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Creative Nonfiction Funny Contemporary

Moral: Be careful what you wish for, you may get it.

“I wish I didn't have a basset hound.”

“Hello, Sis. So nice of you to call. What's that about your basset hound?”

“I wish I didn't have one. He is nothing but a barf-bag!”

“A barf-bag? Are you talking about that adorable little floppy-eared puppy you paid a king's ransom for at a pet shop a few years back because your lonely youngest daughter looked at you with equally sad puppy-dog eyes begging you to let her take him home?”

“The one and only. She was left home alone so much when her brother and sister moved out. Since I had to work all the time she convinced me she needed a companion. They bonded immediately. There was no way I could deny two pairs of sad eyes. That would have been cruel. They ganged up on me, I tell you. They were inseparable. But now she moved out into her own apartment where no dogs are allowed so Kujo stays with me where she can still visit him.”

“Well, at least you have a companion now, right?”

“Not much of a companion when all he does is barf up anything he eats.”

“Maybe he needs to see a vet if he is not keeping his food down.”

“I never said it was food he can't keep down. He chews on everything he can reach then barfs it back up.”

“He probably has anxiety missing your daughter. He undoubtedly chews on your things to feel close to you while you are out. Think of it this way, it's the thought that counts.”

)()()(

“I wish I didn't have a basset hound.”

“Hi, Sis. Good to hear from you this week. Is that basset beast still barfing up your best belongings?”

“He has gotten out of that routine, somewhat. I banned him to the back yard while I'm away from the house. But he has become a back-yard escape artist, instead. Guess he dislikes me so much he doesn't want to stick around anymore. Trouble is I have to drive all over the neighborhood looking for him.”

“Perhaps he is searching for his long lost companion. Does she still get over to visit? Or maybe he is thinking he needs to get you out of the house more often. Take a walk once in a while. He's nothing but a hound dog, after all. It's the thought that counts.”

)()()(

“I wish I didn't have a basset hound.”

“Uh, Sis. I think I heard you say that last week. Is he still breaking out of the back yard?”

“My basset is such a bozo. Not only does he break out of the yard, he creates his own circus at the park. He plays the clown for all the kids by getting stuck at the top of the slide and blocking it for anyone else. He should know by now I am too exhausted by the end of my work day to go out and play.”

“You are telling me that short-legged, lethargic-looking hound dog puts you on a merry-go-round.”

“I am telling you, that nothing but a hound dog, back-yard break-out artist, barf-bag, bozo is a balloon-head master minded beast. He doesn't think about me at all so don't tell me 'it's the thought that counts'.

)()()(

“I wish I didn't have a basset hound.”

“Okay, Sis, I'm almost too afraid to ask what happened this week. Why the long sounding face?”

“My long-faced, long-eared, droopy sad-eyed, barf-bag, bozo, back-yard break-out artist, balloon-headed, nothing but a hound dog, basset hound nearly got himself and me arrested.”

“What was he thinking?”

“He wasn't thinking, only reacting. You know all those geese that hang out by the river? He almost caught one. Caused a gaggle of geese to clog the skies. They flew over the cuckoo's nest and...”

“Cuckoo's nest?”

“Oh, you know, that big nest out on the island everyone is crazy about. Maybe it's an eagle nest but nobody ever wants it disturbed. And, well, all those geese honking at one time disturbed it. Now the town leaders want someone held accountable so since we were the last ones seen near that path... Well, we are infamous, now. I am officially known as the maniac woman waddling after her waddling wayward hound waddling after waddling water fowl. Charges pending.”

“Who is ever gonna believe that low-slung-bellied pooch could move fast enough to run a fowl down?”

“In this case maybe it is the thought that counts. He is an awkward optimistic opportunist.”

)()()(

“Well, you are never gonna believe this! I got my wish!”

“Hi, Sis. Oh, please don't tell me the authorities took your beautiful basset hound away.”

“No. Whereas it is true I no longer have a basset hound that is not how it happened. Remember I told you how famous we have become? I've been seen all over town chasing down that durn dog.”

“Yes, yes, of course. But you also said charges were pending. What happened?”

“Charges were dropped. Laughed right out of court once the judge saw the accused culprit. But the wily waddling wonder dog has been behaving himself quite admirably, I might add. He has innocently been awaiting my return each day inside the the dog kennel inside my house. But that doesn't stop the kindly neighbors who know his reputation to stop being helpful.

“You understand I have no idea who it was that was being so helpful. They really thought they were returning my back-yard break-out artist, barf-bag, bozo, balloon-headed basset hound to this poor waddling woman. Back to his rightful owner, ya know. Bless their heart and thank you kindly whoever you may be. I am sure the good Samaritan's only motivation was doing a favor for a poor beleaguered neighbor. The person considerately tied the wandering, wayward, perfect specimen of the basset hound representative securely to my front step railing. Unfortunately, this superb example of everything a show dog basset hound should exhibit was no where close to my run-of-the-mill, average at best, looking sad-eyed desperado. Oh, well. It is the thought that counts.

“But imagine my amazement, Dear Sister, when I got home to discover I no longer have a basset hound. I now have two basset hounds!”

“Maybe you needed to be a bit more specific in your wish.”

The End

April 10, 2023 03:09

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40 comments

Rebecca Lewis
16:13 Jul 29, 2024

Your story is charming and funny. It does a great job of playing with the saying, "Be careful what you wish for." The relationship between the protagonist and her sister is great. The dialogue feels natural and captures the bond well. The humor works well and builds. The recurring joke about the basset hound's nicknames (barf-bag, bozo, etc.) is funny. The theme is clear and well-conveyed. The sister's final comment about needing to be more specific in wishes is a clever touch. You've got an engaging and light-hearted story that shows the mo...

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Mary Bendickson
17:15 Jul 29, 2024

Thank you😊

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Graham Kinross
05:03 Mar 24, 2024

This is a sweet story. I like that you go into all of the inconveniences of pet ownership but it’s not a bitter story. For all they put us through the companionship is worth it.

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Mary Bendickson
05:21 Mar 24, 2024

Yes, that was a funny puppy tale. Thanks for liking.

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Graham Kinross
07:26 Mar 24, 2024

You’re welcome Mary.

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08:58 Sep 05, 2023

https://exampledomain.com/?u=XXXXX&o=YYYYY

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Juliet. B.
15:27 May 04, 2023

I love this story! It's amazing, I love all the details! It reminds me of my dog :D!

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Mary Bendickson
16:17 May 04, 2023

Thanks, Juliet. True story (embellished a little, maybe) of my sister's dog several years ago. Looking forward to seeing some of your book.

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Joe Smallwood
02:48 Apr 27, 2023

"my back-yard break-out artist, barf-bag, bozo, balloon-headed basset hound to this poor waddling woman" Please write like this. I didn't get tired of it. My wife has to clean up the barf just about every day from one animal or another. Long-haired cats barf even when you brush them. Anyway it was fun. One more to go!

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Amanda Lieser
13:18 Apr 26, 2023

Hi Mary! This was a charming tale and I loved the formatting of it! My mother has a weekly phone call with her sister and I know sometimes it feels like it’s just a complaining session for them. But it goes to the spirit of their long relationship. I think you captured that in this story. I liked that it incorporated all of the not so talked about aspects of pet ownership. My favorite part was how the protagonist talked about being ganged up on and convinced to get the dog in the first place and that she paid a fortune for the pup. ;) It’s a...

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Mary Bendickson
14:42 Apr 26, 2023

Spot on and thanks for liking, commenting and following.

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Ian James
05:20 Apr 23, 2023

What a story. Finally got the chance to give it a read. 😀 Once had a Jack Russel Terrier, Carlos. Little guy had a biting problem, chomped on anything he saw, even shattered a pricey vase of my mom's. Gave our family quite the headache. Years passed, got a beagle named Sally. She was the complete opposite of Carlos, timid and not into playing with other dogs. Sharp as a tack though. Sadly, both are gone now and I sure do miss them.

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Mary Bendickson
05:59 Apr 23, 2023

They have a way of attaching to the heart and not letting go. My story about 'Blacktop' is about my cat but I have also had dogs I miss.

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Frances Gaudiano
20:25 Apr 21, 2023

Sweet story. I liked the part about him chasing the fowl and giving the protagonist unwanted notoriety.

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Mary Bendickson
21:22 Apr 21, 2023

Yep, he was the pup that ran a fowl. Thanks.

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00:54 Apr 21, 2023

Such an hilarious story. Loved it. Maybe not so good to have a reader struggle through the "back-yard break-out artist, barf-bag, bozo, balloon-headed basset hound" all the time. Maybe you could have come up with an abbreviated nick name at times? "B x 5? Just a thought. Still enjoyed it. Read the things you wrote about yourself. You sound like me except that you are at an earlier stage. Wouldn't pick it though. Your story is great.

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Michał Przywara
20:39 Apr 17, 2023

Ha! What a great twist :) And I was very worried where the story might go, given it's creative non-fiction, and the moral was "Be careful what you wish for" - and the wish was to not have the hound! Although I guess *someone* must have lost their dog by the end :) A funny story, even if it might have been stressful at the time. Poor geese :)

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Mary Bendickson
21:02 Apr 17, 2023

Thanks for liking and commenting. My sister can't even remember how she found the rightful owner of the perfect basset but she didn't have to keep it forever. I thought it was spot-on for the prompt so had to write about it. Those geese are favorites of the community and get fed a lot so don't feel too sorry for the fowl. It was hilarious to think that dog could catch anything!

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Chris Miller
20:57 Apr 16, 2023

Hi Mary, "Why the long sounding face?" is a great line. The repetitive structure really adds to the humour. Lovely story.

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Wally Schmidt
17:53 Apr 16, 2023

Ahh..the old "I'm so lonely, I need a pet' ploy. Been there, done that. This story builds so nicely and I loved all the references you slipped in. Such a fun Sunday read-thanks for that!

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Mary Bendickson
17:59 Apr 16, 2023

And who ends up taking care of it, as always? Glad you liked it.

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Wally Schmidt
18:17 Apr 16, 2023

You already know the answer to that one! 😉

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Rabab Zaidi
06:28 Apr 16, 2023

Really entertaining! Well done !!

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Laurel Hanson
16:44 Apr 15, 2023

A story about returning "my back-yard break-out artist, barf-bag, bozo, balloon-headed basset hound to this poor waddling woman" and ending up with two! Lots of comical language here. I was wondering about the titles (nothing but a hound dog, one flew over the cuckoo's nest), are there others hidden like easter eggs in this little tale? Loved: "He doesn't think about me at all so don't tell me 'it's the thought that counts'."

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Mary Bendickson
17:01 Apr 15, 2023

Maybe a little Kujo (Cujo) thrown in, clown work (Bozo),and I don't know, use your own imagination. Glad you liked it:)

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12:41 Apr 14, 2023

Mary, this was a very fun piece! I like the dialogue style writing, I almost imagined this whole story as a phone conversation. While the narrator is lamenting the trials of owning their basset, I have a feeling if their hound disappeared entirely ... they would miss him! The twist on the ending wish made me laugh, so good job! :)

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Mary Bendickson
13:19 Apr 14, 2023

Thank you. The story transpired over several weekly phone calls these sisters made to each other. This truly happened to my sister when someone returned a basset hound to her front step because they thought hers had once again run away. She told me all the time she wished she didn't have a basset then she had two:) Wish granted! Thanks for liking her unforgettable hound dog. Her daughter would have been crushed if something awful had happened to that wayward pooch.

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Kevin V
00:34 Apr 13, 2023

Wow, there is a lot here Mary! Alliterations galore! Pop culture mentions - You ain't nuthin' but a hound dog, one flew over the cuckoo's nest, and Kujo (I assume a not to Stephen King's 'Cujo.') that I can remember. Lots of fun reading. Thanks Mary

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Mary Bendickson
04:38 Apr 13, 2023

Thanks for taking time to read and comment. If I remember right the dog's name was something like Kia but I wanted a little more personality so went with 'Kujo'. Don't think he was quite as bad as Cujo.

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Viga Boland
19:03 Apr 12, 2023

That was a ton of fun Mary. And what a job on those supercalifragilistic phrases you kept adding to to describe that dear pooch. Love your humor girlfriend. By the way, are you sure you have entered this under the correct prompt? You used the phrase “it’s the thought that counts” time and again. Just thought I’d mention it 🤔😉

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Mary Bendickson
19:21 Apr 12, 2023

Thanks for the nice comment. If you look closely I used at least three of the prompts. See the moral of the story? If I had added a thought about asking Sis for a ride to the airport I could have hit all five. I chose to go for 'funny'. I also thought the one I used was the most challenging prompt for me this time because my first thought was 'duh, how?' Then I remembered the time my sister had this funny experience so...

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Viga Boland
19:47 Apr 12, 2023

Yes, I did catch that you had used more than one prompt. And yes, it worked. I just wanted to be sure you slotted the story where you felt it most belonged. One of the rules for the judges on Reedsy is to determine if the story addresses the prompt.

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Mary Bendickson
22:53 Apr 12, 2023

It was definitely 'a favor that turned out to be a nuisance for the recipient' so I thought it fit. I always seem to pick the easiest or the most popular prompt to write under. My first thought that this one would be harder so maybe not as used but I see a lot with this one so I guess I am wrong again:) Thanks for the helpful hints. 'Funny' seems to be becoming the genre I do best.

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Michelle Oliver
00:05 Apr 11, 2023

Oh Mary this is soooo cute. I love the cumulative adjectives to describe her basset hound. It reminded me of a children’s book, turned into a song, that I used to read my kids called the Wonky Donkey. If you’ve never heard of it… we’ll you’re probably lucky! So many pop culture references that made me laugh. Cuckoos nest indeed… nice! Elvis, thanks for that. And seriously, how many prompts can you fit into the one story. Well done and thanks for the laugh!

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Mary Bendickson
01:05 Apr 11, 2023

Why, thank you, Michelle. So great you caught all of that. Call me lucky 'cause don't think I have heard of "Wonky Donkey" now I'll need to do some research. Did you catch the comment about this really happening to my poor sister? (Well, maybe with a little embellishment!:) Sometimes it is hard to make a real story reach 1000+ words. And children's books into song would be right up her alley.

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Michelle Oliver
01:09 Apr 11, 2023

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZXExDXXP8g

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Mary Bendickson
15:59 Apr 11, 2023

Thanks. Pasted it in but it didn't come up. I'll get my tech support to help but he is busy working now. Guess I could have asked my sister for a ride to the airport. Pretty sure there would have been good chance of her car breaking down. Then I think I would have met all five prompts for the week:)

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Mary Bendickson
02:12 Apr 16, 2023

Finally got it. What fun!

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Richard E. Gower
13:00 Apr 10, 2023

I thought I might know where this story was going, Mary, when I saw the dog's name, Kujo (OH, OH!), in para six, but you fooled me. And now I also have this blankety-blank Elvis tune-cootie buzzing around in my head...-:) Nicely done with a clever O. Henry twist at the end. Be careful what you wish for, indeed. -:) Cheers! RG

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Mary Bendickson
15:16 Apr 10, 2023

This really happened to my sister who lives such a not-so-charmed life! I think the dog's name was actually Kia but thought 'Kujo' fit his MO. And 'he ain't nothin' but a hound dog' proved true. Her wish should have been "I wish I didn't have ANY basset hound." He did start out as awfully cute, though.

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