Indescribable Like or Love? Part 4

I look at her beautiful eyes..and her slightly red nose..then I look at the sky outside it is filled with gray and white space..just like the roads. Its so beautiful..so peaceful..everything would have been perfect if Elle hadn’t got sick..if I hadn’t pushed her away she wouldn’t be coughing and sneezing. I now I curse the breezy air..for it caused my wife this sick cold.

…

Dang it! Was I acting too weird..of course I was with the constant calls, anyone would feel insecure.

“Ben?” Elle says tightly squeezing my hand..and something tells me she won’t let go until she hears what I have to say.

“Its really weird..and I feel like its going to cause some awkwardness between us..” I say.

“A-TEW!” she sneezes out loud..I turn around to be protected, she closes her nose..embarrassed. Man shes so cute. Oh shoot shes asking for a tissue.

“Right!” I say grabbing the tissue box passing it to her, she mumbles a ‘thanks’ as she wipes her nose, I frantically think of what to say..I can’t just say my parents want-

“Ben..I don’t care if its weird..I just want to know” she says wrapping her thin sweater tightly around her. If I hadn’t been so stupid and pushed her away she wouldn’t have followed me, and she probably wouldn’t have a cold. It’s my fault. Plus its not like we have winter clothes..when we heard we were going to an island for our honeymoon..we thought..summer. How wrong we were.

“Scoot over I’m gonna get in there” I say climbing into our one bed, I lay down and she lays right next to me..staring into my eyes. I instinctively hold her to my chest..she pulls her hand around me patting my back, I guess she thinks I need to be comforted. Well shes not exactly wrong..but still. I take a deep breath smelling her hair, as I stare at the white circles falling from the sky outside our window.

“I’m sorry I’ve made you worry..but honestly, I know you told me not to try to protect you..but I really thought I could handle it.” I say, she doesn’t say anything but she nods. Okay Ben you can do it..just say it..it might be a little awkward but come on! Do it!!

“I- my parents..want us to do it” I say.

“Hm?” she says pulling away with a confused look. Oh come on! Don’t tell me she doesn’t get it!!!

“It” I say with more emphasis. She still looks confused. “What do you mean?” she asks.

“It Elle, think ittt” is all I say. She seems to be going through the motions of feelings. First she looks confused..then she opens her mouth..then she gasps! And pushes away from me. I knew this would happen..

“W-what, no..NO I can’t I’m not ready!”

“I’m not ready either!” I say back, she pulls a hand through her long hair, as she rubs her nose.

“How did this even come up? Thats-” she stammers…her eyes slowly becoming low and angry. No..I shouldn’t have told her. “How dare they” she says glaring at me.

Ugh..the Triton family anger is triggered. I’ve only seen this once and that was a very terrifying memory..if she gets a hand of my phone she’d probably curse my parents out. She gets out of the bed.

“Elle, you said you wouldn’t get mad at anyone but me” I say reaching for her.

“Your not the one at fault, they’ve already taken one thing and now they want what?” she says, her eyes fuming, she begins that little stomp away, man I should not be thinking this is cute right now.

“Elle I haven’t even explained everything yet..” I say blocking her path, she looks me in my eye and her eyes wooze around. “Hey..you okay..?” I say as she holds her hand to my chest.

“I’m….fine” she falls forward I catch her in my arms..her body is so warm.

“Danielle!” I call for her..hitting her face lightly. “Dang it I should have let you eat before I told you all this..” I say carrying her to the bed, shes light.

And its not like I can take her too the hospital..the streets are filled with black ice. I touch her face..and she jolts a little. Good she just passed out, thats not good..but its better than fainting. “

“Your hands are cold..” she says.

“Oh sorry..” I say pulling my hand back.

“No…it feels great.” she says pulling it right back to her face..I stroke her soft cheek. I lean forward just a bit her lips are parted..Ugh stop..just what am I thinking about. Stupid! I should be getting her up to feed her. I pull my hand away.

“Ben!” she whines her eyes still closed.

“You have to eat Elle..” I say helping her up..just a little, she clutches my shirt, weakly.

“No..call me Dani-elle like you did before” she says her lips lightly touching my neck. OH-kay lets not do that, I pull back.

“Danielle” I say strictly. “Mmm?” she says in response. I flick her forehead lightly.

“WAKE UP!” I say loudly, her eyes shoot open in surprise. “Are you okay?” I ask.

“Y-yeah..” she stammers, she doesn’t seem to be fully awake just yet. She seems so weak, why is she so vulnerable to the cold. I need her up..so that I can make sure she’s actually okay..if she needs serious medical attention then I’ll have to go through the storm, I’ll do anything. I’m not sure why..but I’d do anything for her.

I feed her some soup, she sighs..and grabs my hand for more.

“I’m sorry…I said some weird stuff didn’t I, I know I did..” she says before I can say anything. “Plus my stupid body is so vulnerable to the cold, I really wanted you to rely on me this time..but I’m still so-”

I press my lips onto hers..why am I so out of my mind when I’m with her? I slightly pull away but she holds onto me, kissing me more..I drop the spoon, pulling her closer. No..Ben you can’t lose yourself now..I will just be doing the exact same thing I promised I wouldn’t do, I pull myself away.

“Elle….” I say with a sigh. “Your sick, your going to get me sick” I say..trying my best to pull on this un-phased look. Truth is..I want to kiss her..but if I keep zoning out and doing what my body is telling me to do, nothing will end well. I want to treasure her properly, and that is getting to know her. Properly.

“SORRY!” she says pulling away blushing lightly. “I don’t know, I guess I really wanted us to kiss and I’m doing dumb stuff because I’m sick” she says..she meets my eyes lightly..and clears her throat, picks up the bowl of soup and drinks it all.

“S-sorry good night..!” she covers herself with the covers. So adorable.

“You do realize its night time so I have to go in there too right?” I say with a little laugh.

“Go away! I’m so embarrassed, ever since I started liking you I’ve been thinking way too much about you and doing all this dumb stuff like kissing..and-and when we don’t I overthink..and I freak out, and I get so jealous quickly and I- you don’t even go through that, I know you don’t like me the way I like you..” she slides into the covers.

Huh? Wait what? So many things are going on at once. But I know this is how she really feels. If only she knew how much I liked her. I enter the bed..

“Elle..” I say..and she turns around facing away from me.

“Okay…I know I made you insecure with all the secrets and all the calls. I also constantly pushed you away cause I didn’t want to burden you. But I do like you..and I’m sorry if I ever made you doubt that” I say as I wait for her to talk. She doesn’t. So I meet her hand with mine and draw her towards me.

“Rule number 1, we never go to sleep upset with each other” I blurt out. “I know you have a cold and you should probably be resting but if we both have a problem then we should try fixing it then and there. I won’t be able to sleep if your upset.”

Its already dark outside and its cold..so I can’t really see her face but I hear her sniffle just a bit, she slides into my chest. I know she doesn’t like relying on people but she started relying on me and that made me so happy, but I didn’t know I wasn’t relying on her.

“Can you start from the beginning? W-why do your parents want us to do that??” she starts off of.

“So that we can have a child” I respond. “yes..but why?” she asks/

“Okay I’ll start from the beginning. My dad’s dad, my grandfather, was a very healthy guy like most of my family. And during this time..my father just got married to my mom.” I say as I pull my hand through her hair, I’m not sure how she will take this.

“And- so my grandfather really wanted my parents to have a kid or whatever. And- my father kept saying they weren’t ready for it, much to my Grandpa’s annoyance. Anyways my grandfather was about 49 ..but right after he turned 50 he died suddenly.”

“Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry!” Elle says meeting my eyes. I ruffle my hair.

“Its okay” I say. “Not like I knew him..”

“But I’m sure you wanted too..and he really wanted to meet you” Elle says reading me like a book. I clear my throat.

“Whatever.” Is all I say looking away as I feel her intense eyes on me. “My dad was really heartbroken..he blamed himself, he felt that his grandfather died unhappy cause he didn’t get to meet me, and promised he would make it up to him. And so he made a rule for our family..that when the children get married we would have to bear a child before the parents turn 50” I sayI gulp down the lump in my throat. “My parents are 49”

Thats it I laid everything on the table..now I have to wait for her to react…get ready. If she slaps me or leaves then I guess I deserve it. Who would want to get married to such a family.

“When did you find out?” she asks me to my surprise.

“A few weeks after we got here..I thought they were playing around. My answer was no regardless. But then they started calling me constantly, and I-”

“So you’ve been going through this for weeks. You’ve been carrying this burden by your parents while I’ve been receiving heart emojis texts from my parents…” she says to me no- to herself.

“Yeah but you were happy..and I was prepared to leave it like that..” I say..

“UgH!” she says hitting her fist against me. “Your my husband! If your not happy then I’m not either!!! I don’t like this..I don’t like this at all Ben, we did as they said and got married..and I’m grateful for that but I don’t want them taking away something else. We both aren’t ready..and I really want to go slow, because I like you. Alot.”

I can already feel myself blushing, despite the situation. “I-” start to say but she holds a hand on my lips.

“No..I’m not done. I’m sorry about what I said earlier..about you not liking me. You’ve been nothing but nice to me..but I always overthink, and I started this whole scene in my head where you were using me and I- I’m sorry. I really really want you to rely on me..so that I can help out, I can help if you just gave me the chance. I promise I can. So will you let me speak your parents?”

I bite my lip..I could stay here and listen to her speak forever, well never mind her voice is kinda raspy right now. I’ve done too much to her over the past few days. I made her feel insecure, I caused her to overthink and doubt my feelings. I also caused her this cold. I press my lips against her forehead, I hear her gasp in surprise.

“If you think you can do it go for it..” I whisper to her..I feel her smile at me..and she comes even closer towards me.

“Ben?” she whispers lower than I did.

“Yes..” I respond feeling I should talk low too.

“I-um- I really, I like you” she says I feel her breath on my lips. I was not expecting her to say that. So I stammer.

“O-oh, I mean- I feel the same way..” I say as I graze her cheek softly.

“You do? So you won’t leave me” she breathes out. I grip her shoulders holding her back from coming any closer.

“Why would I ever do that Elle?” I ask her. “I won’t. I guess I don’t say it much but you’ve become really important to me, Elle.”

“I feel the same way” she says her voice slightly sleepy and raspy. I press my hand on her forehead.

“Are you feeling any better..I can cook you something-” I say but she presses her head on my shoulder.

“No..I’m fine, thank you, for everything. And for the rule…I agree, let us never…. go to bed….upset..at each other…” she says and just like that shes asleep in my arms.

“Yeah” is all I say as I kiss her forehead once more.

…

I wake up feeling cold..its almost morning..good thing we don’t have a time to wake up since its our honeymoon..

“Ah man its so cold..” I whisper, Elle sighs in her sleep. The only thing keeping Elle pink in the face is my body heat..during the night she tossed and turned and held me tightly. I could barely breathe but whatever it was cute.

I poke her cheek..“Mmm!” she grumbles swatting her cheek.

“Hehe..” I laugh as I smile down at her. We used to stay away from each other on the bed..I slept on the left and she slept on the right keeping our distance, but tonight the space vanished almost completely.

When did I feel so happy? When did I get so relaxed with her? I don’t even know when I fell for her..

This is all so new to me..to her, to us. I don’t know whether these feelings of mine are love…

But I won’t be surprised if they were.