Of Jasmines and Viridescent

Submitted into Contest #51 in response to: Write a story that begins and ends with someone looking up at the stars.... view prompt

190 comments

Romance

Without my eyewear, the sky above belongs in a museum of modern art right alongside Van Gogh's starry night. The light radiates from every star and my distorted lenses twist it into gleeful patterns. Returning the starry night to constellations of pin-pricks is simple, but my glasses stay right in my pocket while I take in the sky above. The grass on my soles is soft on soft, warm on warm, a gentle tickle as each giving strand forms a cushion of green. Each strand moves in the summer breeze as easily as my hair, the waves and rustling as alive as my steady breaths. Mom? Dad? Why did you have to leave me like that? I say to the stars pretending they are my parents. Tears well up in my eyes as I cry. My chin trembles and my lips quiver.


I hear heavy footsteps approaching me, crunching the leaves beneath. I sit up straight and try to force a smile. "You have been crying again. Haven't you?" I hear a smooth voice. It's none other than Tayler, of course. He lost his parents the same night I did. Since then, he has been my guardian angel. I smile and look into his eerily serene gray eyes that look deep blue in the dark. And, he smiles back.


It had been a chilly December morning when the news arrived. My parents had been killed and nobody seemed interested in telling me that. My relatives had been pretending to be all sweet and condescending up until...until Tayler arrived. "Tess, they...they got killed ." Brutally murdered, he had said. I was five and I didn't know what murdered meant. Not until my parents' corpses were brought in front of me. Not until I was told to bid them farewell. Not until I was told that my parents had gone. Forever!


Tayler and I used to live in the same house. Despite having good family terms, we never interacted much. I minded my own business and he minded his own. I didn't know that he had gray eyes that looked hues of hazel in the afternoon and aquamarine at night. I didn't know that his front tooth was chipped. I didn't know he had a small scar right under his left earlobe, which was both tiny and innocuous. Not until I turned eighteen.


"What are you thinking? Reminiscing about the old times. Eh?" Tayler takes my hand in his and suddenly the air around us grows chill. I shiver and thus, he pulls me closer towards him. What would I have done without him? He looks at me with soft eyes as if sifting through the grains of my thoughts, separating the wheat from the chaff. "I wouldn't live without you. Never," he answers.


Eighteen. I got to know everything about him when I turned eighteen. I got to know that his fringe kept on falling back into his eyes even after tremendous tries. I got to know that he was ambidextrous: was able to write equally well with both of his hands. I got to know that his favorite color was viridescent because it meant life, nature, energy, harmony, growth. Because it meant the color of my eyes. It was on that day he showed me his tattoo. He had a small tattoo that said ‘T' on his right ankle. “For you, " he had said.


I feel a raindrop fall against my skin, followed by several others, but I don't have the heart to go back inside. I move slightly, crossing one leg over the other, leaning back on my palms to observe the remaining constellations uncovered from the clouds. The moon hangs full and hazy beneath an eclipse of blazing stars, allowing me to see Tayler's face, brightly illuminated. Our bodies are a fountain for the incoming rain, the water making my eyelids heavy. I close my eyes, a rattled sigh passing through my parted lips as I do so, causing my breath to fog up in front of me, obscuring my vision, as I take in the feeling of wet, bruised skin.


I feel an insect crawling on my skin. Panicking, I open my droopy eyelids to see Tayler, grinning. He is holding Jasmines in both of his hands. Jasmine, my favorite flower. "C'mon, you loser. You aren't allowed to sleep over here." And, before I can argue he stands up and gets going. Being the lazy brat that I am, I lay still trying very hard to go to sleep.


Tayler and I became best friends in a very short span of time. Wherever we went, we went together. I had no one except for him. He had no one except for me. It had been my twenty-second birthday party when he proposed to me. I hadn't known how to react and so I had burst into tears. Everyone except Tayler had soothed me. Stupid him. Stupid him. Stupid him. Back at our home, he had rolled his eyes at me as if I had spoiled his 'perfect proposal.' I didn't have the courage to face him and so that night I had cried myself to sleep. He still makes fun of me for doing that. Stupid him. Stupid him.


I'm lost in my past when Tayler snaps me back into reality. "Hello, hello! What is happening, Tess?" Sweet, our friends call us. He never calls me Tessa. Never. He wants to pretend that we are the best couple to ever exist. "Can we please go inside now?" He asks and gives a pleading look. I smile and motion for him to sit down. He folds his arms and remains standing firmly at his position, his brows creased with annoyance. He looks cute as a button just like a five-year-old. "Sit down," I say realizing that is the first time I've spoken throughout the night. He turns around and stomps his feet which automatically makes me laugh. I feel relaxed and that makes me realize just another thing: my face is damp. I have (probably) been crying. "Tayler. Come on. Sit down." I pat the grass and move to make some room for him. When he still doesn't listen to me, I grab his arm and pull him down. "Oww…" he mutters.


I lay my head in Tayler's lap while he tells me just how many things he loves about me. I am trying to close my eyes, slowly and slowly, drinking in the night full of stars and the moon which is covered by murky clouds that blend in with the rest of the sky.


July 20, 2020 14:06

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190 comments

Tyra Johnson
10:55 Jul 23, 2020

Lovely story, your writing skill is impressive. I love the vivid you integrated in your story.

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Batool Hussain
12:46 Jul 23, 2020

Thanks

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Jonathan Blaauw
09:01 Jul 23, 2020

I really like the imagery you use in this one; lots of great descriptions. And filling in the backstory in flashback form works here. This could have been for last week's proposal prompt, but it works with the stars just as well. I was a bit distracted by the fact that both sets of parents we killed on the same night, and that murder is specifically mentioned. I was expecting that to come up again later, but maybe you’re keeping that in your back pocket for a sequel? Or maybe it’s just one of those things for the reader to ponder? Overall, g...

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Batool Hussain
09:11 Jul 23, 2020

Thank you so much!

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Liya Mariyam
07:08 Jul 23, 2020

this story is amazing , i mean the descriptions are out of this world , it was so creative and interesting , i loved it .

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Batool Hussain
07:13 Jul 23, 2020

Thanks.

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16:34 Jul 22, 2020

This story was beautifully written! I could cleary picture Tessa and Tayler throughout the entire story. That is hard to do, so kudos to you! :) Keep writiing and stay healthy! -Brooke

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Batool Hussain
17:20 Jul 22, 2020

Thank you!

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19:09 Jul 22, 2020

You're welcome!

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Nancy Drayce
10:59 Jul 22, 2020

Very lovely! Truly amazing! 💜✨

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Batool Hussain
12:15 Jul 24, 2020

Thanks

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Tim Law
10:43 Jul 22, 2020

What a cute couple, as perfect as a button. The joy and wonder of young love. Great story Batool... Well done 👍

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Batool Hussain
12:15 Jul 24, 2020

Thank you

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13:09 Jul 21, 2020

Good job with the descriptions here--I liked that they included touch as well as sight. Tessa and Tayler clearly have a close relationship born out of tragedy, and I enjoyed reading about it. If I had to quibble with one thing, I was a bit confused by the end. She rejected his proposal, but they're still good friends? He seemed a little flippant about it, and she seemed to let him get away with that--maybe it's just that love does odd things to people!

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Batool Hussain
13:44 Jul 21, 2020

Hello! Thank you for checking this out and for your kind comment! And no, Tessa didn't reject the proposal: she didn't know how to react at the time of proposal and thus, she burst into tears. That's it;)

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14:17 Jul 21, 2020

Oh, so it's still a happy ending! I like those :)

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Isabelle ~~
11:52 Jul 21, 2020

A really interesting story, beautifully written. I kind of like the italics used, it gives a poetic feeling. By the way, thanks for the large vocabulary, I learnt a lot from it :) Thanks for the wonderful story, hope to read more of your work.

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Batool Hussain
18:27 Jul 21, 2020

Thank you so much!

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Connor H
11:18 Jul 21, 2020

Hi, really enjoyed this and was beautifully written

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Batool Hussain
18:27 Jul 21, 2020

Thanks

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Niveeidha Palani
04:49 Jul 21, 2020

Hi Batool, this story was amazing! I loved how you portrayed clear descriptions in here! Just one thing: Watch your italics... Some italics are not necessary, and there are minor grammatical errors. Other than this, this was a wonderful, romantic story! :)

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Batool Hussain
18:18 Jul 21, 2020

Thanks for your true feedback!

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Niveeidha Palani
21:56 Jul 21, 2020

No problem :)

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15:51 Jul 20, 2020

This one is my favorite so far of yours. The details-of the surroundings, the description of feelings, and the characters themselves...very well written. One minor thing I wanted to point out. A simple word misplacement. Nothing too major. Instead of "standing firmly at his position..." Consider "in his position...". Overall, a great story. Your work is definitely improving. Be proud of yourself and most importantly, keep writing!

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Batool Hussain
18:23 Jul 21, 2020

Thank you for your true feedback! It means so much;) I'll take the suggestion into consideration gladly;)

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22:41 Jul 21, 2020

No problem! I really liked it. And I always try to be constructive and honest. And some differences could just be that American English is a bastardized form of the language and sentence structures are slightly different. I hope you at least find my critiques helpful to some extent.

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Raquel Rodriguez
15:30 Jul 20, 2020

You asked me to be here, so of course, I came. This is such a good story! I love the relationship between Tessa and Tayler, and the imagery in the beginning! The only thing is, in the beginning, "Mommy? Daddy? Why did YOU'VE to leave me like that?" Is that part of an accent peeking through the character's thoughts, or...? Please don't get offended!

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Batool Hussain
15:32 Jul 20, 2020

Thank you. It is definitely a part of an accent. What else would it be? ;)

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Raquel Rodriguez
15:35 Jul 20, 2020

Oh, okay! Thanks for clearing that up for me.

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Adah M.M
15:24 Jul 20, 2020

You really have no bad story. This is amazing. I love the way you vividly portray the emotions of the characters. It's almost like am watching it happen in front of me

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Batool Hussain
15:29 Jul 20, 2020

Thank you. That means so much. If you don't mind, please give it a like;)

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Adah M.M
20:45 Jul 20, 2020

I gave it a like

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Mry M
15:24 Jul 20, 2020

That's sweet

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Batool Hussain
15:29 Jul 20, 2020

Thank you! If you don't mind, please give it a like;)

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Mry M
15:36 Jul 20, 2020

I did😶

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<inactive> .
15:14 Jul 20, 2020

You asked me to be here, and I wouldn't miss it for the world! The imagery was absolutely stunning, and the story was portrayed amazingly and the emotions felt were so real! It's honestly so sweet and sad and it's such a great read. I hope you write sweet-and-sad stories more often! Thanks for the feedback you left on my stories, hope you are safe! <3 <3 :D

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Batool Hussain
18:24 Jul 21, 2020

Thank you! You're really sweet! Stay safe;)

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<inactive> .
09:55 Jul 22, 2020

Welcome, anytime! You're super talented, I hope you never stop writing! ;)

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14:39 Jul 20, 2020

The emotions are very vivid. The narrative gripping yet poetic to let the reader conjure up pictures. Great story overall!

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Batool Hussain
18:24 Jul 21, 2020

Thank you;)

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Jane Green
10:19 Jul 28, 2020

Really enjoyed the imagery in this!

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22:16 Jul 27, 2020

This was great, Batool! Quick question: I peeked at your bio and it said people can find you on Instagram at Harken Void. Harken Void is the name of another Reedsy author...are you Harken Void or is this just a coincidence? Also, would you mind checking out my story ‘A Poem By A Star (No, Literally)’ if you have the chance? Thanks! Again, amazing job! —Aerinnnn!

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Batool Hussain
06:04 Jul 28, 2020

Hey Aerin! Thank you for reading and appreciating it. Nah, I'm not Harken Void. Its someone else. But, if you use Instagram, do follow me over there plz:) Ill definitely check out your story in a while as I'm in the middle of an online class right now! Take care:)

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10:01 Jul 28, 2020

Cool thanks

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I love this so much. As I was reading, it was like I could just feel the emotion in this piece. I love your use of imagery. This was very relaxing and flattering to read. Well done.

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Batool Hussain
14:13 Jul 26, 2020

Thank you so much.

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Rodrigo Juatco
06:29 Jul 26, 2020

Touching story. Enjoyed it very much. Thank you for sharing your piece.

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Batool Hussain
14:13 Jul 26, 2020

Thank you

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