Tommy Goround

Author on Reedsy Prompts since Apr, 2022

Stories (8)

8 Stories

2147 karma pts

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“Mr. Dragon” by Tommy Goround

One day, A nine foot talking dragon came into the class and clawed his name on the board. Drag On.Everyone winced because the sound of the nails was so sharp. It had nothing to do with the dragon’s bad breath, the way he had to hunch to avoid the ceiling, how he put his dragon fingers on his belly and started thumbing himself like he knew too much.“Ok, boys and girls. Usually, your substitutes just put on a movie but I thought we could watch a little Tik Tok to be modern. “<...

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“R2D2 is selling drugs at the Quick Smart again” by Tommy Goround

R2D2 was selling drugs in front of the Quick Smart again and Amelia Down was in a hurry. She told the droid to quit beeping at her -- to stop the love hails -- and she went into the store to buy some insurance.Searching along the aisles, Amelia checked her purse and decided that she had gained enough loyalty points to finally treat herself to a cryo bath in the locker. She paid for the thirty minute treatment, bought some cardio-malaga-vape products along with the latest copy of French Slurp magazine.No...

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“Forget About Traffic” by Tommy Goround

There's a surf and skate shop in Santa Cruz where you can choose your guardian angel. Mine's a dud.Glen-ji is the manager and wants everyone to give him the honorific JI at the end of his name. He comes around the counter and pokes my angel in the cheek."What's wrong with her?"I try to kick a rock on the floor but there are no rocks. I really really hate returning things. It's like just because something doesn't work out all of a sudden you're a criminal.Glen-jii walk...

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“Thrill is Gone. California's New Safety Laws.” by Tommy Goround

Government workers in California can now wear pajamas to work. Hooray. So long as the pajamas have pockets.It's New Year's Eve and I take my pajama bottoms all the way down to our local KFC because no one's cooking tonight. There's a large iguana on a chain with a proper Service Reptile vest. Its owner is talking to the cashier about not mixing the Original and Crispy.I once got to eat an alligator but never the iguana. He looks stoned like Cheech and Chong were the trainers. He licks his iguana lips an...

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“Trigger Warning” by Tommy Goround

I love fucking Deaf girls. Cancer survivors are cool -- but there is something about the way the body will compensate if it loses an outlet of expression. Marley, tightens her purse, breaks my fingers in a grip and strains her neck to bite at my nose. Doesn't matter if anyone gets disfigured. Make me the Mickey O'Rourke after 9 1/2 Weeks, the shattered lovechild of Cher. I want to be that person not forgotten on a Wanted poster. Little girls will hang me up on their walls and Marley won't tell the papers when she th...

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“Getting Up, Alive” by Tommy Goround

Hard to keep faith when God blows between the boards of a freight car, trembling the timber -- he stings the nose and you look down at your feet wondering how far you could burn the floor -- before everyone fell.Shiman has donated his hair because little brothers think with their hearts. There are elderly ladies that know the train is going nowhere good, but they won't donate their hair to stay warm. They won't give up their hair for escape. The hair is still a woman's pride.The old men are p...

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“No more laundry.” by Tommy Goround

It's a mortuary fact that dead bodies should not be buried without a banana. Most of the dead people around our town drink too much coffee and spout their mouths out in public, then they just die, die, and the explosive parts of their personality gather energy.For example, Hilda Benderhole used to have the most terrible intergestion about the way my dog urinated all over her flowers. We all know that flowers need the dogs, especially in a drought. When Hilda died, her husband wouldn't even use those flowers for her grave...

64 comments 64 SHORTLIST ⭐️
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“The Benefit Society” by Tommy Goround

There's a graveyard in Old Home, California, that hasn't changed its prices since 1978. The locals know it. They are suspicious of strangers coming to their town with pickup trucks because everyone in the world would like a free plot of land just to bury their kin.One time Sally Greenbow told us that the military did not pay enough to bury her husband after Iraq. The commercials on the television say that the average funeral cost is the same price as a used Toyota. The same price as a 5-year-old car that will get you to ...

28 comments 28 SHORTLIST ⭐️
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Author bio

Shout out to patrons keeping me fat in Starbuck's coupons. A manuscript now cost a latte. - °Lodi °Tokyo ° Seattle ° Monterey ° tpgoround@gmail.com

Shortlisted 2 stories ⭐️

Contest #169
No more laundry. – read story
Contest #169
The Benefit Society – read story