A Crazy Zombified Bad Romance

I remember the first moment I saw her…

Her beautiful blonde hair glistening in the sunlight.

Blue ocean eyes twinkling like diamonds.

Well, her beautiful eye…

I guess I probably should have mentioned she’s a zombie. Yup, with grey patchy skin, bloodied black nails, and large yellow fangs. Her human days were definitely something in the distant past. The really distant past, but she’s still my girl. Who cares if she has a missing arm and maggots in her eye socket? 

Love is blind, goddamn it. And if I want to date a zombie, I will do it. 

I know what you’re thinking. This guy must be seriously desperate to date a member of the living dead. There’s where you’re dead wrong. Aside from the snarling and the maggots, I’m living the dream.

It’s been 6 months since the Grey fever broke out. What started as a simple dry cough became a case of the munchies 24/7. Before we knew it, the infection rate was pretty much 1 person per household. By the time we realized the severity of the infection, almost everyone on the planet was either a carrier of the virus or infected. 

It’s a good thing I already lived alone to begin with. Believe it or not, I am actually a millionaire. When I was 25, I had hit the lotto and decided to buy my own private island. Buying an island isn’t as expensive as one may think. Some are even cheaper than buying a house. If I remember correctly, I believe I spent 500,000 US dollars on it. In any case, I decided to use the rest of the money to build a cozy home there and buy a private jet. My original plan was to live out the rest of my days, margarita in hand, in luxury. 

That all changed when I met Lily.

 Of course, at that point, she had already become a zombie. 

About two months into the apocalypse I decided to take a plane trip into the city, to see if I could find any other survivors. That’s when I saw her…

Her head bearing down on her prey, blonde curly hair drenched like a bloody curtain. 

She was perfect.

Sniffing the air, her gaze suddenly turned to me. 

Her nose and teeth flared up like a rabid dog, head cocked to the side as if she was analyzing my every movement, and then, violently, she convulsed.

On all fours, she sprinted over to me. Her knuckles were all bruised and bloodied. Nails, broken and mangled up. I closed my eyes and braced myself for impact. 

“This is it.” 

“Well, it was good while it lasted.” 

Thump

I slowly opened my eyes. She had tripped over a tree log. Definitely, a very clumsy zombie, to say the least. Conveniently, there was one of those Ketch All pole dog leashes around. You know the ones they use on stray dogs or wild animals. While she was down and out, I wrapped the cord around her neck, tightened it, and since then she’s come with me everywhere I go. It wasn’t as difficult as you may think. I mean sure, she tried to claw at me the entire time but the Katch All pole provided about 4 to 5 feet of distance between me and her. What really was the doozy was getting her on the plane. It’s a bit hard to drive a plane when you have a zombie locked up in the bathroom. 

Imagine trying to take a test while also listening to the audio of a horror movie. In any case, we landed without much of a hitch and I showed her around my mansion. To this day, I still don’t know if she understands anything I tell her, but I’ll take the chance that she does. When she arrived on my island. I wanted to change her out of the rags she was wearing, which was just a white tattered dress.

I felt though we weren't at that level in our relationship and wanted to respect her integrity.

We can’t exactly go on dates yet.

I’ve tried, but the closest we have gotten so far is just midnight walks by the beach. Turns out zombies can’t swim so they tend to avoid my place. They can walk along the bottom sure, but do you realize just how big the ocean is? Jaws would probably get to them before they found my island. Anyway, as we were walking by the beach, or rather my beach, the moonlight shined on her beautiful face and-

-She snarled at me…

Definitely a good sign.

Before, she was just sort of flailing angrily. I am not sure how to describe it. Kinda like if you were swimming while you had been starving for two weeks and someone just placed a hamburger in front of you.

It looked like that. 

Her calm blue eye looked at me with such peace that, for a brief moment, I thought her humanity had returned to her.

“Perhaps love was the cure all along..”

“Perhaps---” 

Her saliva poured from her lips as she clawed at me, desperately trying to get whatever piece of me she could.

“Oh. Nope, still a zombie.” 

A part of me was flattered, I’ve never had a woman want me this badly. 

Oh well, one day there will be a cure. One day things will get better. Right? 

As we continued our walk down the beach, I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful the moonlight shined on the water. How the foamy waves crashed over the rocks like a blanket. And for a brief moment, I forgot all about the apocalypse. It’s kinda funny how, with the right frame of mind, you can find happiness in any situation. 

I looked over to Lily. Dirt was plastered on her skin. Moss tangled in her hair. Maggots crawled on her face. Damn, she was too good for me. 

“What do you think, Lily?”

“Is there a happy ending for us?” 

She looked at me with a twinkle of curiosity, or maybe it was hunger, as saliva dripped from her bloody lips. 

“Yeah, I think so too.”