Do Apes Evolve?

Edgy shocking to some, milquetoast mild to others. 

Football to Frisbee, mosh-pit tees from wife beater sock hops. Hot rods to low ride wheels, maybe like if you try it from just say no. Seasons change.

Folks dubbed him Gorilla Mound, cuz at 6'6" & 369 pounds Uriah Leach was nearly as wide as he was tall. Born in a Uinta log cabin & reared Mormon by Lake Youta, Uriah was your quintessential Utahn, having 3 child brides, 12 kids, not counting native offspring, & a tiny farm. Utes called him "tah oo/ch woo choo/ pook qw chu" or "Bison Cow Wasp," a moniker he wore privately tattooed to his ample ass. 

Amway soap sales fed his family & a small arsenal kept the curious at bay. America #1 meant a local-focused idea. Book of Mormon LDS LSD. A whip & flogger maintain discipline among rowdy kids & wives. Country & Western to prog rock, All Lives Matter from Moral Majority.

Just the 12th reddest state, Utah flew far fewer Rainbow banners than Trump flags. Still proud dittohead, his truck sported race-baiting & anti-liberal slur stickers. Hate & Fear da Gap. Commies comping communes.

Rafting Colorado River’s legendary 100-mile Cataract Canyon from Moab, up to no good on BLM land near Bears Ears, Uriah found a rarity. In 2020, a silver monolith appeared east of Canyonlands Nat'l Park. He bared teeth & shook a hiking pole at it, then leapt about throwing sticks & stones. At last, he reached out a finger to touch it. His mind manifest psyche delites.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cataract_Canyon

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-55056570

https://www.google.com/search?q=images+for+utah+metal+monolith

https://www.google.com/maps/place/38%C2%B020'35.1%22N+109%C2%B039'58.7%22W/@38.3430837,-110.7869038,8z/data=!4m5!3m4!1s0x0:0x0!8m2!3d38.3430795!4d-109.6662984

https://earth.google.com/web/@38.34308216,-109.66618765,1316.72406513a,338.1876696d,35y,137.05300125h,0t,0r

https://www.reddit.com/r/googleearthsecrets/comments/k0fxia/utah_monolith_coordinates/

https://images.app.goo.gl/h87GUT7pnSUbaQTC9

coordinates you can put in your browser or plug into mapping software: 38.34307952,-109.66629844 

"Canyonlands National Park is an American national park located in southeastern Utah near the town of Moab. The park preserves a colorful landscape eroded into numerous canyons, mesas, and buttes by the Colorado River, the Green River, and their respective tributaries. Legislation creating the park was signed into law by President Lyndon B. Johnson on September 12, 1964."

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canyonlands_National_Park

"Bears Ears National Monument is a United States national monument located in San Juan County in southeastern Utah, established by Pres. Barack Obama by presidential proclamation on December 28, 2016"

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bears_Ears_National_Monument

"Arches National Park is in eastern Utah, United States. The park is adjacent to the Colorado River, 4 mi (6 km) north of Moab, Utah. ...The national park lies above an underground evaporite layer or salt bed, which is the main cause of the formation of the arches, spires, balanced rocks, sandstone fins, and eroded monoliths in the area."

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arches_National_Park

Official statement: “Although we can’t comment on active investigations, we would like to remind public land visitors that using, occupying, or developing the public lands or their resources without a required authorization is illegal, no matter what planet you are from.”— BLM Utah (@BLMUtah) November 24, 2020

"And then one day / He was pissin' on a myth, / And up through the Earth came a silver monolith / Odd that is, not gold, mystery / Well 1st thing ya know in Uriah's fantasy / Skinwalker Ranch is where he's gotta be / So he loaded up da truck & / Drove to Ballard northerly / Utah that is, / Enigma"

https://www.streetdirectory.com/lyricadvisor/song/cjpacu/the_beverly_hillbillies/

"Skinwalker Ranch, also known as Sherman Ranch, is a property of approximately 512 acres (207 ha), located southeast of Ballard, Utah, that is reputed to be the site of paranormal and UFO-related activities. Its name is taken from the skin-walker of Navajo legend concerning vengeful shamans."

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skinwalker_Ranch

"Skinwalker Ranch and the surrounding area have been referred to as "UFO alley" since the 1950s when numerous anomalous events and strange activity began occurring. A team of scientists and experts conducts a thorough and daring search of the infamous 512-acre property in Utah's Uinta Basin in an attempt to find out the answers behind more than 200 years of UFO sightings, strange animal mutations, and paranormal related mysteries. Scientists use the latest in cutting-edge technology, like ground-penetrating radar and drones, to seek shocking discoveries."

https://m.imdb.com/title/tt10589968/

1st things Uriah eyed & espied there were a Dire Wolf shapeshifter, 600 pounds of sin that smelt him 296 miles away at Bears Ears & waited, Lobotomiser & Chewy, a yeti ufoo fighter, each abominable alright. 

https://youtu.be/Hhqyg_dTaTg?si=EEd9Z96N_kkyE9Sg

"The dire wolf is an extinct canine. The dire wolf lived in the Americas during the Late Pleistocene and Early Holocene epochs. The species was named in 1858, four years after the first specimen had been found. Two subspecies are recognized: Aenocyon dirus guildayi and Aenocyon dirus dirus."

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dire_wolf

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yeti

Missing time, day & night, Uriah wound up in tomorrow's other yesterdays & didn't see a WABAC, just a Dream Police cheap trick wakeup call further.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wayback_Machine_(Peabody%27s_Improbable_History)

https://youtu.be/OPemyipJzAM?si=wFh-RYBYZBGOHgnb

Bloodless surgical cattle mutilation, crop circles, abductions, you name it. Lobotomiser seemed bullet-proof. Chewy did yak telepathy silently. Uriah sensed if any more paranormal activity occurred, he might lose sanity. Next he knew, they were at Arches Nat'l Park, home to over 2,000 natural sandstone arches & where Greer's Guides held a Visitors Welcome party. In a wink, he booked a flight to Sirius, leaving at midnight New Year's Eve.

https://www.history.com/shows/the-secret-of-skinwalker-ranch

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steven_M._Greer

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sirius

With Trump at Gitmo & war-weary Biden out like LBJ, Uriah felt confused come Election Day. With 2 women running for POTUS, Rush reruns going stale, old fogies finally stepping down, winds of change in the air.

Haley out-signed What's-her-name 20 or 30-1. Utah about to hear from its women. They could use less patriarchy, more privacy & freedom. 

Monolith changes sped up. Uriah let his hair grow, got curious about the other sides of life & began wondering who his polar opposite would be. Music inside him improvized & harmonized, tuned to key frequencies.

Returning home, his family was morphing too, no longer paternal, Mormon or patriotic. Their love expressed less stress & everyone smiled more. The rainbow outfit & farly-harley-gnarley-iCarly tattoos would have to wait.

Utes still called him "tah oo/ch woo choo/ pook qw chu", but he earned a new one, "Ouray" meaning "Arrow," & a Navajo name: "Klah Tsela Awee," “Left-handed Stars lying down Baby.” Thanks much to Utah Nat'l Parks.

https://coloradoencyclopedia.org/article/ouray

https://navajocodetalkers.org/navajo-boy-names/

https://www.nps.gov/state/ut/index.htm

Meantime, another Alex Keaton left the left for the wrong, lured by lucre.