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Set your story in a meeting where a professional interpreter takes some liberties, with major consequences.

Posted in Funny on Dec 16, 2022

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✍️ 12 stories

Employee of the Month

Submitted to Contest #177

Wally wiped a fingerprint off his plaque with his monogrammed handkerchief. He couldn’t blame others for pawing at his award, for it truly was glorious: Employee of the Month, East-Northeast Sales Division 03, Town of Franklin, March 2020. Fitting recognition for his instrumental role in securing a partnership with the Mexicans. That the Mexican partners went under right after could hardly be blamed on him. He took a step back, and it struck him how his plaque was a lonely beacon of hope, a single glimmer of fame on a wall, otherwise, of sha...

42 likes 52 comments 52
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The Best Part Is Not Wearing Pants

Submitted to Contest #177

By Phil's humble estimation, the best part about the pandemic was being able to work from home without wearing pants. It was even better than the superiority he felt from being "pretty much bilingual thanks to Telemundo" in a country of arrogant English-only speakers. Even better than not having to smell a client's day-old-tuna-fish breath. Even better than turning up to a job jelly-limbed and wasted, which he could do so much more easily now.Take today, for example. Nine in the morning and he'd already downed three Irish coffees, which gave...

30 likes 29 comments 29
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Lost In Cockney

Submitted to Contest #177

“Me slabs are killin’ me, me minces are sore from the chimney backin’ up, and I’ve been on the dog and bone all mornin’ sittin’ at the bottom of the apples, offering bangers and mash to anyone that could come on short notice to clean the chimney - but I don’t have a Danny-La-Rue when that will be. Me ol’ china’s a sweep but the trouble and strife don’t care for him, so to avoid a barney, I won’t ask him over.” Lord Peabody stood with mouth agape at the apparent foreign language one of London’s most colourful dialects had just thrust upon his...

29 likes 32 comments 32
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Translational Error

Submitted to Contest #177

“We will accept nothing less than your unconditional surrender. Resist, and you will be annihilated.” The series of clicks and snaps, coming from the segmented mouthparts of the looming arthropod at the end of the table, confirms my nagging suspicion that I really don’t want to be here. The massive nonhuman, a creature that resembles nothing more than a chain of glossy, dark gray beads sporting segmented legs, is coiled around what passes for a chair to its species, and looks to me like a cat tower made out of obsidian. The being… reclining ...

14 likes 4 comments 4
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The Presidents Interpreter

Submitted to Contest #177

Warning: this is political satire! “Oh, Sir, I just wanted to thank you for this opportunity; I won’t let you down!” Karla pulled at the collar of her brand-new dark blue business suit. She’d been in a hurry this morning to buy it, and by the scratching sensation on the back of her neck, she’d missed a tag. The Secretary to the President wearily placed his reading glasses down and looked up from his colossal walnut desk, sighing, “Yay for you. Do you have your security pass to enter the oval office?” “Yes, Sir. Yes, I do.”  The ...

12 likes 9 comments 9
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Found in Translation

Submitted to Contest #177

Roberta Verbosa sat at her desk on the 13th floor of the Van Pyur State Building in lower Manhattan, across the corner from Dante Circle, where you got off if you were taking the uptown trains from Brooklyn Heights. It was Friday morning and the phone had not rung all week at the Van Pyur Translations Agency, where Roberta was President, Senior Translator, Director of Sales and Marketing, and the IT Technician. Roberta created these titles in the hope that one day, her business would grow and she could hire real people to fill most of the po...

10 likes 3 comments 3
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The Lost Queen

Submitted to Contest #177

As my Uber crunched to a halt on the driveway, I saw Euphrates House for the first time. It was not visible from the main road, and after cruising for an age through gardens and woodland, I understood why. It would be unfitting for a house of this stature to be situated roadside where familiarity would demote it to nothing more than a motoring landmark. With its marble frescos, looming colonnades and humbling size, Euphrates needed to be glimpsed, admired, and fondly recalled. Anything more felt like theft.It was with a sense of disappointme...

10 likes 7 comments 7
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Cultural Exchange

Submitted to Contest #177

Cultural Exchangeby Naomi Krant “Let’s talk about time,” Emerson announced, putting extra lilt and drama into his voice as he tapped his smart board to begin the grammar lesson. He strained to radiate charm and above all, the confidence he did not feel.  Teaching this class was like singing “The Hokey-Pokey” from the stage of an empty theater. The eleven identical students squatted—if that was the right word—in a group. If they heard him, Emerson could not detect it. He’d taught intensive English to human emissaries from every part of E...

9 likes 2 comments 2
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God May Be Tone Deaf But I’m Not

Submitted to Contest #177

Connor Crosswhite flashes a toothy grin as he passes Hattie the receptionist, who puffs up her posture hoping the rock god will notice her. Whipping off his sunglasses, the tanned, trim, thirty-three-year-old Brit-born lead singer of the band THC breezes into Rollin’ Records’ conference room like a swashbuckling pirate. “Well, if it ain’t his nibs,” Amp Steele, the group’s bass player teases. “How’re things in paradise?” “Living in Monaco is like being in Disney World every day.” “Wouldn’t know, mate,” Amp replies. “My checks are much sm...

8 likes 2 comments 2
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Because of Montmartre

Submitted to Contest #177

The official interpreter took out her elegant pen in crimson red and placed it on the table. She had a black too, but this occasion deserved a real color. She was seated next to her client; the Councilor was opposite of them. In the President’s residency this may be the only office she never visited before - the President’s Special Councilor's office. Very special, she could say, but she rarely expressed her own thoughts at work. Instead, she took out a notepad and removed her purse behind her back. He could be observing her every...

8 likes 0 comments 0
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The Pink Cupcake Dress

Submitted to Contest #177

“This is not what I asked for,” Adrian looked at herself in the mirror.  A large lace bow stretched from shoulder to shoulder.  The bow held her cleavage but was barely wide enough to cover her nipples.  The tulle from the dress was hemmed right below her knees.  And the sleeves ran all the way to the tips of her fingers with a hole for her thumb. “I look like a child cupcake,” she pouted.  The color was all wrong too.  It was pink!  Pink!  Not off white, like she requested.  It was salmon pink....

7 likes 1 comment 1
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The Interpreter's Secret Talent: A Business Meeting Turned Stand-Up Comedy Show

Submitted to Contest #177

The boardroom was abuzz with excitement as the international business meeting got underway. At the head of the table sat Mr. Thompson, the CEO of a major pharmaceutical company, flanked by his team of executives. Across from them sat the representatives from their Chinese partners, including Mr. Chen, the CEO of a successful biotech firm. As the meeting began, the professional interpreter, a middle-aged woman with a no-nonsense demeanor, stood up to begin translating for the Chinese delegates. At first, everything seemed to be going smoothly...

7 likes 5 comments 5
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