Saving a friend

Submitted into Contest #66 in response to: Write about a contest with life or death stakes.... view prompt

388 comments

Fiction Friendship

The dimly lit room has enough light for the group to see their friend, Hopper laying on the metal table. A small and thin blanket was covering most of his body, not like that would do anything for him though.


There was a small creaking noise from behind them and then a voice spoke, "Piper hows he looking? is he maybe getting any better?"


"Worse..."


Jinx carefully shut the door and then walked over to where her friend lay. "My gosh, he almost looks like a vampire" she spoke in a half-whisper once she spotted him.


At first glance, at least a bit far away, he would have looked normal and he had. Though once she had gotten over to the bed, she saw that his skin was as pale and white as the moon.


Jinx's older brother, Binx then spoke "Yes we know that...don't say that in front of him though."


Binx began to look over her friend again, besides his skin she couldn't really see anything else wrong with him. She could see him sweating, though she wasn't sure if that was from whatever was going or if it was from the heat in the room.


Piper then spoke up, "Why don't we try to take him to a hospital? wouldn't they know what was wrong with him?"


"Wait, yeah! why haven't we done that? I'm sure that they'd be able to help with whatever is going on." Piper's ideas were usually terrible, though Jinx couldn't help but agree with this.


Binx only stared at his friend in silence as the seconds went by, how long did he even have? Hopper had never explained any of this to them, he probably never would. "He...isn't like us."


"Well, what do we do then? we can't just let him die." Jinx and Piper seemed to ask the question in unison.


They watched as Binx began to pace back and forth in the room, the only noises now were the faint beeping of the monitor and the small squeaks of Binx's shoes.


"Do you possibly remember that contest that's been talked about for a while? I checked some of the stuff for it after I got curious...the prize can save him."


"What do you mean?" Jinx asked.


"Listen, I can't fully remember but a few months Hopper and me had been talking about a few things...I guess about him and his people. We came across a few things and I suppose he wanted me to see all of it, there was a thing that looked like the prize that was shown to be able to do great things," he explained as he paced faster.


Everyone remained silent after that, the only noise being the beeping from the monitor again. Piper cleared her throat after the awkward pause and she asked, "So, you think the prize could be the same thing you and Hopper saw?"


Binx shook his head, "I don't think so, I know so."


Everyone looked back at Hopper who's skin somehow seemed to be even more white than the last time they checked, it was worse. Who knew how long Hopper would have? "Fine, let's do it."


"Though which one of us should join the contest?" Jinx asked, "we can't all join, some of us or one of us will still need to stay here with Hopper."


"I could go and do it, I think I'd be the best for it anyway." Binx was already on his way out of the room.


Jinx or Piper decided not to argue with him, if they did then they'd end up wasting a lot of time. They'd be wasting Hoppers time here, they needed to get the prize.


On his way out of the room, Binx had given the two of them a walkie-talkie so that during the contest he'd be able to talk to them. He was sure that they were going to be asking a lot of things and at least would want to know if he would win.


"Do you think he'll win?" Jinx sat down on a chair next to the metal table so she could be next to Hopper.


"I'm honestly not that sure.."


Piper decided to also sit next to Hopper and Jinx, if they didn't manage to win and get the prize, the least they could do is stay with Hopper until he passed. He probably would have done the same...


A few moments passed until they could hear some static from the walkie-talkie and then Binx's voice, "Alright so I think the contest is about to start now."


"Who's there at the contest? Is it a bad one or something, maybe it's just some younger children and you'll easily win it?" Jinx suggested with a small laugh.


"Um well no, There's an older dude along with a girl that's a bit younger than me and then there's a..." Binx seems to trail off by talking about how he thinks each contestant will do and how they'll act.


"Binx!" Jinx shouted into the walkie-talkie to get his attention, "How many people exactly are there?"


"There are about four other people here besides me, or maybe there are six other people.." It sounded like he was about to trail off again about something, though the two of them somehow managed to hear a blow horn go off.


That must have been the signal for the contest, whatever it was about, to start. The contest had been up on posters and on tv as well for a few weeks, though they had never fully learned what it was about. Maybe Binx would tell them later.


"What are we even gonna do if he wins the contest though? I don't think we know how the thing is supposed to save Hopper from certain death.."


Piper sighed as she looked out one of the windows and then she spoke, "I don't know Jinx, maybe he knows how it works and he just didn't have time to tell us."


"Like how Hopper didn't have time to tell us what was wrong before this happened..?"


Piper didn't say anything after that, neither did Jinx. They remained silent for what seemed like several hours, though it must have only been about thirty whole minutes.


Piper had been trying to find the right words to speak until she heard something coming from the walkie-talkie. She had forgotten why they had it until they then heard Binx speak, "Guys! I got it."

November 03, 2020 07:19

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388 comments

Kate Ulrich
21:00 Nov 03, 2020

I liked this story! If there's a part 2, I'm excited for it. :)

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B. W.
21:08 Nov 03, 2020

thanks, im glad ya liked it ^^ did ya maybe have a favorite part of it or anything? also, is it alright if ya could help me something related to this?

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Kate Ulrich
16:54 Nov 04, 2020

Sure- and my favorite part was when Binx decides to go to the contest.

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B. W.
17:02 Nov 04, 2020

im actually gonna turn this into a novel

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00:40 Dec 30, 2020

Hey, B.! I put you in my newest story, so I think that you would enjoy reading it. If you don't, that's okay. If you do, thanks! -Brooke

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B. W.
02:20 Dec 30, 2020

Hm? Alright, I'll check it out ^^

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17:22 Dec 30, 2020

:D

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B. W.
18:05 Dec 30, 2020

:)

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Kaitlyn James
00:53 Nov 08, 2020

Hey B! I have something to tell you! It's not urgent I'm just happy!

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B. W.
00:56 Nov 08, 2020

alright, what is it then?

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Kaitlyn James
01:12 Nov 08, 2020

So, I am eleven. I don't know if you knew that, but I have a soccer tournament this weekend and we won our first game. So if we win our game tomorrow morning.......... We can be in the championships. I didn't really have anyone to tell so I figured why not tell you! I don't really know if you care, but I am really happy!

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B. W.
01:13 Nov 08, 2020

Yes i know and im quite older than ya but eh, it was also in your bio i think. Though that's great! ^^ i hope ya do win, that would probably be really fun to do the stuff.

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Kaitlyn James
01:15 Nov 08, 2020

Yeah! I am really sore because we had two games today lol. Thanks!

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B. W.
01:21 Nov 08, 2020

hey, i just made a new story ^^ could ya check out "Otherworldly repairs" and then leave some critique/feedback?

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Dalyane Deblois
22:00 Nov 07, 2020

Finally read your newest story! I love the story, well-written and great names! Wonder what the contest was!

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B. W.
22:13 Nov 07, 2020

thanks, im glad ya liked it ^^ i liked writing this one so much that ill be turning it into a novel, did ya maybe have a favorite part or something? what did ya think about the whole thing with Hopper?

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Dalyane Deblois
21:40 Nov 08, 2020

I did not necessarily have a favorite part but the whole story was intriguing, could make a great novel! I think the thing with Hopper is intriguing as I said for the complete story. Would want to know more about him.

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B. W.
21:41 Nov 08, 2020

this actually IS going to be a novel and I'm going to work on it, in the novel Hopper would probably be the actual protagonist and this would be a little part of a chapter where it focuses more on the other characters.

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Dalyane Deblois
20:45 Nov 09, 2020

That's great! It did feel like part of a longer story!;)

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B. W.
20:46 Nov 09, 2020

would ya ever read the novel if i published it?

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Emma Sunshine
17:03 Nov 07, 2020

This is very unique. The characters are great, and I feel emotionally connected to them. Good work.

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B. W.
17:14 Nov 07, 2020

thanks ^^ did ya maybe have a favorite part or something?

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D. Shikha
13:36 Nov 07, 2020

Hii B.!! It's been a while since we talked... I was busy with school and stuff. So, well, how are you? How is everything going on?

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B. W.
17:07 Nov 07, 2020

Oh, heya ^^ i guess everythings been going good a little bit, how about you?

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D. Shikha
17:12 Nov 07, 2020

Oh, nice! I'm also fine, just busy with lots of work~

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B. W.
17:17 Nov 07, 2020

im also working on a few novels

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Lulu Lemon
04:08 Nov 07, 2020

Good job I really liked the ending and the description.

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B. W.
04:59 Nov 07, 2020

thank you so much ^^ im glad ya liked it

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04:08 Nov 06, 2020

Hey, can you check out my latest story?? Thx!

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Radhika Diksha
14:33 Nov 04, 2020

Nice choice of names. ANd good story plot, your grammar and sentence structure id so good in these stories. It was a short and gripping story. I would love it if you check out my stories and give your feedback on it.

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B. W.
16:20 Nov 04, 2020

I think i have checked out most of your stories though?

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Radhika Diksha
16:44 Nov 04, 2020

I was talking about the new one. Let it be. So how are you? What's the latest update on your novel?

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B. W.
17:02 Nov 04, 2020

eh, i dunno, i guess good

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Radhika Diksha
17:27 Nov 04, 2020

So how you manage to write novels and handle your studies

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B. W.
17:35 Nov 04, 2020

I dont really know, i just kinda do :/

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Akshat .
11:57 Nov 04, 2020

I loved the creative names! And the starting was interesting and it pulled me into the story! I think you can rewrite this line --> "Piper hows he looking? is he maybe getting any better?" - Make that into "Piper, how's he doing? Is he getting any better?" Other than that, there aren't any problems with the story! Great job :)

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B. W.
16:17 Nov 04, 2020

Thanks, im glad ya liked the story ^^

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Kaitlyn James
02:26 Nov 04, 2020

OH MY GOSH!! THIRD PLACE!!!!! YOU DID IT!!!!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!

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B. W.
02:30 Nov 04, 2020

Thank you ^^

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Kaitlyn James
04:24 Nov 04, 2020

No problem!

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B. W.
04:26 Nov 04, 2020

Hey, i actually made a new story a bit ago, could you please check out "Saving a friend" and then leave some feedback?

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Kaitlyn James
04:28 Nov 04, 2020

Of course! I saw it and have been so caught up in the whole election thing that I forgot lol.

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B. W.
04:40 Nov 04, 2020

thats fine

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Ariadne .
19:24 Nov 03, 2020

Wow. I can definitely see how your grammar has improved. I love the fast-paced plot; it really adds to the life-or-death situation here. Well done! Also, Jinx and Binx are AMAZING names. It had me laughing! :)

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B. W.
19:27 Nov 03, 2020

I was thinking about Hocus Pocus and I decided to have one of the characters named Binx. Though thanks and I'm glad ya liked it ^^ do ya think you could actually help me with something to do with this story? i have an idea with it but I could use some help

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Ariadne .
19:41 Nov 03, 2020

Oh, makes sense! Sure! I have to go rn but I'll def help later today. :)

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B. W.
19:52 Nov 03, 2020

alright, ill just tell you when ya get back ^^

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14:27 Nov 14, 2020

Check the 'Special Announcements' section of my bio.

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B. W.
18:53 Nov 14, 2020

You've had two accounts the whole time and it was her??

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21:34 Nov 14, 2020

Uh, yup.

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B. W.
22:56 Nov 14, 2020

why did ya decide to have a second one?

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00:30 Nov 15, 2020

I don't know. I just wanted to see what feedback I would get on her account compared to mine. And I was bored.

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B. W.
02:02 Nov 15, 2020

do ya possibly have any other accounts?

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Itay Frenkel
01:48 Nov 04, 2020

Loved the ending, ambiguous but ultimately happy. Watch out for the tenses, you switched to present-tense a couple times throughout. Also, I found it quite hard to differentiate between characters, I feel like giving each one some sort of physical feature or a unique voice (I'm not talking about an accent, but maybe one of them is more talkative, uses bigger words). I feel like you could inject more tension into it as well because all of the characters mostly agreed with each other. Maybe Jinx tries to go to the competition but Binx pushes t...

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B. W.
01:56 Nov 04, 2020

Thanks, im glad ya liked the story ^^ well that's the problem, he's sick with something fake that I made up and the 'prize' is like the only thing that can save him, though I don't even know what he could be sick with because I'm terrible at coming up with things, along with what he's supposed to be since he isn't a human.

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C.j 🤍
17:06 Nov 03, 2020

I do not hate you or anything,I am just super busy right now.....so I can not talk right now....

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B. W.
17:25 Nov 03, 2020

why would i think you hated me? :/ but okay

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Catarina Reynolds
00:33 Nov 05, 2020

This is a very good story. You have an interesting plot. This piece wasn’t too long, like many of these short stories. I enjoyed this piece. With stories like these, I do not understand why you are just in 4th place. People like Zilla have good stories but I do not understand how Aerin has secured 2nd place with her basic stories that try too hard. You should be higher up the leaderboard with outstanding stories like these. Good job.

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B. W.
00:49 Nov 05, 2020

I dunno if your insulting Zilla and Aerin about that or I'm just being stupid and I don't understand what your trying to say, though both of them (mostly Aerin because your talking about her) have better stories than me and their really great, along with her novels and stuff. She's also a good friend of mine on here. though thanks, I guess I'm glad that you enjoyed this story, I actually liked this one a lot that I'm actually turning it into a novel. Did you maybe have a favorite part or character?

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Catarina Reynolds
01:46 Nov 05, 2020

AW YAYYYY! Thanks sis! Okay, quick explanation: SUP! Catarina Reynolds is the alter-account of MOI, Aerin! I was just bored and stressed from the elections so I pranked a bunch of my friends. By basically complimenting them and insulting myself to see how they would respond. Like I thought for, such awesome people, everyone defended me!! I grinned so hard. So yeah...I’m Aerin. Hope this clears some stuff up. And aw, thanks so much!

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B. W.
02:05 Nov 05, 2020

No problem? well- before you explained this stuff or when I knew what this was, I may have done a bad or something. I kinda told a few other friends about how I probably found the down-voter, at least for you, so now I probably have to go and change that or something- sorry.

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02:07 Nov 05, 2020

Yeah, lol, I saw that. But you don’t have to cover it up! Let more people come knocking on this account. Seriously, I’m so bored and all these fun dramatic messages are awesome. So if you want to, you can let them insult me then yell, “SURPRISE! JKKKK!”

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B. W.
02:09 Nov 05, 2020

wait, so why did ya do this?

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B. W.
00:54 Nov 05, 2020

also, whats up with your Bio? why do ya think the leader-board thing- or at least the top ten part of it, is unfair?

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01:47 Nov 05, 2020

Haha, just to support Catarina’s whole ideas of how Aerin shouldn’t be on the leaderboard :D

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B. W.
02:03 Nov 05, 2020

oh, i guess that sorta makes sense.

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