226 comments

Romance LGBTQ+ Teens & Young Adult

Trigger warning: strong(ish) language



πΌπ“‡π’Ύπ‘’β€™π“ˆ 𝒫π’ͺ𝒱

I jump out of the taxi as soon as it gets to the airport.

Taking my wallet out of my pocket and turning my head to the driver who is staring at me with his lips pursed.

β€œSorry, how much?” I ask him, staring at my wallet.

The taxi driver just stares at me, his eyebrow flat on his face. β€œ50.”

I take 50 dollars out and hand him the money as he takes all of my suitcases out of the trunk.

β€œThank you so much,” I say as he puts my suitcases onto the sidewalk.

The man rolls his eyes and says, β€œNo problem, have a nice day.”

My bitten nails scratch my legs. That isn’t very attractive, and my father would faint if he saw my nails, but I’ve been horribly stressed.

Today, I’m going to take a private jet to a private mansion/beach house in Malibu.

Malibu is 4,361 kilometers from my hometown.

Everyone’s gonna be on that private jet, so they’re going to be judging me from every angle.

The clean, cold smell of the airport fills my system, and I look around. It’s 5 a.m., and I have eaten nothing. I buy a box of crackers and fresh slices of cheese for the trip, but as soon as I get to my gate, I open the cracker pack.

A girl plops down right next to me, but I ignore her, reading my book. The paper still smells crisp.

I set a slice of cheese on my cracker and nibble on the crispy ends.

I yawn, closing my eyes for a second.

God, I wish I was sleeping in a comfortable bed right now.

Airplanes have always made my eyes droop, no matter what time it is.

β€œHey! Might you be Irie?” the girl next to me speaks.

β€œName’s Irie Vaughan, yeah,” - I nod, placing my book on my lap and taking another cracker out of the pile - β€œwhat’s up?”

β€œGreat!” the girl smiles at me, and I can tell she has an accent, she rolls her β€˜r’s. β€œMine is AurΓ©lie, you can call me Γ‰lie!”

Γ‰lie flashes me a smile and her stomach rumbles.

β€œGah, I’m so sorry!” Γ‰lie’s face fades bright red and she massages her stomach with her pointer and middle finger.

β€œHungry?” I ask, although I already know the answer. β€œDon’t be embarrassed, it’s fine!” I reassure Γ‰lie, smiling at her.

She smiles back, β€œThanks.”

β€œWant a cracker?”

β€œSure!” she reaches out and snatches one of my crackers as if I’m going to change my mind.

β€œSo, where’re you from? Not around here.” I ask, turning to Γ‰lie.

β€œI’m French, but I came here for a...” - Γ‰lie pauses for a second and stares at something behind me - β€œa job interview. Sorry, just dozed off for a second there.”


π”Έπ•¦π•£Γ©π•π•šπ•–β€™π•€ ℙ𝕆𝕍

I needed to get away. I didn’t come to Jamaica for a job interview, but she doesn’t need to know that, does she?

I can feel her staring at me. I’ve always been a horrible liar, but if I can’t do this...

β€œAlright.”

She sounds hesitant but quickly hides it as I make eye contact.

β€œSo you’re from Jamaica? Which part?”

I already know which part, I snuck into the office and checked out her file. She’s the hottest girl I’ve ever seen in my damn life.

β€œI’m from Negril,” she tells me, munching on a piece of mozzarella.

β€œOoh, nice!”

β€œYeah, I love it, it’s a beautiful place. There are so many good people, beaches, and wines.” Rie says, her eyes flickering and a grin forming on her face. She has a faraway dreamland look in her hazel eyes.

I smile, then flinch as my teeth scrape my cheek a bit too hard. Rie looks alarmed as she watches me, her eyebrows furrowed.

β€œΓ‰lie, are you okay?” she asks me, her fingers caressing my shoulder.

I nod and smile at Rie, biting my lip.

β€œOh! I was supposed to get you to our plane, let’s go.”

β€œWait-what?” Rie stares at me, her eyes wide as I grab her arm and drag her down the hallway.

β€œI’m on the same plane as you, forgot to tell ya.”

β€œYou’re on Match Made too?”

β€œYep, and Daven told me to go get you because you might not know how to get to it yourself. This is the wrong gate, idiot.”

Well, Daven didn't exactly tell me. He ordered me to, because he thinks since he's older than me by TWO MONTHS, he's the coolest guy on Earth.

Gosh, I warned my aunt about him, but she still pretends that I said nothing.

Rie stares at me with wide eyes. β€œIt would’ve been more helpful if you’d just told me first thing.”

β€œWell, that’d be weird,” I say.

Behind me, Rie mutters her reply, but I can’t hear her.

β€œSo,” - I turn to her and grab one of her suitcases from her hand and continue walking - β€œwhy’re ya here?”

β€œWhatcha mean?”

β€œYou know that there’s a cash prize involved, so...”


πΌπ“‡π’Ύπ‘’β€™π“ˆ 𝒫π’ͺ𝒱

I stare at Γ‰lie in surprise.

What does she...?

β€œOh! Um... I really want to be a fashion designer and start my own business, so I think this would really help, you know?” I say, smiling at her.

The steps to the plane are steep, and once I climb inside the plane, the doors slowly close behind me, mechanical whirring noises filling my ears.

My eyes widen as I see the inside. I thought it would be like a regular plane, but it isn’t even close to the itchy navy chairs and uncomfortable narrow β€˜pathways’ that squeeze people β€˜till their guts fly out.

Guess these people like to fly VIP, huh?

I glance back at Γ‰lie, who’s giving me a smile and a pat on the back.

β€œHey, what’s up, guys?!” she says, grabbing my wrist and walking in front of me.

A man rolls his eyes and mutters, "Hey look it's Γ‰lie," then, turning to his friend, he mutters, "that annoying piece of shit."

His friend smiles at him and says, "Ugh, she brought a friend. We're in for a real treat.".

Mental note: beat his ass when I get the chance.

Before I can say anything though, Γ‰lie is already talking.

β€œHey! You could at least ACT excited to see me. Ya don’t have to rub it in. Jeez.”

The guy stares at Γ‰lie and shakes his head, saying, β€œGosh, you creepy little-β€œ

I bend down, set my suitcase onto the floor, and stand up. β€œShut the hell up, why don’t you?!”

I lunge at the guy. He stares at me, his eyes and mouth wide open-

Someone pulls at my arm, and I fall to the ground.

β€œWho-β€œ I turn to see Γ‰lie’s hand on my arm and glare up at her, my eyes narrow.

β€œYou’re crazy!” the man yells, his eyes wide in terror and his skin pale, he repeats himself, β€œyou’re crazy, woman!”

I shake my head and snatch my arm away from Γ‰lie’s grasp.

β€œS'cuse me,”

Running into the bathroom, right in my line of sight, I shut and lock the door behind me.

I close my eyes, my hands sliding down my face. β€œCrap.”

I need water. Something cold and refreshing to splash on my face. As I turn around, I notice that the bathroom is huge.

Of course.

β€œGod, I helped her, and she didn’t want me to,” I say to myself, leaning over the glass sink bowl and looking for a handle to turn the water on.

I rolled my eyes and put my hands under the faucet. The faucet gave a measly gurgle before water poured out of it.

I throw my arms up into the air and grab my elbow with my other arm.

β€œRie?” a voice calls.

I ignore it, running into a stall.

Oh gosh, wait... what’d I eat today?!

I still have the salty taste from both the crackers and cheese together, and before that... nothing.

How many crackers did I have?! Dammit.

I kneel over the toilet, breathing in and out. My eyes are closed, and I have to calm myself down.

β€œRie, are you okay?” Γ‰lie says from outside the door to the locked bathroom.

I don’t answer and keep my mouth shut, my breathing getting slower and calmer.

This is fine. It’s all gonna be fine. Everyone has different ways of coping with stress, it isn’t like mine is necessarily... bad.

My finger creeps down my tongue, and I gag as it gets closer to my throat.

I don’t think it’ll be THAT loud; I didn’t have many, did I?

A slow trickle of pale liquid with pale and orange chunks creeps down my tongue and out of my mouth.



π”Έπ•¦π•£Γ©π•π•šπ•–β€™π•€ ℙ𝕆𝕍

β€œYes!” I yell, my smile filling my whole mouth. My mouth and face already hurt, but I won’t stop. I am determined to win this.

The mansion is right in front of a beach, has a balcony, a bay window, and a patio.

β€œThis is awesome as hell!” a boy behind me yells, and he shoves past with his elbow.

I glare at him, then realize that I haven’t heard from Rie ever since I stopped her from killing Daven.

β€œC’mon, girl! Let’s go have fun!” another girl yells, and I see that she and Rie are holding hands. The girl is pulling her towards a room and yelling, β€œThis is our room, β€˜kay?”

I shake my head.

So immature, why is Rie hanging out with her?! She could definitely do MUCH better.

I look around at the people who are left.

Daven’s running off into a room with some giggling, slinking girl.

Well... I know where that’s going, and I definitely don’t want ANY part of that.

I also do want a room with another girl, not a guy, because I don’t trust them at all. Especially not the ones here.

β€œI’ll be by myself,” I announce, dragging all my suitcases into my own room.

The rooms are all freaking huge, and as I set my suitcase down on the bed, I see that the closet’s slightly ajar. Something neon green catches the corner of my eye and I open the closet. I see a perfectly fitted high-leg frill triangle bottom piece paired with a black and neon green frill top piece placed right in the front of it.

β€œOoh, God, you know me!” I say, hugging the two-piece.

A crackling noise comes from a corner of my room and I look up in surprise to hear a female voice say, β€œHotties, please report to the patio outside immediately for rule evaluation.”

I’ll just skip it-

β€œWarning: if you don’t report to the patio, you will be automatically disqualified and get no cash at all.” the voice says.

Well, dang it, this girl’s psychic.

I walk downstairs and bump into Daven in the way. The giggling girl from before is hanging onto him, and he has his mouth all over her mouth and tongue.

This is your step-cousin, girl. He's a freaking asshole.

β€œY’all are disgusting. Get a freakin’ room!” I say, shoving Daven out of the way.



πΌπ“‡π’Ύπ‘’β€™π“ˆ 𝒫π’ͺ𝒱

I run to the table with Ross and we sit down, even though we’re dripping wet, we sit down on the burgundy couch and warm up with the firepit which is in the middle of the patio.

β€œNow that everyone’s here, I’m going to start with the basic rules.” the female voice from before says.

The voice is coming from a speaker in the middle of the couch. I stifle a laugh

β€œUgh,” the guy from before groans, his hands sliding down his face.

β€œShut up, Daven.” the robotic voice says, and my eyes widen at it, as does the guy who just spoke - I assume he’s Daven? - β€œanyway, so, the basic concept of all this is, you all have to form genuine relationships: friendship and love.”

β€œHow much money do we win?” Daven asked, a grin forming on his face.

β€œThree million dollars.”

I watch as Γ‰lie’s jade green eyes light up, and she catches my eye.

As soon as the girl’s done talking, I tell Ross, β€œI’ll be right back, I have to go to the bathroom.”

β€œAlright.”

I follow Γ‰lie into the bathroom, and she turns to me right away. β€œWe have to get the money, we both need it, I can tell you do. C’mon,” she tells me, a small smile on her face.

β€œWhat do you mean by that?” I say, avoiding her eyes.

β€œI mean, I’ve only known you for two minutes - probably more - but I’ve already fallen in love with you, so... could you be my girlfriend?” she says, grinning and winking at me.

November 14, 2020 04:12

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

226 comments

Hello Raquel! You asked me to check out your story, and here I am! So the first thing I noticed was how well you built the story for this "fake relationship". The whole reality show biz and the way the two characters acted made it seem so real! Honestly, I loved this story! Please ask me to check out more of your stories, because I would LOVE to. :)

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
16:52 Nov 14, 2020

Oh my gosh, thank you so, so much!!! I'm so glad you liked! (although I don't really like the concept of a fake relationship, I wanted to try something different, lol) Thank you! I'm glad you like my stories as much as I like yours :) Oh, thanks a lot! :D You made my day!

Reply

I am so glad I did! Also, I upvoted you a lot! You deserve those points! :)

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
12:55 Nov 17, 2020

Thank you so much, I'll upvote you too!

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
13:27 Nov 17, 2020

:)

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Raquel Rodriguez
19:28 Nov 17, 2020

Ooh, I will, once I can log in to my Gmail, I'm doing homework, lol

Reply

Ohhhhh. I STILL GOT MY HOLIDAY ON!

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
13:03 Nov 18, 2020

GOSHHHHHH LUCKYYYYYYYY *screams*

Reply

Hahahaaaaa yasss *smiles smugly*

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
14:58 Nov 18, 2020

no no no no no I no get holiday, that not fairrrrr *turns into monster and stomps around the city like Godzilla, destroying buildings*

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply

Ahhh, thank you for that, Sia!!!

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
13:03 Nov 18, 2020

:D

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
05:16 Nov 24, 2020

:)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 2 replies
Arham Ishraq
17:29 Nov 14, 2020

I like the flow of the story, your descriptions were short and sweet (which is fine). Though I do feel that you can overdo someones personality. Like when it says "Here we go, annoying piece of shit just arrived, we're in for a REAL treat. She brought another crazy little asshole with her," You put a comma at the end, idk why lol. And I felt uneasy reading this because it sounds very forced and natural. As a person around people who are always cursing, I don't think this is something someone would say. Also, I feel like if its two peop...

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
18:15 Nov 14, 2020

Thanks a lot, Arham! Oof, do I? Boy, I swore never to say the 'n' word or the 'b' word, even in my stories, so I can't. Also, Shannon and I agreed, only in NY. I don't agree that it is super unrealistic, but whatever, lol. Wow, look at you!!!! Fixing my work, lol Alright, bye! :P

Reply

Arham Ishraq
01:51 Nov 15, 2020

Lol

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
16:17 Nov 15, 2020

Lol

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply

Lolllll, cute ending! I like the slight awkwardness in the story! Good job!

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
15:27 Nov 14, 2020

Thank you so much! :) I submitted this at the last second, lol, so no revisions or anything, but yeah. :)

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
16:23 Nov 15, 2020

:D

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
17:27 Nov 15, 2020

:D

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Amaya .
23:13 Nov 17, 2020

hiiii i saw in ur bio that ur writing a book! that is v v excitinggg I'm starting a novella too so i just thought that was really cool. if u ever need ideas or motivation or something you can ask me :)

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
23:25 Nov 17, 2020

Omggg hiiii! I've seen B, Sia, and Kylie talking to you but I didn't know if I should say anything,but you seem really fun! Thank you so much! Omg, that's cool! You're writing a novella! That's one of my ambitions, I love writing and it's really helped me a lot :)

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
23:30 Nov 17, 2020

Gonna upvote you, since when I checked out your bio it said you were being downvoted :P

Reply

Amaya .
23:38 Nov 17, 2020

aww thank you, you don't have to!

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
23:41 Nov 17, 2020

Well, I diddddd ;) Hehe so evil of me >:)

Reply

Amaya .
23:44 Nov 17, 2020

so evil

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Amaya .
23:40 Nov 17, 2020

hey do u want to an upvote for upvote? of maybe 100?

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
23:42 Nov 17, 2020

I mean, I upvoted you, lol, you don't have to upvote me, it's fine :)

Reply

Amaya .
23:44 Nov 17, 2020

no ill still upvote you 100, u can do 100 more for me if you want but u don't have to because I'm pretty sure you just did 100

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 2 replies
Amaya .
23:37 Nov 17, 2020

hi! aw im glad i seemed funnn that's always nice to hear lol its so cool that we're both working on our ambitions at the same timeeee same i love writing so much, it's so much fun. do you do poetry or journaling or anything? any sort of writing other than reedsy and ur book?

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
23:43 Nov 17, 2020

yeeeee ikrrrr! writing is my LIFE, gurl (lmao) oh, I love writing poems and scripts, and I love writing about murders and true crime, it's so funnn! the only websites I'm on for writing are Wattpad, Reedsy, and NaNoWriMo :P

Reply

Amaya .
23:46 Nov 17, 2020

i do poetry and i have a journal where i kinda do whatever oh im only on reedsy, i was thinking of joining AllPoetry but idk if i will. ooh is nanowrimo your inspiration for writing a book? Do you think you will finish it by the end of the month?

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
23:49 Nov 17, 2020

oh, niceeee! yeah, same, idk if I'm gonna join AllPoetry, especially because I rarely have ideas for poems, lol well, not really, I was writing a book before that, but someone told me about it so I thought I'd join. I don't think so, lol. I took a little break because of school and all the work I get, but I do work on it on the weekend. I barely even have time to write on Reedsy anymore, lmao

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 2 replies
Show 1 reply

Hiii! Great story, I really love it! I love the names also, Irie, Γ‰lie, and Aurelie, those are so unique and fun! And I also liked the different POVΒ΄s it added a great touch to the story.

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
18:22 Nov 14, 2020

Hey Blair! Thank you so much, I'm glad you liked the names! I used the Reedsy name generator for AurΓ©lie/Γ‰lie, but for Irie I came up with hers. So glad you liked it! Yeah, I wanted to try something new, since I don't think I've ever done POVs, lol :)

Reply

Of course! Well, they were awesome! You should try them again.

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
22:41 Nov 14, 2020

Thank you :) I rushed it, so you shouldn't give me a LOT of credit, lol

Reply

No problem Oh, well it was still really good.

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
23:01 Nov 14, 2020

Aww, thank you so much! Have you ever tried switching POVs? I think you should, you're good at writing :)

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
B. W.
23:13 Nov 22, 2020

so, hows it coming with the book?

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
13:00 Nov 23, 2020

Oh, I decided to not do it, I'm doing another thing instead since my idea is too similar to a very popular book lol

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
B. W.
03:08 Nov 19, 2020

heyyy

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
05:15 Nov 19, 2020

hiiiiii! :)

Reply

B. W.
05:54 Nov 19, 2020

how are ya?

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
05:55 Nov 19, 2020

good! :)

Reply

B. W.
05:56 Nov 19, 2020

I guess im good as well ^^ I'm not as busy anymore so I can finally try to work on my novels again

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
06:22 Nov 19, 2020

oh, alright! That's great! I think I'm gonna write my story over Thanksgiving and Christmas break :P

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Amaya .
18:46 Nov 18, 2020

i love ur new profile pic it's so aesthetic and prettyyy and ur new username

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
19:55 Nov 18, 2020

Thank you so muchhhh! Lol Did you hear that schools are closing again due to corona cases risinggg? YAYYYYYYYYYY lmao

Reply

Amaya .
19:55 Nov 18, 2020

well where do you live? because they never opened here, it;s been so bad lmao

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
20:24 Nov 18, 2020

Oh, I'm in NY, lol Wow, wait- where are you then? :P

Reply

Amaya .
20:25 Nov 18, 2020

guess! i want to see if you can. ill give you covid hints we are doing very very badly. the schools haven't opened since March. we keep getting worse and worse. very popular state. well-known

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
20:41 Nov 18, 2020

Illinois? Texas? Cali? hmmmm

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply

I loved the dialoge between Elie and Irie's different views... Overall great work, I'll upvote you right now!

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
16:48 Nov 18, 2020

Oh my gosh, thank you so muchhhhh! I'm gonna upvote you after my S.S. class! :)

Reply

Thank you Raquel! Also do check out my stories and tell me what you think (PS) I love your profile picture

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
B. W.
03:15 Nov 18, 2020

heyyy

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
03:26 Nov 18, 2020

heyyyy, sorry, gtg to bed ttyl (in the morning) also, gurlll how do you have so much free time? lol

Reply

B. W.
03:27 Nov 18, 2020

I dunno, i just have it :/

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
03:28 Nov 18, 2020

lol, do you have a break off school or smth?

Reply

B. W.
03:29 Nov 18, 2020

nope, i do online school which i guess makes it easier

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
03:30 Nov 18, 2020

same, but I have sooo much hw

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
B. W.
00:54 Nov 18, 2020

i got a new story out ^^ could ya check out "the search" and leave some feedback

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
00:58 Nov 18, 2020

alright, probably in a little while :)

Reply

B. W.
01:01 Nov 18, 2020

alright thanks ^^ im excited to see what ya think

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply

Yay! New story! I discovered that you had a new story while I was upvoting, so here I am! I love this prompt, and I am so glad you wrote a story for it! This is SO cute! Elie and Irie are perfect for each other! And Raquel, THERE HAD BETTER BE A SEQUEL!!! MAYBE EVEN THIS WEEK!! I seriously need a sequel, I NEED to know what Irie says! Please make a sequel!

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
21:59 Nov 17, 2020

Yay! Thank you so much, Kylie! By the way, I was taking your quiz (Sia told me about it), lol. It was so fun and good! You should definitely do another one! Thank youuuu! I really liked them together :) Don't worry, you'll be the first I tell when I make the sequel, I just don't have an idea yet! Lol, you're so niceee! I'm gonna upvote you too, thank you soooo muchhhh!

Reply

Yay!! Thank you so much, Raquel! You'd better be! Yay! Thank you so much!!!

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
23:46 Nov 17, 2020

No problem! ;D Lol, yeah! I'll tell you right away, when I write it, I'll have your story right in front of me on another tab, and right after I post it I'll tell youuuu, lmao Guess where I'm stayingggg right nowww, I'm dying of... something... idk lol

Reply

Yay!! You'd better! WHERE?!

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
23:50 Nov 17, 2020

My grandparentsssss, ughhh Lol, they aren't THAT baddddd

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
B. W.
21:39 Nov 15, 2020

You been seeing the person who's been sending the link to something as well for a while? They commented on Brooke's latest story as well cuz I think you said something about it :/ they said something to me as well

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
12:28 Nov 16, 2020

Yeah, they've done this to me, my friend (Arham), Brooke, and now you. I've checked their comments and when I upvote stories, I usually see their comments. First, they comment something like 'Oh, I really like your story' and then ask you to click on the link for their 'team to win.' They've done that to me before, but it was only a harry potter video, and I sent another one back.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
B. W.
05:03 Nov 15, 2020

heyyy

Reply

Show 0 replies
B. W.
18:54 Nov 14, 2020

I know you would probably want more to be said for this but I just really like the story and how you did it ^^ 10/10 :)

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
19:24 Nov 14, 2020

Thanks B! I'm glad you enjoyed ;)

Reply

B. W.
19:47 Nov 14, 2020

no prob ^^ do ya think you could maybe help me with something?

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
19:56 Nov 14, 2020

Sorry, I'm busy writing my next story, I want to get it out earlier than I did for this story, so yeah.

Reply

B. W.
21:31 Nov 14, 2020

what prompt are ya doing?

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
22:41 Nov 14, 2020

The secret then lie one. How about you?

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Ash M
16:10 Nov 14, 2020

N i c e ... The dialogue is kind of unnatural at some points throughout the story, maybe try to make it flow together more smoothly. The pacing is a bit fast, but it's understandable considering that 3000 words are the maximum amount. I like the idea for the story and the way that the characters interact with one another. Furthermore, the little details you add like the characters' habits (like nail-biting and other minor things) really help bring the characters more life. But are we not going to talk about how the male on the airplane liter...

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
16:59 Nov 14, 2020

Alright! I edited it, thanks for telling me! Yeah, lol, I rushed this, so yeah. I was literally on a call with you while writing this, so it's definitely one of my lesser stories. Yeah, I had so much more, but the contest was ending, so I had to rush ittt Oooh, fancyyyy Nice, lol. Don't worry, I added R e A s O n S to why he gets 'assaulted' >:) Alrightttttt

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Bianka Nova
14:39 Nov 14, 2020

I was curious to read a story on this prompt and you're the first person from those I follow who has done one. Not bad at all 😊 The two POVs were a nice way to approach this. Good dialogues, and pacing of the action. I liked how you made the girls three-dimentional by hinting at the fact that they both are hiding some secret. Now I'm really curious how this TV show would go on πŸ˜† A couple of things on the text: - Paying a "ten" for a taxi to the airport is not very realistic, even if she lived just a few blocks away. I've never been t...

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
15:31 Nov 14, 2020

Thank you, Bianka! :) I'm glad you liked the POVs that I wrote, sorry if it seemed kind of rushed. I came up with the sort-of 'ending' for this but didn't want to exceed the word limit, so lol. Oh gosh! Thank you so much! I submitted this right after I finished it at 11:35 p.m., so it definitely has mistakes. I'll fix these right away. Thank you so much and have a great day/night!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply