Countdown!

Submitted into Contest #74 in response to: Write a story that takes place across ten seconds.... view prompt

56 comments

Fiction Happy Holiday

Title: Countdown!

Author: Haripriya

Author's Note: Hello everyone! I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!Β 

10:

I carefully bite the humongous popcorn kernel I accidentally got, as I foraged through the entire jar. I look down at my buttery popcorn and look at mom, who looks at dad, who looks at my little brother, who looks at his toy. Everyone's glare is now back at the flat screen T.V. I too eagerly look at the T.V and back at my popcorn, trying to find a bigger piece than the one I just found. The house is filled with echoes, screaming and shouting from New York's Times Square as I see the countdown light up. "10" I see.

9:

The second changed and the crowd's screaming grew louder and louder. We hear claps, which almost sounded like thunder. I stare at mom, who's leg is shaking with anxiety. She carefully removes her slippers while looking into the T.V. so focused. I see her forehead sweat as she is trying to calm herself from all of this excitement. But I try to ignore all the things mom is doing and focus on my popcorn. I glare back down and try to taste another buttery kernel, and still decide to look back at the T.V. to wait for the next second to change.

8:

I see my dad who is slowly and intriguingly slurping some cold water, which he desperately needed because he too, was anxiously looking at the countdown timer. In the back of my mind, I knew that he was secretly whispering to himself, for the numbers to change soon. I just had a feeling that he was doing this without any one of us knowing. He is slurping even quicker, and I notice his frustration when he has accidentally finished his ice water, and see him get out of his seat to get more ice cubes.

7:

My mind quickly diverts from dad's failing attempts to reach the ice cube, to my little brother's squeaky toy. For some reason, he is also really waiting for the seconds to change quickly, as if he even knew what was happening today. I see his Sponge Bob Square Pants squishy slowly inflating, and as he squeezes tightly on it, deflating, and this was happening like a rotation. I also spot his choo-choo train. He is trying to push it with all his might while squishing the poor Sponge Bob, and when the train started moving, his eyes moved back to the T.V.

6:

The sounds coming from his train were really distracting me, and I wanted to yell at him to stop playing with it, but that's when I noticed that I was on my last popcorn. I had a mix of feelings. I felt really sad that I ate all the other kernels so quickly, but then again, it was worth it, because the taste of melting hot, buttery, and a little cheesy popcorn going into your mouth right out of the microwave is just so tasty. So I guess I had to munch on the last one very slowly.

5:

As I picked up the last popcorn kernel, and slowly put it to my mouth to munch on, I notice the crowd's roars are getting higher and higher. I had a feeling that something exciting was going to happen right that second and my sixth sense was correct. As I carefully stared at the T.V. I noticed huge fireworks had just been released into the night sky, which made my family and the crowd there really surprised. I noticed that when it blasted, it made colorful patterns like hearts, rainbows, and lots of stars, which made the crowd surprised.

4:

Everyone was still eagerly waiting for the countdown timer to go faster. I could spot mom going even closer to the T.V. and crossing her fingers, almost yelling at the timer to go faster than it already is. I also spot my dad finally coming back with his successful attempt at collecting the ice cubes. Though I was wondering why it took him such a long time to do such an easy task. But that thought quickly shook out of me as I continued to much on my very last popcorn kernel, trying to really savor its taste.

3:

My brother started to laugh, for absolutely no reason. He continued laughing and laughing, and even though we were all asking him why he was laughing, he couldn't respond, because he's laughing was almost non-stop. His giggles got me really mad because I couldn't hear the music on the T.V. I told him a million times to stop laughing (which I was pretty sure that it was fake) he never listened to me. So I took his Sponge Bob toy, which I immediately regretted because, after that, he started becoming a tiger and attacking me, so I quickly threw it back to him. I also had pleaded him to stop scratching me, and as soon as he got the toy, he did.Β 

2:

Now it was almost the end of the timer. Everyone was staring at the clock (except for my little brother, and also if you're wondering, yes, he did eventually stop laughing like a maniac, because he got angry at me for taking his toy) as we sat there, trying to listen to its ticking sound. I glance down at my watch and read the time: 11:59 pm. I too, wish that this second would go by really quickly.

1:

"WHOOOOOOO!!!" we hear the crowd cheering, and after they did, my brother too started howling, almost exactly like a stray dog does after it gets hurt.Β 

"FINALLY!" I hear mom and dad exclaim loudly, even louder than my brother's howling.

I too jump up from my seat in delight, and yell, "2020 is over everyone! As per my watch, it's 12:00 am and Jan. 1st!!!"Β 

As I say this, everyone else also jumps up and down in celebration, just like everyone on the T.V.

I hope the new year will be better, and safer than 2020.Β I think as I drift to bed.

~The End~

December 25, 2020 17:34

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

56 comments

Hello everyone! I want to take the time and wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy (early) New Year!! Just some quick notes: 1. Even though today is Christmas, I made this story more New Year related because...well, I am just too excited for 2021! I dearly want 2020 to end as soon as possible. Don't we all? 2. Based on the prompt, the New Year Countdown was the first thing I thought of when I heard "10 seconds", so I hope that my thinking is correct for this prompt! Also, I hope that I described everything good! 3. Since this isn't n...

Reply

Show 0 replies
Nora K.
14:34 Dec 26, 2020

Hey, Haripriya!! :) Such an incredibly creative story! Your story’s details are anticipating and exciting, captivating your readers and keeping them endlessly interested and engaged until the very end of the story! The characters descriptive body languages instantly reveal how they are feeling and what they are thinking, which is an incredible short-story-writing trait!! Marvelous job! I hope that you had a wonderful Christmas and a happy New Year! 2020 is almost over! Huzzah!! ;) -Nora :)

Reply

I was looking forward to your comment Nora! (me anxiously waiting for you...) ***refreshing, refreshing, refreshing...why isn't Nora's comment here?? Refreshing...refreshing...refreshing...I guess I got to go to sleep...hopefully Nora will write one!!!*** (me looking at my laptop the next day...meaning today)*** Me being really excited at your comment right now!!*** Jokes aside, thank you so much for your lovely and detailed comment! I am so glad that you liked this short, 10-second story! I too hope that you and your family had a Merry ...

Reply

Nora K.
16:49 Dec 26, 2020

No problem! I’m always glad to read your wonderful stories!! :)

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Mary Kate
09:53 Dec 26, 2020

Great stuff, I think we will all resonate with the ending! I liked the characterisation, particularly the popcorn eating. You gave a good sense of family atmosphere. I like some of the small details which make it feel real and contemporary (e.g. Sponge Bob squishy). You are right about not being able to have much plot in 10 seconds. I am writing mine now and it is probably going to be mostly scene setting with a sudden event. You said that you like feedback (in your bio) so I will just mention a few things. You could omit some of the times ...

Reply

Thank you so much for the amazing comment Mary! I have missed getting comments like this...so thanks a lot! You're right, I did want people to give me feedback, so I appreciate for you taking the time and writing such a splendid comment! I will surely fix this! :) Me too Mary, I too hope that 2021 will be a great year! :)

Reply

Mary Kate
16:06 Dec 26, 2020

Great. It is just a suggestion though and write the story you want to write :-) The best thing to do is see if this type of thing helps your story.

Reply

You said it Mary. Again, thanks for the suggestion, I will surely fix it. I was actually in the middle or writing another story...so yeah.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply

This was really great. Even though it is celebrating the end of 2020, it brought me back to my childhood, watching the ball drop on tv, with Dean Martin Hosting. It also reminded me of me and my little brother. This was short, simple but very well written...

Reply

Wow, thank you for you excellent comment Christy, I am so glad you liked the story. Also, I'm very curious of how well my story related to your childhood. I can't believe you also have a little brother! Such a coincidence! Anyways, thank you so much! :)

Reply

Just made me remember sitting with my parents. My brother being annoying and we try to watch the ball drop in New York. I said Dean Martin was the host but I believe it was actually Bob Hope. Since I am 46. Just brought me back to the good old days...

Reply

Well, I am glad my story made you remember your childhood. =)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply

Just made me remember sitting with my parents. My brother being annoying and we try to watch the ball drop in New York. I said Dean Martin was the host but I believe it was actually Bob Hope. Since I am 46. Just brought me back to the good old days...

Reply

Show 0 replies

Just made me remember sitting with my parents. My brother being annoying and we try to watch the ball drop in New York. I said Dean Martin was the host but I believe it was actually Bob Hope. Since I am 46. Just brought me back to the good old days...

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 7 replies
Show 1 reply

Nice story! Your writing was superb. My only quibble was your timing was a little wonky. In one second the little brother starts laughing, sister gets angry, tells him to stop, grabs toy, little brother attacks, sister throws toy back. It was just a lot for literally one second. But otherwise, nice story and the writing was amazing. Would you be able to check out my stories and give me some feedback? Thanks and Happy New Year!

Reply

You are right, I just didn't know all the details you could put in a second, and at the same time make it engaging, so sorry to disappoint you there! I would love to Antonio, and Happy New Year to you too! :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Emily Rose
04:55 Jan 03, 2021

I love how you portrayed their emotions so well. It's so detailed, that made me so happy while I read it

Reply

Oh wow, thank you so much for your amazing comment Eshaal! :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
LucΓ­a M
22:59 Jan 02, 2021

I loved your story! I could feel the excitement as the New Year approached. Also your descriptions of the characters and their actions paints a perfect picture. Great read. I've just gotten started here on Reedsy and you are one of my favorite authors, so it would mean the world to me if you could check out my last story. It's on this same prompt and I would love to hear your thoughts on it!

Reply

Wow, I feel so happy that you liked this story and that I'm your favorite!! (Not to lie, but this is best comment I have ever gotten since I joined Reedsy!!) I would LOVE to check out your stories! :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Llind Kam
16:49 Jan 02, 2021

I loved this. The idea was great and I was very involved in the tale. That is very difficult to accomplish and you nailed it. Kudos to you!!

Reply

Show 1 reply
Akshaya Sutrave
06:05 Dec 27, 2020

Hi Haripriya! I loved this story so much! Especially the way you showed their eagerness for New Year. I'm certain many of us feel the same way, including me! I loved the characterization and descriptions in your story. It was short and sweet! I hope you have a great 2021, too! Happy writing!

Reply

Akshaya Sutrave
06:40 Dec 29, 2020

Welcome! And Thank you! :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply

Wonderful job Haripriya! Happy (Early) New years! I def think its a good idea to use new years as the main idea. I was thinking the same thing;) Great minds think alike! Super sweet how you described the family. Felt so real! Great work!

Reply

Haha, thank you so much Varsha! I always look forward to yours, and someone else's comments every time I write a story...so thank you! Also, I wish you too a Happy New Year and a late Merry Christmas! :)

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Amel Parvez
11:39 Dec 26, 2020

I just loved the ending! πŸ’œ

Reply

Show 1 reply
Wirda Bibi
10:58 Dec 26, 2020

i liked it :) have a great 2021 :)

Reply

Show 1 reply
Coco Longstaff
23:08 Jan 01, 2021

Hey Laila! I really liked your ten second countdown story! You amazingly managed to put all the details in there and make it a great story! (P.S. I lalalalove the ending.)

Reply

Thank you so much Coco!! I am so glad that you liked the ending! :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
B. W.
22:15 Dec 27, 2020

I updated my bio, could you check it out and tell me what ya think?

Reply

Haha! I just absolutely love your bio B! It looks really simple and sweet, my favorite kind. Also, another thing I love about it is that it sums up everything about you really nicely and it has a nice length to it! Great job! :) P.S. I can't believe you thought of including me in your bio!! You're so sweet! :)

Reply

B. W.
23:14 Dec 27, 2020

No prob, im glad ya liked that and the other stuff ^^ question, in the part where I mentioned the things I liked/fandoms i guess, what were the things you knew and what were the things you don't know?

Reply

Umm...in that here are the things I didn't know: 1. Helluva boss 2. Undertale/deltarune Why do you ask?

Reply

B. W.
00:11 Dec 28, 2020

I was just kind of wondering, and I was kind of wanting to talk about the first one you mentioned but so far no one knows about it on here yet, at least that I know of.

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply