1289 comments

Sad Speculative

Warning: This story includes content on OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and self-deprecating thoughts that may trigger some readers. Please avoid reading this story if you have experienced any or both of the above.

Achebe.

Your face crinkles, like the paper balls you would throw at her behind Rox's back. Your tears attempt to cling to your eyelashes but fail and slide off, falling onto the hair you haven't washed in days.

With trembling eyes, you look up, around the dusty room, where ripped pages and empty snack wrappers flutter around like butterflies. Where dust motes glint in the afternoon light peeking through your window, where teary tissues rest, crumpled, tossed around, where day-old food sits at the bottom of your door, slid under by your worrying parents.

I killed her yesterday.

Yes, you did. You've known that for a while.

How?

You pushed her off a cliff. You know these things.

Why?

You were angry. Capricious. Hateful. Envious. Bitter. You were embarrassed. 

Wasn't it angering when Rox decided to spend time with her instead of you?

Wasn't it embarrassing when Achebe was Rox's partner in school projects, and you weren't?

Yes. It was disgusting, strange, appalling. How could that girl take up my friend's attention? 

Haven't you ever thought that it could be Rox's fault?

How?

She made a different friend. She spent time with her without you. She dared to leave you out.

How could they imagine doing such things to me?

The human mind is a fragile, dangerous thing. Tread too heavily, and it turns against you. It's a vulnerable bird; treat it gently, and it trusts you, or rush it, and it pecks and flees.

You were possessive, jealous, and clumsy with your words, letting them slip out of your reach and shatter on the ground. You have always been the evil person in this situation. You deserve to go to jail. You don't deserve to have your family, to be living in this house, to get anything. 

I know. I don't deserve any of it. I don't deserve anything, because it's all my fault.

Good to know that you're understanding. Don't talk to anyone anymore. You're evil. Do you want to hurt those people as well?

No.

Do you want to annoy them with your presence, your thoughts, your issues?

No. I don't want to annoy my family. I don't want to hurt my friends.

Good. Keep it that way. Stay in this room and this room only so that you don't hurt or annoy anyone. 

The only person you should talk to is Roxanne. Beg her for forgiveness, or else she won't want to be your friend anymore. Or else she'll tell your family, and they won't want to be related to you anymore.

Okay. 

Don't stop texting her and apologizing until she says she forgives you.

Okay.

Do you want that no one will love you anymore?

No.

Are you sure?

Yes.

Then be perfect.

Bury this in the past and plant flowers on its grave; grow, become beautiful, inside and out. Become a child your parents will be proud of, become a friend Roxanne will care about, become a student your teachers admire, become a person that everyone likes. 

How?

Don't cry. Don't show any negative emotions. Only show smiles, gentle words, elegant gestures, like a doll. 

Become a doll. Perfect, smiling, beautiful, flawless. No one cares if you're hollow on the inside, as long as you have everything on the outside.

Okay. A doll. I will become a doll. I will neither show my emotions nor my flaws and imperfections.

Good. Start by cleaning your room. No one likes messy people. Don't allow even a speck of dust to intrude upon the floors. If you do, no one will love you. No one will care about you anymore. 

You're not clean enough. Go shower again. What if everyone thinks you're dirty? What if you go back to your dirty old ways and become evil and hurt-or kill-someone all over again?

Pick a white dress. Bright colors are not appropriate for you. They make you seem like you're an attention-seeker. That was the reason why Achebe died, because you wanted all of Rox's attention. If you don't wear white, your brother dies.

Put the dress on again. Do you want to look messy?

Again. You look like a witch.

Again. You look like you just ran ten miles.

Are your arms sore from putting on a dress three times? You're lazy, then. No one likes lazy people, tired people, aching people. As practice, put on the dress and take it off again and again until you reach fifty times. It has to be fifty. 

Smile. Why are you frowning? Are you going to kill someone again?

Why can't you? You're a doll. Remember that. Smile no matter what. You don't have a choice. No smile means you're evil. Do you want to hurt Roxanne?

You're listening now. You listen to everything that the voice says because you don't want to become evil. 

You sit at your computer, a smile so wide and fake it's plastic, as perfectionism falls into your arms, leads you to the dance floor, moves with your every step. 

Irony steals you from your dance partner, taking you by the hand, twirling you round and round, as you remember Achebe. Achebe, the African beauty. Achebe, African for protected by the Goddess.

It seems her protection just wasn't strong enough.

Roxanne hasn't texted you back, and Achebe won't return to life, but if you're perfect, if you're a doll, maybe it'll happen. After all, dolls bring magic to the lives of children, and you might have magic as well if you're good enough.

Jealousy is a one-way road; many will enter, but no one will leave.

Possessiveness is a trap; spikes of steel trapping your ankle, hindering your motions, hindering your common sense, hindering your empathy, your realism.

Anger is a glass of water; too many drops, and it will overflow.

Insanity is a casket; only those who are dead will enter and stay.

December 04, 2020 23:27

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1289 comments

Zilla Babbitt
00:52 Feb 03, 2021

The story seems familiar; I must have read it before but apparently didn't comment. Love the name Achebe and the metaphors at the end. They're really lovely. My only critique would be to say that since the italics are the main body of the story, switch it with the non-italicized part. What's italicized now shouldn't be, and what isn't, should. If that makes sense :) Plastic smile. Lovely imagery. Laiba, please write more!

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Laiba M
15:31 Feb 03, 2021

Maybe so, but this story was also a collaboration with B.W. and she wrote it from a different perspective, so maybe you had read that :) Thank you! Achebe means "protected by the Goddess" in African, so I thought it would really fit in-you can take a look at my explanation comment for a detailed explanation~ That makes sense! Thank you, I'll definitely think about that next time I have to use italics :) Thank you so much, Zilla!

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Writer Maniac
05:09 Jan 11, 2021

Woah! This was such a meaningful and deep story! I walked away learning something unforgettable. Your words have a way of worming themselves into our thoughts and becoming a vivid memory. I absolutely adored this story! P.S. I would love to get some feedback on two of my stories 'Game Over' and 'Not Worth It' as those are the ones I'm really proud of :)

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Laiba M
14:01 Jan 11, 2021

Hi!~ Thank you so much. I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I still haven't actually realized and comprehended the fact that people actually enjoy my writing, so it means a lot every single time I get a sweet comment! I'm checking it out right now :)

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Writer Maniac
14:41 Jan 11, 2021

Of course, we enjoy your writing, it's so beautiful! Don't downplay it, you're incredibly talented :)

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Laiba M
16:23 Jan 11, 2021

You're much too sweet, haha~~ You're extremely talented as well!!

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Writer Maniac
16:24 Jan 11, 2021

I only speak facts :) Thank you!

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Laiba M
16:25 Jan 11, 2021

Aww, you really are so kind! Always :)

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03:27 Jan 07, 2021

Hey Laiba!! As promised 4000+ points😉.

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Laiba M
17:06 Jan 07, 2021

I'm in a lecture right now, so I only got you 100-ish points T-T I'll come back and upvote you after my classes are over!~~

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22:17 Jan 07, 2021

Haha anytime! Its okay!!

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Laiba M
13:30 Jan 08, 2021

:) You're so sweet. Is there a specific number of points you'd like to reach?

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15:23 Jan 08, 2021

Nope! Just whatever amount you give me is fine!

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Laiba M
16:56 Jan 07, 2021

What?! Aww, you're the sweetest!! I can't believe you, lol. Thank you so much! I'm upvoting you right now~

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Amaya .
05:06 Jan 06, 2021

Laiba idk if you're on i need someone to talk to you might not live in the US i think you do but i cant remember anyway that's not important this Georgia election I'm freaking out even if you don't live here i need someone to talk too

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Laiba M
16:53 Jan 07, 2021

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!! I've gotten so lazy with checking my notifications. I used to check them every 2 minutes, and now it's like every 2 days... I'm so sorry this happened the moment you needed something. You can still rant or talk to me if you want! I was super stressed about it too, and the Capitol riot...

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Amaya .
21:42 Jan 07, 2021

don't worry about it!! yeah it just got worse the next day i can't believe it. Same for me, i stopped checking reedsy as often. The riot. I swear. I want trump out. out.

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Laiba M
13:29 Jan 08, 2021

Thanks so much for understanding!~ I agree, ugh. So much for 2021 being a lot better... I'm not going to state any political preferences on here, but I definitely am against what happened during the riot.

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Amaya .
20:09 Jan 08, 2021

no matter what "side" you're on, nobody agrees with what happened yesterday. so many people are resigning, republicans AND democrats.

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Laiba M
20:59 Jan 08, 2021

Yeah, I agree. I'm really surprised that the Capitol's defenses were that weak, honestly... They practically invited them in.

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Amaya .
02:19 Jan 03, 2021

hi!!

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Laiba M
13:21 Jan 03, 2021

Hi, Amaya!~ How are you?

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Amaya .
20:22 Jan 03, 2021

good, thanks! how are you? how's 2021 so far?

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Laiba M
23:57 Jan 03, 2021

I'm good! Very productive, lol. How's your 2021 going?

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Amaya .
02:15 Jan 04, 2021

ooh that's good! productivity always makes me feel rly good <3 it's going okay, pretty relaxed but yeah

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Laiba M
16:33 Jan 04, 2021

Yeah, haha~ That's nice! Does your break end today (Monday)? T-T

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Wait, is this a continuation of B. W.'s story about the girl who falls off the cliff? The names are the same, and it continues from Alexis's point of view about Achebe. Just realized that LOL.

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Laiba M
18:46 Dec 29, 2020

Not exactly a continuation, but just from a different girl's point of view :) B.W. and I collaborated on this story and shared ideas for it! She picked the names Alexis and Roxanne, and I picked Achebe. Also, she picked the way Achebe would die, and I chose Alexis going through OCD, anxiety, and depression~

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Okay! Yeah, I like the way you two collaborated so well together! Maybe I'll try that sometime, after I finish my current submission.

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Laiba M
18:54 Dec 29, 2020

It's super fun to collaborate with others! At first, I didn't think it would work out because B's and my style are so different, but it ended up working perfectly~

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Laiba M
01:43 Dec 30, 2020

Aww~

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B. W.
22:45 Dec 29, 2020

If you ever want to Jade, maybe me and you could do a story together or something?

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16:22 Dec 29, 2020

:0 this was a really good story, i really liked the ending

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Laiba M
17:19 Dec 29, 2020

Thank you so much, Nimrit!~ By the way, is your name Indian?

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23:02 Dec 29, 2020

Yes! I'm from India, born in London but raised in Canada! lmao

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23:02 Dec 29, 2020

Yes! I'm from India, born in London but raised in Canada! lmao

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23:02 Dec 29, 2020

Yes! I'm from India, born in London but raised in Canada! lmao

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Laiba M
01:54 Dec 30, 2020

Oh, wow! Glad I got that right, lol. How's Canada doing during the pandemic?

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16:23 Dec 30, 2020

Pretty decent, I can't say it's good, but it certainly is better then before. Almost 12,000 people have gotten the vaccine, which I'd say is AMAZING!!!! But we all have to go one week online, before we can go back to in-person :( . Where do you live? How's COVID-19 there?

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Laiba M
00:05 Dec 31, 2020

Ah, okay! That's great! Yeah, it does take a bit for the vaccine to start taking effect~ I live in North America, and it's really not that great here...

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16:23 Dec 30, 2020

Pretty decent, I can't say it's good, but it certainly is better then before. Almost 12,000 people have gotten the vaccine, which I'd say is AMAZING!!!! But we all have to go one week online, before we can go back to in-person :( . Where do you live? How's COVID-19 there?

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16:23 Dec 30, 2020

Pretty decent, I can't say it's good, but it certainly is better then before. Almost 12,000 people have gotten the vaccine, which I'd say is AMAZING!!!! But we all have to go one week online, before we can go back to in-person :( . Where do you live? How's COVID-19 there?

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B. W.
01:57 Dec 24, 2020

You got downvoted a lot and stuff, I'm going on a large upvote spree for you on your story with the most comments and stuff.

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Laiba M
00:53 Dec 25, 2020

Really? Thank you so much! I've gained 1 thousand points back (was downvoted by 2 thousand), so thanks!~

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B. W.
02:58 Dec 25, 2020

I was the one who upvoted ya by that much, I didn't like that you got downvoted so much so I decided to upvote ya a lot :) It took me about an hour or maybe a bit longer to do, I've also upvoted other friends and people who've got downvoted a lot as well.

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Laiba M
14:34 Dec 25, 2020

Aww, you're so sweet :) Both you and Ugochi upvoted me, and I'm so so thankful! You're such an amazing friend, I wouldn't ever think someone would help me without me asking, lol.

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B. W.
15:00 Dec 25, 2020

Well, I'd do anything for a friend and I'd always try to help them ^^ and you are one of my best friends on here after all :)

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Laiba M
15:36 Dec 25, 2020

Aww :) The same goes for you!~

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Raquel Rodriguez
15:27 Dec 22, 2020

Hey! This is so good! I recognized that this was different from your usual style, but I still really love it! You're really good at doing the second-person too! The only critique I have is this sentence: 'Do you want that no one will love you anymore?' I think you meant 'Do you want no one to love you anymore?' or something like that, because it doesn't really make sense. Maybe you did mean that, I dunno... Anyway, amazing job! :)

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Laiba M
16:45 Dec 22, 2020

Thank you!~ I'm so glad you liked it :) Since I did second person a while ago with my story Avani, I decided I'd try it again :D That makes sense! That's just how I felt that the delusion/hallucination should speak to her~~ But your critique makes complete sense! I would edit it if it wasn't already approved, haha. I collaborated with a talented author named B.W. for this story, and you should go check out her version!

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Raquel Rodriguez
17:10 Dec 22, 2020

Oh, okay! That makes sense, yeah. Lol, yeah. Ooh, you collabbed with Bee?

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Laiba M
17:54 Dec 22, 2020

Yep! Yeah, we shared ideas and decided we'd work together on this~ We have the same characters and general idea of how Achebe was killed, but other than that, I decided to surprise her with the OCD and negative thoughts and she surprised me with interesting little details :)

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Raquel Rodriguez
18:04 Dec 22, 2020

That's nice! Teamwork is so fun, for this contest I did a collab (I think you know lol) :D

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Laiba M
18:05 Dec 22, 2020

Yep, I was thinking about it just now :)

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Laiba M
16:46 Dec 22, 2020

It's a recent story called "Unforgivable"~

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Raquel Rodriguez
17:10 Dec 22, 2020

Thanks!

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Laiba M
17:53 Dec 22, 2020

Of course :)

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B. W.
21:57 Dec 11, 2020

its out ^^ can ya check out "A strange lover" and leave some feedback?

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Laiba M
00:39 Dec 12, 2020

Sure

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B. W.
00:50 Dec 12, 2020

thanks ^^

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22:25 Dec 05, 2020

Is this a collaboration with BW? Anyways, even if it isn't, this story is amazing! I love the poetic feel to this, and there are so many amazing metaphors that I could never write in a million years! AMAZING!

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Laiba M
00:21 Dec 06, 2020

Yeah :) We worked together on the characters and the death, but other than that, we wrote the rest on our own :D Thank you!! I bet you could do way better though, haha!~

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B. W.
23:14 Dec 05, 2020

Yep, the two of us decided to do a collaboration ^^

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Amaya .
00:08 Dec 05, 2020

the IMAGERY. Gosh, how are you so good at it? I'm jealous and in awe. i also love how it was related to B's story, I thought that was perfect

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Laiba M
00:25 Dec 05, 2020

Aww, thank you!! Yep, we worked together on this idea, so this is just from a different POV. You're too kind :) Do you have any things you think I could work on or change?

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B. W.
00:27 Dec 05, 2020

I don't think i ever told ya, but yeah we decided to do a story together because it would be fun ^^

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All Rounder
02:54 Oct 11, 2021

Wow , great story ,the problems highlighted are worth it.while reading i was laughing because u have made me attend to issue that i was having in past (possessiveness). Awesome and splendid way to depict the scene when dust particles shines, keep it up....

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Laiba M
17:10 Apr 14, 2022

Thank you so much!! :)

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20:06 Apr 09, 2021

Oh wow, was that powerful! I can't remember if I read B's version or not, but WOW. I'm almost shocked speechless. !!!!!

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Laiba M
22:58 Jul 27, 2021

So sorry for the extremely late response-I took a break from Reedsy and am back now! Thank you so, so muchhh!!!~ You should definitely check out their version if you haven't already, you're very kind!!

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B. W.
14:19 Mar 14, 2021

Heya there

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Laiba M
17:51 Mar 14, 2021

Hi

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B. W.
18:01 Mar 14, 2021

So how are you doing today?

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Laiba M
18:02 Mar 14, 2021

Ehh, I'm fine. Surprised-someone accused me of something I look completely down upon. You can check my comments. It's really recent.

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B. W.
18:06 Mar 14, 2021

I'm sure it'll turn out fine, though sorry that's been going on. I'm guessing it's about downvoting?

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Laiba M
18:07 Mar 14, 2021

Yeah...Have you read it?

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B. W.
18:32 Mar 11, 2021

Do ya think the new prompts will be good?

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Laiba M
21:23 Mar 11, 2021

I hope!~

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B. W.
21:25 Mar 11, 2021

I really want to try and continue the demi-god spin off

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Laiba M
00:27 Mar 12, 2021

I'd really love to see you do that!

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B. W.
00:50 Mar 12, 2021

Whats something you'd wanna see happen in the next part?

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Laiba M
03:28 Mar 12, 2021

Hmm, I don't really know :) I definitely want a lot of action-you're good at writing that!!~

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B. W.
21:25 Mar 09, 2021

Like I just told you a bit ago, I need help with the characters. There'll still be two Human main characters and two Demi-God main characters. Though they'll all be new ones, and it won't just be Greek and Roman.

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Laiba M
22:40 Mar 09, 2021

Oooh, that's a good idea! I like the idea of using Hawaiian, Egyptian, Norse, etc.

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B. W.
23:36 Mar 09, 2021

Could you maybe help me with the Demi-god characters first?

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Laiba M
00:07 Mar 10, 2021

Sure! What do you mean by help, though? Would you like me to create characters or write passages with the characters in them?

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B. W.
00:30 Mar 10, 2021

I mean like giving name suggestions first and ideas on who their god/goddess parent should be.

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Laiba M
01:29 Mar 10, 2021

I think Koi could be the child of Pele and a Japanese human :)

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B. W.
18:42 Mar 09, 2021

New thread. Well there's gonna be a lot of live-action Disney movies of older ones, like I think there's going to be one about The Little Mermaid.

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Laiba M
18:44 Mar 09, 2021

Yeah, I heard! I didn't hear about Lilo and Stitch though, that's really cool :) I hope Stitch looks just as adorable as he did in the movies!!!

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B. W.
18:54 Mar 09, 2021

Have ya ever watched "Gremlins" before?

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Laiba M
19:04 Mar 09, 2021

Hmm, no. What is it?

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B. W.
19:20 Mar 09, 2021

It's kind of a cute movie, though I'm not really good at describing things like this. You could look it up or look at some scenes?

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Laiba M
19:44 Mar 09, 2021

Oooh! I'll take a look :)

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B. W.
14:32 Mar 09, 2021

Please help me

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Laiba M
14:40 Mar 09, 2021

What??? What happened?

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B. W.
14:42 Mar 09, 2021

It's nothing bad I guess, but Polly is back. You remember her right? And I kinda don't wanna just talk to her alone, I'm still pretty mad and upset about the stuff. So I kinda wanted you to maybe talk to her as well?

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Laiba M
14:43 Mar 09, 2021

Really???? What did she say? And yeah, of course I remember her. What rude thing did she say this time?

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B. W.
14:46 Mar 09, 2021

No no- she's kind of apologizing, but I'm still extremely mad and upset like I said. There's a lot of stuff I want to say, but I'm holding it back. I was just kinda thinking that you should talk to her as well, since it kinda involves you I guess. The whole talk from a long time ago was about you, I think.

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Laiba M
14:48 Mar 09, 2021

Hold on, I'll find the comment.

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B. W.
00:36 Mar 07, 2021

I got a new story out :D

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Laiba M
00:46 Mar 07, 2021

I'm so excited!!!!

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B. W.
01:10 Mar 07, 2021

:)

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