The Secret Organisation {Part 1 }

Submitted into Contest #55 in response to: Write a story about a meeting of a secret society.... view prompt

108 comments

Mystery Thriller

Tring, Tring, Tring! “Who’s calling me at midnight at 2 pm “, said Mr. Bond.

Mr. Bond picks up the call says, “ Hello! “

“Hello! Agent no. 007.  Tomorrow there is a secret meeting. You have to come to the city hall at sharp 9 am. Other details would be messaged.”

The call cuts.

“ Hello! Which meeting for what is the meeting”, questioned himself. Is the phone of MI6. The company for I work. I think there’s another mission as it’s the secret service.

But I have told MI6 that I am on leave and in my last mission I got 6 bullets in my heart. But anyways I need to go.

Phone beeps.

“Here’s the message”, exclaim Mr. Bond. He reads the message aloud.

Agent no. 007. Tomorrow at 9 a.m you have to come to Cameroon City Hall. Then exactly at 9:05, a black car will stand near the gate. Don’t get into the car if the number is not CB 87 H 4567. Then we will take you to the place where the meeting would be conducted. You can carry your special watch as you think that you are not safe or we are going to harm you. It’s important for you to attend. So, please come to the meeting.

So, I need to go to the meeting.

It’s 8:45. I need to leave. 

Mr. Bond messages. I have reached Cameroon City Hall.

He goes and sees the car number which is near the gate. “Oh!”, this is the car.

“I am agent no. 007”, says Mr. Bond. “Come Mr. Bond”, says the driver. 

After an hour they reached their destination. It was an isolated land where no one was there. Even there was not a single tree, bird, and a drop of water.

“Where are we”, questioned Mr. Bond to the driver.

“There is a tunnel. Follow me”, answered the driver.

They walked for an hour and then they reached a small hole. The driver removed a circular key. He put the key inside the hole. Then many big holes came up. 

Mr. Bond says, “ In which hole we need to go?”

“There is a puzzle here for more security. Just come behind me”, answered the driver.  

He went to the nearest hole and dropped a can no voice came. He continued the practice. But when the last whole came he dropped the can as usual but a voice came.

“We need to jump inside this hole”, says the driver.

Then they jumped inside the hole. When they reached the bottom of the hole. There they saw a giant black door that had 24 carrot gold knob. The driver told “MI6.” A tablet came from the bottom which asked for fingerprint. Then the driver scanned his finger on the tablet. A robotic voice came from the tablet saying, “Welcome sir.” The door opened.

There was a map drawn on the first wall saying where are the different rooms in which different tasks are performed. There were a total of 25 rooms and 5 floors including the ground floor.

Then the driver takes him to the conference room which is on the 5th floor.

When they go to the conference room Mr. Bond sees Ms. Em. 

Ms. Em is the head of MI6 the secret service department.

“Ms. Em why are you here. Our headquarters are in London so, why are you here?” questioned Mr. Bond to Ms. Em.

“Wait! Bond, I will tell you everything in detail just be patient”, answered Ms. Em.

“Ok”, Ms. Em. 

Mr. Bond had many questions in his mine regarding MI6.

“Mr. Bond 2 months before when you were on leave, Mr. Ernst Stavro Blofeld, Mr. Auric Goldfinger, Mr. Jaws, Mr. Alec Trevelyan, Mr. Francisco Scaramanga, Mr. Le Chiffre, and Mr. Dr. No came together with their assistant to fought against us,” said Ms. Em.

“Then what happened Ms. Em” questioned Mr. Bond.

“Mr. Bond then they attacked us. We fought bravely but we hadn’t many agents. We need to run so, we took are software engineers with us. Then after a day, we came to this place. It was isolated so we thought to make an underground headquarters. Then we thought we should contact you but you were injured badly on the last mission and you were on leave. So, we didn’t call you.” said Ms. Em

“Where did the other agent when”, questioned Mr. Bond.

“Other agents were on leave like you”, answered Mr. Em.

“And why didn’t you call me”, questioned Mr. Bond.

“You were on leave so, we thought that when our new headquarters would be made that time we will call you”, answered Mr. Em.

“I am an agent of MI6 Ms. Em and it’s my wright to save MI6. Now I am ready for the war, I am going for it”, questioned Mr. Bond.

“Don’t go for the war, there is a big problem, bigger than the incident of the past 2 months”, answered Ms. Em.

“What’s the big problem, Ms. Em which is bigger than the incident,” questioned Mr. Bond.

“I’ll tell the problem, Mr. Bond. First, go around are new headquarters and see what new features we have added”, answered Ms. Em.

Mr. Bond Goes around the headquarters. There were many new features like invisible laser lights, invisible CCTV cameras, and many more. Many cars are building.

After  Mr. Bond goes around the headquarters. He goes to the cabin of Ms. Em to know what’s the problem.

“Ms. Em what’s the problem. Please tell know I have seen the whole headquarters”, questioned Mr. Bond.

“You know the adventurous family. The family of Smith’s. They have done many adventures in the past. Now Ben Smith’s son Rush Smith is going for an adventure to Atlantis.” answered Ms. Em.

“So, what’s the harm for going on an adventure”, say’s Mr. Bond.

“There is harm. Ben Smith conducted an audition for the partner who will go with Rush. The partner was Shane Washington the best agent of Spectre. He is going there to take all the treasure from there. So, I have appointed you for the mission. He should not take a single gram of the treasure.” exclaimed Ms. Em.

“Okay, Ms. Em. I will work on it”, exclaimed Mr. Bond

“Do well Mr. Bond”, says Ms. Em


August 15, 2020 09:43

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108 comments

B. W.
05:27 Aug 17, 2020

you did amazing with it i think its really good! i've seen others say things about the grammar mistakes but i think thats the only thing. imma just give you a 10/10

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Amogh Kasat
05:55 Aug 17, 2020

thank you and please read and like my other story :}

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B. W.
06:08 Aug 17, 2020

no problem and i will

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Amogh Kasat
13:06 Aug 24, 2020

Please read my latest story The Secret Organisation { Part 2 }

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B. W.
13:07 Aug 24, 2020

sure

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Sia S
01:56 Aug 17, 2020

Nice story but check out the grammar and spellings, here are a few mistakes. 1. At 'Who's calling me at midnight 2 pm would be a question, so add a question mark. 2. 'Hello Which meeting is for what meeting ' Doesn't make sense, change it too What is the purpose of this meeting. 3. Don't mention that its a secret meeting, let the suspense build. 4.After where are we, put a question mark. 5. Then many big holes came up. Wrong. Write Many larger holes opened up. 6. Then after a day, is Wrong. It should be After a day...

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Amogh Kasat
02:16 Aug 17, 2020

thank you! I will work on it

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Sia S
03:28 Aug 17, 2020

👍

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Lala Joy
14:43 Sep 01, 2020

Hi Amogh:) The story is very choppy for a lack of a better word, the dialogue is a bit difficult to follow and flow of dialogue could be more fluid. I'm not sure if you are writing this way as a style?I Enjoyed an adventure story will read part 2 and 3:)

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Amogh Kasat
15:19 Sep 01, 2020

Thanks and please like

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Laurentz Baker
01:10 Aug 25, 2020

I like spy novels, Amogh. And The Secret Organisation has all the elements not only for a good story but the secret locales, the gadgets, the secret rendezvous have the makings of a good spy novel.

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Amogh Kasat
04:59 Aug 25, 2020

Thanks and I will think to convert into a spy novel

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Kathleen March
21:52 Aug 24, 2020

I like where you're going with this, but there is a need for grammar and punctuation clean-up. It would be good to have somebody proofread. The story itself has a number of characters whose role is not quite clear. It may be my fault because I rarely see any James Bond films. Perhaps you can pare down the description and make it a bit clearer as to what is happening. Keep writing!!

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Amogh Kasat
03:59 Aug 25, 2020

Thanks and I will work on it

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Amogh Kasat
06:13 Aug 24, 2020

I have changed the title of the story to The Secret Organization {Part 1}

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Parul Srivastava
03:33 Aug 23, 2020

Interesting take on the prompt! Well written and quite gripping. Please read and review my story Guest in Room No. 301, thanks!

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Amogh Kasat
04:49 Aug 23, 2020

Sure and thank you

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great job! keep writing! please go check out my new stories.

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Amogh Kasat
07:44 Aug 22, 2020

Sure and thank you

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Your welcome!😊

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Deborah Angevin
12:04 Aug 21, 2020

As others have mentioned, I also realized some grammatical errors throughout the story. However, the concept was great and creative! P.S: would you mind checking out my recent submission, "Yellow Light?" Thank you :D

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Amogh Kasat
12:08 Aug 21, 2020

HARRY POTTER THANKS FOR YOUR COMMENT AND HARRY POTTER IS GOING TO UPLOAD A COMMENT IN 5 MINUTES WITH HIS MAGIC.

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03:02 Aug 21, 2020

Hello, Harry. I'm alive. Nice story, I thought you were an Auror, not a writer.

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Amogh Kasat
12:06 Aug 21, 2020

THANK YOU :)

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17:58 Aug 21, 2020

Haha sorry if the i'm alive part didn't make sense. I was being dumbledore

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Amogh Kasat
07:43 Aug 22, 2020

Oh

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Ola Hotchpotch
15:47 Aug 20, 2020

nice story. An old broken man died in hospital. They did not let his daughter in to see him on his death bed. They said she was going to take one gram from him. And Duryodhan did not want that to happen. And the old man died thinking his daughter didn't love him. Then he came home and lived as if he never had a daughter. The daughter on the other side was gaged and bound with energy rings. No bond came to unravel the mystery. They closed the glass door. Just kidding.

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Amogh Kasat
01:36 Aug 21, 2020

thank you :)

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Rayhan Hidayat
07:43 Aug 20, 2020

I don’t think there’s any critique I can give you that others haven’t already, so I’ll just say that you really captured the James Bond vibe with the mysterious phone calls, the globe-trotting and the secret headquarters. Keep writing! 😁

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Amogh Kasat
01:35 Aug 21, 2020

thank you:)

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PAMELA ABWAO
01:40 Aug 19, 2020

Is it a continuation of part one? Well written It made me have a sense of mystery. With practice the grammar will get better

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Amogh Kasat
01:42 Aug 19, 2020

No, it's not a continuation of part one. Thank you :)

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Anna Maria
14:17 Aug 18, 2020

This was a refreshing story! It's a really nice take on the prompt! Thanks for the follow! Every follow and like makes a difference for a new author like me.

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Amogh Kasat
16:02 Aug 18, 2020

think you :)

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Aubrey Maria ✌
13:49 Aug 18, 2020

I enjoy James Bond stories, keep it up!

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Amogh Kasat
16:01 Aug 18, 2020

thank you :)

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Karin Venables
12:30 Aug 18, 2020

I get the feeling English is your second language and you are to be commended for what you have accomplished already with this story. Fan fiction is difficult at best, but you've provided us with an interesting secret mission in fine Bond style. As mentioned, Grammarly will help, but so will ProWritersAid. Keep writing. You have interesting ideas.

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Amogh Kasat
16:01 Aug 18, 2020

thank you :)

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Kristin Neubauer
09:21 Aug 18, 2020

I love this updated take on Bond, especially how you sprinkled moments of humor throughout. Well done!

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Amogh Kasat
09:52 Aug 18, 2020

thank you :)

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Barbara Burgess
08:04 Aug 18, 2020

good story - I liked it very much - yes as people below are saying Grammarly can hellp and it is free. Keep writing.

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Amogh Kasat
09:51 Aug 18, 2020

thank you:)

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05:53 Sep 08, 2020

Very well written. Love the suspense. I can't wait to read the part 2.

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Amogh Kasat
05:57 Sep 08, 2020

thanks please like other stories

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Amogh Kasat
06:01 Sep 08, 2020

are you writing any stories this week

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06:40 Sep 08, 2020

maybe l am not sure

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06:41 Sep 08, 2020

and i will surely like your other stories.

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Amogh Kasat
11:23 Sep 08, 2020

ok

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