171 comments

Sad Suspense Thriller

Dead. Dead. Dead. You love babies. They're adorable. You had babies when you turned twenty-six. Twins, the nurse had told you. They were cute as a button, both of them. Unfortunately, they didn't survive. You still remember the nurse's words. How can you forget? No mother can ever forget, even if her child is long dead. "I'm sorry," she had said. "They couldn't make it. They are dead."


Your eyes snap open and you see a black ceiling. Confused, you get up because you had painted yours a bright blue, just days ago. You throw away the covers and get off the bed. You are heading towards the bathroom when suddenly, you shiver. You reminisce about earlier: maybe you're shivering because of it. You dismiss the thought and grab your clothes. You shiver again. Defeated, you change into a pair of olive overalls, grab your car keys, and leave your home. But then, yesterday's headlines start to play and then replay in your mind. "A severe blizzard is about to strike. Don't leave your place. I repeat, a severe blizzard is about to strike. DO NOT leave your place." Paying no heed to the given warnings, you kickstart the engine and drive away.


You arrive at the store. It's Carter's, your favorite. That one store whom you had almost robbed of the baby clothes when you had got the news. You had bought various baby products: pairs of beanies, mittens, bibs, footies, powders, lotions and so much more. And then, there had been a different clothing collection for the two of them. There had been floral frocks for your baby girl. While you had bought rompers, some cute shorts, and t-shirts for your baby boy. You had even named them beforehand. Caleb, your husband had picked out the name 'Isaac' for your boy and you had picked out 'Mia,' for your baby girl. But, all of the hard work had gone in vain. You hear something drop from behind you which makes you realize that you've been standing in the same position for the past twenty minutes. The jeans romper in your hand is rumpled and damp. Damp from your tears, perhaps. You move in feverish haste, anxious to get going. You turn around expecting to see some angry worker staring daggers at you for spoiling their spick and span arrangement. But to your astonishment, there is no worker. Instead of the worker, there in front of you, holding a rainbow rattle, is the most beautiful baby you've ever seen. 


Your eyes fill up with tears as you pick the baby up. Her outfit indicates that she is a girl. She's dressed in a pink tank top and jeans shorts. Her hair is a mass of blonde curls falling on her forehead. She giggles and you feel your chest tighten. Oh, if and only if you'd got to hear a giggle of your babies. You get distracted when you feel her holding your index finger with a firm grasp. Skin folds are being formed all over her hands, her bare thighs and her,... You get so engrossed in the baby that you totally forget to look for her mother or her father. "Mama..." the girl begins. She looks no more than a one-year-old. The very same age that your babies would've been, had they survived. You feel a lump beginning to form in your throat and your vision is blurred by the tears forming around the corner of your eyes. Despite your heart saying a NO, you jerk away from the cruel memory and march down the aisle, ready to hand-over the baby to her parents.


Your first instinct is to look for her parents near the cash-counter but a sudden realization comes into your mind. There had been a forecast of a blizzard. No one was to leave their house up until...well, up until it ended. As a reflex action, your head turns right and then left. Your eyes search frantically for the baby's parents. "Mama....dada." you feel stabbed in the chest again. Not with the bitter memory this time but with a panic arising within you. You start imagining the baby's panicked mother. You imagine her to be blonde, just like the baby. You imagine her face to be damp and her eyes to be puffy and red, all from the crying. You imagine her running up and down, searching high and low for her bundle of joy. Thus, you once again set off on the mission to find her but.....to no avail.


You take out your phone to call Caleb. But then, you put it back with a sudden realization. Caleb is dead. Well, not literally but his 'new wife' had told you never to call him again. Hadn't she? She had strictly told you to assume him to be dead. Oh, the loss of your babies made you lose Caleb too. There are big fat tears on the corner of your eyes. You're on the verge of crying and old memories: memories about Caleb and your daughter and your son, bring them rolling down your cheeks only to land on the baby's plump lips. Confused, she looks up and smiles, revealing a set of newly-grown teeth. Your heart melts and your mind eases up a bit. Thus, you smile back.


Your second instinct is to make the worker on the cash-counter make an announcement but then again, there is no worker around you. You quickly go through the list of actions you would take, but there isn't any left.


The dark, selfish side of you takes over and you start to imagine things you shouldn't have. You start to think of the things which might prove to be trouble for you in the future. You have no children. And, this child has lost her parents. Well, in some way she has. You can't find her parents, knocking every other door in the entire city or maybe the country. Your heart picks up it's pace which makes you realize that this baby girl is just right for you. You have no time as soon, there will be cops here. Then not only will you be questioned for having an unknown baby, but you will also be questioned for not abiding by the rules and leaving your house in such harsh weather. You quickly grab the baby and some essential products like the instant formula milk, some biscuits, and hurriedly get into your car. You make the baby sit in the backseat and tie a seatbelt around her, making sure its clasped properly. While doing so, you hear sirens. The cops have arrived. Panicking, you get into your car's driving seat and leave the site, lest you get arrested for 'stealing a baby.' 


You drive the car a little above the usual pace and then, instead of taking a turn to your right, you take a turn to your left and get out of the city. You turn on the music. A soft, pleasant one. It is time to celebrate. Because, this baby girl is yours now and you may keep her, forever. "Mia...?" you call out and to your surprise, the girl looks up and into the rearview mirror. You grin because it looks like you just got one of your children back!



July 28, 2020 13:59

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171 comments

Niveeidha Palani
04:33 Aug 02, 2020

Hey Batool, I loved this story! You made a great improvement of "showing" and not "telling" It was so sweet and loving! A sequel would be nice! ;) PS- I just noticed your bio, and your Instagram was changed. Isn't your latest instagram name another author over here in Reedsy? Are you both the same people or different? Just curious to know as I was exploring a little. Hope you don't mind and continue to spark that amazing talent of yours (obviously)

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Batool Hussain
06:47 Aug 02, 2020

Thanks for your true feeback:) And yes, we are but two different people. Though, if you use Instagram do follow me @harkenvoid. I would be happy to have a Lil chit chat with you:))

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Niveeidha Palani
07:29 Aug 03, 2020

Oops, okay, thanks for clarifying :)

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<Inactive> .
19:35 Aug 01, 2020

This is such a sweet story! Her emotions were portrayed amazingly and it felt so REAL and familiar... The fact that it was in 2nd POV made it even better! Your writing never fails to amaze me \(^w^)/ Big hugs! Hope you are safe <3 <3

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Batool Hussain
06:44 Aug 02, 2020

Thank you so much. Big hugs to you as well:))

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<Inactive> .
16:52 Aug 02, 2020

Welcome, anytime! <3

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17:11 Aug 01, 2020

wow! it's so awesome story. I am just learning to write. This one is my point of view https://milanmashup.blogspot.com/2020/07/you-are-only-one-in-supermarket-during.html

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Batool Hussain
18:02 Aug 01, 2020

Thanks. And, sure

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E. Zane
16:15 Aug 01, 2020

Grief makes people do things they might not have. You demonstrated this in a heartbreaking way.

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Batool Hussain
18:03 Aug 01, 2020

Thank youu

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Kat Stokes
14:04 Aug 01, 2020

loved this story!

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Batool Hussain
18:05 Aug 01, 2020

Thanks

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Tariq Saeed
13:49 Aug 01, 2020

Batool Hussain, your writing style is very professional.You know this art v well.wish u a good luck.

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Batool Hussain
18:05 Aug 01, 2020

This means so much. Thank you!:)

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Sayani Sarkar
12:07 Aug 01, 2020

Boy. When I had read the prompt , I did not think that a story spun of it could end this way as well. I really like the storyline. Nice :)

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Batool Hussain
12:36 Aug 01, 2020

Girl. Thank you so very much;))

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07:38 Aug 01, 2020

Awesome job, much better than mine! I love how you describe the supposed mother, and the MC's grief upon the loss of her child! I'll be glad to read more of your stories!

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Batool Hussain
08:03 Aug 01, 2020

Haha! A very clever way for inviting me over to read your story;) And, thank you for your kind comment!

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08:19 Aug 01, 2020

Thank you! The intention actually was never to invite you to read mine, though I would really appreciate it if you did! I've been reading some other entries, and honestly, yous made the most sense! Incredible imagery and story writing skills! Can't wait for your next one! :D

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Batool Hussain
08:42 Aug 01, 2020

I'm really sorry if I hurt you. I wanted to convey the message in a lighter tone. I'll be glad to read yours. And, thank you once again for the appreciation. Means a lot;)

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09:25 Aug 01, 2020

Oh, no problem! It didn't hurt me in the slightest, it brought a smile to my face, to be honest! And you're welcome, it was only my true thoughts about the piece :)

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Batool Hussain
09:41 Aug 01, 2020

I'm glad;) Off to yours now!

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07:02 Aug 01, 2020

This is perhaps one of the best stories I've read so far. It has a lot of valuable descriptions that just makes it so hard to put down. You are a gifted writer, Batool.

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Batool Hussain
08:04 Aug 01, 2020

Omg! Abigail, this means so, so much. I'm over the moon. Thank you;)

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Deborah Angevin
01:30 Aug 01, 2020

I loved and enjoyed the story so much! Powerful opening and ending! Would you mind checking my recent story, "A Very, Very Dark Green?" Thank you :)

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Batool Hussain
06:32 Aug 01, 2020

Thank you. I already did!

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Emma Lin
23:17 Jul 31, 2020

Hello Batool! Thanks for checking and liking my story! It was a sweet story that was relatable. Good job :) Have a great day!

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Batool Hussain
06:31 Aug 01, 2020

Thank you. And, no problem. Have a great day ;)

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Emma Lin
13:47 Aug 01, 2020

:)

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23:15 Jul 31, 2020

Your story gave me chills! Beautifully written you made me feel like I was right there experiencing it all with her. I hope you continue this story into a full length novel.

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Batool Hussain
06:30 Aug 01, 2020

Thank you. And about the novel part, I'll maybe try to do that

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Kristin Neubauer
19:44 Jul 31, 2020

You had me from the first sentence and then immediately drew me into this poor protagonist's loss and suffering. How vividly you captured it and how real she and her lost twins felt to me. I am a very novice creative writer and feel like I learn about how to craft stories and characters by reading such quality ones as yours - I have certainly taken a few notes on "Mia" that I hope I can apply one day. Looking forward to reading more of your work!

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Batool Hussain
06:29 Aug 01, 2020

Thank you. This means so much;)

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Barbara Burgess
17:02 Jul 31, 2020

A very interesting and gripping story Batool. I really felt for that mother and hoped she would be okay in the future with her new baby. Well done.

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Batool Hussain
17:20 Jul 31, 2020

Thanks

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Aimee Pieper
15:10 Jul 31, 2020

Wow, this is another interesting take on this story! I love that you chose to look at a young mother who has lost her children and a lot of other things in life, but then mysteriously finds herself regaining this child. Your story shows human nature and grief really well. Excellent job!

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Batool Hussain
17:21 Jul 31, 2020

Thanks

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Krishi Norris
14:34 Jul 31, 2020

Great story! Mind checking out my latest one? Thanks!

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Mry M
10:02 Jul 31, 2020

Wonderfully written Batool

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Batool Hussain
13:26 Jul 31, 2020

Thank you!

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Mry M
10:02 Jul 31, 2020

Wonderfully written Batool

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Mry M
10:02 Jul 31, 2020

Wonderfully written Batool

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Mry M
10:02 Jul 31, 2020

Wonderfully written Batool

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