Secrets don't remain buried

Submitted into Contest #55 in response to: Write a story about an old family secret surfacing generations later.... view prompt

316 comments

Drama Mystery Suspense

Some family secrets are terrible when set loose, but mine was worse than anything I could have imagined.

One fine Sunday morning, I was talking with my friends about family secrets.

"What's your family secret, Anand?" my friend Anirudh asked. He was a tall and strong man with silky white hair. I began to run away from him as he started to chase me.

"I'm not going to say," I said, taunting him. I wanted to get away from him and hide somewhere.

"It would be a food recipe," Anirudh said, laughing.

"I'm not telling my family secret," I said and ran off at my best.

It all started when my friend Charlie started asking about everyone's family secrets. He was acting strange that day. But, with his huge frame and flabby body, catching me was impossible.


My father had said to me that my grandfather had a secret which was being passed by the surfacing generations.

"I have been told not to reveal our family secret to anyone," I said, trying to escape from him.

After I said that, I was hunted down by three of my friends. 

But I was not ready to fall prey to anyone.

"You can't escape, Anand," my friend Tony said.

He was a bulky man with large muscle mass. His brilliant brown eyes shot at me. He became my friend when he saved me from seniors from my university.

"Tony, you will never get hold of me," I said.

I quickly ran into my house and locked myself inside my room.

I heard my friends murmuring for some time and didn't hear them again. 

I thought that I was safe. 

But, safety is never reliable. When I took a step outside my house, my friends caught hold of me. 

"What's your family secret, Anand?" Charlie asked.

"Go and ask my grandfather. He is in my house," I sarcastically said. 

They believed me and went into my house. 

My grandfather was not even alive. My grandmother told me that my grandfather died because of a heart attack. My friends didn't know that. I couldn't control my laughter. He died before I was born and I have seen him only in the family photo. Since then, my grandmother has been alone.

I wiped my tears and used the moment as a chance to escape.

They came back in a rage. But I had already escaped from there. I approached Tony's house to stay hidden from them for some time. 

His house was huge. The elegant walls were decorated with beautiful paintings. I saw a fancy scroll hanging from one of the paintings. I quickly looked on to it. Something was written in it that I couldn't understand.

 I loved the adventures and scrolls took me into a dream world.

It would show a replay of the past.

The scroll world was beautiful. The trees were carved into the heads of Tony's family members, just like a family tree as the scroll was their family's possession.

I started walking into that tree, when I saw Tony's house. But it was a lot smaller.

I stepped inside his past house. (We will not be seen in the scroll world, because only our souls come inside this exciting world) 

I saw a small girl playing with a ball. Then a young man called her. 

"Bella, I have to say one important thing to you," the man said. 

Bella was Tony's mother!

Then that young man would be Tony's grandfather.

"What is the matter?" Bella asked. 

"We have a family secret. I want to reveal it to you or it would be too late," Tony's grandfather said in a low voice. 

But I was standing near him, throwing my hands on his shoulder.

"Okay, daddy," said Bella. She was very cute with brown eyes and curly brown hair. 

Then I heard someone shouting my name at a distance.

Oh no! My friends had entered into the same scroll!

I had to escape from there. I wanted to hear Tony's family secret, but in vain. I was also interested in knowing secrets.

I got out of the scroll world and started walking slowly. I had been very tired after being chased by my friends since morning.

"Hey, Anand. Wait," Tony shouted from a distance.

I found an old man approaching me. He looked very hungry with ragged clothes and free-flowing hair.

"May I help you, Sir?" I asked him.

"Yes. But I have already lost everything in life because of a woman who was fond of money," he stuttered. I gave him some money and waited for my friends to catch hold of me.

"I have talked to this man before," Charlie said, pointing at the old man. I listened closely.

"Where did you see him, Charlie?" Tony asked.

"Yes. I got it. This man told me to find out all our family secrets because one of us had a dark one." Charlie said.

"Then it must be Anand," Tony said.

Then, they ran towards me and said, "We want to know your family secret, Anand." 

"But, I don't know my family secret," I said, scratching my head.

"What?" Charlie exclaimed, angrily.

"You made us run behind you, even without knowing your family secret," Tony shouted at me.

"Yes," I said, keeping my head down.

"Then, let's go and find out for ourselves, guys," Anirudh said.

For the first time, I had agreed with their decision.

We joined our hands together and shouted, "Let's find out Anand's family secret." 

We were in for an adventure and an important mission.

We went inside my house and I found the scroll inside a rice bowl. I had seen my grandmother hide the scroll inside it.

We went inside the empty scroll. My family secret was not even written.

What a secret! 

We went inside the scroll world and I saw my family tree there. We went past it.

But there was no building. 

My house was not there! My friends stared at me.

Then a man with an architectural hat measured the empty land. 

My house was going to be built only then! 

Then a young man started talking to the architect. 

"Architect, I have a plan for the building," he said.

"Go on, Mr. Ayush," the architect said. The young man was my grandfather. He was very handsome with silky black hair and a good physique. He spoke fluently.

We didn't understand the terms the duo were talking about. So, we waited till they finished their talk. 

Then we started following my grandfather. 

My grandfather slowly walked towards a pregnant woman and said," Our child has a house now, Ayesha." 

Ayesha is my grandmother. She was pretty with curly black hair and blue eyes.

Rare genes! 

"Mind your job, man," she said, shoving him away. 

My grandfather laughed and walked her into an old clay house with cobwebs everywhere.

My grandfather was very poor at that time.

But our family had improved from a bare subsistence level to a rich standard of living.

*****

"Anand, where are you?" my mother called. We immediately came out of the scroll and my friends waved to me a goodbye.

"I am here, mom," I said. After supper, I wished to go to that scroll world again to find out what had happened.

After everyone had dozed off, I quietly went into the scroll. I called my friends too.

We went inside the same clay house and found my young grandparents sleeping. 

"We can forward time in this world," Charlie suggested.

"You could have suggested it when they were talking about architecture," Tony shouted. He was very short tempered.

"I have a watch," I said and changed the time in my watch. 

When I stopped changing the time, it was dark. 

But, some people entered the small clay house. They wore black masks and had knives in their hands. Five of them had come. 

In the scroll world, we can't change anything. We can only see what's going to happen.

"What are they doing in this old house covered with cobwebs?" Tony asked me.

"Let's wait and watch," Charlie said, watching intensely.

My family secret would come out now.

"Your grandfather is gonna have an intense fight now," Charlie said. I also thought the same.

One of the black masked guys made a utensil to fall down, which woke up my grandfather. 

"Who are you guys? What do you want from me?" my grandfather asked, panicking.

"Give all your money and jewels to me," the masked guys called out their demand, while keeping the knife on my grandmother's throat. 

My grandfather had no choice.

"Wait. I will give you whatever I have," my grandfather said and handed over all his money to the thieves. 

But, the thieves stabbed him with a knife. 

"Why did you do this?" my grandfather groaned in pain.

The thieves ran away with the cash and jewels.

My grandmother woke up to find my grandfather dying.

"I love you, Ayesha," he coughed and fell down dead. 

My grandmother was heartbroken. I was shocked. My hands started to tremble as I stood still.

My grandfather had been killed!

My friends tried to console me as tears flowed down my cheeks.

I wanted to remand those rogues who murdered my grandfather and destroy their entire race.

Then what is the difference between me and them.

We went out of the scroll world and my friends waved me a goodbye. 

Next morning, I found my grandmother knitting my mother's dress in her room.

I quickly embraced her and whispered," I know our family secret." 

"What are you saying, my dear grandson?" she asked in a tender voice.

"My grandfather was killed by a bunch of thieves. You didn't reveal this even to my dad," I whispered.

"That's not true, Anand," my grandmother said, and started to cry. 

"I have seen the past through the scroll and I am sure I will remand those rogues and throw them in prison," I said angrily.

"Okay, my child," she said, smiling weakly.

I would definitely remand them even if they are old grandfathers.

*****

Then the same old man whom I had met a while before was waiting in front of my house.

*****

I approach him to ask what he wanted.

"Is this your house, my dear child?" he stutters.

"Yes. Please come in," I say.

"No, this is a sinful house. I would never step my leg into this house," he says, impatiently, trying to run away from there.

"Why, grandfather?" I ask him, holding his hands.

My grandmother walks down the steps to see what was happening.

"Why are you talking to this old man? Come in at once, Anand," she says, panicking.

"This woman, this woman," he says, scratching his head.

"What's the matter, grandfather? Have you seen my grandmother before?" I ask.

"She is the one who planned to kill your grandfather for his insurance and became a rich woman," he cries.

“He’s mad,” my grandmother says.

“I think so,” I say and go inside my house. 

I sit on my sofa to take a look on social media on my phone. 

I hear a loud sound from my grandmother’s room. As I peep in, a strong discussion happens between a man and my grandmother.

He has a scar on his hands. A red, bright scar!

“I have seen this scar,” I think.

I wait outside the room as the man comes out with money in his hands and pushes me aside.

"Killing a man for her has been very beneficial," he says.

I get it.

He was one of the thieves who had killed my grandfather!

But what is he doing in my house with my grandmother?

Now, I confirm. As I connect all the events that had happened before, it appeared as though my grandmother planned the murder of my grandfather for money.

I stand stupefied.

I should have never known this secret.

With tears flowing down my cheeks, I walk into my grandmother's room and shout, ”Why did you do it?”

*****










August 18, 2020 02:12

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316 comments

Amogh Kasat
11:15 Aug 21, 2020

YOU ASKED ME TOO READ IT, I AM HERE. IT'S A WONDERFUL STORY. I F YOU DON'T MIND CAN YOU TELL WHAT'S YOUR AGE AND WHERE TO DO YOU LIVE.

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Keerththan 😀
12:48 Aug 21, 2020

Thank you for reading. I think your name is a pen name. I live in India but I want my age to be confidential. Do you want to know it? (would you mind liking my story?)

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06:52 Aug 21, 2020

Woow, I looved your story, I like how you revealed the family's past. There are only some grammer mistakes tho! But all in all, it was a nice story!

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Keerththan 😀
06:55 Aug 21, 2020

I am glad you loved my story. Thank you for reading, Aarushee. (would you mind pointing out some mistakes) Just a suggestion. Thank you for reading.

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09:19 Aug 21, 2020

Yeah sure! But there are no mistakes, just a few grammer ones...that's all! 👍👍

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Keerththan 😀
09:39 Aug 21, 2020

Thank you for reading. (would you mind citing out those grammar mistakes?) Because I still have time to edit. Thank you for commenting. And I am glad you loved my story.

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10:13 Aug 21, 2020

Yeah sure!!

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Regina Perry
03:47 Aug 21, 2020

This is a very creative story! I love the idea of a scroll-world, where you can enter a family's past and uncover secrets, where everything that happens must be the absolute truth. A few small details to fix- "I had seen my grandmother hide the scroll into it." The word "into" is out of place. Try using the word "inside" instead. You also said about the grandfather, "His speaking was very fluent." the phraseology of which is a bit awkward. It might sound better if you said something along the lines of "He spoke fluently." Or "He ...

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Keerththan 😀
05:08 Aug 21, 2020

I am glad you loved the idea of scroll world. Thank you for pointing out my mistakes and taking your time in commenting. I have changed it as you said. Thank you for reading, Regina. Keep writing.

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Kira Krieger
22:18 Aug 20, 2020

~I don't know when or why family secrets would be brought up in a conversation. Maybe between family members; I don't know how realistic it is with a friend or at all. ~"My father had said to me that my grandfather had a secret which was being passed by the surfacing generations. My grandmother told me that my grandfather died because of a heart attack. " - this makes the read clunky. These are conflicting statements one you have one idea and a different one in another. ~A lot of telling and really choppy ~Too much extraneous information....

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Keerththan 😀
00:46 Aug 21, 2020

Thank you for pointing out my mistakes. I will try to make my story better. Thank you for reading, Kira.

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Jonathan Blaauw
14:38 Aug 20, 2020

You’ve got solid story elements here and for a young writer, as your bio says, you’ve got plenty of potential. And a desire to tell stories, which is the most important thing. The direction you took it shows clever thinking and an intuitive feel for shocking/surprising the reader, which is excellent. Lots of potential little fixes, but I’d like to focus on one particular element. Streamlining. I notice lots of unnecessary details. Short stories need each and every single word to count. If it doesn’t drive the story forward, cut it. Quick eg...

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Keerththan 😀
15:06 Aug 20, 2020

First of all, thank you for taking your time for typing such a long comment. I have cut short many points in the story. I replaced some too. I think being vague would be awesome. Thank you for giving me such helpful comments for improving my story and ultimately my story writing skills. I will definitely remember you streamlining, Jonathan. As well as remember everyone who has commented on my story. Thank you for reading. (if you have some time you may check out my edited story) Again, thank you for reading and commenting and I believe I w...

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Gopika Ashokan
12:31 Aug 20, 2020

Hey! This piece was so great, and the ending was unexpected. Just a thing try not to blankly tell how the character is feeling. Like at the end when you said "I have experienced the shock of my life!", try showing how he felt this shock. Bring about images that will help the readers see it and in a way feel it. Again I loved reading this piece, thanks for writing!

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Keerththan 😀
12:38 Aug 20, 2020

I will change that sentence right now. I am glad you loved my piece and thank you for reading, Gopoika.

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S. Closson
12:17 Aug 20, 2020

Nice story! I didn't see that ending coming at all. Be sure to keep up the creativity!

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Keerththan 😀
12:20 Aug 20, 2020

I will be sure to keep up my creativity. Thank you for reading, Stephen.

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Tejas Chandna
11:34 Aug 20, 2020

The story is a mind-boggling thriller. The only problem I found was with the track of the story. It becomes boring at points when repeated surprises are put, but the story itself makes it thrill-seeking and interesting. I could not stop dragging down to know the secret. It was because the introduction was well framed in a mysterious setting. Good Job Keerth!

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Keerththan 😀
11:59 Aug 20, 2020

Thank you for reading, Tc. I didn't see any boring points. If you can you may suggest some changes, because I can still edit my story. Sorry if my story bored you. Thank you for reading, Tc. (would you mind liking my story, please?)

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Tejas Chandna
12:23 Aug 20, 2020

It did not bore me but some points did. Those points are when I get to know that the suspect could be the grandmother and the point when the boy runs away. better be, he gets tired rather loses energy. I loved it overall, just a few points. I am giving feedback to what I felt when I read it and I would never tell lies if I had few.

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Abigail Slimzy
09:35 Aug 20, 2020

Nice👍

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Keerththan 😀
11:01 Aug 20, 2020

Would you mind liking my story? Thank you for reading.

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B.T Beauregard
17:02 Aug 19, 2020

Amazing job. The plot twists kept you on the edge of your seat, a truly action packed story. The scroll world idea is very creative, a sort of new twist on flashbacks. My only critique is that some parts are a bit too fast paced for me, specifically the grandfathers death and the ending. Maybe consider adding some more description of how the character felt during those situations to make it a bit more dramatic. Other than that, I really enjoyed your story. It’s incredibly creative and engaging. Keep writing!! :)

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Keerththan 😀
01:49 Aug 20, 2020

I will make it a bit slower. Because I still have time to edit. I am glad you enjoyed my story. Thank you for taking your time in commenting. Thank you for reading too, Morgan.

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Sia S
08:54 Aug 20, 2020

I agree with T.c it's nice but some places are fast-paced. But I liked the suspense and the plot of the story, good job!

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Rayhan Hidayat
16:51 Aug 19, 2020

Very cool premise with the scrolls! And I loved the twist ending. Some secrets are better left buried, that's for sure... You have a lot of talent for your age, keep it up! :D

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Keerththan 😀
01:47 Aug 20, 2020

Yes, some secrets are better left buried. I am glad you loved the twist ending. Thank you for reading, Rayhan.

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Doubra Akika
16:28 Aug 19, 2020

This was so creative! Wonderful job! I guess not knowing some family secrets are better. You did an amazing job! Glad I decided to check it out.

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Keerththan 😀
01:44 Aug 20, 2020

Yes, not knowing family secrets are always better. I am glad you decided to check it out. Thank you for reading, Doubra.

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Doubra Akika
08:56 Aug 20, 2020

It was my pleasure!

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Miles Gatling
15:24 Aug 19, 2020

Great work! I like your sense of humor: the dead grandfather joke, a classic. Stay frosty.

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Keerththan 😀
15:42 Aug 19, 2020

Yes , that joke’s a classic. Thank you for reading, Miles. Stay healthy, Miles.

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Avery G.
03:04 Aug 18, 2020

Cool story! Great job!

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Keerththan 😀
03:11 Aug 18, 2020

Thank you for reading, Avery.

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Avery G.
14:49 Aug 18, 2020

You're welcome!

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Barbara Burgess
11:04 Aug 28, 2020

I enjoyed your story and how you wove the fantasy of the scrolls into it. Well done - keep writing.

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Keerththan 😀
15:22 Aug 28, 2020

I am glad you enjoyed my story. Thank you for reading.

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07:50 Aug 27, 2020

This is a very good story. Well done!

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Keerththan 😀
07:59 Aug 27, 2020

Thank you for reading. Please like my story.

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14:49 Aug 27, 2020

Hi I cannot see the "like " button

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Keerththan 😀
15:00 Aug 27, 2020

Hi, but I think it would be right below or above the story.

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15:45 Aug 27, 2020

Ye,s I found it and have done that!

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Karin Venables
14:52 Aug 19, 2020

Be careful what you wish for. Sometimes knowing the family secret isn't good. It's a secret for a reason. I loved the twists in this story. Thank you for a wonderful read.

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Keerththan 😀
15:02 Aug 19, 2020

Yah! Sometimes knowing the family secret is not good. I am glad you loved the twists. Thank you for reading.(would you mind liking my story?)

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Megan Sutherland
14:05 Aug 19, 2020

You asked me to read, so here I am. I found a few grammatical errors here, but my main notice in the story was how fast-paced it was. Maybe you should give more time to showing the personalities of each character. Why does Charlie want to know everyone's secret? Also, what was the purpose of showing Anand Tony's mother in the scroll world? Just a few things I noticed. Good story overall.

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Keerththan 😀
14:08 Aug 19, 2020

Can you show me some grammatical errors. I have already proofread but, didn’t find anything. It is Charlie’s character to know everyone’s family secret. I will try to edit my story a bit and be aware of its pace. Thank you for reading and your comments. They would help me a lot.

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Megan Sutherland
14:10 Aug 19, 2020

Keerththan, To be honest, looking back, maybe some of the grammatical errors were just how you are used to speaking. Do you speak English or do you translate your stories before submitting them?

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Keerththan 😀
14:16 Aug 19, 2020

No, I don’t speak English. I don’t translate as well. I write the story and then type it in Word. I can still edit my story, so that’s the reason I am asking about my mistakes. If you have time, you can suggest some tips or else I will try proofreading again. Thank you for reading and acknowledging my reply.

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Megan Sutherland
14:27 Aug 19, 2020

Of course! I think that I found your way of speaking a little different than mine, so maybe a few of the errors I caught were just your way of speaking.

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Keerththan 😀
14:30 Aug 19, 2020

Oh! I think that’s the reason. I will try to improve myself and my literary skills. Thank you for taking your time in commenting about my story. I will check out those errors.

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09:22 Aug 19, 2020

Keerthan, your way of story telling is very nice...and the vocublary and grammer you have used very good at your age!!!

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Keerththan 😀
09:29 Aug 19, 2020

Thank you for reading. Would you please like my story?

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Elle Clark
08:47 Aug 19, 2020

What an interesting twist at the end! It is very creative and fun to read. I liked the idea of having scrolls that show the family secrets - that’s a very cool idea. Good writing!

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Keerththan 😀
08:49 Aug 19, 2020

I am glad that you liked my fantasy idea of scrolls. Would you mind liking my story? Thank you for reading, Laura.

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