Charlie Murphy

“A Friendship Worsens” by Charlie Murphy

Submitted to Contest #94

“No, I will become the leader of the world with or without you!”“Audrey, please!”“No! If you won’t help, then GO AWAY!”“Fine! Do whatever you want! Don’t come crying to me when you’re in a jail cell screaming for help!” The scene played in Audrey’s mind as she shaved the last hair down there.I don’t need her. I’m doing just fine by myself; the global economy is up. I passed many laws, helped to maintain peace across the globe, and banned the use of fossil fuels around the world.“Madam, you got a call on line two.”“Thank you.” She stood ...

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“The Path to Passive Teenage World Domination” by Charlie Murphy

Submitted to Contest #93

“This party has gone horribly wrong!” Carrie said.“Gee, you think?” Audrey replied.Tuna, eggs, butter, and other food items were scattered all over the house. Vomit delightfully ran down the walls and was in clusters on the beige carpet which Carrie will never get the stains out. A couple of beer bottles lodged themselves in the fifty-five-inch plasma screen TV and the toaster was stuck to the ceiling.“Well, do something!” Carrie urged as a couple boys knocked the other vase off the cabinet.“What do you want me to do?” Audrey asked.“Any...

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“The Librarian and the Baby” by Charlie Murphy

Submitted to Contest #91

“Enough giggling already! This is the second time I warned you!”“I’m sorry. It's just that...”“I don't want to hear it,” Ms. Bickhaus interrupted me.“OK, we’ll stop.”“Thank you.” Ms. Bickhaus walked away.I burped again.“You're a naughty little boy,” Beth said.“Yes… I… am.” I burped.“Stop!”“Ok, I’ll stop now.”She continued working on her paper.“That girl has big boobies!” I whispered in her ear.I saw a glimmer of a smile before she covered her mouth and waved me away.I pulled my lower eyelid down so red showed.“Oh, my God!” she whispered...

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“Baby Island Adventure” by Charlie Murphy

“Why couldn’t we pick a different train?” I asked.“Because it was the only one going there,” Mommy replied.“But, it’s crowded!” I whined.“I know, sweetie, but we’ll be there before you know it.” She pulled my baby bag out and dug into it. I smiled when she pulled out my ba-ba. “Here, drink your apple juice.”I took my ba-ba from her, and I sucked it.“Good boy!” She ruffled my brown hair.The sweet beverage traveled down my throat. I’ve loved apple juice ever since I was two.I wore my Big Bird shirt with suspenders, holding my elephant shorts. ...

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“One More Sec!” by Charlie Murphy

Submitted to Contest #89

“I had a great time with you!" Heather said, holding my hand.“Yeah?” I replied.“Yeah.” She ruffled my black curly hair. “Your hair’s so shaggy!”“Thanks.”We walked up to my door.“Well, another awesome date.”“Yeah. Especially when you got your head stuck in that bucket!” She laughed.I felt my face become hot. “Yeah, I felt like a total idiot.”"Yeah, but you’re my idiot.” She kissed my cheek.I kissed her back. “Well—”“Jordon!” Nichole yelled.“What?!”“I accidentally knocked your Power Ranger into the toilet.” “YOU DID WHAT?!” I shrieke...

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“The Lonely Prince” by Charlie Murphy

Submitted to Contest #88

“Jade, are you ready for Mommy to read you a bedtime story?”“Yes, Mommy,” I ran in with my blankie and Mr. Teddy.“Sit in Mommy’s lap.” She patted her leg and I hopped on. “Oof! That’s my widdle boy!” She kissed my head.I giggled.She picked the book up.“The Lonely Prince.”“Ooh!” I said, cuddling up.She opened it to the first page. “Once upon a time, there was a prince named Prince Panini Head.”“That’s a silly name. Panini Head!”“Yes, sweetheart. And he was very lonely because he lived all alone in his castle.”“Where was his mommy an...

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“Don't Prank the Baby!” by Charlie Murphy

Submitted to Contest #87

“Gawthoro, go prank humans,” Dad said.“I’ll do it later.””No, you’ll do it, NOW!””Alright. I’m goin’!" I flew out my little cottage. It was a warm, cloudy day. Crows soared past me. A plane descended in the distance.I flew over a neighborhood and lowered. “Let’s see… kids gathering around an ice cream truck… Nah… a balding man coming home from work?... Nah… an old lady bending for her newspaper. That would be entertaining, but…”Then I saw him! A teenager falling off his skateboard with huge, fat zits cluttering his face.“This‘ll be good!” I ...

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“A Bearly Bearable Spring Equinox” by Charlie Murphy

Submitted to Contest #86

Bright yellow light streamed through my eyelids. I groaned and tossed around. "Just five more minutes, baby,” I told my totally hot wife.“But, my buns are getting cold!”“OK, I’m comin’,” I said.“You know how to treat me right."“Yeah, I do, baby!” I said and I opened my eyes and stared into the bright blue sky.“Spring!” I said, stood up, and sprinted out of my dark den. I romped around the meadow and smelled the flowers.BUZZ!I looked and jumped back as a bee flew around.“Sorry little dude!”“S’alright,” he said&nb...

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“The Pet” by Charlie Murphy

Submitted to Contest #86

"Look, Brian, out your window! Bumblebees!” Kelsey pointed. “The first sign of spring!”“So?” I replied, not looking up.“So? Spring is coming, wonderful weather.”“I’m sorry to be a grouch, but I’m kind of busy here.”“You Can read later.” She pulled my book out of my hands.“hey! Give that back!”“No. Let’s ride our bikes.”“I don’t wanna!” I whined.“Come on, let’s go!” She tugged my arm, and I grumbled and stood up. “You’ll thank me for getting you out of your mancave!”I grumbled and drew the curtains of my huge picture window, and it became dar...

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“Young Cow Love” by Charlie Murphy

Submitted to Contest #81

I placed the turkey on the table then grabbed two plates. I set them side by side when the doorbell rang. ”Damn!” I muttered. Good enough. I sighed then called out, “COMING!” I raced to the door and opened it.“Hey, happy Valentine’s Day!” Maya gave me a huge teddy bear.“Woah! I haven't been that good of a boyfriend, have I?” I said and kissed her.”No, but it's good enough." She kissed me back. I grabbed her hand and led her into the dining room. She gasped. “You did this?"“Yep, I slaved hours in the kitchen just for you."“But, you ...

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“The Ultimate To-Do List” by Charlie Murphy

Submitted to Contest #74

Ten!I ran into the kitchen, made a peanut butter and tuna sandwich, and snarfed it down.Nine!Yuck, why did I eat that! I opened the fridge, grabbed the jug of milk, and chugged.Eight!“Great, waisted a second!” I rushed to my phone and texted Petunia: ‘U up?Seven!“Yes, coming over now!” She flew in by the window as I scrolled through my playlist on my iPod. “Why are you still using an iPod?”“Shut up," I said and slugged her shoulder, and continued scanning my playlist.“Well, I’m waiting,” she tapped her high heels on the floor.“Here it i...

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“The Crystal” by Charlie Murphy

Submitted to Contest #73

"Present time!” Grandma announced.“Yay!” I said and sat down on the floor.“Here you go, Megan,” Grandma said, grabbed a big present off the floor, and handed me it. “I thought you might need this.”“Thank you,” I said and tore the wrapping paper off frantically. “It’s a blender.”“I figure you needed a new one after that squirrel ran in and knocked the old one off, shattering it.”“Well, thank you… you gave new meaning to the season of giving.”“This one is for you.”“Thank you.” Keith opened his gift, wearing his Rick and Morty Christm...

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“Cat Daughter” by Charlie Murphy

Submitted to Contest #65

“Are you almost ready?” I called.                                         “Yes, Mommy!” Alexandra called.“OK.”She walked in.“Lemme fix your wing, sweetie.” I came over and straightened the wire that was meant to keep the shimmering translucent wing outstretched.“Thank you. How do I look?”“Beautiful, dear.”“Really?”“Yes, I’ve got to tak...

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“Milo and Nate” by Charlie Murphy

Submitted to Contest #50

“Why did you have to go and piss off Kate’s dad?” I asked.“I was hungry!” Nate replied.“So, you ate his cheesecake and called him a fat cheapskate?”“Hey, it's not my fault he buys from Walmart.”“Yeah, but you didn't have to insult him!”“It was worth it.”“You're such a jerk! I don’t know why I hang out with you.”“Cuz you love me.”I sighed.   “Come back here, you bastards!” Mr. Cunningham exclaimed.“Kiss our asses, fatty!”“Did your parents drop you on your head when you were a baby?”“No.” Nate paused. “I mean I don’t think they ...

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“Petunia's Fight” by Charlie Murphy

Submitted to Contest #48

RRRRIIINNNNGGG! The bell rang. “Aw, shit!” the girl with glasses exclaimed, slammed her locker closed, and rushed into class. “Petunia Preppoppington, you're late again,” Mr..Finklehiemer said. “Sorry, I had to find my textbook.” “Excuses, excuses, excuses, Preppoppington, take a seat.” She grumbled as she walked to the back. She waved at her friend then sat down. “What was it this time?” Laura whispered. “I was in the bathroom.” “Right” Laura rolled her eyes. OK, OK, I was making out with. “ “Girls!” They looked up. “Thank...

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