Learning to Skive

Somehow Andy had convinced Teddy and Anna to spend their Saturday afternoon breaking into the school to try to execute the first part of plan A. 

“For someone who hates this place, you just can’t stay away,” said Teddy as he tried to climb the walls without Andy’s help and came crashing onto the floor within the school grounds. Thankfully it was face first so his little tummy cushioned the fall. Anna landed next to Teddy after achieving the same task without any support. Teddy got up and dusted himself off as Andy popped up next to him. 

“Come on Ted, we’ll get caught if you don’t stay on your feet!” Andy dashed off remaining in a crouched position.

Many cars were in the car park as the teachers’ meeting was due to take place in the next 15 minutes. Andy and his friends peeked out from behind the headmaster’s car and spotted Mrs Neil open the door to the main block. She didn’t enter the door code which meant it was unlocked!

“Result!” whispered Andy.

“... come on, let’s get in there!” Anna followed swiftly after Andy as he dashed for the door. Teddy, still catching his breath limped after them. 

Andy ran up to the wall of the block and stood flat against it slowing his breathing. He quickly peeked into the main window within the door. The coast was clear – no-one was in the hallway. Andy slowly opened the door, trying to make as little sound as possible. He held it open for his friends to dash in and swung in after them closing it as softly as he could. Andy took over the lead and motioned Anna and Teddy to follow him down the hall. Before they could reach their goal, the door behind them opened. Andy, Anna and Teddy ducked behind lockers on either side of the hall as Mr Patel walked in whistling to himself. He got closer and closer to the trespassers but was so caught up in his own rendition of the latest chart topper that he walked past all three of them without noticing a thing. All three of them wiped their brows.

“Phew!” said the Portus who had been holding his breath for the last five minutes.

Andy came out from behind the lockers to find it was clear again so tip toed further down the hallway to the sports hall. Teddy and Anna, who were trying their best to copy his every move, tip toed after him.

The double doors of the sports hall were swung open as Andy ran to the large frame in the far corner. His friends were struggling to keep up as he came to rest in front of the treasure.

“There it is!” Andy pointed to a photo in the cabinet. It was of the winning football team from two years ago. There they all were - standing proud for the winners’ picture - and looking even more proud at the end of the line of the smiling young footballers was the school manager, Mr Mainard. Andy's smile widened as he pulled out a Swiss army knife from his bag.

Despite having a lock, it only took a few jiggles of the knife to crowbar open the frame and for Andy to take the photo from its surroundings. He was relieved as he thought he might have to smash the glass which would be difficult to cover up. He sat down on a bench and checked his watch. 10 minutes to go.

“So, how does this work again?” asked Teddy whose breathing had returned to normal.

“God! Do you remember anything not in a textbook?” asked Anna, stunned that her friend couldn’t remember what they had discussed less than an hour ago.

“Okay, one last time, Ted. With the Portus I can bring anything in a picture, photo, painting or illustration into this world. For the first hour, if it is a living thing, it will do exactly what I ask of them. After that they become self-aware and not the biggest fan of the person who brought them here. In other words we have an hour...” said Andy sounding excited and scared in equal measure

“Well remembered” said the Portus proud of Andy for learning so much so quickly.

“So... I need to try to get me unsuspended which is why I am going to bring this version of Mr Mainard out of the photo and get him to pretend he is the real Mr Mainard.”

“That is pretty genius,” said Ted acting like he'd never heard this before.

“Which means you and Anna need to delay the real Mr Mainard from the meeting so I have enough time to get me unsuspended and we can then put this Mr Mainard back into the photo. Clear?” Teddy and Anna nodded even though the plan was utterly ridiculous. However at this point they could both see Andy was not going to comply with anyone else’s opinions or instructions about the plan. It was all or nothing.

Without any further delay, Andy took a deep breath and started to carefully circle only the Mr Mainard in the photo making sure no other part of the photo was accidentally included. He checked the glowing orange circle on the picture as he placed it on the floor of the sports hall and stood back. There was a minor eruption from the floor and, as surprising as the bowl of porridge the previous evening, a full-sized version of Mr Mainard in a blue sports jacket and jogging bottoms from two years previous, leapt out of the photographic paper onto the shiny floor. All three of them were in shock, they’d never released a human from a picture before, well who has? Every emotion was hitting them at the same time. Anna returned to reality first and slapped Andy and Teddy to bring them back into this surreal world.

Mr Mainard 2 lay motionless on the floor in a heap. Andy, Teddy and Anna crept up to him and poked him with the wooden ruler they found on a nearby bench. He sprung to life.

“What? Where am I??” said Mr Mainard 2 in a flustered manner.

“Say the words Andy or he’ll go nuclear an hour early,” said the Portus hoping his trainee hadn’t forgotten.

“Oh yes the words... what were they?” Andy racked his brains as Mr Mainard started to look around the sports hall trying to figure out where he was. 

“I know you,” said Mr Mainard 2. Andy out of fear suddenly remembered the words as clear as day.

“Obey me and only me. The Portus power declares this!” Mr Mainard 2 eyes glazed over instantly, his body stood to attention as he stared off into the distance. Andy smiled at his friends as a bead of sweat dripped down his cheek.

“Right, go distract the real Mr Mainard,” he said to Anna and Teddy pointing to the door. A thumbs up from Teddy as they ran off to the car park. Mr Mainard 2 started to follow them before Andy stopped him in his tracks with a “Not you!”

Andy put his air pods in Mr Mainard 2’s ears and once synched up and connected, started to give him orders via his phone. Teddy had done this before to help Andy during a tricky maths test. 

“Mr Mainard, listen to me, this is what you are going to do...”

———

Mr Mainard drove into the school car park listening to the saddest music from the 80s you could possibly imagine, mouthing all the lyrics. He had been looking forward to seeing the back of Andy Baxter for months now so was happy to come in on a Saturday to close this chapter once and for all. Before he had even parked the car there was a bang at his window causing him to jump.

“SIR!!!” screamed Teddy, as he pressed his large frame against the driver's window.

Inside the school building, eight of the main teaching staff were sat around the largest Maths room in the school. Various timetables and equations were dotted around the walls with a whiteboard / projector screen at the front of the room. They were helping themselves to teas and coffees. They were already ten minutes late starting as they waited for Mr Mainard.

“Where is he? I swear I saw him pulling up outside,” said Mrs Neil who wasn't his biggest fan and thought he was very harsh on the kids. Before she could criticise his punctuality further, the door to the Maths room opened. In walked Mr Mainard 2, air pods in his ears, blank stare in his eyes listening intently to his temporary master.

“Morning staff,” he said in a slightly robot fashion about two seconds after hearing it in his lug holes from Andy, who was still in shock that this mad plan was going so well.

Back outside Mr Mainard was approaching Teddy.

“What is it Jenkins?” said Mr Mainard checking his car window for any scratches.

“Sir, I was just walking past the school and I swear I saw someone breaking into the science block over there. They had a bright blue balaclava on.” Mr Mainard squinted at Teddy trying to figure out what to believe.

“Really? You know Jenkins, you are a bright boy but Mr Baxter is dragging you...”

“Look sir, there they are!!” Bellowed Teddy.

Sure enough, in the distance beyond the science block was a person wearing a bright blue balaclava and the same clothes as Anna was wearing 10 minutes previously. She felt like a pillock and worried what this fabric was doing to her hair but she did lose the coin toss an hour earlier. To make Mainard think she was much younger, she stuck her tongue out through the balaclava, waggled her hands either side of her head and ran behind the building. 

“Come on Jenkins, let’s get them,” Mr Mainard sprinted after the intruder leaving Teddy trailing far behind. Teddy suddenly remembered why this plan didn’t feel right earlier, he had forgotten that they were dealing with someone who runs marathons for fun.

Anna turned around and couldn’t believe Mr Mainard was already only 200 metres behind her. She sped up and headed for the pond. Andy said he only needed 15 minutes so hopefully she could stay ahead of this maniac long enough.

Inside the meeting room the discussion was in full swing.

“Melvin, why don’t you sit down?” asked Mr Patel as Mr Mainard 2 stayed frozen in the doorway.

“No I’m in a hurry so let's get started. Can we begin with the suspensions?” Andy asked via his obedient slave.

“Well... that was last in the agenda but as long as everyone else is okay with it?” The rest of the teachers nodded along to Mrs Neil’s question.

“Good! Now... about Andrew Baxter...” began Mr Mainard 2.

Anna was now at full sprint across the main field and yet Mr Mainard was creeping closer after every stride.

“Come here boy,” screamed Mr Mainard barely out of breath.

She had almost got to the pond, found the last ounce of energy and came to the water’s edge in first place. Anna stopped dead as Mr Mainard was now only 10 metres away, he ran at full pelt with his arms out to catch this mystery person. Just before he could wrap his arms around Anna, she dodged out of the way, Mr Mainard was distracted, he missed the water’s edge and went flying into the pond headfirst. Anna took one look to check he wasn’t drowning before dashing off back to Teddy so they could get out of there.

Discussions in the meeting room were progressing nicely...

“Unsuspend him Melvin? But you have been pushing this for months!?” asked Mr Russell, the equally nasty Science teacher.

Andy thought on his feet as he was running out of time.

“Yes. I have but I’ve changed my mind. Mr Baxter needs a final chance before we do this so I’m asking for a reprieve rather than forgetting it completely. He still has potential and this may put him off education completely,” urged Mr Mainard 2 or as much as a monotone voice can muster. Andy was impressed by his improvised nonsense.

The teachers looked at each other as they started to debate this request.

Struggling to catch her breath, Anna ran back slowly to Teddy who was still crouched behind Mr Mainard’s car. She sat on the floor next to him trying to restore normal breathing.

“Where is he?” he mouthed trying to be as quiet as possible.

“In the pond.” Teddy’s jaw hit the floor as he started to silently applaud his friend’s comment.

Teddy looked at his watch. “I hope it’s going well as we’re pretty much out of time,” Anna nodded before continuing.

“Yes, but hopefully Mr Mainard’s little accident will give him more...”

The door behind them to the main block opened followed by a loud squelch belonging to the person heading towards the Maths rooms.

“Thank you everyone, I need to do a toilet now but will be back soon,” Andy told Mr Mainard 2 to say this as he got a buzz from his phone. He looked down and saw a text in all caps “MAINARD IS ON HIS WAY!!” 

In the Maths room Mr Mainard 2 had turned around to leave the room when he came face to face with someone who looked familiar, the real Mr Mainard.

“What the...” Before Mr Mainard could finish his sentence Andy screamed into Mr Mainard 2’s ear.

“Knock him over and run back to me as fast as you can!” As soon as his order came through Mr Mainard 2 grabbed Mr Mainard and threw him across the long table. Before he could land on the floor his doppelganger was out the door and sprinting to the sports hall. 

“Melvin what the...” began Mr Patel.

“No time to explain... out the way!!” Mr Mainard dashed after himself and began gaining and gaining until his arm was reaching out to touch this version of him, when Mr Mainard 2 turned suddenly into the sports hall. Due to his wringing wet shoes and clothes the real Mr Mainard couldn’t stop going in the direction he was headed, so flew past the doorway and slid hard into the fire exit landing in a heap of Mainard on the floor.

“Throw me my earphones,” echoed into the ears of Mr Mainard 2 who immediately ripped them out and threw them at his master. At the same time Andy quickly drew a glowing circle in the photo and threw it at Mr Mainard 2 as he ran towards him. He was instantly sucked back into the photo as it slid under one of the benches and Andy caught his earphones and put them in his pocket. The photo stopped sliding just as a soaking wet Mr Mainard and all the other teachers came running into the sports hall.

“YOU!?” said Mr Mainard purple with rage.

Andy gulped hard knowing his plan A had failed.