Another Brick in the Wall

Another Brick in the Wall

“Miss Chandler, Miss Chandler. The boys are at it again.” Third-grader Tali Grumble hurried over to her teacher at recess.

“What are they doing now?” Miss Chandler inquired.

“Playing baseball and running the bases.”

“Not again? How many times must I remind them? Guess I'll have to report them to the principal this time. He will not be happy about it and will probably give them detention. Thank you for letting me know.”

!o!o!o!

“Mr. Carr, I am sorry to report I am having trouble with the boys at recess again. They are going against orders even though they have been repeatedly reminded.” Miss Chandler sighed to the principal.

“Okay, okay. I'll schedule a detention for them after school tomorrow. Be prepared to stay longer. We can't risk being de-funded over this kind of issue.”

“I have talked to them before and it obviously doesn't do any good. Maybe you need to be the one to lecture them on the dangers.”

“It's such a shame. When I was a boy that was all we lived to do. Now it is outlawed. What's a kid to do instead?”

“Walk. Walk the bases. If they can't follow the rules they can't play the game at all. Trouble is that isn't the only game they have trouble with. There is, of course, Tag; Red-Rover; Hide-n-Seek; Red-Light, Green-Light; not to mention the ever popular Boys-Chase-Girls or Girls-Chase-Boys. It becomes a never ending battle. Poor little tattle-tale Tali can't keep up with all the infractions. What in the world was our government thinking when it decided to outlaw running?” Miss Chandler tsked.

“The politicians were caving to social pressure from scientists that were so concerned over global warming and climate change that they convinced everyone even excess human breathing was destroying our atmosphere. Too much carbon dioxide released into the air. Thus no more huffing and puffing a good run can produce. They outlawed jogging and all forms of running for all ages.

“Puts a real damper on football, soccer, track and field and the Olympics. Almost as sad as when they required athletes to wear masks during all their sporting events back in the early '20's because of some virus scare.” Mr. Carr explained.

“Well, it is almost criminal to make children adhere to such extreme measures. Their little bodies are still forming and need the exchange of oxygen to grow properly.”

“Guess they figure they shouldn't get use to it because it will only get more difficult to stop later in their lives. Do you realize that some adults used to love running? Some even did it for fun. Claimed they got some kind of a high off of it. Somewhat like a drug. No wonder they had to forbid it with the war on drugs that has been waging since the last century.

“Well, have a nice rest of your day and I'll see you after school tomorrow.” Mr. Carr went to announce his decision to the boys on the baseball diamond.

!o!o!o!

“Attention, attention! All Units. All points bulletin. Be on the look out for a perpetrator on the loose in Treadmill Park. Last seen entering said park from the east side on foot wearing suspicious looking athletic shoes with check mark on them. That is all. No electric skateboard, scooter or bike in possession. Suspect moving swiftly potentially planning to run across the park. Use caution if try to apprehend. May have increased lung capacity therefore capable of dodging billy club and escaping to consume more than his fair share of oxygen or expelling excessive amounts of gaseous toxins into your face.”

“Would ya look at that, Alfie? That guy's chugging up that hill like there's a house afire. Think he sees that wall at the top? Ya think that might be the perp we is supposed to be on the look out for?”

“Looks like a streaker to me, alright, Conrad. But we got to be cautious. Don't spook him. He already has a pained look on his face like he is in a lot of agony.”

“Look at his arms a pumpin' away like he is fixin' to punch us. Think we need to call for back-up?”

“Let's try ta reason with him first. Maybe he'll slow down.”

“Know I'll never be able to catch him at the pace he's traveling. Gonna haf ta wound him a little with that tranq dart. You're a much better shot than I am. Maybe ya ought ta have a go at it.”

“HEY, YOU! Slow down or I'll shoot.”

“Oh, look. He hit the wall so now he's down. Let's go talk to him.”

/\ /\ /\

“Hey, Fella. Where you going in such an all fire hurry? Some animal chasing you?” Officer Alfie questions the panting would-be prey. “Conrad, tie his legs together before his final kick kicks in.”

“Tryin'...Tryin' ta...Gotta...Gotta...beat my best...my best time. Check my...my Fit-Bit.”

“Whoa. We're not up on ancient technology. But this looks like a classic case of runners' high. We are gonna have ta take you in for questioning.” Officer Alfie concludes. “Ya'll should know better than to try to outrun the law. You can't run forever.”

###

“Attention, Attention. Units A and C be on the alert a potential race riot is breaking out on the west side of Treadmill Park. Some of the walking treadmills have already been dismantled or set on fire. Several activists with pinned on numbered bibs have been spotted lining up and some official is pointing a starting pistol in the air. Looks like they'll be headed your way.”

“Let's hurry, Alfie, before they get started.”

“Na. We are in perfect position right here for when they hit the wall. Now we will call for back-up to haul them all in.

“We gotta nip this renewed running craze in the bud. Don't they know the dangers of lactic acid building up in muscles causing a burning sensation? It puts undue stress on their systems and they could wind up in the hospital which destroys our health care options. We all pay for it one way or another for their selfish health kicks. Don't they teach this stuff to kids in school?”