Tommy Goround

Author on Reedsy Prompts since Apr, 2022

Stories (15)

15 Stories

2573 karma pts

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“Macho Macho Man” by Tommy Goround

So this one time at the company party, in a bar of the Siskiyou Mountains, I was trying to get my freak on with a Tonka girl that said her sister was a celebrity I knew. For some reason that totally revved my engine.Meanwhile my father, the original manager of America's Southwest Region, the mouthpiece for a billion dollar famous manufacturing concern – he decided to ignore our mutual careers and offered to wrestle The Boss.Sure, it was totally appropriate in a mountain town after a few bottles of scotc...

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“Every Hair and Nog” by Tommy Goround

After a hazey filled night of selfish love making and several runs to the Roman Vomitorium, Thomas reaches for his carton of out-of-season Egg Nog and tries desperately to get the last drops. He tears the carton open. There are no drops. Someone has used a rubber spatula and taken the last of the sides, they have cut the nog traces with a milk and rinsed out the carton like it would be reused. The desperate man whimpers. He’s been robbed. And that feeling of Steinbeck comes over in a helpless crush of the will. He's...

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“Jerri's Kids for Monterey Child Rentals” by Tommy Goround

Now some people prefer to sell their children at the farmer's market because the weekend rates are cheap and they have no faith in their productMe? I'm more of an exotic Foster Agency because our clients are tourists and the term "Child Broker" has lost its charm since the 1980's. Unfortunately, in California, I have to comply with the wishes of King George III of the 18th century because our rental agreements are based on English Common law when it comes to rentals or buying o...

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“Hans Solo” by Tommy Goround

This is a story about German Industrialist Heinrich "Hans" Shleimman being kicked out of his house after exposing himself to the new maid. Circa 1872.He's gotten rich off multi-colored mass produced buggy whips.The panic of 1873 ensues because Hans is on a boat, talking to Dr. David Livingston while really reading the Iliad as if it were a treasure map.Dr. Livingston is a staunch abolitionist because he thinks husbands shouldn't be controlled by their wives.Hans goes ...

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“For Liv: Womb Bear” by Tommy Goround

It's a gynecological fact that children who have just been born require a Womb Bear. This is a plush toy that has the sound of a beating heart within the plush that makes the child feel at home in their new bassinet.It's very much like taking the old water from a fish tank and mixing it with the new water that doesn't have any dookie. In this way the young fish or human baby will survive and feel loved.Well, I didn't want to pay the high price of the Womb Bear at Macy's. So I went across the street and ...

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“The Elective” by Tommy Goround

The parking lot is full, even on a Tuesday morning, 11:02 and the tourists are trying the new pub that used to be a row of fish cleaning stalls. The sand is piled up on the beach because the last storm brought the coast to its knees. Caterpillar tractors are trying to separate clean and sanitary sand from the prospect of barnacles and sea stones that might warrant an environmental inspection.One must run past the people with fishing rods, the Domo Steak House, ignore the cooks trading greeneries, the vendors of truffles,...

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“The Maiming Party (for intellectual closure)” by Tommy Goround

It is very difficult to walk on your knees in a skirt. So I try to use a broom to get the carpet fibers smooth and allow my beautiful wife to approach the judge as if we were curling.Bam Bam"Guilty!"The judge likes the way the second bash of the gavels sounds. He is a very old judge and usually enjoys his position in Bankruptcy Court, telling the lenders to get in a single file line. They are usually allowed to strike the defendant one time on their choice of facial cheeks.<...

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“Free Use” by Tommy Goround

The free use policy at Marina Library is all about having your way with the librarians.For example, you can go right up to the reference library … there is no height requirement. You might have to wait in line. You might even be insulted by a homeless person that says they took your sandwich but no one in the Nation of California can ever say you do not belong there.You are not allowed to use the potted plants as a urinal. This could give you a revocation of your library card for at least a week. They h...

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“Lodi” by Tommy Goround

Trigger warning: this story has some elements that probably shouldn't be discussed in a church environment. There is definitely Gore if it is written correctly. Senior citizens with unnatural impulses. Corpses. There is also some sexuality about The Golden girls. It is a story about living and dying..##############There was a funny fellow in my residency at The John Mayo Clinic who had the terrible habit of misusing corpses. He was one of those recycling types of ...

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“Natural Consequences ” by Tommy Goround

Just making some snip and tucks. Story back later. Test? Can update?

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“Road Rage in a Cul-de-Sac” by Tommy Goround

Trigger Warnings: the story includes some characters that have coarse language, domestic hardships and the changing of a season.::::::::::::::Each spring, the wives of Hildeath Lane take away the cell phones of their children and husbands and say, "It is time to reinvigorate the Earth."Well, some say that. Others say, "Get your hairy asses out to the cul-de-sac and start raking."It's like a chain gang. The same ritual is practiced in Yokosuka, Treblinka, from the Aisle of Wright...

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“Hit Me Again, Bob” by Tommy Goround

T/W: Aunt Jemima used as a seductive pancake maker. A song from 1893 by Henry Miller is quoted. Both of these are found in the free use policy of international satire law. There's also some religious language. Don't read this if you go to a non-denominational church. ########### You know when the judge gives you three to five … Hours of community service

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“::::ALL HAIL:::::” by Tommy Goround

Tony Barabas, whose name comes from the latinized Gaulish for red beard, should have been able to write a letter to explain himself. After all, he had spent most of his youth learning calligraphy and making letters with the steady precision of a surgeon holding a quill.Tony could have rewritten the United States Constitution, not so much in content but to the form – the innermost compelling seizure of the reader's love; the spirits of life.Unfortunately, his right hand was pinned down by some b...

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“No more laundry.” by Tommy Goround

It's a mortuary fact that dead bodies should not be buried without a banana. Most of the dead people around our town drink too much coffee and spout their mouths out in public, then they just die, die, and the explosive parts of their personality gather energy.For example, Hilda Benderhole used to have the most terrible intergestion about the way my dog urinated all over her flowers. We all know that flowers need the dogs, especially in a drought. When Hilda died, her husband wouldn't even use those flowers for her grave...

69 comments 69 SHORTLIST ⭐️

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“The Benefit Society” by Tommy Goround

There's a graveyard in Old Home, California, that hasn't changed its prices since 1978. The locals know it. They are suspicious of strangers coming to their town with pickup trucks because everyone in the world would like a free plot of land just to bury their kin.One time Sally Greenbow told us that the military did not pay enough to bury her husband after Iraq. The commercials on the television say that the average funeral cost is the same price as a used Toyota. The same price as a 5-year-old car that will get you to ...

31 comments 31 SHORTLIST ⭐️

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Author bio

Feel free to bluntly respond to any story not in judging cycle. Or use the E-mail to send me a note. It is entirely difficult to see if plot/metaphor/meanings hit home for others. We all write for an audience. Thanks to your readership. Currently battling homeless Invaders and playing one of those Chinese video games that sucks your credit card dry. The kids are fine. No one died. Be back soon. Xx oo °Lodi °Tokyo ° Seattle ° Monterey ° tpgoround@gmail.com

Shortlisted 2 stories ⭐️

Contest #169

No more laundry. – read story

Contest #169

The Benefit Society – read story