351 comments

Fantasy

By the time I stepped outside, the leaves were on fire. I heard screams, but the echo was swallowed by the crackling of fire and screams. Horrified screams, but the source was unknown.Β 

Fire was pouring out of me, immersing my entire body in flames. It quickly seared my thin clothing, burning the fabric with ease.Β 

But it didn’t burn me. I didn’t even feel the warmth of the flames whose mission was to devour everything in sight.Β 

The bright death-sentence transferred to the walls of the castle, eating them away, scorching them until fire and smoke was the only thing to see.Β 

All I could do was watch in traumatism as the uncontrollable flame roared into a bonfire.Β 

Every breath had me inhaling immense amounts of smoke, and my fuzzy surroundings blurred intensely. Everything was muddled, but my adrenaline made everything seem slightly sharper than I would think.Β 

β€œI can’t stop it!” I shouted to the tortured soul who was likely doused in fire, my voice hoarse from terror and the ever-so-threatening smoke. The emotion seemed to feed the fire.

I tried running away, pivoting on my foot as I sprinted through the courtyard. I was trying to tame the flames, but the beast had a mind of its own. Parts of the raging blaze trailed with me, coating my body in a suit-like form, leaving a trail of smoke in my wake.Β 

But the rest was unforgiving. An explosion from behind caught me off guard, sent me back at least a hundred feet. I landed on my back, pain shooting through it, worsening my dilemma. The anonymous screeching continued as I searched for the source.Β 

Although my condition did all it could to keep me from interpreting my surroundings, I could still catch a glimpse of the victim.Β 

It was a young girl, drowned in a blanket of fire, shouting for help as the flames licked her gorgeous dress, her terrified eyes a beautiful purple - the sign of a high social status. She was a Royal.

I tried to rescue her, but smoke erupted from the ground, stronger than ever.Β 

I crashed into the metal gates, the force knocking the wind out of me. Black started spotting my vision as I slumped onto the searing hot floor. And as the darkness swallowed me, I experienced a peaceful silence, but it also meant something greater.

The screaming had ceased.Β 

********************************************************************************

My vision was blurred as I awoke to a dimly lit stone room. There were candles dotted on the wall, wax dripping from their crowns. I was in a metal bed, with a fluffy blue blanket draped over me - one that I could never afford.Β 

I heard footsteps clicking against the brick floor and I squeezed my eyes tight instinctively. I perceived a woman’s cold voice echo off of the walls, as muffled as it was, I was able to make out a few sentences. β€œShe can’t be a Rare, she’s a Rag!” and β€œI refuse to believe it!” I winced. Was she talking about me? I didn’t do anything, that fire was just a dream! Right? It would explain why I couldn’t feel anything. Yes, of course, it was a dream. I opened my eyes to witness the door creaking open.

Β Two women walked in, and the first was easily the most beautiful person I had seen. The woman had almond skin without a freckle in sight and toffee colored hair swirling into a slick bun resting on her head. Her kohl rimmed blue eyes - the sign of a Rich - were narrowed and looked frustrated. Her red lips were twisted into an exaggerated frown. She had brown eyebrows raised as if inspecting me like I was a piece of sculpture. As for her outfit, I could tell that she was a Rich even without peering into her eyes. Her fuschia dress was dripping with golden adornments. Her fingers and neck were coated in expensive jewels, and perched on her head was a golden barrette. She might have been stunning, but she also looked - cruel.Β 

The second woman was in all white. Her eyes were brown - she was a Rag, and she appeared to be a healer.

β€œWho are you?” The first woman asked coldly.Β 

β€œI’d like to ask you the same thing.” I retorted, but my hoarse voice did nothing to help my comeback.

She huffed, then replied haughtily, β€œI am Laiba, and talk to me like that again and you’ll regret it. Now please be so kind to inform me who you are.”

I wasn’t intimidated by her remarks. I rolled my eyes, and took a deep breath before saying, β€œI’m Avani.” 

The second woman coughed, and whispered something into Laiba’s ear while staring at me.Β 

Laiba nodded, and then proceeded to pull my soft covers back, revealing my now cold torso and legs, framed in a white nightdress.Β 

β€œCome with me, Avani.” She commanded. I reluctantly obeyed, placing my feet on the frigid stone flooring. She opened the creaking door, revealing a long, dark corridor, illuminated with candles.Β 

β€œAnd you. Tend to the sheets.” She instructed the second woman. She nodded furiously, and then scrambled towards the bed.Β 

Laiba turned on her heel, and strutted out of the dungeon-like room, beckoning me to follow. We walked through the long corridor, and I cautiously looked around, nervous that something would stealthily snatch me and immerse me in shadows. If I did die, I don’t think Laiba would care. After walking in silence for what seemed like hours, I nearly tripped over a staircase placed right in front of me. I was staring at the floor and I didn’t see Laiba ascend, so the staircase wanted revenge for my inattentiveness. I climbed the staircase, my legs burning, and when I finally reached the top, I was greeting with beams of sunlight shining through the windows down the bright hall. There were doors everywhere, and only one was opened, it was the farthest from my position. Laiba took the lead, and started walking to the end of the corridor, and placed there was yet another staircase, but going downwards instead. I abruptly tried to keep her pace, scrambling to stay with her. As I passed the door, I peered into it. I saw an old woman conversing with a little girl about 7 years of age- who looked familiar, but I couldn’t quite place it.

β€œNow tell me what you’ve learned, darling.” The lady looked down at the girl with caring eyes.Β 

β€œRags are the lowest social status. They have barely anything. Regulars have enough money to get by, right?” The old lady nodded in approval, and the girl continued. β€œRiches have a lot of money and jewels. Royals are heirs to the throne of this kingdom, Ragar. And lastly, the Rares are very uncommon. And they are rumored to have special abilities. Did I get them all right?” 

The woman nodded, and said, β€œDid you know the color of your eyes determine what you are? Brown eyes are Rags. Regulars are green. Riches have blue eyes. Royals are purple, and Rares are rumored to have-” That’s when the nostalgia hit me like a cannon, blocking off all sound. The girl was… the one in the fire. The one who was dying. How is she still alive? I pondered to myself, before suddenly getting interrupted by a sharp bark.Β 

β€œAvani! Move!” Laiba shouted at me. I jumped, and then took large strides to meet her at the edge of the staircase. It swirled around a column, decorated with tapestries of all sorts. I decided to focus on those rather than my current dilemma. Once we reached the bottom of the spiraling staircase, we were greeted by a large wooden door adorned with a sturdy brass knob. Laiba grasped the knob in her right hand, and turned the door, which opened with a groan.Β 

I entered the massive room and my jaw nearly dropped to the floor. The room had large glass stained glass art placed strategically on the wall so that at this exact time of day, it would shine onto the magnificent golden throne with velvet purple seats - the centerpiece of the room. Guards were planted at the very edge of the purple carpet leading up to the seat.Β 

Sitting on the throne was queen Victoria, with understanding lilac eyes, golden locks, and a flowing purple dress. I felt like the rag I was in front of her.Β 

β€œAh, yes, our visitor.” she said in a clear, flowing voice. β€œAvery, was it?”

β€œAvani.” I muttered, earning a look of disapproval from Laiba, who had likely never heard etiquette that wasn’t as perfect as she was.Β 

β€œWell, Avani, you seem to be different from your kind. Let me take a look at you.” She murmured. Laiba shoved me towards the queen, causing me to nearly stumble onto my face. I took a few steps toward the queen until I reached the throne. I produce an overdramatic bow before standing right by the queen. She inspects me carefully, before proclaiming the twenty words that would change my life forever. β€œDarling, your eyes actually have a little green, which means they are hazel. You’re not a Rag, you’re a Rare.”

October 14, 2020 15:39

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351 comments

Raquel Rodriguez
22:49 Oct 30, 2020

Upvote for upvote spree? People are having a fight about my points because it keeps going up and down, lol

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Haha, sure! How many points do you want?

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Raquel Rodriguez
22:52 Oct 30, 2020

100, I swear I'll do yours tomorrow because I'm going outside now

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Raquel Rodriguez
22:52 Oct 30, 2020

Remind me tho, lol

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Raquel Rodriguez
22:51 Oct 30, 2020

But imma have to do it tomorrow because I'm gonna be outside

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That's totally fine!!

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Raquel Rodriguez
23:11 Oct 30, 2020

Nevermind, I won't be outside so I'll do it now.

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Raquel Rodriguez
23:23 Oct 30, 2020

Enjoy your extra points! :) I did 7 over, lol, so not that much, sorry

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Arham Ishraq
14:26 Nov 03, 2020

Hello! I loved this story, and please do a continuation of it. It's a very interesting idea, how your eye color determines everything, but is it possible for somebody to wear contacts or is it not plausible in this world? If so, are they sold secretly like how people sell drugs? Sorry for bombarding you with questions, and I really liked the descriptions you put into your characters!

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Thank you so much!! That's actually a really good idea, and I was thinking of incorporating eye color-changing technology in the world. Thanks again!

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Arham Ishraq
20:20 Nov 04, 2020

Oh no problem, I'm glad it helped you!

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Sia S
05:59 Oct 26, 2020

Hi Ky

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Who is this? Okay, wait, my guess is Sia.... YAY!! I'm right!!

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Sia S
17:39 Oct 26, 2020

Hehe, yeah

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Regina Perry
01:51 Oct 25, 2020

You've created a fascinating society, Kylie. It was clever of you to have the social status explained by a small child learning her lessons who got overheard by the narrator and thus the reader. How would a family unit work? Eye colour is hereditary, but there are multiple genes that code for it, and people with the same colour eyes can still have kids with different eyes. It's amusing to me that you have green eyes as "Regular" because green eyes are actually rarer than blue. I guess that's not the same in your world, though. It would be i...

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Hi! I am so sorry! I was looking for a certain comment, and I came across this unanswered one! I think that children would most likely have the same eye color as their parents, and I might make it forbidden to marry anybody who isn't in YOUR social status. Which would likely create drama! Yes, I was told that by one of my friends as well! I also think that I might change it and have her save the little girl's life, and have Avani surgically altered to make her a Rare. Or would she naturally be a Rare and it becomes triggered by something b...

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Regina Perry
05:33 Nov 20, 2020

I think it would be best if she was naturally a Rare but her powers only manifest after a heroic deed of some sort. I don't know if eye colours can be changed surgically. Maybe her eyes used to be all one colours but changed on their own after she does something heroic that results in a near-death experience. There are three ways to have superpowers: you could be born with them (like Superman), you can have cool toys (Iron Man), or you can almost die and survive and the thing that almost killed you winds up giving you superpowers (Spiderman)...

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That's a really good idea! I think I like Spiderman mixed with superman!

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Raquel Rodriguez
19:18 Oct 24, 2020

Upvote for upvote spree? 100 points, what do you think?

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Okay, so I upvoted all of your comments from Ceaseless Cycle to Second Chances so that I have comments to upvote when we do sprees again! :)

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Raquel Rodriguez
21:40 Oct 24, 2020

Omg, I'm so sorry, I didn't see this, I'll upvote you right away! :)

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Sia S
04:30 Oct 22, 2020

Um girl duh!!! I would LOVE to read it!!!!!!

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Sia S
16:45 Oct 22, 2020

:)!

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Sia S
16:45 Oct 22, 2020

:)!

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Elliot Lollar
19:24 Oct 21, 2020

Dude that was amazing. I love the whole premise and how you incorporated the prompt. Keep it up.

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Thank you so much!!!

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Amanda Kelly
18:48 Oct 21, 2020

I loved the uniqueness of this story! This should TOTALLY be a book!

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Thank you! I was considering the idea, would you read it if it was??

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Amanda Kelly
17:19 Oct 22, 2020

Absolutely!! No doubt about it ;)

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Raymond Kelly
16:34 Oct 21, 2020

Where's the full length novel? When can I read it? This is amazing! I started reading and was immediately immersed in a well-developed world. The girl was panicking and confused, but then is inferred to partially be the cause of the fire. The random explosions could do with some explanation, although when you start writing full-length novels you'll be able to have that covered. She sees the little girl and you can feel the emotion as she wants to help the little girl so much, but can't. Maybe if you had better explored this one little dyn...

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This made my day! Thank you so much, Raymond! I am working on a part 2 right now, and it will be out soon! I will make sure to answer as many of these questions as I can!! Thank you so much for reading!

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Raymond Kelly
07:54 Oct 22, 2020

Answering these questions is good to do, but you don't have to do it all in the next story. I feel like you have a handle for playing with the universe in a way that feels normal and natural, so if and when it makes sense to answer these questions, do so. If it's irrelevant to the plot to answer one, you could answer it for yourself and write it down in your world building notes, but then only pull it out if it ever becomes necessary. I really am glad you are going to keep working on it!

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Yes, I will keep these things in mind! I've already been writing novels, so I think I will be able to do this one!! Thank you again for all of the advice, it's always super hepful!!

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Nathan Ice
23:50 Oct 20, 2020

Hey there! Kylie I find it interesting how you wrote about a character who cannot control their fire, whereas I wrote about the exact opposite. Care to give mine a read?

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Nathan Ice
16:44 Oct 21, 2020

Thanks!

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15:03 Oct 19, 2020

Hiiiii

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Ooh, congrats on 20000 karma points! Also, I LOVE SSSniperWolf, AND Brent, Lexi, Ben, Lexi, et cetera!!

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15:53 Oct 19, 2020

Thankssss!! Ooh, yay! Noiceeeee I love em allllπŸ€ͺ

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Akshat .
16:11 Oct 19, 2020

I just like Brent and Lexi. (Didn't mean to butt in)

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Haha, yes! Brent and Lexi are the best, but I like them all!

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Raquel Rodriguez
21:50 Oct 24, 2020

Omg, SSSniperwolf is THE best!!!!

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15:52 Oct 19, 2020

Boreddddd πŸ˜‚ You?

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Sia S
03:52 Oct 17, 2020

Wow!!! I loved this!!! The whole Rags, Regulars, Roches, and Rares was really unique!! And especially the ending!! I loved the ending. It makes tou soo happy!!

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Thanks so much!! Which one would you be? I would be a Rare!! :)

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Sia S
06:02 Oct 17, 2020

Any time! Yes, I would like to be a Rare too!

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:) I think everyone would like to be one! Lucky for me, my eyes are hazel and I WOULD be a Rare. What color are your eyes?

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Sia S
15:38 Oct 17, 2020

Wow! Noice! My eyes are dark brown!

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B. W.
23:17 Oct 16, 2020

Wait Kylie, do you remember when i was asking you for cover art???

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Umm, I think so... I don't know if I still have the art, tho... so sorry if you needed it!

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B. W.
15:00 Oct 17, 2020

I just really need it soon, can't ya try to do them again?

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Weren't there some other peeps who were willing to do the art? I'm just really busy with school, and chores, and I have to take care of babies. I also have to work on my novel, write short stories, respond to comments, talk to friends, etc. I might not have time. If I can squeeeeeze it in, I'll do it, though! :)

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B. W.
15:38 Oct 17, 2020

what- take care of babies? do you babysit or something?

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Yeah, I babysit for one of my jobs. :)

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Hope Rivers
20:31 Oct 16, 2020

Wow I love it!! I love the idea of your eye color determining your social class. Its genius and unique. So fun!!! Nothing I have ever heard of before. How the heck did you come up with this based on that prompt? Just wondering I have a brown and a blue eye? What social class would I be in? Also it was really well written especially the intro! Great job!!β™‘β™‘β™‘

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This is too sweet! Thank you, Hope! I have a ton of people asking me what social class they would be in, and I LOVE it!! You would be a Regular, because Rag + Rich (my title lol) would make a Regular!! Thanks for asking! Hmm, IDK how I came up with it!! I was writing about the girl's dress catching on fire, and it was purple, the symbol of a Royal, but then I was like, "But people could just wear random clothes. Let's do something better." and I was describing her eyes, so I was like, "Why not?" :) Thanks again! β™‘

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Hope Rivers
22:32 Oct 16, 2020

Omg. Thanks for responding. That’s cool how you combine the social classes and average it out. Also no problem you deserve it you did a great job!😁

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You're welcome!! :) And thanks again!

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Kylee Kat
20:30 Oct 16, 2020

OOOOHHHHH, THIS WAS AMAZING! I loved the whole eye-color represents your status thing, but I have a question. What would I be? I have gray eyes! This was so good, though! I'm gonna follow you!

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Thank you SO much!! Hmm, I think grey would be counted as blue in my book, so you would be a Rich. Can you guess which one I would be?

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Kylee Kat
23:08 Oct 16, 2020

Would you happen to have purple eyes yourself? That would be such a cool eye color! Although I get kinda a greenish-blueish vibe from you... Hmmm... I can definitely see you having brown eyes, though! I have no idea XD.

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I would LOVE to have purple eyes!! I also wish desparately to have blue eyes, cuz I'm a blonde! But, nope! I have hazel eyes!! :)

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At least, I'm told! My eyes actually change color when I wear green or blue. If I am wearing green, my eyes tend to have a greenish hint in the hazel, and if I'm wearing blue, it's the same thing, just with a blue hue! It's pretty cool!

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B. W.
22:48 Oct 15, 2020

Up-vote for up-vote spree possibly? i wanna get into 6th place

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Sure, let's do it! I want to get a lil higher so that I have, like, 4500 points. Let's do that!

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B. W.
15:23 Oct 16, 2020

alright ^^

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B. W.
21:42 Oct 15, 2020

Heyo, you there?

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B. W.
15:22 Oct 16, 2020

Yay ^^ i'm making a new story at the moment

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B. W.
15:43 Oct 14, 2020

Hm, i really enjoyed this story and i loved how you put Laiba in the story as well ^^ I'm glad that you were also able to make a new story with these prompts, the fire leaf thing i think is the best one out of all the prompts this week. I'm gonna go and give this a 10/10 :)

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Thank you so much!! :)

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B. W.
15:45 Oct 14, 2020

No problem :) is anyone else going to be in the next part, IF there's gonna be a next part?

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Yes, there will definitely be more! I might include some more of my friends!

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B. W.
15:56 Oct 14, 2020

If it's alright, could i maybe be in it?

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Oooh, sure! You'd need a name other than Bri, though, because that's used in my other story!

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Lexi Mellor
18:25 Nov 02, 2020

SURPRISED

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Lexi Mellor
18:25 Nov 02, 2020

hi

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