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Write a story about someone who is determined to not have their day spoiled — but the universe is trying their patience.

Posted in Funny on Mar 3, 2023

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✍️ 47 stories

Captain Billy: Ad Astra Per Aspera or Bust!

Submitted to Contest #188

Author's Note: Ahoy! Follow along in Contests #180, #184, & #185. A sea change occurs for the Good Tugboat Samson and crew! Thing's get more messed up than a soup sandwich!It was 0530 Monday morning on the Seattle waterfront. The Good Tugboat Samson was all fast and standing by Pier 17, their home dock. Captain Billy stepped out of his stateroom freshly showered, shaved and squared away. He was in a "Semper Paratus" mood for facing the challenges of this particular day. An earlier message from Seattle Dispatch said there would noontime v...

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You Won't Spoil My Special Day No Matter How Hard You Try

Submitted to Contest #188

She woke up excited at the prospect of the day - brilliant sunshine peeping through the side of the drawn curtains. Untangling herself from the sheets she sat up and took off the furry cat eye mask, surprised it had even stayed on all night. Adie’s mind was bursting at the seams thinking about what she had to do this morning before the big occasion. Desperate to see the girls were in the other room she threw her legs over the side of the bed and walked towards the door. She could hear laughter from the other bedroom and couldn’t wait to see...

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The Unfortunate Existence of Dulcie Dunbar

Submitted to Contest #188

When Dulcie Dunbar arrived at work on Monday morning, she reflected that she was, at no fault of her own, facing something that should appear to most as agonisingly rotten. She reflected that, no matter how hard one may try, some happenings in this life are out of an individual’s control, and for that, we can simply not live it alone. So, it was not her, but the tram conductor’s decision to drive just two kilometres below the required speed, Stephen Swann’s routinely verdict to get on the tram at Harcourt, causing it to stop, and her manager...

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Only I Could Ruin My Wedding

Submitted to Contest #188

   Today was the wedding day and I was not going to let anyone ruin it for me. It began with me awakening from my sleepover at Krissy’s, my maid of honor’s, house. Though I was nauseous and headachy from the few drinks the night before, I could still manage. I was determined to manage. The excitement was unbearable.    Terri, another of my bridesmaids, made scrambled eggs riddled with broken shell pieces. It was delicious. Terri decided to take this opportunity, with just the two of us awake so far, to warn me.  ...

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Presbyter

Submitted to Contest #188

That cold, damp August morning in 1553 smelled of rotting leaves and mushroom, the creaking of my carriage punctuated by the drips of rainy mist seeping through the canopy and dribbling onto leather, so it was with precocious pleasure that I signaled to stop at a public house near Chambéry to drink down a bottle of some exuberant wine. It was a fine day, having finally arrived from my escaped prison cell in Vienne to just outside Italy, and I was committed to keeping it so. I was still in France, but my next stop would be Turin. Or, so I th...

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Patience is a virtue

Submitted to Contest #188

Have you ever wondered that while you are trying to be patient in all things the all things are really trying out your patience. The story I want to share begins with a man whose mother and wife loved him too much. One day the man's mother was hospitalized and the man was not worried at first. While in the hospital, his mother told him that she wants to go out of the hospital after four days. The man just thought this is because his mother just wanted to go home. On the fourth day at 12 midnight, the mother had a heart attack. The man was i...

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Heaven INC.

Submitted to Contest #188

“Let there be light.”  The building’s fluorescent lights flicked on and illuminated all. It was the first day of a new venture, and excitement reverberated throughout the office space. He walked through the rows of perfectly aligned cubicles surveying his employees. Each was righteous and fair in their own right. They fluttered about the office, busy with their tasks, leaving feathers floating through the air. He’d not bother them for he had his own imperative tasks to complete. He took his place at the head office where he could see ...

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The Most Disastrous, Terrible, Horrifically Awful Birthday Ever

Submitted to Contest #188

I went to sleep with my mouth open and I woke up with a soar throat. The medicine I took three spoonfuls of was expired and my mom is forcing me to go to the doctor because she’s worried it will make me ill. When I went to brush my teeth, there was no toothpaste left and as I was trying to squeeze any remnants left in the tube, the toothpaste splattered all over my face and the outfit I had been looking forward to wearing all week long. I washed my hair last night thinking I’d have time to straighten it in the morning or even give it a nice ...

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Đurađ's perfect day

Submitted to Contest #188

Rain. Around eight in the morning. It was a four-day work week, and now it was time for the three-day weekend. How can such a day go wrong? Universe, you have an impossible task ahead of yourself, Đurađ thought to himself with a smirk.  Rolling around in his bed lazily, he stuffed his head back into the pillow multiple times. Finally, the day had come when he had the opportunity to get up whenever and be irresponsible. Excited, he could not stop thinking about the upcoming day. Since he got the new job, he never got the opportunity to ...

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Mr Camus

Submitted to Contest #188

Man on the ledge Mr Camus was of average height, average girth, average intelligence and perfectly average luck. He had falling, fading brown hair and thin spectacles. He had no formal form of income, and he was seldom awake at this hour, but today he wore a pale blue tie. Even Mr Camus agreed that it looked quite nice, almost a poetic tribute to his honour, as it flapped frantically in the wind. How perfect this picture will be in, in high definition, in living rooms and cafes across the country. It was moving every which way, in part bec...

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The Roundabout Valentine

Submitted to Contest #188

“Now Herman you just pull into that Stuckey’s and you can find out once and for all just where the road to Roundabout is. And you can pick me up a cherry cola in the bargain. Let’s just stop all this fussing and find out some facts. Land sakes, you’re as stubborn as a pickax stuck in briar wood!” Ruby Droopkins waggled a bony finger at Mr. Droopkins while she spoke, the big white plastic disks on her mail-order “ivory” bracelet clacking. Her wispy bird-like frame, always jittering in one direction or another, was pitching itself about, see...

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Michael's Birthday

Submitted to Contest #188

Michael woke up and stretched his arms above his head. “Happy birthday to me.  Happy birthday to me.  Happy birthday dear me.  Happy birthday to me.” He sang to himself with a smile.  “Today will be a good day.” He placed one foot on the soft rug next to his bed.  As he stood, he lost his balance.  He caught himself on the corner of the bedside table.  “That was a close one,” Micheal said to himself. Michael entered the tiled bathroom.  He did his business.  He brushed his teeth, gagging on th...

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The Consequences of Being Early to School

Submitted to Contest #188

The city bustled around her, the comforting roar hardly noticeable as Talia hurried to school, about to be early for most likely the first time in her life. This morning, miraculously, the alarm she had set the night before had gone off, and actually woken her up. She’d had plenty of time to get dressed, eat breakfast, and go over her homework from the night before. When she’d gotten downstairs, neither of her parents had left for work yet. Dad was standing at the counter making breakfast, and mom was working on her laptop. Their cat, Winte...

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Bottomless

Submitted to Contest #188

Theresa parked her Hyundai in the first open spot she could find. She’d gotten the Elantra in magenta, remembering how she’d always admired the jocks and preps in high school for their red sporty cars; she peered at the newly washed sedan’s reflection in the windows of the deli. In anticipation of this meal, she had not eaten breakfast, and her belly was slightly rumbling as she unplugged her phone from the dash and put the contents of her purse in order. It was her first Friday off work in ages, and as her kids were in school and her husba...

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It is Going to Be a Good Day

Submitted to Contest #188

It was bound to be a good day. Nothing is going to spoil such a perfect day as this. The sun was shining, it was Friday and payday. The early spring weather made way for robins and other birds. Flowers and some flowering trees were already decorating the town with their color.  I grabbed a light jacket, bid my two greyhounds goodbye, and headed out the door humming, ‘Come Sail Away ‘by Styx. The darn tune has been stuck in my head all week. Yes, siree Bob it was going to be a good day.  I got in my 2016 Black Kia, threw th...

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