225 comments

Crime Mystery

Note: Hello everyone! Just FYI, I didn’t put a lot of effort into this at all, so it’s not that good. It wasn’t really my type of prompt, but I wanted to post a story anyway. Regardless, I hope you all enjoy it! P.S. Sorry about the ‘extra words’ at the end lol, I didn’t know what else to write and saw that someone else did the same thing.

The Baked Break-in

           The day started like any other. I was on my way to the Greenville Police Department, where I worked. The area had been quiet lately; the calm before the storm, I suppose. I didn’t know it at the time, but that cloud-filled day would be the highlight of my career. Not long after I arrived at the station, and I heard my radio begin to crackle.

           “Break in on 331st. Sweet Treats Bakery,” The voice said. After letting them know I was on my way to the bakery, I started my car and drove off. When I pulled up to Sweet Treats, it was a typical break-in scene. A glass window was shattered leaving sharp fragments on the grass below. Officer Brodinsky stood outside interrogating chef Callahan.

           “Was there anything missing?” he asked

           “Only my secret pie filling,” the man answered in distress. After thoroughly questioning the chef, myself and officer Brodinsky investigated several rival bakeries with no luck. The sun was beginning to set, placing an orange hue on the crime scene. We had checked everywhere with no fortune. That was when I realized the only place we hadn’t checked; Sugar Candy Pastries. They had been copying chef Callahan for as long as anyone could remember. My fellow officer argued that it was too late, and we should be getting home. I sighed and reluctantly approved of the idea. That night, I could not sleep. I tossed and turn in confusion about why anyone would want to steal a secret pie filling. With no such luck of falling into slumber, I put on my coat and made my way to Sugar Candy Pastries. After silently pulling in, I climbed out of my car. All was quiet besides the occasional hooting of an owl. I searched the property outside and didn’t hear a sound. As I made my way back to my vehicle, I heard a loud crash. Scrambling back to the door, I frantically pushed it open.

“Police!” I announced. I heard someone rushing around inside. When I peered inside, I was met with the most mind-boggling sight I had ever seen! Officer Brodinsky sat on the tiled floor, helping himself to a jar that said “Callahan’s pie filling” on a label near the lid. “Brodinsky?” I questioned. He sheepishly stared at the ground, avoiding eye contact. After turning him into the station, he admitted that he was the one who stole the filling so he could find out what was so secret about it. Shaking my head, I drove home to get some well-deserved sleep.

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December 08, 2020 19:22

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225 comments

Hello there Abby! I really liked the entire story, (and the "extra" words, get it? No, it's fine...I'm TERRIBLE at jokes. This was probably a cheesy one >_<) But really, I liked the entire plot and the story of it. You did a great job on that! 😊 But I do have a few tips on how to lengthen your story a bit longer to make it actually fit the word count. I hope these tips help! 😁 1. Pacing -Meaning slowing down your story a bit, and adding a lot more sensory details to make the story more dramatic and engaging to the readers. Also, ...

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✨Abby ✨
02:50 Dec 11, 2020

Thank you so much! I see your joke lol 😆 I will be sure to apply those in future stories as well as this one! The tips were super helpful! Like I said it wasn’t rly my type of prompt and I wasn’t planning on posting it, but coincidentally, I was writing it for a homework assignment previously so I was like, eh, better then nothing lololol. Thanks again! ~Abby

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Hello Abby! No problem, I understand what you mean. But, thanks for taking the time to respond! It means a lot to me! I hope these tips help you into becoming an amazing author!! :)

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✨Abby ✨
03:00 Dec 11, 2020

Of course. Actually I should Be thanking YOU for your time. Have a wonderful night (or day depending where you live). ~Abby

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Thanks Abby! Also, it's currently 10:30 pm, where I live. :)

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✨Abby ✨
03:46 Dec 11, 2020

Ah, good to know. Well I bid you a good night.

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20:14 Dec 15, 2020

Hey Abby! This was so short and sweet! It reminded me of one of those little mysteries that were like on kids shows, and I mean that in a good way! It was interesting and just caught my eye, and also the plot twist was crazy! I honestly enjoyed it, it was one interesting mysterious story! Soooo good! Keep writing Abby! PS! I heard about your little downvoter problem- I got you!

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✨Abby ✨
20:16 Dec 15, 2020

Thank you so much! Yeah, that was what I was going for.😉 I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

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20:23 Dec 15, 2020

Hey!!! I just got you to 193 point!! Don't let the downvoting get to you, just do what you came here to do and the points will come on their own. Kay!!

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✨Abby ✨
21:18 Dec 15, 2020

Omg, thank you so much! Honestly I'm.so confused that they were downvoting me cuz I already didn't have that many points lol. Thanks so so so much again!

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21:26 Dec 15, 2020

I think it might have been because of BW's page, ya know the spamming people? I'm not saying they are the downvoter but B, is pretty famous here and when you stood up for her you might have caught the downvoters eyed and it caused them to target you instead. But hey this is a simple theory, but think about it. I mean you weren't known at all (no offense I'm seriously not trying to be rude) till you commented on B's page, and B's page is always being downvoted. Sadly. But of course!! Anytime!

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✨Abby ✨
21:41 Dec 15, 2020

Ahhh, that is a good theory. I was thinking about that as well And no, that wasn't rude. I just joined reedsy a few weeks ago, so I wasn't known at all. It kinda makes sense tho.

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Mary Kate
19:42 Dec 15, 2020

I didn't guess it was the officer! Well done. A good idea about the extra words bit. With my most recent story 'The Algorithm' (contest #72) I struggled to get it to 1000 words as it was only 900 words after edits. I am wondering if Reedsy could consider shortening the required length to 500 words?

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✨Abby ✨
19:46 Dec 15, 2020

Thank you! Yes, that would be nice. usually, my stories are over 1,000 words but this was a homework assignment and it fit into the prompt as well, so I decided to post it and put 'extra words' (😉) at the end lol.

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B. W.
16:47 Dec 15, 2020

Hey

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✨Abby ✨
17:21 Dec 15, 2020

Heyyyy

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B. W.
17:23 Dec 15, 2020

how are ya?

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✨Abby ✨
17:28 Dec 15, 2020

Very good. I got a short school day lol. U?

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B. W.
17:49 Dec 15, 2020

Im a bit bored and tired

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✨Abby ✨
18:00 Dec 15, 2020

I'm tired cuz my dad had his workers here and their ripping tile of the floor with hammers :/

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✨Abby ✨
18:10 Dec 15, 2020

Your stories out.😏

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Night Fall
05:10 Dec 15, 2020

It was cute! Just one edit, it is Brodinsky and myself...sorry I can't help myself. I love that you respond to every single comment

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✨Abby ✨
05:13 Dec 15, 2020

Thank you for the edit! And i love responding to Comments and talking to people lol.

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B. W.
05:35 Dec 14, 2020

New thread, ya got any other questions for me?

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✨Abby ✨
05:39 Dec 14, 2020

Yeah. Could you tell me a little about yourself. For the story. Like special traits, what you look like, what you're personality is like, etc. Along with anything else you want me to include in the story.😊

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B. W.
06:02 Dec 14, 2020

What do ya mean by special traits though?

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✨Abby ✨
17:01 Dec 14, 2020

Like any special talents?

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B. W.
18:28 Dec 14, 2020

not really, i cant do that much :/

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✨Abby ✨
18:30 Dec 14, 2020

LOl same here. Maybe just tell me the other things (appearance, personality, etc. And anything else u want me to put in it)

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B. W.
04:01 Dec 12, 2020

new thread, me and some others are being spammed by the same person

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✨Abby ✨
04:03 Dec 12, 2020

Oh really? Like good like and comment spam or like bad downvote spam?

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B. W.
04:05 Dec 12, 2020

Comment Spam

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✨Abby ✨
04:14 Dec 12, 2020

Good or bad comments? And is that a good thing or bad?

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B. W.
04:16 Dec 12, 2020

i dunno how to describe it man, its annoying though

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✨Abby ✨
04:16 Dec 12, 2020

Oh very weird..

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B. W.
23:17 Dec 11, 2020

what do ya think of the new prompts?

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✨Abby ✨
00:04 Dec 12, 2020

Eh they’re okay. I Like them better than the last ones.

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B. W.
00:21 Dec 12, 2020

do ya maybe have a favorite?

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✨Abby ✨
01:32 Dec 12, 2020

Probably the one where someone inherits the fortune. U?

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B. W.
02:10 Dec 12, 2020

I'm not really sure, though i do like the detective prompt and I might try to do that one later for another story

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✨Abby ✨
02:35 Dec 12, 2020

Ooh ya I like the detective one too. I just dk what I would write about. :/

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B. W.
22:05 Dec 11, 2020

i got a new story out, maybe you could check out "A strange lover" and leave some feedback?

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✨Abby ✨
22:27 Dec 11, 2020

Absolutely

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B. W.
22:36 Dec 11, 2020

thanks ^^ im excited to see what ya think

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✨Abby ✨
22:45 Dec 11, 2020

So sorry but I don’t feel quite comfortable about the topic you were writing about so I don’t think I’ll be able to comment on that one but I will on a different story if you’d like.

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B. W.
23:15 Dec 11, 2020

The LGBTQ stuff? do ya not support it or do you sort of do but your still not comfortable with doing it? Its just romance, I'm sorry if this sounds a bit rude though and you don't have to tell me.

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✨Abby ✨
00:03 Dec 12, 2020

it’s just a controversial topic and I don’t really wanna get in to it.

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Lilah Blackburn
04:07 Dec 10, 2020

I liked your story very interesting

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✨Abby ✨
04:08 Dec 10, 2020

Well, thank you Li

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Jade Orien🍀
23:53 Dec 08, 2020

I liked the story! ❤ I think it was well written

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✨Abby ✨
18:05 Dec 09, 2020

Thank you!

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Jade Orien🍀
20:31 Dec 09, 2020

You're welcome 😁

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Laiba M
19:43 Dec 08, 2020

Hi, Abby~ I love how much extra words you put, lol~ I do recommend working on that exactly, though. The story is 4-5 paragraphs long, and this is a great story! I'd really like to see how this would look expanded :) Instead of generalizing actions and processes, maybe go through them with more detail. That will help a lot with lengthening your story! Other than that, the storyline was great :D

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✨Abby ✨
17:41 Dec 09, 2020

Thank you! I will work on that for sure!

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Raquel Rodriguez
03:13 Dec 14, 2020

Okay, so I saw your comment on Bee's story, and I tried to upvote you too, but just like she said, it doesn't look like it's doing anything. I'm really sorry about this, I'm apologizing for the downvoter because they're definitely either having a hard time or just hate their life. This is vicious. I can't apologize enough. Why are they doing this to you? I don't know, I tried to upvote you but it isn't working. :/ Update: OMG I UPVOTED YOU AND IT ACTUALLY DID SOMETHINGGGGGG I SAW 2 KARMA POINTS ON YOUR THING I'M GONNA UPVOTE YOU MORE

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✨Abby ✨
03:35 Dec 14, 2020

Oh my gosh thank you! That is so sweet, I really appreciate it. I’m not sure what I did exactly I just know it started when I mentioned my point of view on something and it’s just been going downhill from there... still confused 🤷‍♀️.

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Raquel Rodriguez
03:41 Dec 14, 2020

No problem, just trying to help out fellow Reeders. I'm sorry if I was being rude, because I kind of just stuck my nose into your business, but I really wanted to help. I would be down in the dumps if that were me, so I can't let that happen to others, ya know? Oof, that's horrible. Don't worry, I'm gonna keep upvoting you tomorrow, you deserve it. I mean, I hope the downvoter(s) get why we're doing this stuff. Stuff like this isn't okay, and it gets me so mad when I see this kind of stuff. I hate that people are like this. :/

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✨Abby ✨
03:42 Dec 14, 2020

Thank you again. And I didn’t find it rude AT ALL. Thank you so much for your help. Your the sweetest.🤗

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Raquel Rodriguez
12:54 Dec 14, 2020

It's alright. Thank you! You too! 😄

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B. W.
01:00 Dec 14, 2020

Uh- im kinda interested and curious to see what you would do for it, and I hope its not that much, but could you please possibly make a story about me? I think you'd do that for people in your Bio.

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✨Abby ✨
01:23 Dec 14, 2020

Ya ofc! I would love to!

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B. W.
01:26 Dec 14, 2020

thanks ^^

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✨Abby ✨
01:29 Dec 14, 2020

Np

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B. W.
01:34 Dec 14, 2020

when do ya think you'd be able to do it?

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✨Abby ✨
02:27 Dec 14, 2020

As soon as I think of what to write it about

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B. W.
20:49 Dec 13, 2020

i got a new story out ^^

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✨Abby ✨
21:11 Dec 13, 2020

I will check it

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B. W.
21:41 Dec 13, 2020

thanks ^^

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B. W.
05:50 Dec 13, 2020

I just read your bio again, you think I'm hilarious?? how? though thanks and again the things you say about me and the others is kinda cute ^^

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✨Abby ✨
05:52 Dec 13, 2020

Awww ya np your like the funniest person ever lol 😂

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B. W.
05:55 Dec 13, 2020

how am i funny though?

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✨Abby ✨
05:57 Dec 13, 2020

See! You were just funny then! Cuz you thought u weren’t funny.

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B. W.
05:58 Dec 13, 2020

How was that funny though? I only asked "how am I funny?" but thanks?- do I maybe have jokes in my stories that ya like?

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✨Abby ✨
06:07 Dec 13, 2020

You asked “how am I funny?” And that’s funny because you obviously are hilarious

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✨Abby ✨
06:18 Dec 13, 2020

I gtg to bed bye and may not be able to talk much tomorrow (church) just fyi

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B. W.
03:48 Dec 13, 2020

new thread?

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✨Abby ✨
04:09 Dec 13, 2020

Ok ya good idea

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B. W.
05:09 Dec 13, 2020

I think the thing towards the downvoters looks great ^^

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✨Abby ✨
05:12 Dec 13, 2020

Okay good, thanks.

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B. W.
05:13 Dec 13, 2020

I'm getting a bit annoyed by something, could ya maybe help me real quick? I'll try and explain if ya want, I'm not getting annoyed towards you or anything like that though.

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✨Abby ✨
05:15 Dec 13, 2020

Yea I'll help in any way possible. What is it?

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✨Abby ✨
05:01 Dec 13, 2020

Oh, can you take a look at the last part in my bio (where I address the downvoter/downvoters) and tell me what u think?

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