Write about a character who’s attending a dinner thrown in their honor, but deeply embarrasses themself during their speech.
Posted in Funny on Mar 3, 2023
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✍️ 21 stories
“The First Idol” by Tom Bombadil
“Stop daydreaming Mr. Delano.” In a moment, Mrs. Frampton, subjecting the tender wallflower of my affection to the grotesque spotlight of her own indifference, made cease the contemplation of my life’s own end, the one theme of my existence: Andrea Taylor. It’s the Spring of 2005; I am a 7th grader at Fort Sumter Middle School, home of the Trojans. Andrea sits enthroned one row ahead, thre...
“The Wrong Marina Jensen” by Jane Andrews
How could she have known they’d booked the wrong Marina Jensen? It seemed relatively straightforward when it started: the email from someone she’d never heard of before, waxing lyrical about her ‘seminal study’ and inviting her to be the keynote speaker at a conference in Romania. Marina couldn’t b...
“Shawarma” by Elisabeth Bridges
Alana Chambers picked at her dinner; poking at the salmon on her plate, occasionally raising a tiny bite to her lips and chewing mechanically without tasting it. The young man seated next to her glanced over with an amused but not unsympathetic twinkle in his eyes. “Who ever decided that it was a good idea to have dinner before the speeches, right?” he murmured, leaning in so he could be heard under the ...
“In Her Honor” by Maya Thornell-Sandifor
Jesse was a bundle of nerves. The Annual Lawyers Committee awards were a big deal. And tonight for the first time in her 20-year career as an attorney she would be winning the Ruth Bader Ginsberg award for the outstanding female attorney. It was an honor to be receiving an award named after her idol. But she had mixed feelings about the existence of an award that was gendered. Why couldn’t it just be the Ruth Bader Ginsb...
“But I don't like making speeches” by John Steckley
“But I don’t like giving speeches. I get so worried that I will say the wrong things, and people will get offended. At the very best, I would bore them silly, put them asleep.”“I know, Charlie, but this event is honouring your work at the company, and a speech is expected. Otherwise you will be insulting the people that came to the event. And you know how sensitive the boss, the great Mr. Brooks and his family are. They would use the lack of speech as being directed at them personally, and insult...
“The Copperfield of Tax Accountants” by KT George
There was too much food and wine and not enough good company. At least, that was the sober opinion of the evening's honorary guest. When surrounded by dozens of strangers celebrating you, you don't get much time to think things through. Your job is to show up early, make a conscious effort to connect with everyone in attendance, then make a speech proving you deserve the honor bestowed upon you. David Fi...
“The Miller Reaction” by Benja Catton
The Miller Reaction It was bread in the form of a shoe. He pondered it despondently. There was so much he didn’t know about bread, it turned out. He wondered if it was actually more of a cake. The word treacle came to mind, but then he remembered that that’s more of a syrupy, soupy thing, and he grimaced painfully. He could imagine a shoe shaped cake pan. He guessed a person would ...
“It wasn't a birthday gathering.” by Red Wood
The first thing I remember was standing in the mirror putting on an old suit. My memory was a tad bit hazy at that point, but I can still recall that the suit I wore wasn’t the finest I owned. I didn’t believe any other fancier suit deserved to be at such a dull gathering, even if it was in my praise. Another problem is that I could not recall who organized this event. Could it have been a coworker? Maybe it was meant t...
“The Sherlock Award ” by Kelly Sibley
“Lady and Gentlemen… Lady and Gentlemen, thank you. Your attention, please!” Montague was a patient man faced with an arrogant audience. “Lady… Gentlemen, please, your attention.” To Montague’s annoyance, the dining hall’s general disregarding hubbub continued unabated.“Hear yea, hear yea, time to shut ya gobs!” was bellowed out louder than an elephant’s trumpet by Whip. Montague self-consciously adjusted his cravat as the dining hall noise settled as the gas lights bore down...
“Jackson's Winning Night” by Christine Bialczak
***There are some derogatory terms used, however, they are not meant to insult or degrade any person or people*** Jackson walked into the banquet hall with his wife, hand in hand, so excited to be accepting an award for the work that he had put so many years into. When he first met Veva he had been a sophomore at Buick University studying architectural design. His dream had always been to design and buil...
“"Cockapert Mayor; Disappointed with Otto (Out to) Lunch"” by Lily Finch
[TRIGGER WARNING: CROSS-DRESSING AND CANNABIS MENTIONED]"Cockapert Mayor; Disappointed with Otto (Out to) Lunch"Mr. Otto (pronounced Outo) Lunch, a local professor of the History of the English Language, receives a call from his wife; he is grading papers in his office and has lost track of time again. As he answers, he braces himself for a tongue-lashing for being late to dinner. Instead, he is pleasantly surprised that Ensalata is in a cheery mood. “Hello dear. How are the ...
“Oops, egg on my nose!” by Odile Glatz
It was the glittering night of Mr. Salman Sweeney’s award dinner for Santa Monica’s Philanthropist of the Year. He was extremely nervous, and had even arranged for his former therapist Dr. Beresford to meet him for some moral support. Salman's brother Fabian was there, trying not to be jealous of another great accolade for his older brother, when he felt just as worthy of honor, if not more. His brother’s wife was there too, Delores. She was rather icy, and Salm...
“The Business Pitch” by Sophia Warren
"Let us make a toast to dear Marshall." "To Marshall!" The clinking of champagne glasses rattled in my ears as I was toasted. It was weird, no one had ever made a toast to me before. As a matter of fact, I had never experienced a toast; I had only seen them in movies. My heart rate picked up when my name was mentioned, and a nervous sweat slid down my forehead. I cracked my knuckles, a great way to relie...
“Point Eleven Percent” by Cassandra Fan
tw: alcohol, themes of manipulation, cheating, abuse If there was one thing Dolion loved about his wife-to-be more than anything else it was her smile. That intoxicating smile, a smile that brightened up the darkest corners of his mind. And her laughter! God, her laughter was brighter than the stars. It was hard to pick just one, he was obsessed. Amidst the traffic, he would swing his eyes off the road e...
“Bat Mitzvah on Cloud Nine” by Liliana Carlomagno
Today was the day Ruby had been anticipating for the past 364 days, Ruby’s Bat Mitzvah. Ruby turned thirteen four days ago, but today was her party. Of course, she was excited, I mean her entire class was coming, including Lucas. Lucas was Ruby’s crush, and at this point in her life, he was the most important person. Anything Ruby did, she asked herself, Would Lucas think I was weird if I did this? Or ugly? ...
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