Of Jasmines and Viridescent

Submitted into Contest #51 in response to: Write a story that begins and ends with someone looking up at the stars.... view prompt

190 comments

Romance

Without my eyewear, the sky above belongs in a museum of modern art right alongside Van Gogh's starry night. The light radiates from every star and my distorted lenses twist it into gleeful patterns. Returning the starry night to constellations of pin-pricks is simple, but my glasses stay right in my pocket while I take in the sky above. The grass on my soles is soft on soft, warm on warm, a gentle tickle as each giving strand forms a cushion of green. Each strand moves in the summer breeze as easily as my hair, the waves and rustling as alive as my steady breaths. Mom? Dad? Why did you have to leave me like that? I say to the stars pretending they are my parents. Tears well up in my eyes as I cry. My chin trembles and my lips quiver.


I hear heavy footsteps approaching me, crunching the leaves beneath. I sit up straight and try to force a smile. "You have been crying again. Haven't you?" I hear a smooth voice. It's none other than Tayler, of course. He lost his parents the same night I did. Since then, he has been my guardian angel. I smile and look into his eerily serene gray eyes that look deep blue in the dark. And, he smiles back.


It had been a chilly December morning when the news arrived. My parents had been killed and nobody seemed interested in telling me that. My relatives had been pretending to be all sweet and condescending up until...until Tayler arrived. "Tess, they...they got killed ." Brutally murdered, he had said. I was five and I didn't know what murdered meant. Not until my parents' corpses were brought in front of me. Not until I was told to bid them farewell. Not until I was told that my parents had gone. Forever!


Tayler and I used to live in the same house. Despite having good family terms, we never interacted much. I minded my own business and he minded his own. I didn't know that he had gray eyes that looked hues of hazel in the afternoon and aquamarine at night. I didn't know that his front tooth was chipped. I didn't know he had a small scar right under his left earlobe, which was both tiny and innocuous. Not until I turned eighteen.


"What are you thinking? Reminiscing about the old times. Eh?" Tayler takes my hand in his and suddenly the air around us grows chill. I shiver and thus, he pulls me closer towards him. What would I have done without him? He looks at me with soft eyes as if sifting through the grains of my thoughts, separating the wheat from the chaff. "I wouldn't live without you. Never," he answers.


Eighteen. I got to know everything about him when I turned eighteen. I got to know that his fringe kept on falling back into his eyes even after tremendous tries. I got to know that he was ambidextrous: was able to write equally well with both of his hands. I got to know that his favorite color was viridescent because it meant life, nature, energy, harmony, growth. Because it meant the color of my eyes. It was on that day he showed me his tattoo. He had a small tattoo that said ‘T' on his right ankle. “For you, " he had said.


I feel a raindrop fall against my skin, followed by several others, but I don't have the heart to go back inside. I move slightly, crossing one leg over the other, leaning back on my palms to observe the remaining constellations uncovered from the clouds. The moon hangs full and hazy beneath an eclipse of blazing stars, allowing me to see Tayler's face, brightly illuminated. Our bodies are a fountain for the incoming rain, the water making my eyelids heavy. I close my eyes, a rattled sigh passing through my parted lips as I do so, causing my breath to fog up in front of me, obscuring my vision, as I take in the feeling of wet, bruised skin.


I feel an insect crawling on my skin. Panicking, I open my droopy eyelids to see Tayler, grinning. He is holding Jasmines in both of his hands. Jasmine, my favorite flower. "C'mon, you loser. You aren't allowed to sleep over here." And, before I can argue he stands up and gets going. Being the lazy brat that I am, I lay still trying very hard to go to sleep.


Tayler and I became best friends in a very short span of time. Wherever we went, we went together. I had no one except for him. He had no one except for me. It had been my twenty-second birthday party when he proposed to me. I hadn't known how to react and so I had burst into tears. Everyone except Tayler had soothed me. Stupid him. Stupid him. Stupid him. Back at our home, he had rolled his eyes at me as if I had spoiled his 'perfect proposal.' I didn't have the courage to face him and so that night I had cried myself to sleep. He still makes fun of me for doing that. Stupid him. Stupid him.


I'm lost in my past when Tayler snaps me back into reality. "Hello, hello! What is happening, Tess?" Sweet, our friends call us. He never calls me Tessa. Never. He wants to pretend that we are the best couple to ever exist. "Can we please go inside now?" He asks and gives a pleading look. I smile and motion for him to sit down. He folds his arms and remains standing firmly at his position, his brows creased with annoyance. He looks cute as a button just like a five-year-old. "Sit down," I say realizing that is the first time I've spoken throughout the night. He turns around and stomps his feet which automatically makes me laugh. I feel relaxed and that makes me realize just another thing: my face is damp. I have (probably) been crying. "Tayler. Come on. Sit down." I pat the grass and move to make some room for him. When he still doesn't listen to me, I grab his arm and pull him down. "Oww…" he mutters.


I lay my head in Tayler's lap while he tells me just how many things he loves about me. I am trying to close my eyes, slowly and slowly, drinking in the night full of stars and the moon which is covered by murky clouds that blend in with the rest of the sky.


July 20, 2020 14:06

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190 comments

Jamie Limbaga
02:35 Jul 26, 2020

Yours is the first story I've ever read on Reedsy and I'm loving it! Your writing is incredibly descriptive and vivid - really drew me in. I usually don't love stories written in first person but you may have just killed that for me haha I will say though the italics were a little bit jarring? I get that it was meant to indicate a flashback of sorts, but I feel like that could have been pretty well integrated into the flow of the story without italics. Overall I really enjoyed this! It's just the right amount of dark and pensive for me...

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Batool Hussain
05:53 Jul 26, 2020

Thank you. This means so much. As for your question, it isn't based on a true story. Nope;) Looking forward to reading your work too.

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Sarah Freeman
19:26 Jul 22, 2020

I love this story! It captures the sadness of losing someone as important as your parents at a young age really well. It also captures the hope in finding someone to help you through it well. You tell all about Tayler in a way that makes readers feel like they know him even though he only speaks a few lines. It’s a really powerful story of healing and finding someone who truly understands you. Nice!

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Batool Hussain
12:16 Jul 24, 2020

Thank you. I don't really know how did I miss such a sweet comment, but I did! And now, I'm very thankful♥🤗🤗

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Courtney Haynes
23:45 Jul 21, 2020

Lovely story. I agree with everyone here. The language was so poetic and it flowed wonderfully. Keep up the good work.

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Batool Hussain
03:19 Jul 22, 2020

Thank you;)

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21:32 Jul 21, 2020

This is a beautiful, descriptive story of two friends developing into lovers. Not only surviving, this couple moves forward to thrive. The lovely imagery of stargazing in the grass.

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Batool Hussain
03:19 Jul 22, 2020

Thank you;)

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Elle Clark
20:33 Jul 21, 2020

This has some beautiful imagery in it, Batool! I love the relationship between the two characters too. I was a little disturbed by the fact that people used the phrase ‘brutally murdered’ with a five year old and then showed her the bodies - I’m not sure I’d be that candid with a five year old! Lovely character development though and it fits the prompt well.

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Batool Hussain
03:20 Jul 22, 2020

Thanks for your true feedback. Should I change the sentences then?

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Elle Clark
20:53 Jul 22, 2020

I would say so - it takes away from the realism somewhat otherwise. But as always, just a suggestion.

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Sheryl Reddy
20:08 Jul 21, 2020

Your story is very beautiful! I love the hope this story gives for anyone who has lost anyone in their life. It is a very sweet read. Thank you, you walk away feeling good.

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Batool Hussain
20:13 Jul 21, 2020

Thank you;)

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ISmell Sarcasm
19:31 Jul 21, 2020

You've got a very interesting story! I really liked how you can sense a pretty strong but complicated relationship the characters have and your writing style was also very immersive If I had any critisism, maybe the characters could be a little more developed. They don't need to be for every story, but when Tess mentions details about Tayler, I think it would work better if she mentioned part of his personality or tastes more than physical appearence. But that's just my opinion haha Otherwise, excellent read

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Batool Hussain
19:33 Jul 21, 2020

Thank you so very much for your true feedback! If you don't mind, please give it a like;) Thanks.

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ISmell Sarcasm
19:37 Jul 21, 2020

No problem! Right! I forgot to do that haha

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María Barrios
19:08 Jul 21, 2020

This line had me guessing: "Tayler and I became best friends in a very short span of time. Wherever we went, we went together. I had no one except for him. He had no one except for me. It had been my twenty-second birthday party when he proposed to me. " I was thinking maybe you were going to go down the Fight Club route. I think I have read too many stories lately, my brain is in overdrive haha. I like the italics. "You have been crying again. Haven't you?" I hear a smooth voice. It's none other than Tayler, of course. My thoughts afte...

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Batool Hussain
19:19 Jul 21, 2020

This means so much! I wish I could send you a VM(voice message) to thank you for these amazing comments. ♥♥♥ Don't mind, please give it a like if you enjoyed it;)

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18:44 Jul 21, 2020

What a beautiful story batool! As a fan of your writings, i must say this (take it as a joke okay😅) i noticed the lines "i minded my own business" and "his front tooth was chipped" in your previous story "in the city of love". It gave me a slight deja vu of the time when i was reading about Noah's story. Anyways about this story, it's brilliantly written and your vocabulary intelligence is quite admirable. Its mind blowing. Keep writing and stay safe.

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Batool Hussain
19:01 Jul 21, 2020

Thank you! You noticing the small details is everything. Truly grateful that you read my stories with so much interest;) If you don't mind, please give it a like;)

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19:28 Jul 21, 2020

Already did.

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PAMELA ABWAO
18:26 Jul 21, 2020

At first tears flowed freely from my eyes Then I found comfort and liked your male character. Your vocabulary "wow!"@Ambidextrous. I am a dwarf you are a giant I enjoyed it

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Batool Hussain
18:28 Jul 21, 2020

Haha! You write amazing stories too! This means so much. You can't believe how happy your comment made me;) A big thank you for that!

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18:14 Jul 21, 2020

Well done! Great vocabulary, storytelling and imagery...

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Batool Hussain
18:16 Jul 21, 2020

Thank you!

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Sprite Akuma
17:36 Jul 21, 2020

this story is very well written and i love the concept you chose for this prompt. it makes me want to look up at the sky without my glasses although that will probably end up with my eyes crossing and doubling all the stars. anyways, great job!!!

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Batool Hussain
17:38 Jul 21, 2020

Thank you! This made me smile;) thank you once again!

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16:18 Jul 21, 2020

This is such a heartwarming story! I loved your sensory descriptions, they really stood out! I also loved how you wrote the relationship between Tessa and Tayler! Well done!

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Batool Hussain
18:25 Jul 21, 2020

Thank you, Imaan;)

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Courtney Stuart
15:30 Jul 21, 2020

this was such a moving story! i really loved the Van Gogh reference - that serves as such a great hook! actually, you're whole first paragraph was AMAZING. very poetic. i also really liked the little flashbacks you had, and how you brought forth information piece by piece. it added a lot to the emotional depth of your story, and it really helped to make your characters shine. these are just a few lines i thought were very beautiful (and trust me, there are a lot more) 'Mom? Dad? Why did you have to leave me like that? I say to the sta...

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Batool Hussain
18:26 Jul 21, 2020

Thank you, Courtney! This means so much coming from a great author like you;) And, thanks for pointing out the mistake, I'll immediately correct it;)

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Scott Smock
13:49 Jul 21, 2020

That was an intriguing story. You should try to make known the sex of the narrator earlier as it's rather cloudy until the name Tess is used. Otherwise, good story!

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Batool Hussain
18:26 Jul 21, 2020

Thanks for your true feedback;)

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Alexi Delavigne
09:21 Jul 21, 2020

Really lovely story, and very enjoyable to read! At the start you mention that Tayler lost his parents the same night Tess did, and I kept expecting this to come again and be explained further, at first I was even thinking they were step siblings (but obviously I soon realized that wasn’t the case). That’s just what was going through my head as I read it. But it’s a great story with a lot of beautiful imagery and emotion, good work!

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Batool Hussain
10:13 Jul 21, 2020

Thanks for your feedback!

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Deborah Mercer
08:46 Jul 21, 2020

Hi, Batool, love this story and yes, the Van Gogh comparison is brilliant. Personally I like the use of italics - these things tend to be quite subjective. Oh, and thanks for introducing me to the word "viridescent!"

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Batool Hussain
09:11 Jul 21, 2020

Thank you for your feedback, Deborah! This means so much;)

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Orenda .
06:19 Jul 21, 2020

😳😮 is how I feel right now. You create your characters in such a gorgeous way and the portrayal of emotions..👌🌠 you ace in conveying feelings and emotions to your reader and your flow of words, like a poem ✌️🧡

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Batool Hussain
18:17 Jul 21, 2020

Thank you so much!

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Orenda .
06:36 Jul 22, 2020

Anytime:D

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Estelle Westley
05:35 Jul 21, 2020

I love the way your story flows and your use of words is great. I will be back for more.

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Batool Hussain
05:42 Jul 21, 2020

Thank you! If you don't mind, please give it a like;)

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Tiffany Hua
05:22 Jul 21, 2020

I love how I could easily visualize the story in perfect detail by myself. I loved the relationship between Tayler and Tess; it brought more emotion and thus, a wonderful story! I applaud you!

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Batool Hussain
18:17 Jul 21, 2020

This means so much! Glad you liked it;)

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