Max Wilson and Harry Cooper were just 2 normal 11-year-olds, with exceptionally good investigative skills. They had nothing to do after school except to hang around in their treehouse. What they expected would be a boring summer vacation, would turn out to be the most memorable moments of their 11-year life.
As our to-be-heroes sat in their treehouse at noon, using their binoculars for bird-watching, while most of the residents of their town were asleep, a robbery was happening across town. The police were baffled: The robbery had absolutely no witnesses. Little did they know, Harry Cooper was watching through his Mega Zoom binoculars exactly at the time the robbers broke into the shop.
“Hey, Max,” Harry said, “it looks like we have another case on our hands.” Max and Harry, because of their prodigal investigation skills, had had a very good detective business last summer. Max turned around and asked, “What happened? Did another dumb bully steal some kid’s ice cream money?”
“No. It's something even bigger! I just saw a heist!" "Really?!” Max asked. “Of course! Some robbers robbed the bakery store! And there were no witnesses!”
“Hmmm,” Max said, “We should tell the police. I think they would like to know about your little observation there.”
And so they rode their bicycles through town and reached the police station. When they opened the door, they saw a constable comforting a downcast old couple. “There there,” he said, “It’s okay Mr. and Mrs. Smith. We’ll catch the crooks.”
“Um, I don’t mean to interrupt, but I saw their bakery being robbed,” Harry said.
“But that’s impossible!” the constable shouted, “The report said that there were no witnesses!”
“Harry saw the whole thing from our treehouse,” Max told the constable, “with his Mega Zoom binoculars.” The constable was bewildered. He went to the deputy’s office to tell him about the new intelligence. “He wants you both in his office.” the constable told them.
When they walked in, they were greeted by a large and muscular man with a shaved face, and brown hair. “So, Constable Calvin tells me that you two are the only witnesses to the bakery case,” he said. “Yes,” Harry replied, “I saw it all through my binoculars.”
“Then why is this young man here?”
“He’s my best friend. If you want my help, he stays.”
“What are your names?” the deputy asked. “ I’m Max Wilson and he's Harry Cooper,” Max replied. “By any chance, did you have a detective agency last summer?” the deputy questioned. “Yes. Why?” “Then you must know my daughter Allyson Brown! She had commissioned you to find her lost pearl bracelet! I'm John Brown, her father.”
“Oh!” Both Harry and Max exclaimed. “Well, we’ll be happy to help Allyson’s father with the case! Free of charge!”
“Okay. Now, this is all very classified information. We have not released it to the public so that any wrongdoers don’t know of the Smiths’ vulnerability. You must not disclose it to anybody. That includes your parents.”
“We swear we won’t!” Max and Harry replied enthusiastically.
“Okay, so listen carefully. There have been more robberies at other bakeries. All were at noon. We suspect that there were two people responsible for each robbery. But we have a plan to thwart them tomorrow. Would you like to help us? You can attempt to source the burglars’ motive with your good investigation expertise.”
“Of course! You shouldn’t even ask that question.” Harry replied for both himself and Max.
“Good. Now, tomorrow at noon, you will exit your houses with the reason for going to the arcade. You will not go to the arcade, but the front yard of the house in front of the bakery. That is a house that has been happily lent to us to do the needful. Over there, you will meet Constable Calvin, me, and two SWAT officers, in case it gets violent. Now, I want to make it very clear, you both are going to stay in the middle of me and Calvin. The SWAT officers will lead the way. In case it gets violent, you will obey everything that we tell you to do. IS THAT CLEAR?”
“Yes.” the boys said sadly. They would have loved to have gotten in on the action if it was required.
“Good. It’s nearly 5. You should get going. Remember, tomorrow at 3:00 sharp. You should be there.”
When the boys reached home they waited patiently for the next day and even controlled the urge to tell their parents.
When the next day arrived, they sat in their separate homes, staring at the clock. As soon as it struck 3, they both rushed out, said “Hey” to each other, and rushed to the bakery.
When they reached, they crept to the house in front of the bakery and entered the front yard. There, they saw Deputy Brown, Constable Calvin, and the two SWAT officers. The yard was the perfect place for a stakeout. It had tall hedges, which provided cover for the hidden officers.
“Hello Deputy,” Harry whispered. “You’re on time, that’s good. Stay below the hedge, they provide cover. Wait patiently. Any bathroom breaks, do it now.”
Max and Harry had already gone to the bathroom before, in hopes of getting ready for the stakeout. They crouched down below the hedge and waited. After about half an hour of crouching, they saw two figures on the road.
One of the figures took two wrenches from a bag slung over his shoulder. He kept the lower jaw of one wrench inside the loop of the lock. He took the other wrench’s jaw inside the loop, but on the side. The figure held both of the wrenches’ handles with one hand and squeezed them. The lock instantly broke.
As the figures entered, our crew of good-guys got up and sneaked over to the bakery. They were greeted by a large room with many shelves displaying fabulous cakes, bread, and cupcakes.
The thieves were busy in a bread display. Their backs were facing the officers, and they were talking in low voices. Thus, they hadn’t noticed us enter the bakery. One of the SWAT officers gestured to Constable Calvin and us to hide behind a cake display case.
The deputy and SWAT officers crept up behind the burglars and pounced on them. Each of the SWAT members held down a separate thief. Deputy Brown disarmed them of their wrenches and handcuffed them. “You are under arrest for burglary, and breaking in and entering. Now, Max and Harry, find out their motive.”
When Max and Harry stepped out from behind the case, they had noticed something which the officers hadn’t. The robbers had ragged clothes and ripped pants. Their feet were bare and their body was shaking as though they were extremely weak.
They looked like, in short, poverty-stricken and penniless. “Where are you from?” Max asked. “Ve eez from France! Vee no Eengleesh!” “Why did you do this. Are you in need of food.” Harry asked. “Oui oui! Vee hev no jobs to taike care ov ourselves!! This vay wee do thees!”
“What are your names?”
“Louis Brodeur anz Pierre Berger.”
“Where do you live?”
“Vee live under ze bridge near ze restaurant wiv a big ‘O’ on top of eet.”
“You mean Barry’s Donuts?” Max asked. “Yes! Yes! Ze vairy one!” a convict answered.
“Just as we thought.” Harry and Max declared. “Deputy, don’t you think that we should let them off the hook this time? If they do it again, then they’ll have to serve the sentence.”
“Oui, pleez! Vee arr vairy sorry!” The miscreants pleaded. “Fine,” Deputy Brown said. “But if you do it another time, you will be sorry.”
The robbers were overjoyed that they were forgiven and sped off the moment Deputy Brown unlocked their handcuffs. “You’ve done well kids,” Brown said, “Now off you go, your parents will be waiting for you.”
As the boys rode their bicycles back home, each of them had a thought buzzing around in the back of their heads. ‘We should help them out.’ They held on to this thought to discuss at the treehouse.
The next day, when they met at the treehouse, they formed a plan to help the thieves. Max, who was a charming boy, convinced the Smiths (owners of the bakery) to hire Pierre and Louis as apprentice bakers.
Harry meanwhile, went and got the Pierre and Louis, to introduce them to their new anchor of life.
Harry sat on his bicycle and rode over to the bridge under which they lived.
He found Pierre and Louis eating some leftovers below the bridge. Harry set off towards them. Pierre had seen him arrive. He, however, did not appear to recognize Harry.
Only when Harry’s face became clearer did he start to panic.
“No! Vee haven’t done anytheeng! Pleez! Leave us alone!” Pierre yelled.
“You won’t want to leave us alone after I’ve done what I want to,” Harry said. "Follow me. And bring Louis along too, he won't want to miss this." After walking a long distance since Louis and Pierre could not sit on the bicycle, they reached the bakery.
They were greeted by Constable Calvin, Deputy Brown, Max, and The Smiths. Every single one of them was smiling.
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An interesting first story. Just like someone else said, the dialogue should be separated when two different people are talking :) Nice job! I liked the French accent you used.
Thank you, Kendra! Yes, I have had other comments suggesting that about the dialogues. I got the French accent from how JK Rowling writes Fleur Delacour's accent in Harry Potter!
This was a sweet, engaging story! I loved hearing about the characters and their adventures. My only criticisms are that the timing of things was a little bit inconsistent, and that you needed to hit return in a few places, because you had multiple people speaking in the same paragraph. Aside from that though, great work! -Vieve
Thank you!! That was my first ever story on Reedsy and I'm glad you liked it! I see what you mean, about the paragraphs, and I agree with you.
Well it was a great story! Way to start with a bang.
I'm not sure if i've been on here yet at least on this story but if i havent i will soon but i was wondering if you could go and check out "Universe" which is a preview thing to my novel with the first two chapters and tell me what you think?
Of course! Later though, I'm busy, but I'll surely read it! Remind me if I don't.
thanks ^^ and yeah thats alright, i understand ^^
I think i've only seen two of your stories or just one so i decided to come and read another one of yours. after this one i think i'll try to read the other ones as well and give a review/feedback like i've been doing ^^ this was your first story on here but i don't really see anything wrong with it to be honest and its great just like your other ones ^^ you do good job with these so guess what? i'm going to give this story a 10/10 :) you still did a really great job. and remember the thing i was talking to you about? well i finished with it...
Thank you so much! Even I wouldn’t give myself a 10/10 for this story! Yeah, I’ll definitely read it!
No problem ^^ eh thats how i sometimes feel about my stories i feel like i'd rate them at least a 2 or a 3 but turns out everyone seems to like the stories and thanks, i'm excited to see what you have to say ^^
This was good for your first story. It had a Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew feel to it, and I liked the idea of the two of them witnessing a crime from the vantage point of a treehouse; it checks, because there was this tree in my yard I used to climb as a kid and I was amazed at how much of my home town I could see from the top limbs.
I rather liked reading this--particularly how Max and Harry worked in tandem. It was entertaining, and held my attention throughout. :) I will add though, that it's illogical. For example, Harry and Max witness the robbery, yet all they can tell is that someone robbed the bakery. The police already know that, so their witness is useless. Later in the story, officer Brown decides to bring them along to help, but there is no reason to--what will two eleven year olds be able to do? All they're doing is catching the thieves, not putting toget...
Thanks for the review! I’m a bit ashamed of this story though 😔 I agree, there are a lot of plot holes and stuff, I only had 2-3 days to submit! No excuses though.
Don't be ashamed of it. ;) All writing is good writing. Others may not like it, but in the end, you are writing for yourself and not for others. So if you succeeded in producing a story that turned out how you wanted it, you win!
I decided to check out your first story and just like your other ones this is a really great one ^^ I'm honestly not sure if i've already checked this out so sorry if i have. 10/10 :) wait, have you been getting down-voted as well??
Thank you! I think you've already read this. Yup, I have. I lost 100 points and 13th place on the leaderboard.
we could go on a upvote spree for each other if you want?
Yes, please! And I heard from Aerin that it's your birthday, so happy birthday!
alright ^^ aww thank you, i guess Aerin and Zilla have been telling some others then ^^
You're welcome! Lemme upvote you now.