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General

To Bella,

Did you remember the sunset that we last saw together, the sunset that caused your death?

Did you know that the dazzling orange colour changed to a night filled with grey clouds, just a moment after you breathed your last breath?

Yeah, of course, you wouldn’t know that. You would’ve been dead by then. Anyone who had seen the scene would know that you died right away.

Your blood formed a huge puddle that filled up the ground. The blood continued to flow from the back of your head, even when you already closed your eyes. 

Your favourite lip balm no longer showcased your favourite pink; it turned bright red from your blood, trickling down from your forehead.  

Your beautiful face and smooth skin were completely gone; the glass shards from the car had created cuts all over them, scarring every single bit of them.

And under those grey clouds, I ignored the coldness of your body and the pain on my own body as I hugged you for one last time.

And under those grey clouds, I shed the tears while screaming like a crazy man as I mourned the loss of my first love, the life that I had taken away.

And under those grey clouds, I sniffled when our bodies parted, letting mine lean on the closest tree in the bottom of the cliff while waiting for help to come.

And despite the darkness, I could observe the painful expression of your father as he saw reached the gruesome scene. And despite the darkness, I could tell he was holding his tears back as he saw your condition. 

And despite the lack of light in that forest where our car landed, I could see the tears flowing on your mother’s cheek. That tears brought me to kneel and put my head on top of the damp soil. That tears prompted mine, who had stopped a while ago, to flow again. That tears made me to continuously utter the same words from the bottom of my heart.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m really sorry.”

“I’m really, really, really sorry that this happened.”

And my tears flowed harder when I recalled the few moments just before the car crash. 

And even harder when I noticed my huge mistake, driving that blue sedan off the cliff; a mistake that took your life, a mistake that I wished to reverse. 

And even harder than ever when I lift my head, looking at your parents with the greatest guilt that I had ever felt in my life.

At that time, I expected to receive all sort of punishments. 

I expected to hear curse words down my way. Yet your mother stood there, crying without letting out a single word.

I expected to receive slapping, punches, jabs, kicks. Yet your father gently pulled my arms to stand on my two feet instead of sitting on the ground.

I expected a nagging, asking why and how the accident even happened. Yet your mother hugged me, whispered to me in between her tears, “It’s okay, Kevin. We know it’s not intentional.”

I shook my head in reply. “I know, but I couldn’t possibly bring the dead back to life.” I loosened the hug and shifted my gaze to the man in the black robe. “So, I’ll do anything you ask at any time of my life. Please, let me atone my sin, Pastor.”

And that became the start of my life without you, Bella.

Pastor Gerald opened the trunk of his car, tossed a towel to dry my body from the rain. Then, he asked me to follow him, so I did.

Then he brought me to a little townhouse with a brown leather couch. After a discussion and a cup of tea, he asked me to stay with my older brother, the man whom I had never seen for the past five years. Yet, it was your father’s request, so I followed it.

Then four days went by. Your pale, dying face was slowly fading away from my mind, leaving me with the lingering guilt inside my heart. It was then a call from your father came, asking me to attend your funeral. It pained me to have to see your lifeless body once again, yet I knew I had to come.

And to my surprise, I saw you on that day.

Yes, you, the one who turned into a white shadow that couldn’t be seen by others. The one who was hiding behind the tombstone, watching over your lifeless body laid in the coffin. 

Yes, you, the one who became a spiritual being who floated at the back of your father, the man with a purple-coloured sash. The man who led the funeral ceremony; the man who didn’t shed a single drop of tear while seeing your body lowered into the ground.

And to my surprise, your father issued his last request on that day.

“Take care of yourself, Kevin. Live your life well.”

Yes, sounded simple. Too simple. I even asked for an even greater punishment to be forgiven. Yet, Pastor Gerald flashed a faint smile, tapped my shoulder, and walked away from the discussion.

Yes, sounded simple, but it turned to be a hard feat. 

There were days where I couldn’t sleep as the memory of the accident replayed again and again inside my mind. The memory that I wished to forget, the memory that scarred me for life.

There were days where I regretted my stupidity to bring you to the mountaintop. The feelings that raised a hope to turn back time to when I could find you alive and well.

There were days where I could hear voices inside my head, blaming my actions. The voices that drained happiness out of my daily life, slowly scraping my will to live. The voices that made me realized that I was living with a huge burden; the voices that made me realized: this last request would never end until the day I die.

And so, eight years after your death, on one cloudy evening, I stood on the edge of the bridge.

Yes, I was scared of dying, but I had gotten too tired to continue on living.

Yes, I remembered the imagery of your lifeless body, your floating soul; but that wasn’t enough to stop myself from jumping to the river.

Yes, the way the water entered my nose and mouth was hurting me; but that was more bearable than shouldering this burden for decades to come.

Yet, that green-eyed girl pulled me out of them, both the water and the pain of living as she struck me with a single sentence.

“I don’t know what your experiences were, but don’t throw away your life!”

And hearing that saying under those grey clouds, I saw a glimmer of hope in life.

And hearing that sentence under those grey clouds, I realized someone appreciated my life, much better than myself.

And sitting beside her under the same grey clouds, I cried once again, opened my heart once again, promised myself to attempt living once again.

And so, I started to move on, took care of myself, and living well, atoning the sin for the rest of my life.

And as the grey clouds turned white, my happy days without you began.

August 13, 2020 23:20

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253 comments

Jen Park
09:52 Aug 18, 2020

This is orange colored sky in another point of view, right? It is incredible how you can right multiples of stories from one plot. :) Lovely and poignant! I loved it!

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Deborah Angevin
11:58 Aug 21, 2020

Yup, still the same plot! It's been... five parts so far I think? :D

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Jen Park
12:41 Aug 21, 2020

Wow, that's plenty! I love the way how the details fill in the plot more and more as the perspective changes. You must've liked the story very much; if you tell me to write five stories out of same plot, I doubt if I can even write three! :)

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Deborah Angevin
12:59 Aug 21, 2020

Just uploaded Part 6 aka "Yellow Light" if you'd like to check that one out! :D Idk, recently whenever I see the prompt, my mind just goes to these characters and this plot first...

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Himanshu Shekhar
01:03 Aug 18, 2020

Really the story is nice

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Deborah Angevin
09:22 Aug 18, 2020

Glad that you enjoyed it! :D

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Himanshu Shekhar
09:35 Aug 18, 2020

😇

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01:01 Aug 18, 2020

No doubt about the story the flow which you have is great. Keep on writing. I would surely like to read

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Deborah Angevin
09:23 Aug 18, 2020

Thank you for the support, Prathamesh! :)

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Alexi Delavigne
22:01 Aug 17, 2020

Such an emotional story! I was a little bit confused when you revealed her father was the pastor because at first I thought it was two different characters, but I quickly realized my mistake and enjoyed the story :)

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Deborah Angevin
09:23 Aug 18, 2020

Ah, some other readers also mentioned this. I should've made that a little bit more clearer...

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Alexi Delavigne
15:57 Aug 18, 2020

It wasn’t a major issue, I think it was just when you said “ shifted my gaze to the man in the black robe” it sounded as if you were introducing a new character. But we all have small things like this and it didn’t take away from the emotion of the story :)

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Suzanne Urowitz
21:32 Aug 17, 2020

Just another point. I don't think it's correct to start a paragraph with and.

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Deborah Angevin
09:24 Aug 18, 2020

It's just for the poetic purposes, Suzanne :)

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B. Velazquez
21:28 Aug 17, 2020

Hi. I'm not sure if you want constructive criticism or an opinion about the story so I combined it a bit. Some commas out of place (happens to me too!) and a few typos and editing issues but overall good story.

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Deborah Angevin
09:24 Aug 18, 2020

I welcome both criticism and opinion! Thank you and I'm glad you enjoyed the story :)

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B. Velazquez
17:39 Aug 18, 2020

I did!

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Joel Malvo
21:06 Aug 17, 2020

I love this ur writing is so poetic I feel the pain of the narrator in every line keep writing ur really skilled

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Deborah Angevin
09:25 Aug 18, 2020

Thank you for reading and enjoying the story, Vrishin! :D

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Brandon Johnson
21:04 Aug 17, 2020

Hooked me right in and before I knew it, it was over. Everything flowed smoothly and made me want more. You've definitely got a gift in writing!

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Deborah Angevin
09:25 Aug 18, 2020

Thank you for your kind words, Brandon! I'm glad that you enjoyed the tale :D

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Kermit A Frog
20:34 Aug 17, 2020

I love the repetition throughout. Not only does it make the prose flow, it also fits right in with how Kevin would repeat the accident in his mind and dwell on it.

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Deborah Angevin
09:26 Aug 18, 2020

Glad that you enjoyed the repetition; I've put a lot of time to figure that out :D

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Eve Naden
20:15 Aug 17, 2020

I love the way in which you've written this delightful and poignant story. It really hits you, almost like a bullet with its brilliance. You have such talent. If you have time, do you fancy checking out my recent story, 'Cupid'?

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Deborah Angevin
09:27 Aug 18, 2020

Thank you for the kind words, Eve! And sure, will check yours out when I have the chance :D

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Kevin DuPont
20:14 Aug 17, 2020

This was great. The open and close read like song lyrics and I think that's awesome. Very vivid, dark and heartfelt. Great job Deborah! And thank you for reading my story!

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Deborah Angevin
09:27 Aug 18, 2020

Thank you for reading and enjoying my story too, Kevin! :D

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Heissell Ramirez
19:40 Aug 17, 2020

I liked how you did not rush the ending. It was slow, descriptive, and not predictable. At one point the narrative is so sad that I understood why the main character wanted to kill himself. I wanted his sadness to end and just as I was getting ready for this, a stanger saves him. Well done!

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Deborah Angevin
09:28 Aug 18, 2020

Thank you for your kind words, Heissel! I'm glad that you enjoyed the pacing of the story :D

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Doubra Akika
18:46 Aug 17, 2020

Deborah!!! This is so amazing! I love how you’re still keeping up with this colour theme! I absolutely loved it! Your writing is awesome! I could hear all the raw emotions in his voice! Please keep writing!!! Also, if you’re ever free, would you mind checking out my recent story? Thanks!

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Deborah Angevin
09:28 Aug 18, 2020

Hi Doubra, I'm glad you enjoyed the story! And sure, will check yours out as soon as I have the chance :D

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18:41 Aug 17, 2020

Oh. My. Goodness!!!! You didn't have to make me cry like that! This is one of the best written stories ever, Omg the emotion and everything was amazing. I'm sorry I didn't read this earlier- everything flowed even though it was super sad I still loved it. I loved that ending, loved every single part, your words were simple and deeepp, crazy. This is amazinngg, seriously good job!!

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Deborah Angevin
09:29 Aug 18, 2020

Thank you for reading and enjoying the emotions, Ugochi! I'm glad I conveyed that well!

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Cece Lin
18:41 Aug 17, 2020

This was so earnest - It was so beautifully written, so sad yet hopeful. I don't think I blinked once while reading this, haha...

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Deborah Angevin
09:30 Aug 18, 2020

I'm really glad that you enjoyed reading it, Cece :D

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LuxPN Silva
18:19 Aug 17, 2020

Beautifully poetic and heart wrenching! An ending of hope! And I adored the anaphora usage towards the end "Yes, I was scared...Yes, I remembered the..." And then you changed it to YET which was very powerful!

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Deborah Angevin
09:30 Aug 18, 2020

Thank you for mentioning that out, I'm happy that someone noticed that bit!

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S. Closson
17:46 Aug 17, 2020

This work was hauntingly poignant. You did a fantastic job describing Kevin's emotions, and it was nice to see him come out of that dark place with his life mostly intact. This story does an excellent job showing that forgiveness from others, while wonderful, by no means automatically frees us from our own self-perscribed dosages of guilt. Rather, it's when we finally learn to forgive ourselves that we can really begin the process of healing and moving on.

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Deborah Angevin
09:31 Aug 18, 2020

That's exactly what I wanted to convey from this story, Stephen. People around you could say they "forgive" you, but the guilt would still haunt you until you forgive yourself...

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Kristin Neubauer
17:30 Aug 17, 2020

What a bittersweet story, Deborah. Poor Kevin. You created a character who I really cared about and am glad he was saved from his suicide attempt. I wonder if you would consider expanding on his moving forward process after his rescue. It seemed to me, from that point, he moved on from her pretty quickly. I feel like there would be more involved with the process. With your strong and lyrical writing, I would love to read more about that.

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Deborah Angevin
09:32 Aug 18, 2020

Hi Kristin, would expand on that bit on my next submission! :D

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B. W.
16:59 Aug 17, 2020

I don't know what to really say for this except its just really good, 10/10 for ya. its really good

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Deborah Angevin
09:32 Aug 18, 2020

Thank you for enjoying the story! :D

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B. W.
12:48 Aug 18, 2020

no problem! and i know ya saw one of my stories (cant remember which one) but do you think you could check out some of my other ones and tell me what you think?

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Jamela Faye
16:39 Aug 17, 2020

This is so emotional! I luv it!

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Deborah Angevin
09:32 Aug 18, 2020

Glad that you enjoyed the story. Thank you for reading, Jamela!

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