From the Eyes of a Bird – A Funny Short Story by Kaitlyn Haffner

Kaitlyn Haffner

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(Author's note: I don't expect to win. I saw the prompt and thought it would be funny.)

Posted Oct 09, 2020

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74 likes 72 comments

Rayhan Hidayat

08:16 Oct 17, 2020

The part that goes "Quack Quack Quack," felt a little clunky, I think "Quack Quack Quack Quack," would have been a more concise yet equally vivid metaphor.

Though I have to say, "Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack" was absolutely superb. My god, such riveting, heartfelt and thought-provoking description. You have no problem conveying the protagonist's struggles. Kudos.

9.6/10
-IGN

Kaitlyn Haffner

11:57 Oct 17, 2020

Thank you for the constructive criticism, and I wholeheartedly agree that “Quack Quack Quack Quack” would have been better. Thank you for the kind words!

Sunny 🌼

13:25 Oct 18, 2020

Oh god I'm laughing way too hard rn

Keston Paul

04:27 Oct 17, 2020

Damn, so emotional and moving. You conveyed the bird's perspective so well.

I hope you win !

Molly Leasure

04:34 Oct 17, 2020

Haha, I clicked on this half expecting it to become words at some point--nope. You got me xD

Shae Greyfeather

11:17 Oct 19, 2020

Same

Alby Carter

04:14 Oct 17, 2020

This is really deep. You were quite creative with the prompt.

Joe Sauers

07:05 Oct 17, 2020

That quacked me up. 🤣

Mia S

20:47 Oct 17, 2020

YES

ASHTON NOBLE

06:06 Oct 17, 2020

Best plot twist I've ever read. Lol, this just made my depression fly out the door. 👍👏👏

BOI. SKATEBOARDS.

04:37 Oct 17, 2020

You deserve a bird trophy so I'm gonna ctrl + command + spacebar 200 times for this.

🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆

(God help my fingers)

Sunny 🌼

13:26 Oct 18, 2020

r.i.p your fingers

Hope Rivers

04:36 Oct 17, 2020

Wow. I never read something and felt so inspired. Your ideas we’re conveyed beautifully. I look forward to seeing more of your brilliant work. Again so well written and truly meaning full. I loved seeing the duck such a simple animal go through so many life changing moments. I don’t think I can express enough how incredible this story was. Wow super impressed. Good luck you deserve a win!!❤️❤️

Megan Faith

14:16 Oct 17, 2020

May I offer some constructive criticism?

Absolutely nothing, it was perfect, bless you.

Igor Markovic

09:49 Oct 17, 2020

*nods*
*inhales*
Quack...

Kaitlyn Haffner

18:02 Oct 18, 2020

*nods in agreement*

Crystal Lewis

04:12 Oct 17, 2020

Excellent, wonderful, fantastic, comedy gold, 10/10 loved it! 😂🏆🏆🏆

Cheryl H

02:01 Oct 18, 2020

Great story! You got me with this one. Thanks for the laugh! I so needed it!

K Lewis

23:56 Oct 17, 2020

If this doesn't win, there is truly no justice in the world

Abigail Airuedomwinya

04:29 Oct 18, 2020

Is there something in this piece that I'm missing?

Sunny 🌼

13:27 Oct 18, 2020

the balance of the universe would be disrupted

Unknown User

06:25 Oct 17, 2020

Rayhan Hidayat

08:17 Oct 17, 2020

Well, the judges clearly know what they're looking for.

Unknown User

08:26 Oct 17, 2020

Rayhan Hidayat

14:51 Oct 17, 2020

And plum sauce.

Xiao Shan

05:00 Oct 17, 2020

Pog, this really resonated with me. Godspeed <3

Aveena Bordeaux

04:29 Oct 17, 2020

Oh yes! This was so amazing and heartfelt <3

Lani Lane

16:48 Oct 18, 2020

Caught a few punctuation mistakes, can omit the period after “Quack Quack Quack Quack” and the other one after “Quack Quack Quack.”

Seriously though, you made my day.

Regina Perry

15:36 Oct 18, 2020

Kaitlyn, this is fantastic! I love how you've dealt with this prompt. The details are magnificent! You've pulled the stream of consciousness model of storytelling off perfectly. This story accurately captures the nostalgia one feels about flying back over old haunts on the way to something new. I especially love the way you had the drake (male duck) remembering details that happened to him in each place he flew over on his trip south. It was a great way to add backstory without getting too caught up in it and letting it take over. The ending was heartrending.

That said, there are a few things I would change. Your sentences are all exactly the same length, which was neat, but to do that you used some run-ons and some fragments. I don't remember all the instances, but I'll tell you a few.

"Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack." This is actually two sentences in one. You should break it up by turning it into two sentences with a period, adding a semicolon, or adding a comma and a conjunction. Additionally, you should only capitalise the first letter of each sentence, plus any proper nouns.
Option one: "Quack quack quack. Quack quack quack quack quack."
Option two: "Quack quack quack; quack quack quack quack quack."
Option three: "Quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack quack quack."
Whichever you choose, it'll greatly improve the flow. You've also left out some commas in other places, such as these:
"Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack" (add comma after the second "quack")
"Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack" (add comma after the third "quack") "Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack" (add comma after the first"quack").

Also, you left out the space between the period and the first word of the next sentence a few times, like here:
"Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack.Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack."
And here: "Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack.Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack."
And here: "Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack.Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack."

Some dialogue might add to the story, though because your story takes place mostly in someone's head, it's not completely necessary.

Great job! I hope to see more insightful stories like this one in the future.

Kaitlyn Haffner

18:01 Oct 18, 2020

Thank you for the suggestions and I will definitely remember them for next time I write a story.

Lina Oz

05:19 Oct 18, 2020

Simply powerful. Beautifully written. Art.

Ariadne .

04:47 Oct 17, 2020

Wow. This story seriously changed my entire perspective on ducks. Well done! I never thought such an animal would be so deep. 😏🤣😂

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