Ode to a Gummy Bear Graveyard

1. to my pillow 

Free verse poetry 

Floating like dead feet against the shore 

Wraps seaweed around your legs 

Pushes you deeper into your bed 

And you wish you had thicker blankets 

Thicker pillows 

Thicker skin. 

Your friends 

Love you 

They 

Put no one above you 

But sometimes you wonder if they’d love if they knew

That you killed your betta fish when you were nine 

Choked your hamster at age five 

Dropped lemon drops in your cat’s food bowl 

And still don’t know what the word arsenic has to do with the word lace. 

2. to my skeleton in the closet 

You think you have your mistakes behind you until they whack you over the head and make 

Every single shadow you know seem like the brightest of summer days.

Why do you think your playlists are filled with songs about ghosts 

You have enough skeletons in your closet to fill a graveyard 

And then have guests enough to throw a party…

I wonder if you’d drink the green tea 

Or the gray 

And I wonder if you’d use the good plates your mom keeps above the cupboard 

Or just opt for the plastic ones your sister plays with; 

Uses as cafe cups when she gets water from the toilet bowl. 

3. to my mango’s flesh 

I wonder if you remember me as a good person 

And then I remember you don’t know that word either. 

Maybe 

Your dictionary 

Like the ones Mrs. O'Fishel handed out in third grade English 

Was just missing the most important words 

Or maybe you skipped class when we went over the ACT practice words

Because after all, you did have those graveyard parties to attend. 

Who do you take when you go?

Your teeth are the only part of your inner bones that you wash 

But imagine one day that the skin on your fingers peels away like a mango’s flesh 

And that you use your toothbrush to make sure the calcium structures shine bright white. 

One day when we were younger and you still hadn’t gotten that first tattoo 

-You know, the one 

on the inside of you wrist that says 

Something generic and in Latin or Greek or one of the other languages that people use when they want to translate something or sound like they know the world better than you ever 

Possibly could.-

Yeah well, one of those days we were both sitting 

Up by that trampoline that's been shot through 

So riddled with bullets that not even the Great Sphinx could decipher the question presented 

And you had eaten the last slice of watermelon 

But you forgot that I still had a full glass of lemonade 

So you laughed and cackled like an inebriated hyena 

And I dumped the contents of my glass down the front of your shirt. 

The ice 

Melted quite quickly. 

That could be a reason 

To why you’re so coldhearted now. 

4. to my deleted draft  

Typewriter eyes 

That click through my body 

Your hands used to type 

The best written novels 

That ever traced a body 

The bestseller’s list 

That no one ever knew. 

Now your nails are strong 

Where mine bend in the middle 

but 

what can i do about 

that? 

There’s no use bringing back 

What’s been buried 

You to me 

And I to you 

Secrets of days gone by 

Memories buried in the gummy bear gas station behind the movie theater 

That we went to when we didn’t want to buy snacks for overpriced dollars 

And that was always 

So that gummy bear gas station is in my recently deleted photos too. 

5. to my thunder 

If you think of me on your wedding day 

I think that you’ll think of me a storm you had to weather 

But I’ll remind you kindly 

That I was the lighthouse all along. 

6. to my not stargazing partner

I wonder if your friends know that when you were seven you thought you were Spider-Man 

Or that you still have glow-in-the-dark stars stuck to your ceiling. 

The first time I went to your house I asked you about them

And you just handed me another cookie 

Because I guess you thought that would throw me off track 

But I asked again when I swallowed the last crumbs 

And you said, “let’s watch a movie under the stars” 

So we didn’t because that’s not what you meant. 

7. to my dishes hater 

Pretentious as you are 

You’ll be writing about me too 

But you write songs where 

my words aren’t meant to be sung 

Rather they are meant to be digested 

Eaten off the paper with your eyes or hands 

And swallowed whole to stick in your heart like the spit-balls they are. 

It’s like when I used to listen to podcasts about sharks while you did the dishes 

Even though I really hate sharks 

And you don’t care one iota for the dishes. 

8. to my ripper 

I know you more than you know you 

Because I watched you but more than that because I loved you 

And how do you stop loving altogether 

Even when you know that love is a futile word 

One that was included in your dictionary 

Beside a ripped in ha*lf picture of you and I

Burned at the edges 

Torn at the seams 

Realizing what we had 

Was never- maybe?- what it seemed. 

9. to my reflectively yours 

You liked my house best because 

Of all the mirrors that lined the walls 

And I liked your house best 

Because your mom stocked the pantry with the best garbage 

She could find at the grocery store. 

A sick stomach wasn’t all I left your kitchen with 

Because you could have taken a spoon 

And poked it through my ribs 

And it would have hurt less 

Than you saying you were thankful 

For what a beautiful friendship we had 

Yeah, I thought you were beautiful 

But not as a friend 

I thought you’d be in my wedding 

Not just there as a buddy or pal. 

You liked my house best 

Because you could look at yourself all day 

I thought it might be because I was with you 

But it seems to me you were your own best soul mate. 

I wish you happiness 

To you and yourself. 

10. to the next 

 I hope there’s room left for you in my scrapbooks.