John Jacob

Author on Reedsy Prompts since Jul, 2023

Stories (60)

60 Stories

28 karma pts

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“Starman Trek ” by John Jacob

AI Echo: "Hey, Google, tell Siri to contact Alexa, Bing & Cortana, cuz Starman's Roadster's on a Secret Space Force mission to the nth dimension of infinity & beyond, 16 Psyche!"Starman: "Roger, Echo, it's AI Starman, sn:686 CA ID TSLA 10. Ixnay on the adaray & SSF stuff, Solar Warden is ATC. Your half-life may be in jeopardy. All switch to NASA back channel."Google: "USSF T+30, 20180206. On an escape trajectory & entered an elliptical heliocentric orbit crossing the orbit of Mars. The orbit reaches a maximum distance from th...

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“Sam'o'Nik Street Sesame ” by John Jacob

Sam: "You can't cover a book by its tale." Nik: "Hook yer 11-amp to my whirly-twirly 3k flux capacitor."https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=whirly%20twirly%203000https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perpetual_motionhttps://upjoke.com/flux-capacitor-jokes Sam: "Mad cow disease going around makes me glad I’m a penguin.” Nik: "Isn't it time your mother got a place of her own?" Sam: "My mother? I thought you said she was yours." Nik: "Why don't pirates shower before plank-walking?" Sam: "Arr, maybe they just wanna wash-up on shore." Nik: ...

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“Tesla Twain to Timescape Anywhen ” by John Jacob

Twain: "CEJ called shotgun on this Nik and Sam's Excellent Adventure." Tesla: "Do you ever wonder how clocks run at the poles in arbitrary time?" https://www.theguardian.com/notesandqueries/query/0,5753,-18529,00.html Twain: "Early ones ain't worth a penny dreadful, too far off anyway." https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penny_dreadful Tesla: "Not voter polls, cold north/south poles, outside of time zones." Twain: "Yeah, that too. Mason-Dixon's great divide to crack a US union." https://images.app.goo.gl/VrE1LB8bTuyrSK6D9 Tesla: "Seri...

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“Flyin' Scion Hawaiian ” by John Jacob

Edgy, yet fun too. He was raised on TV reruns of The Lone Ranger (1949–1957). Narrator: "A fiery horse with the speed of light, a cloud of dust and a hearty, 'Hi Yo Silver!' The Lone Ranger!" Lone Ranger: "Hi Yo Silver, away!" Narrator: "With his faithful Indian companion Tonto, the daring and resourceful masked rider of the plains led the fight for law and order in the early west. Return with us now to those thrilling days of yesteryear. The Lone Ranger rides again!"—Opening Narration "He helped us, and we don't even know h...

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“Ecce Homo Sapiens Cyborg ” by John Jacob

A shock to some sensitives, yawn-worthy to others. 2020: The 5th prefect of Roman Judea, Samnite Pontius Pilate, allegedly presented a freshly-scourged & thorn-crowned Nazarene Yeshua son of a Yosef to a Jerusalem mob as their king by exclaiming, "Ecce homo!", "Behold the man!"  Confused by too much time travel, John 'Cyberobo' Titor wasn't sure when he was. Each quantum leap rippled through the omnipresent & swapped his consciousness with a clone in a neighboring cell of the superverse further from his origin. No ...

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“Do Apes Evolve? ” by John Jacob

Edgy shocking to some, milquetoast mild to others.  Football to Frisbee, mosh-pit tees from wife beater sock hops. Hot rods to low ride wheels, maybe like if you try it from just say no. Seasons change. Folks dubbed him Gorilla Mound, cuz at 6'6" & 369 pounds Uriah Leach was nearly as wide as he was tall. Born in a Uinta log cabin & reared Mormon by Lake Youta, Uriah was your quintessential Utahn, having 3 child brides, 12 kids, not counting native offspring, & a tiny farm. Utes called him "tah oo/ch woo choo/ pook qw ch...

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“Quantum Leap Day ” by John Jacob

Narrator: "SpongeBob da 1st & Church'o'Bob televangelist declares Leap Day 2024 'til the cusp of DST Best Days Ever for time-hopping! https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0206512/ https://images.app.goo.gl/oYTiakdwTyZFBGs89 https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Best_Day_Ever https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Church_of_the_SubGenius https://youtu.be/5U5DGP6my80?si=x_35AoWjwvGTWdXv Narrator: ""Daylight saving time will begin for 2024 on Sunday, March 10 at 2 a.m. local time, when our clocks will go ahead one hour, part of the twice-annual time chan...

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“Ariel's Airs, Errs & Heirs ” by John Jacob

In a Godono zone deep down at Bikini Bottom, wavy-info spread about Mermaids from Maui-to-Maori in ocean-wide gathering for Seafest.  https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwiTZDxPg_I3lcgqZGX3nez_0321K2i7Y&si=kcpN2YZnuJJPVPKM 1 Aerwyna - sea-friend  2 Amatheia - fins-friend 3 Brooke - Irish-stream 4 Aquanta - water-meeter 5 Calypso - hidden-nymph  6 Cascade - all-falls-down 7 Delphine - dolphin-rider 8 Coral - sea-creature 9 Moana - deep-sea 0 Noahware - ocean-naught https://motherhoodcommunity.com/mermaid-names/ 0 Noahwa...

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“Spin Torque Anomaly Time ” by John Jacob

Scope out da Scopes on these Molten-Chili-Chiquitas, Cosmos Nostrum! All universe waves views valid seen diversely. Maker's Waker Candlestick Baker, full spectrum perspective skymaps, from hyper visual to ultraVinfraR, radio, microwave, gamma, x-ray. Pre-bang proto-galaxies?  https://youtu.be/yNeprtMyAAg?si=k1loKYq67W0Zs8fb https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_space_telescopes https://www.space.com/betelgeuse-supernova-in-our-lifetime-study-unsure Werlin "Spin" Cyclone put his time crystals back in their nutcase. Traveling more tha...

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“Arch Rivals 2: Dragon Style ” by John Jacob

From time immemorial, arches rivaled: archangels, archdukes, arch-enemies, arch-nemesies, even archaism itself. Wesley :"Hey, Google, tell Siri to contact Alexa, Bing & Cortana. Arches are going Archie to nab ship AI, as crew is in chaos. Arch info STAT!" AI in Hitchhiker's Guide voice: "An arch was a structure in 24th century Starfleet holodecks which surrounded their entrance doors. It had computer control panels and interfaces when participants wished to modify the current program, communicate throughout the ship, or access most ...

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“Arch Rivals Trek ” by John Jacob

This piece is a bit risqué racy, but not too lurid or tawdry. Picard: "Captain's Log, Stardate 41636.9. Our away team has beamed down to an unusual matriarchal society on Angel One, where the female is as aggressively dominant as the male gender was on Earth for thousands of years. Here, the female is the hunter, soldier, larger and stronger than the male, a local arrangement most considered sensible and natural." http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/115.htm"Amber Alert! All decks, Amber Alert! All personnel report to Security for Iris...

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“Sidereal-Galactic Time Trek ” by John Jacob

Having flushed out all Klingons circling Uranus, the USS Enterprise crew eagerly awaited shore leave on good old planet Earth, Waterton-Glacier International Peace Park precisely. Glacier Park Lodge & Prince of Wales Hotel were both booked exclusively for a month with shuttlecraft service between them. High tea overlooking Waterton Lake 12-4 was prime time. https://youtu.be/BXWvKDSwvls?si=Fh985T3tDg6CQ_Gc Yeowoman Yahwowee slipped into her silk synthskin & felt it snug to her svelte form. A perfect cerulean cameltoe complem...

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“Logophile Femto 2nd Time ” by John Jacob

Pan-Galactic Order Ring of Ultra Entities met obliquely via Spook, a clone of Zoom synced in continuum using entangled photons, to reconsider for admission a pale blue dot in the Avoidance Zone of the Cosmos, Earth. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Femtosecondhttps://youtu.be/wupToqz1e2g?si=0unSW8qnUdJoza8lhttps://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zone_of_Avoidance Acersecomicke, one whose hair was never cut, 25th successor to Zaphod, gaveled them to order across a yottaparsec blazar network without delay. Elysian fields asphodel flowers framed he...

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“Timeless Suite 2 ” by John Jacob

Enjoying the peaceful glow of victory over evil, our heroic Team Glocke 10 must decide whether to expand their mission or end it. Quantum time fills all gaps. Only they know about Trump, Hitler & Booth, anomalies to all others. Can more be done? Are there downside risks? What about karma & grandpa paradox? Might they roust a time lord, demon, god or satan?  Clemens/Twain: We've each had a chance to expand our list of evildoers & vote on this finalized version: Putin, Bibi, Idi, Stalin, Mao, Prescott Bush, Rumsfeld, Cheney, K...

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“Timeless Suite ” by John Jacob

This tall tale tracks 10 witty wits out to outwit the witless & witness saving the world, chronologically Laozi Lǐ Ěr, Ada Lovelace, Samuel Clemens, Nikola Tesla, Mae West, Dorothy Parker, Amelia Earhart, Bruce Lee, Wavy Gravy & Taylor Swift.  Intro: Taylor Swift - Timeless https://youtu.be/osmzwWw4RYM?si=yIdGNVuq-a1ev47J Few scientists today doubt the magnitude of Nikola Tesla's genius vision. Longitudinal pulses within the medium of spacetime itself synchronous telegraphy electroacoustic capacitor oscillation harmonic wav...

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Author bio

I am a wry sci-fi fan, puzzle maven & edgy pen on O'ahu.