19 comments

Thriller

Cold sweat began to drip down Greyson’s face as the elevator came to a sudden, jerking halt and the lights above began to flicker. There was only one other person on the elevator with him, an elderly woman who was standing against the back wall, seemingly completely unbothered by the sudden grinding halt. There was also an empty gurney that one of the staff members had left. Greyson hated elevators, but this particular afternoon, he was running late for a job interview he had hoped would be a new start for him. “This has to be some kind of omen” he thought to himself as he tried to calm his increasing heart rate. A morbid, albeit slightly comforting, thought entered his head, If he was going to have a heart attack or pass out from hyperventilation, he was in the best place for it. West Way Medical Center was the top hospital in the area and Greyson was applying for a unit secretary position on the Intensive Care Unit. His dream had always been to go to nursing school and this was what he deemed to be the first step in his new life as someone whose job it was to save lives. Now, his only goal was to get out of the elevator and he began to frantically push the emergency button, but nothing seemed to be happening.


The elderly woman with him hadn’t moved an inch. It was hard to see with the flickering lights, but she didn’t appear to be blinking. “Are you okay? I’m sure we will be out of here in no time” Greyson said as much to reassure her as himself. There was no response. He guessed they were stuck just below a floor because he could hear people shouting through the doors from up above. They kept repeating “Code Silver”. He didn’t know what that meant, but he figured maybe “silver” referred to machinery and it was signaling the elevator was broken down. This is good, this means help will be here soon, he kept repeating that phrase in his head for what seemed like days.


He felt sure his fear was beginning to make him imagine things, because he started to hear strange sounds coming from the back of the elevator. Small sighing and gurgling type noises. Suddenly remembering the woman, he looked back to check once more on the other occupant of the elevator. He was trying to recall what to do to assist someone having a panic attack and then the lights flickered out completely. His breathing became heavier and heavier and his shirt was soaked through with sweat. The code silver shouts were becoming more and more frantic sounding and people were asking about whether it had been resolved. Why wasn’t anyone coming? The fire department should have been there by now! He had already cursed himself for leaving his cell phone in his car- he was afraid that it would somehow go off during his interview and ruin it, even though it was turned off. It was an irrational fear and now he was paying for it, though he wasn’t sure it would have had service anyway. Maybe that was just his way of trying to make himself feel better.


He pushed the emergency button again and then in a bout of desperation, tried to pry the doors open. It was to no avail, he sunk down to the floor and tried to control the sobs that were forming deep in his chest. He was suddenly overcome with a rush of guilt. He hadn’t tried nearly hard enough to ensure the woman with him was okay. This was a hospital after all, what if she had a serous medical condition? He had been so focused on his own fear that he had basically left her to cope by herself. With sudden comfort in the thought that he wasn’t alone, Greyson stood up and felt along the wall until he was next to the elderly woman. “Are you doing okay? My name is Greyson Atkinson, do you need any medical attention?” Trying not to startle her, he extended a hand for a handshake and was started by how much tension appeared to be in her face, neck and shoulders. It made sense, if there was ever a situation to cause some tension, it was this one. Handshake not returned, he opened his mouth to ask again if she needed any medical help, though he wasn’t sure he would be able to do much if she did, and he heard the faintest whisper come from her lips. “It’s so dark and there’s no air”. Worried she was on oxygen or claustrophobic, he began to feel around for an oxygen tank. He didn’t recollect seeing one when he stepped on the elevator, but he was so absorbed in practicing his answers for potential interview questions, that he hadn’t paid hardly any attention at all to the elevator or anyone who may have been inside. Scared now that she was going to pass out or stop breathing all together, he yelled. He yelled for help as loud as he could.


After yelling himself hoarse, the doors finally were pried open and light flooded in making it hard to see. He was helped out by two firefighters who immediately got him sat down and wrapped a blanket around his shoulders. As a nurse came over to assess for any injuries, he found out they had been stuck in the elevator for two and a half hours. She asked why he was at the hospital and he told her about the interview. She said she would get someone from Human Resources to come and speak with him about rescheduling it. “It’s been a pretty hectic day” the nurse said, “but fortunately you look be just fine physically though I’m sure you’re pretty shaken up. We will have a doctor check you out and sign off then you should be free to go. Let someone know if you need anything at all and I will be right back.” As she left to go get the doctor on call, he saw two members of the staff wheeling a gurney past that held someone covered with a white sheet. “Excuse me,” Greyson called, “ Can you tell me if the woman who was in the elevator with me is okay?”. The two staff members exchanged nervous glances and then one said “Since you were the one who was trapped in there, the family granted permission for us to share this information with you". Then, after a pause for a deep breath, continued "Did you hear people yelling Code Silver? That is the code we use for a missing corpse from the morgue. The woman you were in the elevator with died four hours ago.”

September 07, 2020 01:48

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

19 comments

Molly Leasure
22:56 Sep 13, 2020

If I was Greyson, as soon as I heard that news I'd be long gone. It was really interesting though! I'd almost forgotten about the gurney, because of how subtly it was introduced. I was more focused on the woman. I think that was a perfect way to do it though, because then when you remember the gurney existed (as they wheel it out of the elevator), you're hit with her death. Just brilliant!

Reply

Katelyn T
17:33 Sep 14, 2020

Thank you so much!!! I’m so glad you enjoyed it!!!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Jade Young
00:31 Sep 10, 2020

Wow Katelyn! I love your tension building, it adds such a level of depth and relatability to your story. I love the repetition of Code Silver, it's interwoven really nicely and the meaning behind it 😱 I was not expecting that at all. Really great story! Well done 😊 If you have the time, please check out my latest story, Bonds That Never Break. I'd really appreciate it

Reply

Katelyn T
00:41 Sep 10, 2020

Wow! Thank you so much for the kind feedback! I’m so glad you enjoyed it!! I can’t wait to read some of your work!!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
20:08 Sep 09, 2020

Oh, gosh, WOW. This story was so good!! It was like the whole story was a cliffhanger...idk, it was just really suspended and intriguing. AND GOD, THAT ENDINGGGGGGGG Awesome job!! Keep writing! ~Aerin P. S. Would you mind checking out my newest story?

Reply

Katelyn T
22:49 Sep 09, 2020

Thank you so much for the kind words!!!! It means a lot to me! I’m so glad you enjoyed it! Of course! I will check it out ASAP!!

Reply

23:12 Sep 09, 2020

Thanks!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
D. Jaymz
21:46 Sep 08, 2020

This was an excellent story 👏 The internal logic was cohesive and the tension kept high. Great work 😊

Reply

Katelyn T
23:41 Sep 08, 2020

Thank you so much!

Reply

D. Jaymz
00:18 Sep 09, 2020

You're welcome 😊

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
20:00 Sep 07, 2020

Tension, more tension and even more tension! This is a well-crafted piece. A small, enclosed space, and yet from it you were able to weave a thriller. Keep writing!

Reply

Show 0 replies
B. W.
18:40 Sep 07, 2020

I enjoyed this story and you did a great job with it ^^ whenever you have the time you should continue to make some more stories. I'm not sure if your ever wanting advice but i don't think that there was anything wrong with this story. so guess what? i'm going to give this story a 10/10

Reply

Katelyn T
18:46 Sep 07, 2020

Thank you so much for the kind words! I am always open for advice or constructive criticism! It’s what makes me better! I’m so glad you enjoyed it!

Reply

B. W.
19:01 Sep 07, 2020

No problem ^^ i was also wondering if you could check out "Useless" and "Bonding?" then give me some feedback? if thats alright

Reply

Katelyn T
19:45 Sep 07, 2020

Of course!

Reply

B. W.
19:46 Sep 07, 2020

Thanks ^^ i'm excited to see what you have to say

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Lucy Thompson
13:32 May 04, 2021

Literally in love with this!!💜

Reply

Katelyn T
18:20 May 04, 2021

Oh my goodness! Thank you so much! You are so kind!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Prathamesh Chavan
13:24 Nov 10, 2020

Hii, Katelyn Sorry to intervene, in this brutal manner, I have a request for you would be kind to give a single glance over the vehicle which my team had been working over months. https://www.instagram.com/p/CHX5VUPBJOp/?igshid=5f72nb3cgg30 Sorry to take your time and If possible like the post.Because this would help team to win

Reply

Show 0 replies
RBE | We made a writing app for you (photo) | 2023-02

We made a writing app for you

Yes, you! Write. Format. Export for ebook and print. 100% free, always.