59 comments

Kids

I was playing hide and seek with Shane when I found it. I hid in that dark closet in the corner of the room. Crouching down on the floor, hiding under luggage. I saw something out of the corner of my eye, that sent shivers down my spine. I screamed, but no noise came out. There wasn’t the familiar sound of the echo of the scream. It is like I didn’t even make a sound. A huge dark cloud exploded out in front of my eyes, and darkness enveloped the room. A huge figure in dark robes appeared right in front of my eyes. It was a skeleton-like creature, with robes covering most of its body. I tried to scream again, but the eerie darkness filled up my mouth. 


“Hello, Tyne.” It croaked. 


I scrambled away, but it snatched me back up. 


“Why are you scared?” I couldn’t speak. It frowned then shrugged like a teenager.


 “W-who are you?” I stammered. It blinked its empty sockets. 


“I am Death.” It simply said. My eyes widened. It laughed, but it sounds more like a dying human, wheezy, and hoarse. 


“W-why are you here? Am I going to die?” 


“Ah, but that is this the question Tyne!” 


“How do you know my name?” 


“Because I have been watching, and waiting for this time to come.” I shivered and pulled back again. 


“Where is Shane?” The skeleton was picking around the boxes and frowning.


 “Hmm, how démodé.” I frowned, and it turned to face me. 


“Oh, that boy.” He pulled Shane out of his pocket and tossed him around like a toy. 


“He is mine.” Death said and put him back in his robes. I gasped for breath, tears pouring out of my eyes. 


“W-who else have you come to take??” Death grinned his toothless smile and ticked off fingers. 


“Mom, dad, Elise, Vince, and you. So, I suppose that is your whole family. 


“What! Why?” 


“Well, because it’s time.” Death said simply. He advanced on me, and I screamed, this time the scream pushed itself out of my throat, and echoed around the room. Death growled as I heard footsteps pattering down the stairs.


 “Tyne!?” A deep voice called out. 


Dad. 


“Wait n-!” Death grabbed me by the throat and stuffed me in his robes, and darkness closed over me. I woke up in a small, dark, black room. 


“Ah, your awake want some tea?” Death asked sitting down on a black chair made of mist.


 “Am I in Hell?” I swear Death seemed to smile. 


“No dear child, you are with me. Death.”


 “But where is here?” Death gestured around the room. I saw nothing but a table and two chairs. 


“T-there is nothing,” I whispered. 


“Well, what did you expect?” 


I imagined heaven after death. I imagined a beautiful forest, and beach with all the people I love right next to me. 


“Hmm, well you were wrong.” I looked up. I must have said that out loud. 


“So, am I dead?” Death refilled his cup with a dark substance. 


“Yes, Tyne. You are dead.” I let out a wail. 


“How? What did you do?” Death waved his hand, and an image appeared in the room. I saw my father lying on the ground, his mouth shaped in an 

O. Black blood seeped out of his chest, and his eyes were removed. I let out a horrible scream. 


“W-what did you do? Why didn’t you take him like you took me?” Death glared at me. 


“I killed him because I had to. Tyne this may be hard to hear, but your father was a terrible man. I didn’t bring him because it causes more pain for the family to see their loved one dead. If I take them they assume they are missing, and might not be dead.” 


I slowly shook my head. 


“What did he do to deserve this?” 


“Your father was a cheat and a murderer. When he sold his products, he cheated on his customers. He would make the product seem better than it is. When his customers threatened to tell the police, he killed them and hid their bodies in the room you were hiding. That’s why I was there. To collect them.” 


I shivered. 


“He would never do that.” 


“Well, he did. Now have some tea.” 


I cautiously walked up to the table where Death was sitting, and slowly picked up the cup. I looked inside and smelled creamy foam. I took a sip and spat it out. 


“It tastes like death!!!”


 Death smiled. 


“I have to show you something, Tyne.” 


He stood up, and the cups disappeared. He walked to a rather small door that I didn’t notice. 


Death opened the door, and a revolting smell hit my nose. I gagged and covered my nose with my hand. Death walked in, but I held back, scared for what lies ahead of me. I looked in and screamed. Flies swarming around the room, buzzing in my ear. About ten bodies lie neatly in a long row, long dead, flesh rotting. I coughed, and made a gagging noise, but managed to croak.


 “What happened to them?” Death walked out of the room, and closed the door slowly, the smell still lingering in the air.


 “You remember the image I showed you of your father?” I nodded. 


“Well those blithering idiots tried to go through back to the living world, and instantly died. You just can’t don that.” I nodded. 


“Is there another place to go after you die?” Death nodded solemnly. 


“The Angel comes to get the good people.” I gasped. 


“Wait, what!! So…why am I hear, I’m good!” he laughed. 


“Tyne you catfished your best friend online, and you bullied that poor girl Shannon.” I gaped at him. 


“H-how do you know that?” 


“I watched you.”


 “B-but how do you even know what catfish means?” Death glared at me. 


“What do you think, I’m old, and talk like Shakespeare?” 


“Well, y-yes.” I murmured. 


“Well, your wrong.” I almost laughed, but what Death said got me thinking. 


They tried to go back to the living world. I should try that, but Death said they died instantly! Tyne why are you listening to Death, he is probably a liar and a cheat. He must cheat death! 


 I sighed and rubbed my temples. Death was again sitting at the table drinking tea, and looking at the images on the misty screen. 


That little cheat, he is stalking people.


 To my dismay, he was watching a baby with much interest. He then nodded and sipped his tea. 


“Death…what is that behind you?” Death whipped his head around, and I raced to the image and jumped. I heard a yell of surprise from Death, as darkness closed in on me, and I felt nothing more.


 I coughed and blinked open my eyes, a shaft of light peaking in through a crack on the wall. 


Ah-ha! I cheated Death! I thought triumphantly. 


I looked around and gasped. There was not the familiar sight of piles of boxes, but instead, a thick layer of dust was on the walls, on the floor. I stood up, yelping in pain. I looked around and saw no furniture or anything. 


Did they move? I was with Death for only half an hour surely. 


I saw spider webs on the walls, with a tiny brown spider in the middle. I saw a large rat race in front of my feet, and I screamed. It echoed off the walls.


 As I walked up the steps, I saw the occasional hornets’ nest and spiders. I called out for my mother, but there was no answer. I walked onto the street and saw police cars swarming the street. Police rushed over to me. 


“Tyne!” An officer yelled, and she wrapped me in a hug and rushed me to a patrol car. 


“Where were you!?” 


I couldn't answer, because I saw Vince sitting on an old porch, hair graying. "How long was I gone?"  


"You were missing for 30 years, but where were you?"


I laughed, and I swear I could see Death winking at me behind a car. 


“Oh, you know. Just talking to Death.” 


May 27, 2020 17:26

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59 comments

Nirosha P
12:59 Jul 08, 2020

Amazing story! This is one of the most creative stories I have seen! Terrific Job! Just one thing I thought to improve: The ending where the reader realizes that the person was missing for thirty years, l felt it was quite abrupt. Maybe talk more about how the reader was taken by surprise and not just end it so quickly This is just my two cents worth! But otherwise a really original creative story :) PS: Would appreciate if you could check out my stories :)

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Niveeidha Palani
05:27 Jun 05, 2020

Just wondering, why were there police cars?? Wasn't the accident thirty years back?

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A.J Blink
13:45 Jun 08, 2020

I think it was just to portray the humorous streak to it..

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Niveeidha Palani
22:33 Jun 08, 2020

Oh, seems perfectly reasonable now that I see it, ;)

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A.J Blink
22:37 Jun 08, 2020

🙇 And thank you for liking all my stories. It means a lot.

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Niveeidha Palani
01:47 Jun 09, 2020

No problem, they were quite interesting stories though!

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A.J Blink
01:56 Jun 09, 2020

Love love!

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04:56 Jul 13, 2020

Very good point. Odd.! I must be going blind

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Niveeidha Palani
06:12 Jul 13, 2020

I'm sorry, I didn't get you...was that comment directed at me or A.j Blink?

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Pragya Rathore
14:49 May 31, 2020

I really liked the perspective and the flow.

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Pragya Rathore
17:27 Jun 02, 2020

Please read and review my stories too,Avery... it would be very helpful from a writer like you :D

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08:07 May 28, 2020

Why were there police cars around, Avery? If you want it to be that someone tipped the police with information about the protagonist's coming back, you should probably state it so that it will be clearer. I like the story, especially the discussion with death. It was really nice, all those questions and answers and how you cheated death. Nice!

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Daryl Gravesande
19:49 May 27, 2020

Hey! The story's doing good, I see!

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20:02 May 27, 2020

It is! It only has two likes!

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Daryl Gravesande
20:05 May 27, 2020

lol, good start! Most of your stories blow up, and I wouldn't be surprised with this one. It's unique and a FRESH take.

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Inactive User
16:30 Jun 11, 2020

I love your story! I have a new story! Please check it out!

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02:37 Jun 01, 2020

I absolutely loved this story! It reminded me of The Book Thief, which is narrated by Death. I loved the flow of the story, and the end line almost made me laugh. :) There were some grammatical mistakes. Other than that, no negative critiques from me! Keep writing and stay safe! -Brooke

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Ray Van Horn
01:07 May 28, 2020

I'd say having a pint with Death might be interesting, but then it'd taste like Death! :) Fun, quirky read, Avery.

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05:04 Jul 13, 2020

It was rather very good because i did not expect it. It then seemed so obvious.

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Kathleen March
18:06 May 27, 2020

Interesting flow. Moves and jumps. Just fyi: The game is hide n’ seek or hide and seek or even hide and go seek. Also, watch your vs. you’re. Tightening the narrative could give Death even more control of the story. Don’t be afraid to do that.

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18:08 May 27, 2020

Ok! I will fix that! Thanks for the feedback!

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Daryl Gravesande
17:40 May 27, 2020

Woah!!! This is great! I never realized that you could make literal DEATH a character! A nice fresh take! Fav part right here!!!! “Tyne you catfished your best friend online, and you bullied that poor girl Shannon.” I gaped at him. “H-how do you know that?” “I watched you.” “B-but how do you even know what catfish means?” Death glared at me. “What do you think, I’m old, and talk like Shakespeare?” “Well, y-yes.” I murmured. “Well, your wrong.” I almost laughed, but what Death said got me thinking.

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Rhondalise Mitza
17:16 May 28, 2020

If you've read The Book Thief, that's who the narrator is; Death.

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A.J Blink
13:42 Jun 08, 2020

Wow this is my first time hearing about it... Interesting

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Ryan Lm Colli
14:30 May 11, 2021

Great story: Pls join this link... https://www.guilded.gg/i/6pR8goy2

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Angel {Readsy}
03:33 Apr 28, 2021

I am a nightingale; I read and sing your stories in the flowering garden and all birds, firefly, fairy and flowers are smiling and very thankful to you for writing such an excellent story.

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Kate M
18:52 Dec 01, 2020

Wow! This story was awesome! Very creative and original! I loved the ending especially, all the suspense and tension building up for that final moment where she cheats death. Great work! 😁

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Daryl Gravesande
22:30 Oct 25, 2020

M'lady, we need to talk. Text meeeeee

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B. W.
20:43 Oct 25, 2020

i'll give this a 10/10 :)

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21:01 Oct 24, 2020

Great job, this is SO creative!! I absolutely love how death is a person!! That's such an amazing idea! I wouldn't have been surprised if this had won!

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Amogh Kasat
12:44 Aug 24, 2020

It's a wonderful story! Please read my latest story The Secret Organisation { Part 2 }

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Avery G.
03:04 Jul 27, 2020

Hi Avery! This is an awesome story! It was scary, but it was cool to see this take on this prompt! I loved it!

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Raquel Rodriguez
17:32 Jul 21, 2020

This is amazing! I love Death's character, (I know, I'm weird. :D ) and the other characters are great too! I love how Death winks at her in the end. If you don't mind, could you check out my new story? I would really appreciate it.

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Deborah Angevin
23:22 Jul 15, 2020

As pointed by others, I also feel weirded out by the police. But overall, a well-written story, Avery! Would you mind checking my recent story out, "Orange-Coloured Sky?" Thank you!

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