59 comments

Kids

I was playing hide and seek with Shane when I found it. I hid in that dark closet in the corner of the room. Crouching down on the floor, hiding under luggage. I saw something out of the corner of my eye, that sent shivers down my spine. I screamed, but no noise came out. There wasn’t the familiar sound of the echo of the scream. It is like I didn’t even make a sound. A huge dark cloud exploded out in front of my eyes, and darkness enveloped the room. A huge figure in dark robes appeared right in front of my eyes. It was a skeleton-like creature, with robes covering most of its body. I tried to scream again, but the eerie darkness filled up my mouth. 


“Hello, Tyne.” It croaked. 


I scrambled away, but it snatched me back up. 


“Why are you scared?” I couldn’t speak. It frowned then shrugged like a teenager.


 “W-who are you?” I stammered. It blinked its empty sockets. 


“I am Death.” It simply said. My eyes widened. It laughed, but it sounds more like a dying human, wheezy, and hoarse. 


“W-why are you here? Am I going to die?” 


“Ah, but that is this the question Tyne!” 


“How do you know my name?” 


“Because I have been watching, and waiting for this time to come.” I shivered and pulled back again. 


“Where is Shane?” The skeleton was picking around the boxes and frowning.


 “Hmm, how démodé.” I frowned, and it turned to face me. 


“Oh, that boy.” He pulled Shane out of his pocket and tossed him around like a toy. 


“He is mine.” Death said and put him back in his robes. I gasped for breath, tears pouring out of my eyes. 


“W-who else have you come to take??” Death grinned his toothless smile and ticked off fingers. 


“Mom, dad, Elise, Vince, and you. So, I suppose that is your whole family. 


“What! Why?” 


“Well, because it’s time.” Death said simply. He advanced on me, and I screamed, this time the scream pushed itself out of my throat, and echoed around the room. Death growled as I heard footsteps pattering down the stairs.


 “Tyne!?” A deep voice called out. 


Dad. 


“Wait n-!” Death grabbed me by the throat and stuffed me in his robes, and darkness closed over me. I woke up in a small, dark, black room. 


“Ah, your awake want some tea?” Death asked sitting down on a black chair made of mist.


 “Am I in Hell?” I swear Death seemed to smile. 


“No dear child, you are with me. Death.”


 “But where is here?” Death gestured around the room. I saw nothing but a table and two chairs. 


“T-there is nothing,” I whispered. 


“Well, what did you expect?” 


I imagined heaven after death. I imagined a beautiful forest, and beach with all the people I love right next to me. 


“Hmm, well you were wrong.” I looked up. I must have said that out loud. 


“So, am I dead?” Death refilled his cup with a dark substance. 


“Yes, Tyne. You are dead.” I let out a wail. 


“How? What did you do?” Death waved his hand, and an image appeared in the room. I saw my father lying on the ground, his mouth shaped in an 

O. Black blood seeped out of his chest, and his eyes were removed. I let out a horrible scream. 


“W-what did you do? Why didn’t you take him like you took me?” Death glared at me. 


“I killed him because I had to. Tyne this may be hard to hear, but your father was a terrible man. I didn’t bring him because it causes more pain for the family to see their loved one dead. If I take them they assume they are missing, and might not be dead.” 


I slowly shook my head. 


“What did he do to deserve this?” 


“Your father was a cheat and a murderer. When he sold his products, he cheated on his customers. He would make the product seem better than it is. When his customers threatened to tell the police, he killed them and hid their bodies in the room you were hiding. That’s why I was there. To collect them.” 


I shivered. 


“He would never do that.” 


“Well, he did. Now have some tea.” 


I cautiously walked up to the table where Death was sitting, and slowly picked up the cup. I looked inside and smelled creamy foam. I took a sip and spat it out. 


“It tastes like death!!!”


 Death smiled. 


“I have to show you something, Tyne.” 


He stood up, and the cups disappeared. He walked to a rather small door that I didn’t notice. 


Death opened the door, and a revolting smell hit my nose. I gagged and covered my nose with my hand. Death walked in, but I held back, scared for what lies ahead of me. I looked in and screamed. Flies swarming around the room, buzzing in my ear. About ten bodies lie neatly in a long row, long dead, flesh rotting. I coughed, and made a gagging noise, but managed to croak.


 “What happened to them?” Death walked out of the room, and closed the door slowly, the smell still lingering in the air.


 “You remember the image I showed you of your father?” I nodded. 


“Well those blithering idiots tried to go through back to the living world, and instantly died. You just can’t don that.” I nodded. 


“Is there another place to go after you die?” Death nodded solemnly. 


“The Angel comes to get the good people.” I gasped. 


“Wait, what!! So…why am I hear, I’m good!” he laughed. 


“Tyne you catfished your best friend online, and you bullied that poor girl Shannon.” I gaped at him. 


“H-how do you know that?” 


“I watched you.”


 “B-but how do you even know what catfish means?” Death glared at me. 


“What do you think, I’m old, and talk like Shakespeare?” 


“Well, y-yes.” I murmured. 


“Well, your wrong.” I almost laughed, but what Death said got me thinking. 


They tried to go back to the living world. I should try that, but Death said they died instantly! Tyne why are you listening to Death, he is probably a liar and a cheat. He must cheat death! 


 I sighed and rubbed my temples. Death was again sitting at the table drinking tea, and looking at the images on the misty screen. 


That little cheat, he is stalking people.


 To my dismay, he was watching a baby with much interest. He then nodded and sipped his tea. 


“Death…what is that behind you?” Death whipped his head around, and I raced to the image and jumped. I heard a yell of surprise from Death, as darkness closed in on me, and I felt nothing more.


 I coughed and blinked open my eyes, a shaft of light peaking in through a crack on the wall. 


Ah-ha! I cheated Death! I thought triumphantly. 


I looked around and gasped. There was not the familiar sight of piles of boxes, but instead, a thick layer of dust was on the walls, on the floor. I stood up, yelping in pain. I looked around and saw no furniture or anything. 


Did they move? I was with Death for only half an hour surely. 


I saw spider webs on the walls, with a tiny brown spider in the middle. I saw a large rat race in front of my feet, and I screamed. It echoed off the walls.


 As I walked up the steps, I saw the occasional hornets’ nest and spiders. I called out for my mother, but there was no answer. I walked onto the street and saw police cars swarming the street. Police rushed over to me. 


“Tyne!” An officer yelled, and she wrapped me in a hug and rushed me to a patrol car. 


“Where were you!?” 


I couldn't answer, because I saw Vince sitting on an old porch, hair graying. "How long was I gone?"  


"You were missing for 30 years, but where were you?"


I laughed, and I swear I could see Death winking at me behind a car. 


“Oh, you know. Just talking to Death.” 


May 27, 2020 17:26

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59 comments

04:57 Jul 13, 2020

Nice but quite agree with Nirosham, way too abrupt. Some of the dialogue may be incorrectly done. The appearance of the police car seems..odd? Improvements required will be obvious on re-write. Very smooth to read like drinking wine. Good stuff. I will follow you with avid hopes for a master piece as you are not far away. well done. Who is A.J Blink? As opposed to Avery Mason?

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Samantha Davis
03:14 Jul 03, 2020

Why were their police cars if the accsident was 30 years ago?

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Khizra Aslam
14:23 Jun 30, 2020

Wow... the end was absolutely fantastic👏❤ Please check my recent story if you don't mind :)

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Verda H
12:03 Jun 11, 2020

This was so comical and interesting! Love plays in perspective like this!

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A.J Blink
13:44 Jun 08, 2020

This story got me thinking deep... Nicely woven..

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Asianzu Victoria
05:20 Jun 04, 2020

😅😅😅😂🤣, couldn't stop laughing. You really make death sound humourous.

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Alyanna Sy
02:57 Jun 02, 2020

Great story -- had me hooked! My only comment is maybe that you could have added more world-building or at least some small hints as to what was going on when the protagonist came back. It seemed rather sudden and I don't know why there were police who happened to be there and know the protagonist. But, amazing story overall! Keep writing!

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Vrishni Maharaj
10:46 Jun 01, 2020

Amazing story! Beautifully written :)

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Sadia Faisal
04:33 May 29, 2020

nice story, please like my story if you like it and follow me

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Daryl Gravesande
00:43 May 28, 2020

M'lady...

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Tvisha Yerra
21:11 May 27, 2020

I was just wondering, why were there police cars swarming the street if the accident was thirty years ago? But great story!

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16:40 Nov 11, 2020

Hii, Sorry to intervene, in this brutal manner, I have a request for you would be kind to give a single glance over the vehicle which my team had been working over months. https://www.instagram.com/p/CHX5VUPBJOp/?igshid=5f72nb3cgg30 Sorry to take your time and If possible like the post.Because this would help team to win

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Vajeda Kardar
23:08 Oct 06, 2020

Amazing story and narration. You're blessed with words and the skill to bring characters to life.

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05:11 Sep 25, 2020

Hey, Avery would you be kind to watch the first video it's on Harry potter. https://youtu.be/KxfnREWgN14 Sorry for asking your time, This my first time to edit video

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10:00 Sep 21, 2020

Hey, Avery would you be kind to watch the first video it's on Harry potter. https://youtu.be/KxfnREWgN14 Sorry for asking your time, I would ready your story

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Amaya .
22:10 Sep 17, 2020

I love love love this storyyyyyy!!!! It was so creative, like really creative. I loved it so much! I liked how it also had a bit of humor. It kept me on my toes! Since you obviously are a really good writer, I would appreciate it if you checked out my new story. And if you could read my bio, and tell me what you think, that would be awesome. Your story 100% deserves all the likes that it's getting, it's really good!

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Lauren K
16:42 Sep 17, 2020

That story was great! Good job and keep writing!

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The Cold Ice
04:08 Sep 17, 2020

Good story. Would you mind to read my story “The dragon warrior part 2?”

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Milani James
23:40 Sep 16, 2020

Wow, a really interesting story. The concept of Death is an original but the story is full of creativity. When I think of Death, I can relate it to an evil "Santa" who's always watching you :) I liked it when he watched the baby, drinking TEA! The only feedback is...kids might not think of it as a 'for kids' category because it so full of detail on certain things ;)

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02:08 Sep 10, 2020

Wow! That was really good. I read the first few sentences and I was instantly hooked. It started out kinda creepy, but it leed to a little bit of humor and super-natural. It was really good! One thing, on this sentence ¨. I saw my father lying on the ground, his mouth shaped in an O. ¨ you started a new line between an and O, I don't know if you meant to do that but it was a little confusing. Anyway! Fantastic job!!

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