Terri wasn’t too sure on riding up to the sixth floor in the elevators during the storm that was raging on outside. Lightening was flashing brightly enough to lite every inch of the shadows that existed in her world and she had even thought it was still day time outside when some of the flashes had happened. Thunder was booming off in the distance, but she could tell that it was moving closer to her as the booms were getting louder.
She loved her sixth floor apartments which gave her the view of the whole town. She could see the mountains that were off in the distance on a beautiful sunny day and she could see her office building which was in walking distance from her apartment. That was one of the benefits of taking this apartment plus the view made it almost hard to say no. The down side was that the rent was eight hundred dollars a month which she paid around the first of the month. She had her own washer and dryer plus underground parking which she loved, knowing that her brand new Jeep won’t be sitting on the street during the winter months. Adding up the benefits and disadvantages to the apartment, she could hardly say no.
Plus, her neighbors were friendly and they said the landlord is very good about fixing things when they break. One of the neighbors said he even came out when she lost her key at two in the morning to let her in to her apartment. The neighbor had told her that she had lived in the apartment house for now on five years and that the landlord hadn’t raised the rent at all. He keeps the sidewalk shoveled and salted during the winter months. With all the positive remarks from the neighbors and her opinion of the apartment, she knew deep down that she was going to give the landlord a positive answer.
Standing there, lost in her thoughts about her day, she didn’t even hear her one neighbor come up behind her. Sadie lived two apartments down from hers with her husband, Tyler and they seemed happily in love with each other. They stood there talking to each other and Sadie was in a joyful mood as she told Terri that she had just come from her doctor’s appointment which she was told the babies would be coming any time now. They were expecting twins and all Terri could think was that she was glad it was them instead of her.
She watched as the doors to the elevator creaked open slowly and for some reason Terri was frozen to the spot, unable to move into the small enclosed area which would take them up to the sixth floor where her husband was waiting to hear how the doctor’s visit had gone. A chill ran up and down her spine as a warning not to get in the elevator to ride upward with Sadie. She had done several times, so why now was she getting a chill warning to wait for the next elevator which would be totaling weird. Sadie would wonder what she had done wrong and waited for the next one with her. Her feet moved slowly toward the elevator as if someone was pushing her forward. Sadie was standing inside the elevator watching her. “I know what you are feeling. I was scared the first couple times I rode in this elevator in a storm thinking how I would get stuck and fall to my death.” Sadie was not making Terri feel any better about getting on the elevator.
Doors slid shut quietly and the motion upward made Terri grab hold of the railing that was mounting on the wall. She felt like she wanted to yell help and to tell Sadie not to talk so much about dream that she fall to her very death in this elevator. All Terri could think of was “God, help me to get to my floor that I want and need so badly. Amen!” Pass the second and third floor, Terri was taking deep breaths to relax her body and to enjoy the ride upward to the floor she needed.
The lights started to blink and both women looked upward as if to ask what had caused the lights to blink off in a rapidly pattern. The compartment they were riding in slid to a stop to pick up another person and she was relieved to see it Dr. Nelson. Another neighbor on her floor and he could take charge if anything happen to Sadie in the elevator. The chills were racing up and down her spine at a speed that was like a fast marathon runner that was trying to get in front of the pack.
Sadie was telling Dr. Nelson what her doctor had said about the babies coming at any time now. He would smile and shake his head in a positive way to let her know that he was happy for the new parents to be. They were letting her talk out her nervous energy about being in this confined space and nine months pregnant ready to deliver. It was hard to get a word in because Sadie seemed to need the release of talking to someone who actually was listening.
They were approaching the fifth floor when the elevator jerked a little and Sadie gave a yelping noise to alert everyone that she was scared out of her mind. The lights blinked off and on before the third time of blinking was only blinking off which meant that the threesome was standing in a dark elevator with a pregnant woman that was about to go into labor. Terri knew that minute would be now and she was glad even more for the doctor who had entered the elevator to ride upward to his apartment.
The elevator stalled in the middle of going upward to their floor and Terri wanted to scream “Help! We are stuck. We need help!” Sadie beat Terri to the scream part and let loose with a scream that everyone in the building probably heard. Terri felt her way over to Sadie and tried to say in a calm voice. “Let’s try our breathing, so we can relax the body. Dr. Nelson is here in case you need anything, so we will be perfectly fine.” Both of the ladies took a deep breath to relax themselves in hopes they wouldn’t be delivering babies in a cramped elevator.
The ladies stood there trying to think about only relaxing their bodies while Dr. Nelson went over to use the phone to inform the police they were stuck in an elevator with a very pregnant woman. Sirens were heard outside as the doors were forced open slightly above their heads and a male voice shouted down to ask “How is everyone doing?” Dr. Nelson yelled back up “We have a pregnant woman, but she is doing fine so far. She is doing her relaxing breathing.” They could hear the man’s voice repeating what Dr. Nelson had said to a police man that had just appeared on the sixth floor. Running up six floors had made him slightly breathless and at the moment, all he could do was nod in a positive way that he understood.
Tears started to flow out of Sadie’s brown eyes and she looked scared as she said, “I don’t want to have my babies be born in an elevator. I want nurses, doctors, and machines that all tell me I am doing fine. Please! I want to deliver in a hospital.” Sadie looked around with pleading eyes that melted everyone’s heart in her direction. Terri rubbed Sadie’s arm and softly said “Everything will be fine. Let’s pray to God for help.” They bowed their heads and each said their own little silent pray to God Almighty for help and protection.
Relief flooded back into each of them as the lights blinked on again and they heard the doors shutting above them. A slight jerk from the elevator and they all grabbed each other’s hand as if to say we are a team of three. That they will go through whatever they have to just as long as they have each other. The floor underneath their feet moved upward to bring them to the sixth floor and the smiling faces of Sadie’s husband plus the medical team waiting to take Sadie to the hospital to be checked over. Relief sighs could be heard coming from the threesome as their realized their scare was over and Terri made a silent promise never to ride in that elevator when it was storming again.
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4 comments
I enjoyed your story Judith. I kept wondering what would happen to Sadie and didn't want her to deliver the babies in the elevator either! I think there are some minor sentence and grammatical errors that can be corrected later. I would've liked to know more about why Terri felt afraid of getting into the elevator with Sadie. Was it because she didn't want to be stuck in an elevator with a pregnant woman, or was there something else nagging her?
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Thank you for the helpful hints and I will try both on the next story I write. Thank you for the positive review on my story.
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You’re welcome Judith, I’m glad it was helpful :)
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Hi Judith, this was a nice story. It was a good set up of characters to build tension for when they're stuck in the lift. As far as further suggestions, there were a few minor errors, which is expected with such a short deadline; I'd advise reading the story out loud when you edit as this should highlight them for you. I'd also advise increasing the dialogue in your stories, as this will put the reader into the moment more, making the story more engaging. Also for dialogue, a new paragraph should be started when a person speaks. Ove...
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