The House on 45th Street NE

Submitted into Contest #64 in response to: Write a ghost story where there’s more going on than it first appears.... view prompt

10 comments

Drama Fiction Thriller

Ever since she was a little girl, Sandy loved driving down 45th Street NE in Salem. On the corner sat the house of her dreams. It was a two-story mid-century home with a big wrap-around porch. Sometimes she even parked out front, just to take a good long look.

Though Dan and Sandy had been married for almost five years, it had never been the right time to buy a house. But when they both got raises in the same month, they decided it was time.

Sandy was excited about looking for a house, but it was hard to give up her dream. So, when the house showed up on Zillow, Sandy knew it was kismet. And absolutely nothing that Dan said would sway her opinion.

Sandy immediately picked up her cellphone. “Hi, I’m calling about the house on 45th Avenue NE in Salem. Are you the listing realtor?”

“Yes, yes, I am. When would you like to go? I have some time this afternoon if that works for you.”

“Thank you! That would be great. Could we meet you at the house?”

“Of course. See you around two?”

“We’ll be there.”

Sandy tapped the red icon and turned excitedly to Dan.

“You didn’t have to sound so excited on the phone. That lady probably thinks she already sold the house. And we’ve lost our negotiating power because you let her know how badly you want it.”

“Oh. I guess I didn’t think of that.”

“You’ll get the hang of this eventually. But for now, I’ll call and make any appointments, okay?”

“Sure. But we’re not going to need any more. We’re going to get a sweetheart deal on this house – despite what you say. I’m sure of it.”

“Okay – if you say so,” Dan said as he leaned in to give Sandy a small peck on the cheek.”

Sandy reached up and wrapped her arms around her husband’s neck. “I can’t wait. Can you imagine what it will be like to have all that room? And a yard?”

“I think it will be nice to see you happy. You’ve been down over the last few months.”

“I’m sorry. I’m not sure what it is – but there’s something. It wakes me up at night. It lurks like a dark shadow.”

“Wow - you’ve been watching too many Halloween movies. I don’t think it’s real. Do you?”

“No, I guess not.”

* * *

At precisely two, Dan and Sandy parked in front of the house. Sandy looked for a car that might belong to the real estate lady but didn’t see one.

“I guess she’s not here,” she said with a frown. 

Just as Dan was about to give Sandy a kiss for comfort, they heard a car pull up behind them.

“She’s here!”

Dan grabbed Sandy before she could leap out of the car. “Cool and calm, remember?”

“Sure.”

* * *

Sandy thought the house looked better than the pictures online. The hardwood floors gleamed, and the remodeled kitchen was perfect. Every room was large and full of light.

Dan loved the yard and the shop in the over-sized garage. Sandy knew he was doing his best to not act excited, but his eyes were dancing.

Finally, the realtor met them in the kitchen. “So, do you think you’ll be putting in an offer?”

Dan spoke before Sandy could blurt anything. “I think we’d like to talk it over, and then we can call or email you. Will that work?”

“Sure, that’s fine. Here’s my card. My cell and email are right there. These days, I can prepare the offer and send it to you for signatures and send it to the seller within minutes. We could have a firm deal in less than forty-eight hours if the seller likes your offer.”

Sandy made a face. Dan could see the ‘I want line’ clearly. “Could they reject our offer just because?”

“If you make your offer too low, yes, they could.”

Suddenly, Sandy felt a cold finger run up her spine. She shivered involuntarily. What

was that?

“I need to scoot. I have another appointment across town. I’ll wait for your email.”

Dan and Sandy looked at one another once they got settled in the car. There were smiles on both of their faces, but Dan noticed Sandy was looking a bit odd.

“What’s the matter, hon? You still like this house, don’t you?”

“Oh, I love the house. But something weird happened while we were in there.”

“Weird?”

“Yeah, weird. While we were talking about the offer, I got this cold feeling. I could feel it like ice on my spine. And I immediately thought of the dark shadow.”

“Oh, that. I don’t think it’s anything to worry about. Just put it out of your mind, okay?”

Sandy nodded. It irked her a bit that Dan didn’t take her feelings seriously, but then she realized he didn’t know everything about her ‘funny feelings.’ She’d suffered through these incidents for years. And they always preceded something terrible. When her grandmother died suddenly, she felt something ‘weird’ the night before, and then again when her cousin skied off the side of a mountain.

Her mother told her about an aunt that experienced these twinges of foresight and asked Sandy to be careful. Her aunt was committed to a state hospital thirty years ago, and she was never the same. It was probably from electric shock therapy, but Sandy was too afraid to ask.

* * *

Sandy and Dan talked about the house ad nauseum for over three hours after dinner that night. Finally, they decided to make an offer just five-thousand dollars under the asking price.

“Hi, Janet?” Dan said into the phone.

“Yes, this is she. How can I help you?”

“This is Dan Johnson. My wife, Sandy, and I looked at the house over on 45th Street?”

“Oh, yes. I remember you two,” Loretta said. Dan thought he could hear her hesitate before she answered. She almost sounded like she was in a trance. “Did you have some questions, or are you ready to put in an offer?”

“We’re ready to put in an offer,” Dan gave her the number.

The lady didn’t react, either excited or indifferent. Finally, Dan asked, “What do you think? Is it too low? Do they have any other offers?”

“Well, you never know. The house has only been on the market for a day or so. There aren’t any other offers, and I do know this seller is motivated. So, we’ll just send it out, and I’ll tell you as soon as I hear anything, okay?”

“Sounds great. Thank you for your help.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll get back to you as soon as I hear anything.”

* * *

Sandy’s mind was racing when she went to bed. She didn’t think she’d get any sleep, but within fifteen minutes, she was snoring softly. 

Instead, it was Dan who couldn’t sleep. He lay in the darkness and listened to Sandy’s breathing. Usually, if he followed the rhythm of her breath and adjusted his to match, he’d fall to sleep, too. It didn’t seem to be working tonight, though.

Without warning, Sandy began to thrash in her sleep. Her head snapped back and forth on her pillow. Sandy’s legs kicked at the covers, and her hands were flailing around.

Dan didn’t know if he should wake her or not. He couldn’t remember what people always said about it. In horror, he just watched.

Deep within Sandy’s dream state, her confrontation with the dark shadow was getting closer and closer. At first, she didn’t recognize where she was. It was much too dark, and nothing looked familiar. But when it dawned on her where she was, the nightmare became more real to her.

Oh, no. Does this mean that something horrible is going to happen in our house? What could it be? There aren’t any stairs to fall down. It looks all of the utilities are up to code. It has all electric and no gas or propane. What could happen?

But if this follows the rest of my’ premonitions,’ something will happen. Something bad. No, no, no.

* * *

When Dan’s cellphone rang the next evening, the couple looked at one another excitedly. Maybe they had a deal on their dream home.

Dan purposely let it ring three times before he answered. “Dan Johnson,” he said in his most professional voice.

“Hi there. This is Loretta Smelling. I’m the real estate person who met you at the house on 45th? I’ve got some news.”

Doing his best to keep his voice calm, Dan asked, “Really? So, what did the seller have to say about our offer?”

“To be quite honest with you, I didn’t think they would accept it since the house has only just been listed, but they accepted your offer, and they added a bonus.”

“A bonus?”

“Yes. If you can close within the next two weeks, they’ll pay your closing costs.”

Dan didn’t know what to think about that. Why would the sellers offer that concession without being asked?

Sandy observed Dan’s body language. She could tell the sellers accepted the offer by listening to Dan’s side of the conversation. Still, she could see that he was questioning something, too.

“Wow. That’s awesome. Give me a minute to check with Sandy. I’m not entirely sure we can do that.”

Sandy pounced. “What? How long? I can do it, really.”

“You don’t even know what I’m going to ask you.”

“You’re going to ask me if I can be ready to move soon, right?”

“Yeah, like two weeks from today. Can you do that?”

Dan paused for a moment to absorb the fact that his wife knew what he would ask her before he did. He shrugged it off. “Well, if we give thirty days-notice on this place, I really have until the end of next month to get everything out of here, so hell yeah. I can do it without breaking a sweat.”

When Dan moved his hand from the mouthpiece, he was still chuckling. “We can be ready to move as soon as that.”

“That’s wonderful, Mr. Johnson.”

“Call me, Dan, please.”

“Okay, Dan. I’ll send you the counteroffer to sign, and then the only thing we will be waiting on is the title search, and when that comes in, we can set the closing date. Sound good to you?”

“That’s fine.

* * *

Two days went by. Despite her excitement about the house, Sandy continued to have nightmares. Each night the shadow came closer and closer. She began to make out the shape of something. Sandy wasn’t sure if it was human or not, but it slithered across the floor, making a horrible sound.

When Dan’s cell phone rang on Thursday evening, Sandy felt her stomach lurch. She grabbed his phone and brought it to him. Her mouth was too dry to talk without sounding husky – she was sure of it. She felt hot all over, and a pounding headache was beginning to form at the base of her neck.

“Dan Johnson.”

“Dan, I’m glad I was able to reach you. Are you sitting down?”

“No, but this sounds like maybe I should be standing up anyway.”

“Okay, it’s up to you. I need to inform you that the seller died last night. He died in the house.”

Dan tried to absorb what Loretta just said. He couldn’t help but wonder how this would affect the sale, and then a horrible thought occurred to him. “He wasn’t murdered or committed suicide or anything like that – did he?”

“As a matter of fact, he committed suicide. He hung himself from the shower curtain in the guest bathroom. I’m telling you because the law says I must disclose the information. The wife still wants to sell the property. Now more than ever. She’s offered you another concession.”

“Really? What?”

“She is willing to take twenty-thousand dollars off of the sale price if you two will still close the deal.”

Sandy was frozen in place. Without hearing any words, she knew what happened. Her entire body was numb, and she wasn’t sure if she could walk over to Dan. She knew he was excited about something, but her own emotions kept her standing alone.

Dan couldn’t see that Sandy was frozen, so he wondered why she wasn’t coming over as he motioned to her. He guessed he’d have to make a command decision. If Sandy wasn’t okay with it, well, she had her chance.

“I think we’d be fools not to take that offer, don’t you? The house is one my wife and I have admired for quite some time. Yeah, go ahead and let the seller know we’re still willing to do the deal under the new terms.”

When Dan hung up from his conversation, he took some time to really look at Sandy. She was white, and her eyes were bulging. As he watched, she backed into a wall and slowly slid down until she was sitting on her ankles.

“Honey, are you okay?”

“I will be. What did Loretta say?”

“Well, we’re getting the house for twenty-thousand dollars less.” Dan decided to give Sandy the good news first.

“Why? I mean, most people don’t lower the price all on their own – do they?”

“Well, the husband kind of, uh, committed suicide in the guest bathroom the other day.”

Sandy felt electricity move through her body. She felt numb and tired. “How? How did he kill himself?”

Even before Dan answered, Sandy knew. She could ‘see’ the body swinging from the shower curtain. She could see the dark shadow hovering in the corner.

Since Dan didn’t believe in her visions, she decided to keep it to herself. She would regret that decision within the week.

* * *

The sun shone brightly as Dan, Sandy, and the two moving guys they’d hired carried boxes into their new home. Despite Sandy’s visions, she loved the house and couldn’t wait to decorate. Every time she looked at a wall, she could see the possibilities.

Later that evening, Sandy called the pizza place that always delivered.

“I’m sorry. We don’t deliver to that address.”

“What? Why?”

“We just don’t,” the manager said as he terminated the call.

“Hey, hon. Could you go pick up a pizza or some subs? For some reason, I can’t get anyone to deliver here. Isn’t that strange?” But even as she asked the question, Sandy thought she knew the reason. Her house . . .her new home scared people. Could it be the dark shadow didn’t only appear to her?

“No problem. I’ll go and get dinner. Which do you prefer? Pizza or sub sandwiches?”

“I’m really in the mood for pizza. Can you go to the place that has that six-cheese thing? I LOVE that.”

“Sure thing,” Dan said as he leaned in to peck her on the cheek.

* * *

While Dan was gone, Sandy continued to empty boxes and find new homes for her things. She was making real progress, but then she realized Dan was taking a long time. I wonder where he is

A low-level noise suddenly seemed to fill the house. As Sandy got closer to the kitchen, the sound increased.

And then, she knew what she was hearing. It was the sound of their car. It was running in the garage.

On wooden legs, Sandy moved towards the door. It took all her strength to reach for the knob.

Pulling open the door, Sandy prepared for the worst. But even though she thought she was ready, no one could see what she saw without desperately wanting to unsee it.

Dan was sitting in the driver’s seat. He was smiling. Sandy thought maybe a song he liked was playing on the radio. The garage door was closed, and the fumes of carbon monoxide filled the space.

Sandy’s heart broke. But before she could react, she saw it. The dark shadow took on the shape of a hooded figure. It was tall and moved without touching the ground.

* * *

When the police answered the neighbor’s 9-1-1 call, they found a sad scene in the garage.

Sandy’s body was draped over Dan’s. The car was still running, and as the officer reached for the keys, he felt an intense cold in the car.

As he stood up, he said to his partner, “I hate coming to this house. It’s never a pleasant experience. We’ve been here three times in the last three years, and it’s always the same. Let’s call it in.”

* * *

And so, the house was put up for sale – again. Sandy’s dark shadow moved on to its next victim, and Janet the Realtor prepared to make some more cash.

October 21, 2020 23:22

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10 comments

Kate Bibb
03:12 Nov 18, 2020

I really like the concept of this story, and the premise is perfect for a paranormal series, but I felt like the dialogue fell flat. I can't quite put my finger on it, but the interactions between characters almost reminded me of a movie with inexpensive actors. The good idea is there, but every line is delivered without feeling or emotion. I think if you read up on the topic of dialogue online or watched a movie with your favorite characters in it, you could get a feel for how to make your characters come alive. I think that with a bit of w...

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Mustang Patty
11:48 Nov 18, 2020

Hi, Kate, Thank you for offering some constructive criticism. I will see what I can do with the dialogue - when I re-read it, I could see what you meant, ~MP~

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Philip Clayberg
17:36 Nov 16, 2020

Creepy indeed! Perfect for a Halloween night or any spooky night. I'm only surprised that the police department didn't suggest that the house be torn down. Maybe because they don't entirely believe *why* the deaths are happening at that house? Maybe they'd rather just forget about it (at least until it happens again)? But surely *someone* would think of investigating Janet the Realtor and her involvement in what happens at the house. In a sequel, I can imagine the police chief saying, "Same house, same realtor, same pattern of peop...

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Mustang Patty
18:25 Nov 16, 2020

LOL - nice follow up, Phillip. Thank you for your detailed comment, ~MP~

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Philip Clayberg
18:30 Nov 16, 2020

Sometimes a story will suggest a further bit by me (but not always). Btw, yours reminded me a little of the house in the movie "Beetlejuice". The house with the dead couple in it, who had to haunt it (and they weren't that good at haunting ... yet). I want to see that movie again someday. Michael Keaton was perfect as Beetlejuice. I'm not sure who else could have played it as well or better. Maybe Jim Carrey or the late Robin Williams? You're welcome.

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John K Adams
00:17 Nov 10, 2020

Definitely creepy.

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B. W.
21:40 Oct 22, 2020

10/10 :)

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Mustang Patty
22:03 Oct 22, 2020

Thank you!!

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B. W.
22:08 Oct 22, 2020

no prob, ya deserve it ^^

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16:40 Nov 01, 2020

Here's the problem I saw with this story--it's overdone. All science, no art, as one might say. There's a very predictable, plastic quality to everything. The plot is tired, with no surprises or departures from the norm. The villain is straight out of every haunted house story ever told. The dialogue feels fake. My advice would be this: forget everything about writing you've ever learned, and just write from your heart. Write with your emotions, and not your logical thoughts. But otherwise, good work. Keep on writing!

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