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Adventure Coming of Age Drama


Β I sigh as I take one more glance at my notebook before shutting it and tossing it onto my bed. I cringe when the notebook slams against the wall, producing a loud bang.Β I close the cap to my blue sharpie and throw it back in the old tea container that I use as a pencil holder.Β My hand reaches for a black pen placed askew on my light blue desk, decorated with faded stickers from when I was younger.Β I hold the pen up to my wrist, already seeing the light markings of a rose I drew on my arm two days ago. I sigh, used to the dilemma, so I take my ankle and place it on my knee.Β No art. Perfect canvas. I uncap the ballpoint pen and connect its dark tip to my tanned ankle. I move the pen over my skin in careful strokes. When I was finished, I admired my creation.Β A broken heart. Too similar to the one in my chest.Β 


I glance over at the brown leather journal lying on my bed and walk over to it. I run my fingers over the cracked spine and rough cover.Β 


My headaches as I curl up in a tight ball, trying to forget, forget, and forgive.Β 


Two years ago my sister died. It was an uneventful Thursday afternoon when it happened. She was walking home from school when a teenage driver came barreling down main street, only giving her attention to whoever she was texting. My sister was in the middle of the street, crossing the road. The driver didn't see her and ran right over her. A shop owner witnessed what happened and called 911 immediately, they came and took her to the hospital. She was in and out of a coma for the next 5 months, but everyone was sure she would make it. I visited her every day for those 5 months, I read to her, sang to her, did everything I could to put a smile on her pale and miserable face. I thought she would make it, I was sure of it. 5 months later, to the day, my mom received a phone call from the hospital. She sat me down on the couch and told me what happened, my sister, my beloved sister, my best friend, had died.Β 


β€œKendal!” Someone whispers from above me, β€œKendal! Wake up!” 


I open my eyes and find a middle-aged woman staring back at me. Her droopy dark circles, partially hidden under her blotchy concealer, really stand out in the bright light of my room. Her hair, pulled back into a tight ponytail, looks sloppy and has uneven patches of dusty flour in it. She looks… tired.


β€œI’ve decided to close the bakery a little early today. Jamal is still down there, counting the money and doing the taxes. I’m going to go for a little girl’s day with Aunt Nina, we both need it. Especially with La Mejores Panaderos coming up. We should be back around 8.” She leans down and kisses me with her dark red lipstick, leaving a faded mark on my cheek.Β 


β€œOkay mom, I love you.”


β€œI love you too sweetheart.” She says as she walks over to the door and closes it lightly.Β 


I stare up at the ceiling, breathing in the deep scent of pumpkin spice from the kitchen.


Jamal is my older brother. He’s 19, and with dark brown hair, an almost always smiling face, and broad shoulders, he was supposed to go to college to play football but he gave up his scholarship to stay back and help my mom with the bakery.Β 


The bakery is my mother’s baby since Jamal and I are no longer qualified for that. The bakery is located under our apartment, it is full of bright and cheery decorations, like the bright yellow table and matching chairs, or the old green cash register that my mom refuses to throw out. With my love of baking, I am almost always down there, whipping up some macarons or spreading the frosting on mini cakes.Β 


Normally Jamal, my mom, and I are the only ones working down in the bakery. But with La Mejores Panaderos coming up, my mom has hired some extra help, my aunt Nina and my cousin Laura. La Mejores Panaderos, or LMP for short, is a state-wide competition for small bakeries. You have to attract customers, serve the best food, and win their votes to be the winner of LMP. The winner gets 200 thousand dollars and a spot in the famous magazine, β€˜Humans Guide to Cooking’.


β€œKen!” Jamal yells from downstairs, β€œI’m going to meet Jake and Oliver at the park, I’ll be back in a few hours.”


β€œOkay!” I shout back as I lie back on my bed and close my eyes, β€œBe safe.”


β€œI will,” he says in a sing-song voice before shutting the door loudly, causing a loud bang.Β 


I lie back on my lumpy bed and stare up at the ceiling. My ceiling has stars on it, not normal stars though, like the glow in the dark ones that people have around their rooms. Mine are special.Β 


On my 7th birthday, I had a sleepover with 4 of my closest friends. It was my first sleepover and I was really excited, my best friends, loads of junk food and games all in one room, what could go wrong?Β 


Well, a lot I found out.Β 


Hazel, my friend from 1st grade, was homesick. It was her first sleepover as well and she was a mess.Β 


My other friends Lila and Mila, twins I met in preschool, forgot they were allergic to dairy and ate 3 slices of pepperoni pizza each, with extra cheese. They both had terrible headaches and had to go to bed early.Β 


Kaola, the ex-new kid turned the most popular girl in 4th grade and my very bestest friend had just gotten over a terrible cold. She too was feeling a little under the weather, so called her mom to take her home.Β 


I was heartbroken. I ran into my sister's room and flung on her bed, snot and tears running down my face. She looked up from a book she was reading and immediately asked what was wrong.Β 


"M-my party is a mess," I cried as I belted out the last word.


She wrapped me in a hug and spoke in a soft reassuring tone to comfort me. After a few minutes, she set me down on her bed and told me to find some paint.


Β "Paint?" I asked her curiously, wiping snot with my hand, "Why paint?"Β 


She looked at me with a twinkle in her eye and said, "You'll see."


Me, being the impatient and curious person I was, pleaded her to tell me, "What is it? What is it!" I asked over and over again, jumping up and down on her bed.Β 


She laughed and pulled me to the ground, "You will see. Now go grab your favorite paints and Hazel and Kaola then come back here."Β 


After another few minutes of begging, I finally ran off to find paint. After I grabbed all the acrylic paints I could carry, baby blue, neon yellow, dark pink, bright orange. and lime green, as well as my friends I ran back to her room, my tears, and snot nowhere in sight.


Β Hazel and Kaola followed wearily, Hazel still whimpering and had tears running down her face and Kaola, clutching her stomach and silently groaning.Β 


"Are you guys ready?" My sister asked.


Β "Ready for what?" I shrieked excitedly, "What are we doing? What are we doi-"Β 


"I wanna go home,' Hazel complained, stretching out the last word extra long.


Β "You can go home Hazel," My sister said, "But first try this," She went over to her bed and stood on it. She carefully took a swipe out of the blue paint and placed a small dot on the ceiling. She took another color, the neon yellow, and splattered a small star on the ceiling.Β 


My mouth dropped open, "Can I try? Please?"


Β "Come here, " She said, nodding the direction she wanted me to go. I ran over there and she lifted me up. I took a messy dollop of the pink paint and painted an uneven star on her ceiling.Β 


"So cool!" I shrieked again, scooping another big mound and plastering it on the ceiling. I tried to make 5 little lines extending outwards but it looked nowhere as good as my sister's star had been.


Β I reached down to get more paint on my already soaking brush but my sister set me down. "Hazel? Kaola? Do you want to try?"


Β "I guess I'll try," Kaola said quietly, walking over to my sister and grabbing a swipe at the orange paint.Β 


My sister grabbed her by the hips and hoisted her up toward the ceiling. Kaola carefully made a star on the ceiling and instantly broke into a smile, "That is fun!" She said loudly, completely forgetting about her stomach pains. "Can I try again? This time with blue?"Β 


My sister laughed again, "Of course!"Β 


After Kaola went again, I had my turn and then finally Hazel, who loved it as much as we did. Somehow Mila and Lila made their way into the room and took their turns as well, messily spilling a few drops onto the wooden desk.Β 


We all stopped what we were doing and looked up at my sister expectedly. Was she going to yell at us? Was all the fun going to be over just because of a few drops?Β 


None of that happened, she just shrugged it off with a smile and said, "We can clean it up later."Β 


I bet my mom was surprised when she came in with Kaola and Hazel’s mom to find the five of us covered with paint and colorful and messy stars plastered all over the ceiling. I remember being frightened, for I was sure she was going to yell at us.


But she didn't, she just shrugged it off as well and made us promise to clean it up later.Β 


Hazel and Kaola’s mom soon left, not having to worry about picking up their homesick or under the weather child.Β 


We messily painted stars for hours.Β 


I remember how in awe I was with my sister. She saved my birthday party. She saved my first sleepover. She saved it all from becoming a disaster with her quick thinking and creative skills. I will always remember that moment. Because that was a time she truly stood out to me and she taught me an important message. Don't give up. Don't give up when things aren't going your way and when you feel like you can't fix it, because you can. Anything is figureoutable and everything can be worked out for the best, maybe not in the way you originally thought but in a way that will benefit you.Β 


Suddenly, a loud thump breaks my thoughts and I sit up, startled, and listen carefully, not moving a muscle.Β 


There were rumors of murders and break-ins swirling around the neighborhood, and I definitely didn't want to be caught in one.Β 


I listen for a few more seconds for anything, a footstep, a creak on the stairs, a trip on our uneven floorboards, but I hear nothing.Β 


I sit back on my bed and grab my phone nervously.Β 


Calm down, Kendall. You have stayed home before, has anything bad ever happened to you? No, so why do you think this time will be different, I tell myself, It is probably just the house settling and moving, or maybe the washing machine, or the fridge. Whatever it is your fine.


I sit back for a few minutes, not completely believing myself, before finally deciding that was right.Β 


A few minutes later I hear another thump, this time bigger.Β 


Okay, it has to be something this time, I think, slowly getting up from my bed.Β 


I carefully and quietly walk over to the doorway and peer out. Nothing, whew. I continue my journey by slowly creeping towards the stairs.Β 


When I get there I stop, out of pure terror.Β 


Standing, well floating, right in front of me is a giant ghost. It looks like a spirit, a human that turned into a ghost.


It has dark black hair cut short to its shoulders. Dark brown eyes and pale white skin. It is wearing a long light red dress, reaching to the floor and extending behind her like a bride's trail. She has dark red lips, rosy red cheeks, and ruby red shoes. She stands tall as if she rules the world.


She is floating, levitating above the floor like she is afraid to touch it. She hovers, not moving an inch, only staring into my soul with her muddy brown eyes.Β 


I am frozen in place, I am too scared to scream, to ask for help, to escape from this monster standing in front of me.


I finally manage a squeak and its eyes flicker up onto mine and look surprised that I am there as if I had just gotten there and hadn't been standing there the whole time.


"Are you Kendall?" It says, its words slither around my body like snakes.


Β "Y-Yes," I stutter, still in shock.Β 


The spirit comes closer, now hovering at least 10 feet above the ground and just a few feet before me. "We have been looking for you."


Β "Looking for me?" I squeak again, backing up against the wall.Β 


β€œYes, looking for you, we have an opportunity for you, something you will not want to miss.”


I stand up tall and look straight into its eyes and say, β€œWhat is it?”


β€œMy my, aren't you a brave little girl. Now listen up. We want to offer you a chance to bring your sister back.”


β€œBr-Bring her back?” 


β€œYes bring your sister back, wouldn't you like that?”


β€œWould I? Yes! Yes, I would! That would be the best thing, ever! Could you actually do that?”


β€œCould we?” She scoffs before starting again, β€œOf course we could, we are the underworld after all.”


β€œUnderworld?” I ask curiously, β€œOh whatever, but my sister! Oh my gosh, I am going to have my sister back again. We ca-”


β€œOh but wait there is a catch.”


β€œA catch?”


β€œYes a catch, you have to go on a quest. A possible life-threatening quest.” 


β€œLife-threatening?” I say dramatically.


β€œYes, life-threatening. But don't worry, if you do it right then you will succeed. Are you still interested? Do you want to do this?”


Am I interested? It would be AMAZING to have my sister back, it has been my lifelong dream, but is it really worth this? Is it really worth possibly dying in the process? I debate back and forth in my head for another minute before finally coming to a decision.Β 


My heart beats faster than an Indy 500, my skin tingles like the great ocean waves. Am I really going to say this? Is it really going to happen?


I take a deep breath before spitting out the answer, the answer I would later find out changed my life, good and bad. The one word that changes everything.


β€œYes”

November 07, 2020 00:10

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270 comments

As always, here is a few things: 1. Second story! Yay! And my first real one, the other one was just a diary. 2. I don't really like this one that much. It doesn't have a lot of action and is kinda boring. It is mostly a set-up for a sequel (If I do one) 3. Credit to β™‘ 𝕂π•ͺπ•π•šπ•– β™‘ for writing the first paragraph! She is awesome, go follow her. 4. Sorry for the LONG flashback, I don't know how to make it shorter. 5. Should I write a sequel? That's all! Any and all opinions/feedback are welcome! (As long as it is said kindly.)

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Oh and thank you guys so much for almost 3000 karma points!!!!

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Hi, Blair! 1. This is absolutely amazing for a second story! Your writing skills are way beyond my own. 2. Have more confidence in yourself. This story was beautiful. Even though it doesn't have a lot of action, I think that the ending makes up for it. 3. I agree that Kylie is awesome! 4. I didn't mind the long flashback, I feel that it gave us readers the chance to get a better feel of how Kendall's sister acted. 5. You should definitely write a sequel! I will read it! Keep writing and stay healthy! -Brooke D.

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Hello! 1. Thank you! Aww! Thank you so much but your writing is sooo good, like seriously. Sometimes I wonder how you can write like that. 2. Aww! Thanks again! 3. Yassssss I know right. 4. Okay good. I thought it was a bit long but I am super glad you liked it 5. Okie Dokie! I will write one in a few weeks. You too!

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Hi! 1. You're welcome! Aw, thanks, but I really don't. 2. You're welcome again! 5. I will read it, for sure!

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I up-voted all of your comments on your stories, then a bit more. Where else could I up-vote you?

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Thank you so much! That is so nice and sweet of you. I really appreciate it! Nothing! You have done so much! Thank you again! :)

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You're welcome! It was extremely nice and sweet of YOU. I appreciate it more than not getting COVID-19! Okay, maybe not that much. But right around there. (; Ugh. Fine. But I still want to do more. You're welcome again!

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Emma Sunshine
00:31 Nov 07, 2020

good job. liked the plot.

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Emma Sunshine
03:31 Nov 21, 2020

You are welcome. My apologies, I only added a small comment, I will expand. I like this story and how you wrote Kendal as well as her family and the bakery. That was all super unique and very desriptive. You really showed how much Kendal's sister means to her, with the flashback and the ending.

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Oh, thank you! Your comment was fine before but thank you for all the description in your comment.

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Emma Sunshine
15:46 Nov 21, 2020

Your most welcome.

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The Cold Ice
06:27 Dec 03, 2020

Please read my story β€œLeaf me alone

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Amany Sayed
16:15 Nov 08, 2020

This was so interesting and well written! I would change the title to "Painted Stars" or something related to the stars. I literally don't think I have critique. Keep writing!

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Interesting... I hope that is a good thing. Hmm, I would change it to that but if I make a part 2 then I would want to make it about a quest, and not about the stars. So I would just add Part 2 onto the end of the title for the second one. If that makes sense. Thank you!

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Amany Sayed
17:50 Nov 08, 2020

No prob and I get it!

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. . .
03:23 Nov 21, 2020

This is fantastic! I love all the description you included in this piece. Kendal seems like a very sweet girl and I cant wait to see the journey you will take her on, assuming there will be a part 2. Overall this was a very lovely and enjoyable story.

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Thank you so much! :) Yes, I am hoping that there will be a part 2 in the future, hopefully in a few weeks!! Thanks again! :D

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. . .
21:12 Nov 22, 2020

No problem. Okay, I cant wait.

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Great job! And I loved the first paragraph... lol! The flashback isn't thaaaat long! I really liked it!

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Okie Dokie. Heading there now!

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Ooh! That is cool. I have seen a ton of those things and most of them are super relatable, including yours.

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!ow!!!!! I love the story! The story really reminds me of the time when I was younger. The painting was a really big thing I used to do when I was young. I used to have watercolour paints and I accidentally splattered the whole lot onto my wall. I ended up cleaning it with my tree painting because the house we lived in when I was four was a rent one. The story is beautiful though! I hope there's going to be a part two! Happy Writing! Lots of love and goodness, SS!

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Phebe Emmanuel
00:05 Nov 25, 2020

SEQUELLLLLLLL!!! The flashback is great! Honestly, you're so much better than a LOT of us here on Reedsy. Be proud of yourself, lift that chin! You're great! Also, you wanna do an upvote spree!

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Thank you so so much! I really appreciate all the compliments and confidence booster! I am planning on making a sequel in a few weeks (When I find the right prompts) And of course!

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Phebe Emmanuel
00:56 Nov 25, 2020

Yay! I'll start now!

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Like how many would you like me to upvote you (And you upvote me?)

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Phebe Emmanuel
01:51 Nov 25, 2020

As many as you want! I did a ton for you, and I'm not done yet!

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Okay! I just did 150+ and got you from 80th on the leaderboard to 70th place! And am definitely not done, I will come back later and upvote you more!!

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Okay! I will go do some upvotes for you right now! And thank you so much for all you have done already.

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How many do you want to do? I am fine with whatever!

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Hi! I just posted a new story and would love it if you could check it out (if you want to and have the time of course)

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Phebe Emmanuel
00:57 Nov 28, 2020

Of course I will!

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Thank you so much! I would love to see what you think of it.

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Elora Genovia
22:57 Nov 23, 2020

Hello! I have looked at your stories before and really enjoy it! Your dialogue usage is spot on and your stories flow very nice and it isn’t too rushed. Thanks for sharing! From, Elora ❀️

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Elora Genovia
23:47 Nov 23, 2020

Your welcome ❀️

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Lulu Lemon
03:28 Nov 21, 2020

Heyyy! How are you??

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Heyy! I am pretty good. How about you?

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Lulu Lemon
17:50 Nov 21, 2020

I am good as well. :)

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Lulu Lemon
21:08 Nov 22, 2020

Yeah, are you gonna come out with a story this week?

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I might but probably not. These prompts arent very good.

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Yes. I screamed. YAY! Great and awesome job! Will you make a continuation?

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Angelina Tran
01:48 Nov 19, 2020

This was great! Here’s some feedback, though. This: β€œOkay mom, I love you.” Should be: β€œOkay Mom, I love you.” Because it’s β€œMom” as a name, not a noun, you capitalize it. :) And also this: "I wanna go home,' Should be: "I wanna go home,” And just a tip! Write numbers as β€œ(word)” than β€œ#”. For example, β€œthree” instead of β€œ3”. It’s just smoother and makes the eyes focus on the words without pinpointing the number as a distraction. This was an amazing story! Keep writing :)

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Thank you so much for all the feedback and the help! I will fix that soon!

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Rajesh Patel
05:21 Nov 12, 2020

A lovely story. I enjoyed it.

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Amaya .
19:32 Nov 11, 2020

you said bio in progress??? what r u doing for ittttt I'm excited to read it. I'm Amaya, btw. <3

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Yasss. Bio is in progress, lol. I actually have no idea what to do for it so Kylie (My irl friend) is helping me right now so it should be up soon. Ohhh, ok. I have heard people say Amaya and I am like αΊ…ho is that and now I know!!

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Amaya .
17:24 Nov 14, 2020

Oh cool Yup that's meee Should I call you Blair?

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Hi Amaya! You probably don't care but I know we were talking about bios so I just wanted to tell you I actually made one!

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Claire Huettl
01:00 Nov 11, 2020

love it yes write a sequel

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Oh my! I was not expecting that! What a turn of events Blair! I thought it would be a mourning story did not expect the ghostπŸ˜‚But anyways I loved it overall! I loved the who flashback! It was nice and perfect! And I could really feel her love for her sister and everything else! That ghost thoughhhπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Umm him if youuu want too, write a sequel! I definitely wanna know what happens to her! Great job Blair! Sorrry it took me so long!! Keep writing!

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Haha, I hope that that's a good thing... But thank you! I am glad you enjoyed it. I might write a sequel in a few weeks, I don't know right now. :)

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It is a good thing! I love when writers switch the story it leaves me in awe! And yay! Tell me when you do!

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Lovely! It was described well, and the story flowed!! Good job!

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00:31 Nov 10, 2020

Oh my gosh, this is one of the best/well writing stories I have ever read!

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01:32 Nov 28, 2020

This is a great story! Really love the emotions of the characters. There are a couple slight punctuation errors here and there but they look accidental and are few and far between. Amazing job! -Whirl

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Thank you so much! :) Okay, thanks for pointing those errors out! Do you happen to know exactly where they are? So I can go back and fix them?

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06:05 Nov 28, 2020

Yes, of course! Umm I believe that there should be a comma after 'football': he was supposed to go to college to play football(,) but he gave up his scholarship to stay back and help my mom with the bakery. A hyphen between 'extra' and 'long': "I wanna go home,' Hazel complained, stretching out the last word extra(-)long. In the same sentence, there's an open quotation and then a apostrophe instead of a closed parentheses. A comma after 'outwards': I tried to make 5 little lines extending outwards(,) but it looked nowhere as good as my ...

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Wow! That you so much for all of that and how much you caught. I will go change it all right now. I really appreciate it. :) Okay! Thank you again, I might take you up on that.

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Ah man. I just remembered (and noticed) that I can’t edit after the story is already approved, that means I can’t change it and add the commas and things. Thank you so much though! I appreciate you recognizing and pointing out (and changing) my mistakes :)

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04:51 Nov 29, 2020

Hahaha, yeah that's right. Once its submitted...theres. No. Going. BACK!!!;D And you know you really are a really amazing writer, π•­π–‘π–†π–Žπ–—!

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Yeah, lol. :) Thank you again! The means a lot.

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