15 comments

Crime Funny

Oliver. How do I explain who Oliver is? Well you see Oliver is a tall, handsome and mysterious guy. He is the perfect example of a stereo typical guy women fall for. And I would to, but I don’t want to because relationships are a whole lot of work which I run from. But I think the world is out to get me.

This story starts with me, Rory, who after finding out her fiancé cheated on her decided to take a weeklong vacation on an island. Even my boss gave me a sympathy talk when I handed in my leave application, everyone thought I was grieving and needed some time off. But the truth is I knew my fiancé was cheating on me I just waited for the right moment to break it off and make him look like the bad guy. Now he gets the heat and I get a weeklong vacation on a tropical island.

Coming back to Oliver so I’m on the tropical island and since it was last minute the hotel didn’t have many rooms. The hotel only had one room left and it was either mine or Oliver’s. Oliver didn’t listen to the receptionist when he politely asked if he could give up and let me have the room since I was “emotionally stressed”.

“I don’t care, I am taking the room” he had said without a hint of emotion.

I couldn’t take it anymore so I went to talk to him myself. “Mr?” I started.

“Oliver Moscelot” he answered monotonously.

“Mr. Moscelot I just broke of my wedding because my fiancé cheated on me and I’m not mentally capable of going out and searching for another hotel. I would appreciate it if you could…” he stopped me by raising his hand to my face.   

“Miss, your life is of no concern to me. I will be taking this room”

I had no other choice and as the last restore I pretended to faint. I fainted right into his arms making sure everyone in the lobby had seen us.  Before you think Oliver is someone I’m about to fall for, you are absolutely wrong. He is the stubborn man who refused to give into my sad story. And if I have to pretend to faint and make myself his responsibility just to get what I want so be it.

Oliver after the scene at the lobby and aggressive stares he got from the by passer had to give in. He had to carry me and my luggage to the only room available. He placed me on the bed and my luggage by the bedside but didn’t leave.

“Miss you can stop pretending now. Wake up” he said and I had a feeling he was staring at me. But I didn’t move I was going to stand my ground or just take over the bed.

“Fine keep on pretending but I’m not leaving this room either” his voice was heavy and it felt like he was closer than before. Then the footsteps came, he was getting closer and then I felt him sitting on the bed. Without a second thought I opened my eyes and leaped to the other side of the bed.   

“If you want to stay, stay but do not involve yourself with my work and don’t expect me to give in that sad story. You don’t seem sad so expect me to feel sad for you” with that he opened his laptop and typed away. I ran out of there as fast as I could and spent the next 7 hours at the beach and shopping and dinner. It was the best exhausting day of my life. While shopping I had bought a really cute jumper which made me quite happy. On the way back to my room I had prayed he had left or developed a conscious because I wasn’t sharing a room with him.

I entered and he wasn’t there. “He left. I win. I win. He left” I sang while jumping on the bed. It was totally inappropriate but worth it. I stayed in bed until I was half asleep. And then the window broke, the window broke and a tall dark figure entered. I screamed at the top of my lungs but he covered my mouth with his hands.

“Shut up!!” he said until I went silent. He took off his mask and it was Oliver.

“What the hell, why did you break the window?”

“Grab your things”

“I will not, if this is your way of kicking me out it won’t work. I’m not leaving!”

“I’m trying to protect you”

Before I could get the last word another man entered through the window. Oliver placed the mask back on, grabs the lamp from the side table and threw it at the other man. The man ducked and Oliver pushed him out and he fell 5 stories.

“I’ll grab my things” I said and quickly stuffed 2 dresses, my sneakers, my phone and a few other things into my bag. Oliver grabbed something from his bag and led me out of the room. We took the back route out of the hotel and headed into the forest.

“Where are we going and who were those people?” I questioned but he remained silent. “Say something, I don’t know who you are and that guy. What’s going on?”

“Shut up for a minute. I told you not to get involved but you had to. And now you have these questions. I’ll take you to the airport and you can leave the island. So till then shut up.”

It was pitch black and the best time to get to the airport but Oliver had to rest in the forest till dawn. He fell asleep the second he hit the ground. I on the other hand couldn’t stop thinking about the incident at the hotel. A few hours passed and I remembered Oliver grabbed something from his bag. I reached for his pocket to get it but he grabbed my arm and pinned me to the ground.

“Oliver let me go” I said looking start in his eyes. My arm started to hurt from where I was pinned. He let go after few minutes.

“Miss…”

“My name is Rory”

“Rory this is a dangerous business I’m in. I’m trying to get you out so please don’t make this harder” for the first time I could see worry in his eyes.

“Ok” that’s all I could muster.

An hour later we started to walk further into the forest. Oliver had held my hand the moment we started the walk. It was nice that he was so focused in protecting me. We walked until we were deep into the forest. Oliver kept looking at the screen of his phone. And I thought we were lost.

“Are we lost?” I asked

He kept his eyes on the screen and on the forest “I don’t think so, maybe that way”. We went in another direction and then another and now I was sure we were lost. We had been walking for two hours and we were still lost with in the forest. At last he decided to stop and we sat down on the ground. I sat in front of him, he looked very tired. I took a bottle from my bag and handed it to him. He took it and finished half the water in one go. He offered the rest to me which I gladly took.

“Maybe we can go back to the hotel. Staying here is of no use”

“We can’t. Going back is more dangerous”

“But…Fine. Can you at least tell me why are we running?”

“Fine. But take this to your grave because if you tell anyone you will be as good as dead”

“I won’t tell promise”

He took out a hello kitty pen drive and handed it to me. “This is what they are after. I work for a man called Rufus, he is the leader of a very dangerous mafia. The pen drive holds all the info against him.”

“So you are betraying this Rufus guy” I asked skeptically.

“Kind of. Yes. I’m handing it over to a friend who has a friend who can use it while I will go underground.”

“Sounds like a plan and…I’m the variable that you didn’t expect. I’m so sorry”

“Don’t worry. I’ll get you out and then be on my way”       

“Is your head getting heavy?”

“Yeah”

Our heads were getting heavy and my vision was getting blurry. Oliver fainted in front of me and the world went black for me after a few seconds as well.

When I woke up Oliver and I were tied up. And a man with several bodyguards with guns surrounded us.

“Mr. Moscelot hand over the pen drive” the man said.

“I don’t have a clue of what you are talking about”

“I don’t want to give out threats with her here but if you insist…” the man walked towards me, grabbed my hair and placed a knife in my neck “pen drive for her life. If you didn’t find value in her life you wouldn’t have kept her with you”

“Stop, don’t do anything to her. I don’t have the pen drive I dropped it somewhere in the forest. I’m so sorry I got you into this.”

His words got me all emotional. “It’s not your fault you tried to keep me safe but I kept causing problems”

“Stop being so emotional, Oliver it doesn’t suit you”

“Just let her go I’ll find the pen drive for you”

The man dragged me and this time aimed a gun at me.

“Last chance Oliver”

“No!!! It’s in her pocket”

The man shot me. Well pretended to shoot me. I was alive. The man kneeled down and untied me. I got up and took the pen drive out of my pocket and handed it to the man. Oliver looked at me in shock as the man handed me the gun.

“Oliver. Oliver. Oliver. You tried so hard to keep the pen drive safe to keep me safe for what. When in reality you landed in my tarp. I know what you are thinking but I don’t work for Rufus. No. I AM RUFUS.” His life came crashing down on him, I’m assuming.

“I couldn’t let you leave with that info. So everything I told you at the hotel wasn’t all a lie. My dumb fiancé did cheat on me but he was just a cover up anyway and breaking up with him gave me the idea of how to get you off guard. No one thinks a harmless looking woman could even run a mafia.” My whole life is a cover up, my job my love life everything. And because of Oliver I could have lost it all but now I’ll make him pay.

“Good bye Oliver” I said aiming the gun at him. And then I shoot him, he was dead and my secret was safe.

-The End- 

March 02, 2021 13:02

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15 comments

Frances Reine
19:27 Mar 03, 2021

Lovely opening, as is the quality of everything else, and that's hard to do :) Although marvellously simple, there's undeniable soul in this one.

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Aman Fatima
02:53 Mar 04, 2021

Thank you so much!!!!

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Frances Reine
13:17 Mar 04, 2021

Anytime :)

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Aman Fatima
14:29 Mar 04, 2021

:D

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06:52 Mar 03, 2021

Shrewdly written. A superb history. But i have a question often why a human becomes cruel to kill others only to keep his/her secrete concealed. The finishing lines showed this human behavior.

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Aman Fatima
07:26 Mar 03, 2021

I believe it's human nature. No one wants people to know their true nature and want to live in the reality they made for themselves as a shield. That's what I wanted to show, a woman who would go lengths to keep her crime life a secret. I am glade you liked it. Thank you for reading!!!

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08:11 Mar 03, 2021

well said

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08:12 Mar 03, 2021

well said

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08:12 Mar 03, 2021

well said

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Kaleigh Montague
16:16 Mar 23, 2021

I loved the plot of this story! There was so much happening, and I loved the twist ending! I loved the idea that you basically foreshadowed the demise of Oliver by showing the main character giving him the cold shoulder in the beginning. However, I feel there should be more detail. For example, "An hour later we started to walk further into the forest," could have a couple of added words to give it more meaning and pizazz so to speak. Like you could have wrote, "Some excruciating moments later, we began to walk further and further into the ...

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Aman Fatima
18:44 Mar 23, 2021

Thank you so much!! I'll make sure to keep your critique in mind and give more thought to such details.

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Kaleigh Montague
20:00 Mar 23, 2021

I'm glad I could help!

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Nina Chyll
21:28 Mar 10, 2021

Funnily enough, I just read a story with the exact opposite premise as part of my critique circle (someone in a hotel room being caught by law enforcement), and you’re the other one! Both very fun, albeit very different ideas. The confusion of tense and the lack of punctuation, especially in dialogue, made the story difficult to read at times. There’s also something else I noticed, which can make the plot sound flat even though there’s so much action going on left and right, and that is always starting sentences with the subject - “I, we,...

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Aman Fatima
11:46 Mar 11, 2021

Thank you for the critique. I will definitely work on it.

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