A Knight Full of Grievances

“Aren’t you getting a little sick of this, man?” 

“Sick of what?” I shoot back to Barren, confused by what he means. “Wandering through miles of wilderness? It keeps us in shape.” 

“Sick of this,” he repeats, motioning with wide arms at everything around us. “At all of this. Is it worth it? It gets old after a while. Don’t you ever want to do something else with your life?” 

We leave our horses behind us, heading to terrain they can’t enter. A shallow river lay before us like a writhing snake. We wade through the creek bed. Our boots are a symphony of swishing and crunching through water and river rocks.

I think over his question, but a good answer escapes me. Didn’t we spend our whole life getting ready for this? This is our job, after all. It’s not like we can quit because we’re a little tired today. What about the gold? How will we support our families back home? What is he even saying? If we leave this position, we will just have to find another. At the end of the day, at least what we do is flashy. I mean, when we walk into taverns, people talk.

“I think it’s worth it,” I say, my voice comes out unconvinced. “We’re a few of the lucky ones. We climbed our way up the ladder. We were given titles. We should be proud of ourselves, shouldn’t we? There aren’t many of us left from our village back home, you know.” 

“And why do you think that is?” he counters. “I’ll tell you. Those left of us are the only ones stupid enough to work under these conditions. Everyone else, with half a brain rolling around in their head, already jumped ship. It’s a fool’s errand, Melvin. I’m telling you.” 

“But we save people, Barren. That means something, doesn’t it?” 

He says nothing as we continue our trek under a starless sky. The air is a thick swamp of heat. We’re submerged in the kind of humidity that makes breathing feel more like suffocation. Our heavy chainmail isn’t helping matters. I have so much sweat underneath it, I could fill a barrel. The stench is something I hope never to bring home with me. My wife will leave me for the town’s bread maker, I’m sure.

Barren holds a torch in his right hand as we march forward toward the caves. The flames spit and claw at the air as they go to war with the darkness. The sounds of our swords clink against our waists as we continue to take note of everything in our surroundings. Any moment could be our last. 

“And what about Vivian,” I continue to badger him, “You never would have met her had you chosen any other purpose in life. You saved her. You’re a hero! Think of your father-in-law and the land he gifted you with. You have honor where most people go hungry.” 

“Land I never see,” he interjects. “A woman I never touch. Think about it. This god forsaken business takes us all over the land. For guts, for honor, for glory. It’s all sickening after a while. Sometimes,” he quiets for a moment. “I just want the simple things. Don’t you?” 

“Simple things?” 

“I don’t want to work for somebody else. I bring all this honor home and get sent right back out again. It’s a vicious cycle. We’re nothing but slaves with showy titles,” he kicks a large rock in front of him and watches as it skitters from the torch light into the darkness. “I missed Honora’s second birthday, Melvin. I missed her second birthday and that’s right after I missed her first one, too. She doesn’t even know her own father!” 

I have nothing to say about this. He’s right. His words sink into my flesh like a blade piercing through organs. I think of my dearest Eleanor at home pregnant with our first child. This is what it will be like for me, expected to run out on an expedition any time our lord tells us to. We’re nothing more than well trained dogs. We sit when told, roll over when told, and if we’re really good boys… we’re fed treats and given pats on the head. Barren is right about everything. 

“Well, what do you suggest?” I ask. “It’s not like we can return home empty handed.” 

Barren lets out a deep breath, “Can you imagine Lord Ralph’s face if he had to come do what we do?” 

I try and all I can picture is his blotchy red cheeks. I can see his beady brown eyes full of terror as he swings a sword around in all directions. Will he even be able to lift it? Nobility has never had to do a thing they didn’t want to do. Barren and I have been swinging swords like our lives depended on it since we were boys. Let’s face it, our lives do depend on it. Do they make chainmail in his size? I doubt the endless rolls of his stomach would fit into any kind of armor that would protect him out here. He’d die in seconds. 

“He’d never make it,” I tell Barren, and he belts out a hearty laugh in agreement. 

We listen to the trees groan and creak against a steady breeze blowing to the east side of us. The moving air is the only thing keeping us from being slayed ourselves by unbearable heat. These conditions are ridiculous, I admit to myself now that he brought it up. I consider asking if we should set up camp for the night but think better of it. The more ground we cover tonight, the faster we can return home. If we survive, that is.

“All I’m trying to say is how pointless it is,” Barren calls out. “We are out here risking our lives and someone else gets rich off our backs. The last few times we returned he gave us a fourth of the riches we were promised. Trying to secure goods in town keeps getting harder and harder. The prices go up, the work isn’t getting any easier, yet our pay is never what we’re worth. We work long hours away from our families. We’re told from a young age how glorious this life will be, so that we spend every second preparing for it. We take lessons in sword fighting and compete to see who can be the best. Even if we become the best, what then? Is this really the dream? Quite frankly, old friend, it wasn’t what they promised. Instead, it’s rather… exhausting.” 

We continue in a sobering silence. It isn’t what they promised at all. What a fool I’ve been, working myself into the ground on endless expeditions. Chasing after riches and God knows what else. Is this really the best way to spend my time here on this luscious green earth? It’s not like I can take any gold or honor with me to the grave. After we die, everything about us dies too. Some memories last longer than others, but eventually, like small grains of sand, we all drift away in the end. 

“I have a dream… do you want to know what it is?” Barren asks me, voice full of thought. 

“What is it?”                                                              

“I’d like to take Vivian and Honora to a place far away from here. Far away from the politics and the toxic games of nobility. Vivian’s father married her off to me like she was cattle,” Barren says, eyes dark and full of malice in the shadows of the torch light. “Four daughters, and all they are to him are bargaining chips. I see the hurt in her eyes every time she talks about him. He hasn’t visited her once since he sent her to me. I can’t imagine doing something like that to my precious Honora. This place is sick. Don’t you think there is a better place out there somewhere?”

I can see he is confiding in me, hoping the weight he wrestles with in his mind can be lifted. I look for any kind of strength within me to share with him yet find myself debilitated. The truth is, I can’t see how running away will do us any good. 

“No,” I tell him. “I don’t.” 

In the distance, we see a large stream of fire shoot into the sky. A loud roar echoes. Our feet draw us forward, closer to the beast we’re meant to kill. We’ve been on so many of these trips now, I don’t feel fear or anticipation as we dredge toward our fate. It’s another day, another slay, and I miss sharing meals with my family.

“I don’t think there is a better place, Barren. Humans are the same wherever you go,” I watch as he battles the sweat dripping down his face into his beard. “You know what I do think?” I tell him, as we move out of the water into a tall field of grass ahead of us. “I think if something isn’t working anymore… it needs to be fixed.”

Barren gives a grunt of approval, and I can see the gears turning in his head. People think folks like us are all muscle, doomed to die young in the glory of battle. Our cleverness has kept us alive far longer than we had any right to live. 

It’s true what I told him. I don’t think there is a place better than this. Even so, he isn’t wrong for wanting a better life for his family. When I think of the world I want my unborn child to grow up in, is this it? A world where the rich get richer, and the poorer you are, the harder it is to survive.

Will my future son have to risk his life over and over again to put bread in his mouth? Will my daughter have to marry any gent off the street to ensure her own survival? Or something even worse, will my family only be concerned with what they can take while they are alive, and not what they can give? Is there nothing we can do to make this world a bit better with our meager slices of time? 

Is this…. all humans are capable of?

I shudder in fear, and not because of the beast we are headed to vanquish. No, this fear is for a different beast all together. I’m truly afraid we can’t do any better than this. 

“I heard a rumor once,” Barren’s voice is low. “On how to train a dragon.” 

I give him a look that says he is crazy. For the record, he is. If there is one thing harder than asking humans to be less greedy, and to look out for each other more, it’s training a dragon. 

“Rumors are groundless works of fiction,” I say. 

“Not this one.” 

“So, what? You think Vivian will let you keep a pet dragon at your estate?” 

He shoots me a grin. One I know too well. It’s the same grin he gives me every single time he convinces me to do something stupid I’ll regret later down the road. 

“No dead body, no gold. Those are the rules,” I remind him. 

“You told me to break the rules.” 

“When did I tell you that?” 

“Moments ago! You said if something was broken it needed to be fixed. Doesn’t that also mean if there are rules in place doing more harm than good, they need to be changed?” 

“What an incredible way to twist my words, Barren.” 

I shake my head at him in disbelief, not that it does any good. He’s been this way since we were children. Always getting ideas in that thick head of his and running with them. Not without dragging me behind him, of course. Most times against my will.

“What good will a trained dragon do?” I ask. “Where do you get these unbelievable ideas?” 

“You’re telling me we should leave it like this, Melvin. And you killed my dream moments ago, saying there is no place better than this. It’s a bit of a dreary thought. The system here is broken, a predatory exploitation of humans and nature alike. Our only option is obvious, isn’t it, old friend? Tell me, what can two knights fix all by their lonesome? Even two who are inconceivably handsome, and wickedly cunning, like you and me.”

“What are you suggesting? Things have always been this way,” I point out. “Our job is to slay the dragon. You’re saying you don’t want to? Lord Ralph will have our head’s if we stray from the path he carved for us.” 

Barren gives a disapproving look in my direction, “Don’t you think it’s thoughts like those that keeps real change from ever happening?” 

He has a point. 

“I don’t know what change should look like, do you?” I question, my voice on the hesitant side. “Where would we even begin?” 

“I think you were wrong earlier, Melvin. I really do,” his voice is steady despite the terrain becoming steep as we head uphill. “Humans are not all the same.” 

We see the caves ahead of us. There are catacombs of them riddled into the side of a cliff so high we can’t see the top of it. The cliff is known as “Dragon’s Breath.” These caves are home to many creatures including the legendary Vermillion Dragon. She is the last remaining female of her kind. Her head will fetch Lord Ralph a hefty lump of gold.

Many have made it this far only to never return home again. Barren and I eyeball it like we’re returning home to see our mothers. The surroundings are familiar but we’re ready to be scolded at a moment’s notice. We have been here and back so many times the men at home call us, “Wyvern’s tongues.” Men who can slide in and out of what’s considered the dragon’s mouth and remained unscathed. 

“It’s quite easy, isn’t it?” Barren continues. “To believe things will always go on this way. But I think there are more people like us than you realize.” 

“More people like us?” I question. 

“Of course,” he goes on. “People who see the cracks in the foundation of the very houses we’re meant to dwell in. The one’s who recognize it’s only a matter of time before the walls come down and we’re left with no choice but to start building again.” 

We reach the bottom of the steep ahead of us and listen to the wind as it howls against a black ocean. It’s quite a climb up the precipice to Vermillion. We have only seen a glimpse of her crimson tail in all the journeys we’ve taken. Tonight, she sets the sky above us on fire with nothing but her breath. Her voice is a harrowing tale of all the men who have tried and failed to meet her. The rocks at the bottom of her cliff are like the jagged edges of a knife. One slight misstep and a man wouldn’t make it home for supper.

We never worry about the climb, however. Unlike the many who came before us, we believe using your intellect is just as effective as using your sword. It was our first expedition when we found a tunnel at the base of Dragon’s Breath. A tunnel that leads to the inner workings of the cave system. It goes all the way to the top. Easy as meat pie. 

“We’re guilty like the rest of them, Barren. How long have we seen the cracks, but didn’t do a single thing to patch them? No, worse than that. We continue to put more weight on the very homes that are supposed to house ourselves and our loved ones.” 

His silence weighs as much as our armor before he gives a reply. “So, that’s it then. Humans can’t change. What do you think happens when we slay the last female dragon, Melvin?” 

He doesn’t have to tell me, I already know. Without her, their species will die.

“I didn’t think killing a few dragons would get us here,” I say, voice somber. “People think they’re cruel and dangerous creatures. The reality is… our feelings toward them are only a reflection of our feelings toward ourselves. We’re the cruel and dangerous ones.” 

“Aye,” Barren agrees. 

“I hate when you push me into these places, Barren. When you know full well, there is no way out of them. It’s us, isn’t it?” 

My closest friend gives me a deep knowing look. A smile pulls at his lips. It’s the kind of exchange where words aren’t needed. Only those who are truly in sync with one another can understand the meaning behind it.

“Aye,” he agrees again.

I take a moment out of the silence between us to consider all that dragons bring to the world. We look at their fire as devastating, reducing the lands we know to soil once more. We name them savages and kill them instead of learning to work with their kind. When exactly did humans start to believe we are superior to everything living and growing around us? It’s quite possible we dismissed the true purpose of a dragon all together. Perhaps, they aren’t raging beasts at all, but healers. It’s only out of new soil that new growth can occur. 

“It’s ourselves, that’s where the change begins. Isn’t it,” I laugh. “It begins with you and me.”

“You and me,” he says, crossing his arms behind his head before letting out a whistle.

Many will come for Vermillion, seeking to put her head on a spike. I follow Barren into the deep recesses of the cave system before us. I follow him the same way I have many times. This time, it’s not to take a life, but to save it.