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Author on Reedsy Prompts since Aug, 2022
Dearest Dark Brethren of the Wigged Elk Thank you for attending last monthâs meeting, which we agreed will now occur on the third Monday of every month, excluding public holidays. We were able to raise, through thievery and theft, one hundred pounds. I am happy to announce that these funds will be going towards the catering bill for our Christmas luncheon, which will be...
âLady and Gentlemen⌠Lady and Gentlemen, thank you. Your attention, please!â Montague was a patient man faced with an arrogant audience. âLady⌠Gentlemen, please, your attention.â To Montagueâs annoyance, the dining hallâs general disregarding hubbub continued unabated.âHear yea, hear yea, time to shut ya gobs!â was bellowed out louder than an elephantâs trumpet by Whip. Montague self-consciously adjusted his cravat as the dining hall noise settled as the gas lights bore down...
âOh, my goodness, golly gosh, it hurts so bad!â âWell, Lennard, you shouldnât have overindulged now, should you!â An ominous creaking sound bled from the branch upon which Lennard lay rubbing his overly round and stretched stomach. âI know. I know.â Lennard commented lazily over the top of his stomach gurgles. âBut there were so many flavours, and they were all s...
âAre you really going to wear that?ââWhat?ââDonât be dumb; you know what I mean.ââYes.ââSo, youâre going to do it even though you know itâs a dumb move.ââI pretty much think so, yes!ââAre you sure, âcos you wonât be able to take it back!ââWhen has that ever stopped me in the past?ââUnfortunately, Zorro, itâs never stopped you in the past. I was just hoping you woul...
I wouldnât say murder per se was a terrible thing.I mean, it all depends on the motive, doesnât it?And if weâre being honest, the recipient plays a part in it too!For example, the people who tried to murder Hitler. We didn't sit back and judge them with negative condemnation. We all went, darn it! Close but not quite over the line. Try a bit harder next time.Honestly, you can be the nicest person, whoâs kind, donates to charities and looks ...
Old lady MacIntosh was a weird old bird who was best left alone. Just ask the neighbourhood kids. Over the last five years, they had lost countless stray pieces of sports equipment or toys over her fence. It was your typical grumpy old lady who moves into a friendly neighbourhood and just âWants to be left aloneâ story⌠until last week. Last week changed everything. ...
I have something to confess. I know itâs stupid, but Iâve always hated having my curtains open. If I opened them, it meant, at some point, I would have to close them. Not during the day; I mean, come on, Iâm not a baby or anything! ⌠It was just having to close them at night. When it was pitch black and dark. Reflective glass gives nothing away a...
Talking is not permitted. Line up. Look forwards, donât engage with anyone. Keep your hands to yourself and makes sure theyâre clean. Donât look at other people. Donât look at othersâ food. Donât look at individuals when theyâre eating.  Sit st...
Warning: this is political satire! âOh, Sir, I just wanted to thank you for this opportunity; I wonât let you down!â Karla pulled at the collar of her brand-new dark blue business suit. Sheâd been in a hurry this morning to buy it, and by the scratching sensation on the back of her neck, sheâd missed a tag. The Secretary to the President wearily placed his reading glasses down and looked u...
A shaft of lightning smacked the ground in a resonating roar, illuminating the graveyard into an eery half-shadowed glow.A banshee-like wail of âItâs a sign!â  erupted, piercing the darkness, then echoed across the grey headstones reverberating back and forth.Whispered irritation emerged from a freshly dug hole, âWill you shut up!âWrapped in a mud-stained cloak, Boris West, a local lad who up until this point had only been accused of some five-finger discounting, looked up wi...
âMr Casey.ââYes, Mr Worthington?ââYour train, Mr Casey.ââYes, Mr Worthington?âThere was a quiet and uncomfortable pause where Mr Casey nervously ran his dark bowler hats rim through his hands until he could bear the truth no longer. âWell, when I say yes, itâs not really âmy trainâ, per see. In actual fact, I think the train prefers it when we all call him Larry. We're trying to get him to think of a last name and then we thought we'd throw him ...
âI canât believe you just did that!â âWhat I did! What about what you did!â âWhat? I did nothing!â âI didnât kill him! Thatâs totally on you, buddy!â * Itâs not often that co-workers are responsible for the âaccidentalâ death of their boss. But unfortunately for Tom and Barbara, an undeniable dead body is hard to ignore. *...
âI do find policemen frightfully tiresome!âMrs Marigold Smith sat at the round table waving away the Detective Sargentâs polite question with a bored hand. The table had been moved to the window side of the dining hall so as not to interfere with the residentâs lunch service. Detective Wallace reminded himself not to take anything personally. âKeep the professional wall upâ was his own internal advice. But as the old womanâs blue rinse hair and necklace of huge round glist...
On a hot summerâs night, have you ever eaten scallops seasoned with sliced garlic, salt and pepper cooked in their shell on a BBQ whilst sitting under a silver starlight night surrounded by family? Or maybe abalone, beaten to an inch of its life and quickly seared then smeared with a mild chilli-oil? What about crayfish cut in half, grilled and drizzled with a hollandaise sauce? Or even calamari and octo...
In the dining hall, silence consumed everyoneâs breath before a resonating yell broke the spell.âYou did what?ââWell, I didnât mean to!âSix of the dumbfound dinner guests quietly put their knives and forks down, hoping in doing so the waters would be calm enough, at some point soon, for their dinner to continue.Grumpyâs eyebrows knitted together as Snow White sat nervously at the head of the table, smiling as best she could, considering the circumstances.
I have a dark sense of humour which pervades most of what I write. Iâm dyslexic⌠which pervades most of what I write. I love an accidental hero!
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