to feel deep, but sometimes the best things we can say can be said with humor or sarcasm. I also loved the way this character found their own path. The parts about the mother really stuck out to me. Nice job!!

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Tara Leigh Parks
19:27 Jan 16, 2023

Thank you for the read, Amanda!

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Philip Ebuluofor
17:05 Jan 15, 2023

I just like the flow of this your story. It is engaging. Congrats.

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Tara Leigh Parks
22:35 Jan 15, 2023

Hello, Philip. Thank you very much!

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Philip Ebuluofor
14:29 Jan 24, 2023

My pleasure.

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AnneMarie Miles
20:43 Jan 13, 2023

Congratulations Tara! I'm happy this story made it on the board it is so well done. 🎉🎉🎉

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Tara Leigh Parks
01:51 Jan 14, 2023

Thank you so much, Anne! :)

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Wendy Kaminski
17:55 Jan 13, 2023

Congratulations on a well-deserved shortlist!

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Tara Leigh Parks
22:36 Jan 15, 2023

Thanks, Wendy!

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Tommy Goround
16:33 Jan 13, 2023

Cool. It happened. Congratulatir

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Tara Leigh Parks
01:52 Jan 14, 2023

Thanks, Tommy!

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01:21 Jan 13, 2023

Brilliant voice this is written in, sort of a Bukowksi taco truck narrator. I liked how it keeps coming back to the image of a bathtub.. maybe that's the only place she feels safe. I liked how a lot of things are hinted at but not overly explained. The last section really works well to make us understand where's she at now with her relation to the outside world outside her family and the taco truck.

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Tara Leigh Parks
01:53 Jan 14, 2023

Hi, Scott. Thank you for this review. I look forward to reading your work!

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01:21 Jan 13, 2023

Brilliant voice this is written in, sort of a Bukowksi taco truck narrator. I liked how it keeps coming back to the image of a bathtub.. maybe that's the only place she feels safe. I liked how a lot of things are hinted at but not overly explained. The last section really works well to make us understand where's she at now with her relation to the outside world outside her family and the taco truck.

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Wendy Kaminski
03:40 Jan 11, 2023

What a great character sketch! The alcohol-blunted angst of the main character flows so well with the humorous internal narrative. I never really got the sense she is going to fully commit to the deed, just that she cannot seem to think of much else to think about, given her circumstances and some history in entertainment that says that's an option. I work with a woman whose favorite throw-away phrase is "I'm going to kill myself (if I don't get this project done in time, etc.)." That was the feeling I got from this. I hope I'm right that sh...

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Liv Chocolate
06:34 Jan 10, 2023

I absolutely love the sad-funny combination. It really balances out the heavy themes and vice-versa. You pulled it off perfectly. And that last line is powerful. Your writing style reminds me a lot of Cookie Mueller. She's one of my favorites.

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Tara Leigh Parks
02:34 Jan 11, 2023

Hi, Liv. I love Cookie Mueller, but I haven't thought of her in a long time. I love John Waters, Thank you!

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Liv Chocolate
21:25 Jan 15, 2023

congrats on the shortlist!

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Tara Leigh Parks
22:34 Jan 15, 2023

Thanks!

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Poopoo Caca
21:05 Jan 09, 2023

so much writing

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Tara Leigh Parks
05:05 Jan 10, 2023

Doo-Doo, babe. x

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Daniel Allen
18:19 Jan 09, 2023

There's a lot to like in this story, but, for me, the dialogue is the best of all. “Which upscale Appalachian dish do you mean…goat balls?” is simply inspired. You also did a fantastic job of giving us a little window into your protagonist's mind. Great work!

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Tara Leigh Parks
04:49 Jan 10, 2023

Daniel, thank you for this feedback. It's good to know when things work/don't work. I was born in a mid-Tennessee town that makes Tina Turner's Nutbush look like a metropolis. I grew up in Tennessee and live in Tennessee now but have lived in Chicago, Miami Beach, Brooklyn, Manhattan, plus spent time in L.A. I traveled. However, I never forgot my goat balls heritage.

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AnneMarie Miles
07:14 Jan 09, 2023

Damn, if I don't envy your wittiness and clever one-liners. "It hurts my heart, the things that old man doesn't know." - such a simple sentence but it tells us so much. Love the depressive tone that is supported so well by the shitty mom comments, the failed bistro venture, the suicide contemplation, and the last rejection, both subtle and slamming. "Just ask, I hoped. Just ask. Let me know I have something to offer. Say you see the sun in me, even though it’s midnight." - another wonderful example of how you set us up so well with so little...

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Tara Leigh Parks
04:55 Jan 10, 2023

Hey, there, Anne Marie Miles. I'm overjoyed you commented on my story. Thank you for such a kind comment. You picked out the lines, too. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my work.

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Wally Schmidt
04:10 Jan 09, 2023

Angie is raw but at the same time she shows glimmers of self-awareness and you can't help thinking if she got a few breaks, she might actually get to the AA meeting and start turning things around. Love the snarkiness, darkness, and story

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Tara Leigh Parks
04:58 Jan 10, 2023

Hello, Wally. What's a man like you doing in a story like this? Well, I don't care. I'm glad you read my story. You understand Angie. Thank you for the read.

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Wally Schmidt
05:05 Jan 10, 2023

'Cuz I'm a woman? Just popped over to Medium and read your story about the Bafoon. OMG. I can't even imagine having to deal with someone like that in close quarters. Did the whole 1/6 thing bring up old wounds or were you happy to be far away from it all? Either way fiction or non-fiction, you have a wonderful talent and I can't wait to read more of your stories.

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Tara Leigh Parks
20:02 Jan 10, 2023

Your response to that man line made me laugh. I apologize for the assumption. Thank you for reading the piece on Medium. 1/6 made me upset in many ways. It made me think of my ex. Honestly, I should've connected him to it sooner. Thank you for your reads and I'm glad you like my work.

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Graham Kinross
22:17 Jan 08, 2023

“she said her arthritis was the only thing that kept her from killing me,” definitely not what I’d say to my daughter if she mentioned suicide. “ I’ll kill you before I let you do that to my bathtub.” Wow. It got worse. Rough ending. If she doesn’t go to the bathtub or does and survives this could be the start of a gripping series.

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Tara Leigh Parks
05:03 Jan 10, 2023

Hey, Graham, how are you? You make an interesting point about the series. You have a good series going on so I will keep your comment in mind.

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Graham Kinross
05:13 Jan 10, 2023

I’m good, thanks. Let me know if you do more of this.

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Tommy Goround
22:02 Jan 07, 2023

-Which upscale Appalachian dish do you mean…goat balls -this is where we can make dreams Good title. You've created a bit of mice and men. Lenny is your alcohol addiction. The taco truck is how you're going to get a ranch and play with rabbits.. or goat balls. Lenny cannot help that he is Lenny. George finds himself necessitated to be his pal and as we all remember George gets respect when he has Lenny. (I'm thinking The stepfather is George) Love interest? Idk. It's not an exact parallel. The fun items about Appalachia and taco trucks ...

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Tara Leigh Parks
04:44 Jan 08, 2023

Hello, Tommy. Your review gives me insight into the story. Thank you for taking the time to read it. I'm happy you enjoyed it.

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R W Mack
17:01 Jan 07, 2023

I wasn't sure if I was gonna rate this as my weekly 5 star or not until the last line. Fuck if that ain't the best way to end it. As a judge, most of us kinda thread a needle about what's appropriate, but I never cared enough to worry. I saw your title and, frankly, didn't trust most of the judges to give it a fair shake. I'm glad I did. Look, it ain't perfect or polished. I got that pretty early on. But it slips in and hits like a good whiskey. It's satisfying even if it has no actual resolution. Kinda like how a good drink feels. Yeah, t...

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Tara Leigh Parks
04:41 Jan 08, 2023

Well, hell, R W Mack, I'm giving you five stars for this review. I really appreciate you taking the time to read my story and providing me with your obeservations. They're helpful. I'm glad you like this story.

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Tara Leigh Parks
04:49 Jan 08, 2023

Also, thank you for the five stars and the shortlisting comment. I hit send too soon so had to come back and add this comment. Very grateful for your support.

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R W Mack
16:09 Jan 14, 2023

There's a small discord channel of some reedsy judges and writers that've been critiquing each other and other submissions, really tearing in to see what people get right in wrong. You've made a lil splash in it for a couple days.

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Tara Leigh Parks
03:37 Jan 16, 2023

Ah, interesting. I hope.

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