Oh. You’re awake. Bit sooner than expected but…oh well. Must have got the strength wrong. I’m not exactly experienced with using chloroform, only tried it twice so far, and once was on myself. Yeah, I know that sounds crazy but how else was I supposed to see if it worked? Amazed it did, to be honest. Thought it was just a movie thing. But it gave me the best sleep I’ve had in years. Kenji too. Doesn’t look like it did much for you, you were only out for about three hours. Your eyes look like shit. Crusty and bloodshot. Lucky for you, she won’t care. It’ll probably excite her more.
Maybe it’s because you’re so fit. I mean, this body of yours is impressive. Is this what you call a six-pack? And what’s with the arms, how did they get that big? Wasn’t expecting it to be honest. Couldn’t tell in the baggy shirt and pants they make you wear. What’s a ripped dude like you doing working for a second-rate pizza shop in the middle of nowhere anyway? Shouldn’t you be a model or something? Gonna make me look bad, man, when she gets a load of you. I’m going to have to stick to less impressive specimens, like Kenji the tourist. Skinny arms, you know, bird-like chest. I didn’t feel so bad about my weight compared to him, but bodies like yours give me a complex!
Oh, don’t worry. I know it’s a bit off-putting waking up naked tied to a chair in the company of a male. It’s fine. I’m completely straight. You don’t have to worry or be embarrassed. Not that you ever are, I bet. Why would you be, you’re a beast, and I don’t want this to sound like sour grapes or anything but why is your thing so huge? I thought that was also a movie thing, different kind of movie, but damn. So much for all things being created equal. She’ll probably get a kick out of that. Meal, not a snack, right?
I’d be worried about it if I thought she was the shallow type. But she’s not. This is only the second time we’ve done this, but I know she doesn’t care about stuff like that. And even if she did, what could I do? I’m not doing this because I want to. I have to, because I love her, and if I can’t give her what she needs, it’s my duty to find someone who can. Gotta keep your girl happy, right? And she really enjoyed herself with Kenji, even if he was a bit weedy. Took her time with him too, it was amazing to watch. I mean, it was sickening too but I couldn’t look away. And as long as she was getting what she needed, I was happy. You should have seen her when she was done. She was glowing. And grateful. I’m the one she spent the night with after. It was so good. being in bed with her, feeling her body next to mine, caressing her hair, having sex… Made the sacrifice worthwhile. Made me want to do it again. And that’s where you come in. Delivering a pizza to a paddy-field farm at the top of Akiota Valley isn’t the only useful task you’re going to perform today and…
What are you looking at? Oh. Sorry. Should have put that out of sight. Yeah, it’s a ball gag, but don’t worry. Like I said, I’m straight. I haven’t kidnapped you for some weird sex game. The gag is for her. My girl. Yeah, I know, that sounds kinky, and I suppose it is, but not in the way you think. It’s just…there are things I can’t give her. Or things I can’t get from her. So after she’s indulged, after she’s…finished…unfortunately she has to wear that gag. To be with me. But never mind all that. That’s personal. I need to get on with the messy part of the proceedings. I want to make sure she enjoys her time with you so it needs to be just the way she likes it. So you’re going to have to forgive me for what comes next.
Shit, look at the time. She’ll be up soon and she’s going to be starving. She’s a different person when she’s hungry, you’ll see when you meet her. Not going to lie, it’s not a pretty sight, takes some getting used to, but once she’s eaten, well, it’s a different story. She’s an absolute angel then. Divine. Hey, why are you starting to struggle? Oh. I get it. You’re getting the picture.
Yeah, Kenji figured it out too. He completely lost it though, you’re much more composed. Testing the ropes, shifting around. Chair is bolted to the floor, in case you can’t tell. You can’t get out. Now, stop. No point trying to shout. Sounds ridiculous through the gag and nobody’s going to hear you. This is my grandmother’s house and it really is in the middle of nowhere, you must have noticed that on your way here, wondering how the fuck you were going to get away with delivering a cold pizza. Town is pretty deserted. right? Total dump. Never thought I’d end up stuck on a farm in the backwoods of Hiroshima but that’s my mother for you. Excels at ruining my life. Though, having said that, if she hadn’t made me come here to look after Obaachan, I never would have found my true love.
No, there’s no point staring at the ceiling either, dear old Obaachan isn’t going to stick her head through and ask if you’d like a cup of sake. No. For one thing, the stroke robbed her of the ability to get around on her own and for another, she’d be more likely to snap at you for making noise. Then roll out a list of damn chores. Tidy the kitchen, cut some wood, build a fire, feed the chickens, muck out the pigs, clean the bathroom. Or she’d tell you she needed the bedpan again, or worse, a clean-up of the passage between her legs. So disgusting. Can’t believe I put up with that for two months. You’re honestly lucky you don’t have to listen to it, man. Or smell it. We’re both lucky she’s not here anymore. So don’t waste your time making a fuss. Until Aka gets here, we’re alone.
Now I gotta head outside for a bit. Don’t hurt yourself trying to escape. Those knots are good, trust me, I was a scout for years. Not to mention a band geek and shogi player. My mother stuck me in as many after-school clubs as she could so she didn’t have to spend any time with me. You know how it is, right? Have a kid to get away then the kid gets in the way.
Anyway.
Back in a minute.
*
Sorry about that. Didn’t realise how heavy this would be. Filled it up too much I think. Oh, relax. Your eyeballs look like they’re going to pop out of your head. I know how it looks but this is not for you. Trust me, you’re not going to be left to decompose in a rusty, metal barrel in a rice field. It’s like the sex thing, you’ve got me all wrong. I’m not a murderous pervert. I’m seventeen for fucks sake, I listen to Baby Metal and play Fortnite. I’m a nerd, a fat geek with no friends. Well. I used to be. Until I met Aka. Now I have more than a friend. Someone I care about who appreciates me for who I am, not how I look. I’m sure you don’t understand how rare that is. How could you? Mr. Adonis.
Okay. Look, I apologise in advance for how this is going to smell and... Oh yeah, there we go. Woah, that’s…worse than I expected. Maybe I should have left the lid off. Fuck. Thought I was going to throw up for a second there. Okay, gloves on for this. You okay? Look a little green. Probably for the best you have that gag on. Or maybe that’s making it worse, I don’t know. I’ll be quick anyway. It’s just a big vat of pig shit, chicken shit and basic sludge from the rice fields. Filth. Right? I’m sorry but when we talk about kinks, I guess this is the biggie. For Aka, I mean. Not me. Hell no, I’m not into this shit. Pardon the pun. Really does it for her though. She loves it. She needs it. And like I said, I can’t give it to her. Not like this. Not with added sweat and bodily excretions. And, yeah, sorry about that also, but you’re going to be excreting a lot. Don’t worry. I’ve seen it all before. It’s fine. Aka will clean it up. And honestly, once she’s on top of you, you’re not going to care what comes out.
This is really disgusting, I apologise. I’m just going to keep dumping it on, not going to rub it in anywhere! Didn’t have to do this with Obaachan or Kenji. Obaachan supplied her own filth, the filth I left her lying in for days. Just couldn’t bring myself to clean her anymore and I was busy getting to know Aka so…you know. And Kenji got filthy in the fields. Spotted him out there taking photos of our resident ibis. Hadn’t really started looking for anyone at that stage but when I saw him there, all on his own, I just decided to give it a go. Soaked a rag in chloroform and went out to be friendly. Not sure what tipped him off something was up but he saw it coming before it hit his face and he made a run for it. Didn’t get far, fields are too marshy to run in, went down hard and got covered in muck. So that was enough. No additional basting needed. Ha. Sorry. I know it’s not funny. I know this smells and feels awful. But I think I’m done. Now I just need to run a trail of it from you to the bathroom. It’s almost nine. She’ll be waking up in there now. Making her way out of the tub.
I feel like I should explain. I didn’t with Kenji and he almost ripped his arms to get free when Aka came out. I had to hold him still until she got going. Would rather not have to do that with you, so maybe if I prepare you, that will help. Was fine with Obaachan. Apart from her lack of mobility she knew all about Aka, it wasn’t a surprise to her at all. Of course she knew her. She’s the one who kept her locked in the bathroom all these years. She deserved what she got. My mother deserves it too. She knew. She helped. And then lying to me about what I saw that first time I met her. Telling me it was my imagination and I didn’t really see an emaciated, corpse-like girl thrashing around on the wetroom floor licking up grime. I was only seven but I could have helped. I could have done something, maybe gotten her out. But my mother didn’t bring me back after that. Didn’t want to ever come back at all. But then Obaachan had her stroke and she had no choice. Well. She did. She had me.
Fuck my mother, man, you know. Dropping me off to look after the old bitch, ruining my summer. She said I had to do it because she couldn’t get out of her ‘work trip’ to France. Potential new client, big project, huge for the company. The usual bullshit. I thought it was because she didn’t want to have to take care of the old bat. Because she hated her. Or was afraid of her. I never knew which. Now I know it had more to do with Aka. She didn’t want to deal with her either. Which makes her more of a selfish bitch than I ever thought. I don’t even know if she’s coming back. Haven’t heard from her since she left. Barely hung around more than an hour, just long enough to make sure I knew where everything was…and to remind me how to clean the fucking bathroom.
I really didn’t get it, what the big deal was with that, constantly hosing it down and scrubbing the walls, but I remembered it was the same when I was a kid. Remembered that summer, when I was home alone and I went to play in the fields, got covered in mud and traipsed it back, made a complete mess, left the bathroom covered in dirt, left it in a state that lured her out. I didn’t see her getting out on that occasion. Just heard a noise in the bathroom later, when I went to the toilet. Opened the connecting door to check it out and there she was, flailing around on the floor, licking up the dirt I’d left behind. I can’t tell you if I was scared or not because I don’t remember. I don’t think I was. And she didn’t hurt me. She just kept licking. And I kept watching, rooted to the spot in the open door. Until Obaachan and my mother came home. My mother dragged me away. Obaachan grabbed a mop and charged into the wetroom.
I don’t know what happened that night. I let my mother convince me I had a fever and was hallucinating. Let her convince me I never saw Aka. But I did. And I hate that I let myself be tricked. If somebody had taken care of her, maybe she wouldn’t have ended up so full of hate. In such bad condition. How could you blame her? Trapped beneath a bathtub for decades? Or longer. Who knows how long she’s been there. Ever since Obaachan inherited this place anyway, in the 60’s. Long after the war, and yes the land was still radioactive, but the bomb didn’t make Aka. She existed before that. Long before. She doesn’t talk and she can’t tell me exactly but I know from my research she’s immortal. All yokai are. They just get…forgotten. Shut away, alone, lost in limbo. Until something explosive rips the veil between worlds and sets them free. Free to be kept prisoner somewhere else.
But I’m changing that. Ever since I found out she was real, when I stopped cleaning the stupid bathroom for hours every day like that bitch demanded, scrub the bathtub, hose the walls, mop the floor… That’s how they kept her imprisoned. And a couple of days after I stopped doing it she got out. It was like all those years ago, went for a piss one night, heard something moving in there…this time it didn’t surprise me at all. It just made me sad.
Aka loves filth. It’s what she thrives on. Cleanliness is kryptonite to her. Hygienic conditions, sanitised surfaces. She can’t breathe in an environment like that. It isn’t fair. You know what else isn’t fair? Her full name. Akaname, they call her. Filth Licker. Can you believe it? The indignity. Naming her that, just because of her nature? It's like people calling me Hideous when my name's Hideo.
I don’t know why Obaachan decided to keep her a prisoner. If she’d just taken time to get to know how she works. So what if she bubbles up like sludge from the plughole? So what if she needs to digest dirt to take form? So what if her saliva is acidic? Let her lick all the dirt she wants then hose the residue down. It makes her better. Her body…the more filth she consumes the better it gets. Fully formed. Beautiful. I’ve seen it now, twice. After she licked Obaachan clean. And Kenji. Licked away their dirt, their skin, their organs, licked everything up then swallowed their gore-covered bones. It’s amazing what she can do. Doesn’t leave a trace. For someone who loves filth, she knows how to leave things spotless. And as long as you stay away from her mouth…you can do anything you want with her, all night. Until the sun comes up and she melts and goes back down the pipe.
Can you hear her in there? Sounds like something wet and sloppy thrashing around but it’s like I said, she’s a bit of a mess at the start. A pile of mush you could say. But just wait. Wait til she licks all this shit off the floor. You’ll see her body grow and by the time she gets to you she’ll look half human. Those eyes, that hair, those breasts.
That long, sinuous, acid-dripping tongue.
It’ll hurt at first, I won’t lie, and seeing your foot dissolve in her mouth will drive you crazy. But the pain won’t last. I saw it with Obaachan and Kenji. By the time she’d devoured one leg and looked like a fully formed girl, they didn’t even feel it anymore. Her beauty takes away the pain.
And she is beautiful, for a time, after she’s eaten. The most beautiful girl in the world. But you’ll have to take my word for that. You’ll never see it. She’ll make you feel like the most important person in existence but you’re not. I’m the one who feeds her. I’m the one who loves her. I’m the one who holds her through the night, after she’s feasted on filth like you and Obaachan. And Kenji. And my mother, if she ever comes back. She’ll get hers. For leaving my Aka to suffer.
Aka’s my girl and she’s never going to be alone again.
Now.
I think she can come out. Are you ready to meet her? Here we go then.
Oh yes.
There she is.
There’s my girl.
Can you see?
Even like this, isn’t she lovely?
Hello, my beautiful Aka.
Dinner is served.
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46 comments
Lovely! Horrid too :) Great opening on this one, because it immediately screams “something is bad, and is probably about to get worse”. The single minded lunacy of the narrator is fantastic. That's probably more terrifying than Aka herself. She's a yokai, a force of nature, but he's a scorned and shunned individual who finally figured out a way to get what he thinks he's due. There can be no reasoning with him, and there is nothing he'll stop at. A neat use of folklore too. Seems like pretty much every folk story in every culture says, “...
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Thanks Michal. I thought I'd lost my mojo for a while there, every week I'd start something but it never really clicked so I ended up taking a bit of a break. Was nice to get back into a groove with this one. A nasty, horrid grove but hey if that's where I belong so be it lol I love that you picked up on the lunacy of the mc. He is acting and speaking all self-righteous, like he is helping this yokai, 'saving' her from being a prisoner but actually he's just replaced her previous prison with one of his making and actually its worse because ...
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What an irresistibly disgusting tale! It just kept getting more gross...and I couldn't stop reading. It was hilarious how Hideo was concerned that the pizza guy knew he was "straight" and "not a sex pervert". Nailed the immature 17 y/o voice.
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lol yes I was hoping to capture that awkward teen defensiveness ! Thanks for the kind words James! Happy Christmas!
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Pretty weird stuff, but compulsive reading and well built up story with strong characterisation. I thought the POV worked well! Arggggg.
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Thanks Helen. Never did a pov like that before. I mean first person yes but through monologue only to another character no Glad it seems to have worked. And yeah pretty weird sums it up alright!
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Hey Derrick! If you are up for a chat about the joys & frustrations of writing with your fellow authors: https://discord.gg/bxTWQw3HJR We're a very generous community of international writers who love to write and want to get better (and enter a ton of writing contests!)
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Sounds great but i don't know how to get on discord lol
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Click on the link? 😉
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Wow! Really dark, but I like what you did with the folklore.
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Thanks David!
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It seems like the MC is too enamored to see what's really going on; he's just glad to have someone who wants him (for now). It's twisted, but in an it's-too-horrifying-to-look-away manner. Good job! And now I need to take a shower.
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Lol sorry! Also.... thank you 😁
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This has to be one of the most disturbing things I've ever read. But I really liked it. Japanese folklore is right at the top of my list and the first thing I did after reading this was look up the Akaname lore. I love how you used the atomic bomb so subtly to fascilitate the piercing of the veil between our worlds. Excellent bit of writing!
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Thanks Cecilia. Yes it's pretty gross .......on purpose. It's a nasty topic but I like to explore these concepts sometimes. Probably not the story I would recommend to people to read but I'm glad you liked it anyway!!
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I had no idea what Aka was until you spelled it out. Maybe I should have been expecting a yokai thing but I thought it was a girlfriend with a murder kink and they were codependent and then maybe that it was just a filth kink. For a few sentences I thought Aka was some long lost sister like the trapped family from the news years ago. Then it being a monster and the narrator not caring because he’s getting laid which is sadly too believable. Is this based on a real yokai myth?
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Deliciously disgusting! Ha. This had such a different style for you, very character focused narration. Definitely enhanced by the second person. You skirted the border of sexual/gross very well. There was pangs of supernatural cuck throughout. Loads of history and backstory in a surprisingly short time from MC's psychotic monologue. Guy should get his ADHD meds checked with the doc. Good to see you back at it, keep her light.
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Thanks Kevin. Think his meds are going to be the least of his worries when this all blows in his face !!
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Deliciously morbid Derrick! Coming back with a bang lol. I didn’t know about the folklore before looking stuff up as I read, so I was thinking it was due to the fallout for most the story. Always learning something new! Loved it. 🤘🏻
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Thanks JD. Means a lot coming from you. Glad to introduce the akaname. I've a few more stories featuring yokai that I'm just waiting for the right prompt to introduce.:) Happy Christmas
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Can’t wait to learn more of this folklore man. I know you’ll do it justice. Merry Christmas to you too! :)
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Perfection! If I learned anything it is to keep my bathroom clean (cleaner)- haha. I echo what others have said; interesting characters and great voice, tight plot, great use of the prompt. I felt the sense of urgency in your narrator. Good Luck ! -CC
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Thank you Clara! I appreciate you reading and commenting! And for the lovely compliments :)
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I'm glad I don't deliver pizzas. Having said that, you have a (lovely, precious, unique) twisted mind. Don't do drugs (or don't do any other drugs). Your brain works exactly as it should. Thanks for sharing it with us lesser mortals.
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Lol thanks Trudy. No drugs needed! These ideas pop along naturally, I just let them do their thing and move on!
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The use of second person and monologue was ingenious! You slowly build up your case, the setting, backstory, the characters and their relationships and motives, all so we'll written. Any questions I had along the way were clarified slowly and I kept reading to discover more, nicely built suspense. Nice also the use of mythology incorporated in the story. The guy is a bit like a caricature of a virgin-type nerd guy, antisocial and insanely obsessed, with plenty of resentment. He perhaps feels like he gets some sort of approval/acceptance and...
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Hey Belladona ! Thank you for reading and for that really in-depth review, I appreciate that. I've been stuck for time last few months (To both read and write) so it was nice to get this one finished by deadline and submitted. Plan to catch up on a lot of reading over the Xmas break! Your stories are on my list :)
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Hideo had me hypnotized with his reassurances and rationalizations. "The most beautiful girl in the world," you say? Well, okay, I see your point then, Hideo. I thought you nailed the voice of an isolated 17-year-old bubbling over with resentment and longing. The detailed backstory and bits of folklore woven into the story seemed effortless (which speaks to mountains of effort). I was missing your stories, but it was worth the wait for this one!
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Thanks Robert. I'm way behind on my resdiy, barely have time to write, but plan to catch up over Christmas and will definitely be checking your latest work out.
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I love the feeling that the victim isn't going to survive. Quite claustrophobic! I also dig the use of the second-person point of view. The horror itself was pretty nasty. Excellent incorporation of Japanese folk monsters!
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Cheers Joshua. Glad it worked and read well for you. Claustrophobia is exactly what I Was going for! :)
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Amazing!!! I saw this play out in such a vivid and cinematic way in my head! Just like an incredibly tense movie scene that you know is not going to end well. Incredible work. So unsettling and vile and also sad. Can't wait to read more of your work!
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Ah thanks! I was hoping it would work out that way by choosing that format. Everything happens 'off screen' and all you have to go off is what you are told. I wanted it to be completely immersive so glad to hear it worked that way for you. I do like to delve into the dark side - unsettling and vile are the best compliments I could get! Thanks lol
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Feels like a victim being delivered up to a black widow spider! The Japanese culture made it creepier, havign lived there and read the tabloid news about lone wolf serial killers in the country made it feel like someone like this could really exist. When we see its a monster it become like a japanese horror film. Critique-wise I think I might have preferred the 2nd person perspective (not sure the right term for that pov) to have zoomed out a bit and had less "you" and "your" later on. but there have been a number of 2nd person pov winning...
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Thanks Scott. Yes I lived there too and I'm a big fan of the mythology and culture. I hear you on the POV, I did originally intend to come out of that at the end for a more omniscient view of what was happening with Aka emerging from the bathroom but-- aside from time and word count constraints--I ultimately decided it might be more powerful to leave everything unexplained, really put the reader in the place of the captive and left to use their imagination, with the clues provided, to conjure up their own visual of the scene. Which will pro...
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Wow Derrick, what a different story! I enjoyed this genre for you! Disturbing but hooked throughout 😬🫣 I’m so glad you’re back writing stories again! I’ve genuinely missed them! 😄
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Thanks Nina! Finding the time to put these together is difficult but i dont feel 'right' when I don't 'write' lol so trying to keep at it. I don't always reach the finish line of a story by the deadline but that doesnt matter, at least I am stockpiling a few wips that I might be able to repurpose at a later date. Thanks for the support.
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That’s a great approach, my friend! And I am the same way with the deadlines. I narrowly squeak them some weeks. This week, though, I just don’t have time for my writing brain cells to talk with Christmas coming 😂 I hope you have a great holiday! 🎄😄
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Wow this was great. I felt like I was underwater and trapped the entire time. There’s this song by Tori Amos called 97 Bonnie and Clyde and the whole thing is basically a horror story and for some reason I was just completely transported to that song reading this. Thanks for sharing.
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Wow thanks Hazel. Glad it was so effective! Was a strange one to write but I had fun with it.
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Dark!! I love it! I'm so curious about this Aka creature. Does yakai come from folklore? The use of second person worked really well for dispensing information and you managed to give us a ton of details throughout, which makes us cringe a bit once we realize the person he is talking to is going to be the meal 😬 but up until we are sure of this, the slow reveal of information really builds suspense and captivates us. So many unanswered questions that we have to keep reading. Very nicely done, though I feel so bad for the end that is coming ...
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Thanks Anne Marie. Yes this is from Japanese folklore. The youkai are their demons. If you Google akaname youll find some interesting articles. I hope to write a few more tales inspired by youkai . Have another idea on the burn but doesn't fit the latest prompts Thanks for reading!
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So interesting! As are the photos that come up on Google! Having this mythical background information enhances this story for me. I'd definitely look forward to another related story, but I agree that the current holiday prompts aren't the most suitable 😅
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