Teens & Young Adult Speculative Funny

“I‘m sorry, OK? Please, let me go!” Carrie pleaded.

“You assaulted the World Leader! That’s a serious crime. I’m afraid you must do your time,” the slightly overweight guard replied.

“But, I…” Carrie's voice trailed off. It was useless.

He didn't say anything as he walked her to an empty cell. Another guard opened it. With a hard shove, Carrie flew in. He slammed the jail cell closed and walked away.

“Fuck you, Audrey!” She couldn’t believe it. She was in jail! “AAAAAHHHH!” she screamed and kicked the bars.

“Hey, quiet you!”

She sat down on the cold hard floor, grabbed her legs, and sobbed. “You used to be my friend, and now… you have me thrown in jail like some kind of criminal!”

* * *

“I heard that your friend punched you after your speech. Is this true?” a reporter asked.

“Yes, and I won't talk about it. Next question,” Audry replied behind the podium. Instead of a presidential seal, a seal of Earth was on the front.

“Will you file charges against her?” a slim man in a white dress-up shirt asked.

“I said I won't talk about it. Next question.”

“Have you heard what former President Trump said about you?”

“No, and I don’t care. Does anyone have a serious question? By the way, please forgive me. I haven't learned your names yet.”

The whole room raised their hands.

“That’s not about my friend or the former, uh, president?”

Half of the reporters put their hands down.

“Uh, you in the blue blouse.”

The blonde-haired woman with a big, fat mole on her chin stood up. “My name is Cynthia Zeekerman from the New York Times. I'm new. What are you going to do about that oil spill that occurred near the gulf coast?”

Yes, finally, a real question! Audry thought then said, “Well, Cynthia, I'm sending the EPA to clean it up.”

“Thank you.” She sat down.

“Next question." Audry pointed. "Yes, the woman in the purple blouse?... You’re rocking in it, by the way!”

“Oh, thank you!” The dark-skin reporter laughed. “My name is Vikki Anderson. Please forgive me for asking, but why do you stay nude, and were you always a nudist?”

“Umm, well, I just enjoy the feeling.”

"Oh, I’m sure you do.”

Everyone including Audrey chuckled.

“And, I decided to be a nudist when I announced my leadership.”

“Why then?”

“Well, I just out of the blue realized I loved being naked and wanted to be, so I guess it was a weird impulsive decision.”

“Well, you’ve certainly thrown the world through a major change!”

“Ha-ha, yeah.” Audrey looked at the clock on the wall. “Guys, it has been a pleasure, but I’m ending it here for now. Thank you very much! Have a great day, everyone!” Audrey stepped away from the podium as reporters shouted after her as her bare bottom shined in the fluorescent light.

She returned to her office and punched the code in.

BEEP! The door unlocked. She opened, walked in, and closed the door.

Zexado materialized in front of her.

“Well, that went pretty smoothly,” Audrey said, sitting down behind her desk.

“Yes, except they kept asking about your friend.”

“Yeah, well, that’s understandable."

“But, what if they take to the streets demanding she’d be freed?”

“I’m not worried about it.”


“Oh!” Audry reached under her desk. “I got you something.”

“What?" Zexado asked.

“Well, you've been helping me so much and I thought I’d show my appreciation by giving you this.” She pulled a small box out. Red, white, and blue wrapping paper covered it. She handed it to him.

“You shouldn't have! What is it?”

“Open it."

His blue fingers ripped it open. "It's a... demon head attached to a blue chain?... Oh!" He read the print on the bottom of the head: 'To, my loyal advisor and friend. Audry.'" His face lit up. “Thank you, Madam! I love it!”

“No problem."

“You’re so nice! Um, may I hug you?”

“Uh, sure.”

He wrapped his blue arms around her.

“I’m glad you're my assistant," Audry said.

“Well, you're easy and enjoyable to work with,” Zexado replied and let go.

Audrey looked up at the clock. “I’d better work on my algebra.” She retrieved her briefcase from under her desk, opened it, and grabbed her laptop out. She opened it and set it down on the floor. Then she grabbed her textbook, laid down on her stomach, opened her book, and started working.

* * *

“X equals seven,” Audrey mumbled to herself a few equations later.

“I can do that silly homework so you can focus on more important things… or just relax," Zexado suggested.

“No, thanks, I wanna earn my high school diploma myself."

“Suit yourself.” He shrugged.

Audrey finished her homework, scanned her homework into her computer, and sent it to her teacher. “That’s done.”

A knock on her door made Zexado jump.

“Come in.” Audrey stood up as Zexado vanished in a black gas cloud.

A red-haired woman walked into the room. She wore a gray jacket with matching pants. “Madam, you ought to see this…” Jane held up an iPad showing a serious gas shortage.

“That’s good, isn’t it? A gasoline shortage would force more people to buy and drive electric cars," Audrey replied.

“You would think, but the world still relies on gasoline.”

“Oh, yeah.” She sighed. “Well, we could purchase more oil from Iran.”

“That sounds like the best solution. We'll get right on it!" She walked out.

Zexado materialized. “I can clean it up.”

“Huh?" Audry said and shut the door.

“I can clean that spill up in a snap.”

“Are you saying you want to use your magic to clean the oil spill?”

He nodded.

“But, everyone would notice and become suspicious.”

“I can alter their memories, so they think it took days.”

“You can do that?”

“Sure, I’m magic.”

“I don’t know… It sounds fishy.”

“Don’t you trust me?”

“I do, but I don’t like the idea of altering everyone’s memories.”

“But, it would save dozens of animals.”

“I just don’t know, Zexado.”

“Think of how much more popular you would be.”

“I don’t care about popularity.”

”Are you sure?”


“OK, suit yourself, just remember I offered you the quickest way…” Zexado said and slowly began evaporating.


“Yes?” He reemerged.

Audrey paused, thinking how long it would take and how many animals and plants would die… Then, she sighed. “…Do it.”

“Why, certainly.”

* * *

Zexado emerged onto the dark shore a couple hours later. He looked out at the ocean and grinned. He waved his hands and chanted, “Omla gortus omla gortus. Shamula haza!”

The oil lifted up off the water. Zexado raised his hands and the black liquid soared up in the night sky, higher and higher and higher… until it left the atmosphere. Then, he spread his hand out and opened it. A gold orb formed, floating above his palm. "Divito!" Zexado said and the orb separated into dozens of tiny ones. He blew the tiny orbs away. They soared off in all directions. Speeding into the street as vehicles zoomed the orbs went through them and flew into heads.

“Woah!” The man behind the wheel said as a faint dizziness overcame him. With one hand he clenching his head. The feeling vanished. “That was weird.”

Another orb passed through the windows of a one-story house and into a woman's head. She dropped her sandwich as the room spun. She didn’t know if she was going to hurl or faint. Then, the next second, she felt fine.

All across the globe, the orbs entered every single person, except one.

* * *

“Audrey, Audrey they did it!” The Secretary of Staff ran into the room.


“The EPA cleaned up the oil spill!” She held the iPad up.

"….The ocean once again sparkles in the sun thanks to the EPA."

“Wow, he did it!” Audry murmured.



“Great job, Madam!” She hesitated then patted Audrey on her bare back.

Audrey smiled.

"A bunch of former senators, presidents, vice presidents, and other former government officials are having a party in honor of your accomplishment."


“Yes, it’s Saturday at five P.M.”

“What are you going to wear?”

“What do you think?"

* * *

Audry stepped out of the bathroom and walked over to her closet. “Oh, yeah, I don’t have to put anything on. Sweet!” she sprayed perfume on. “Ready!” She walked to the door, opened it, and shuffled out.

“Looking good!” the Chief of Transportation said, walking beside her.

“Thanks, and I like your dress!” Audrey replied, turned, and stepped into the Main Hall.

“There she is!” someone shouted, and cheers and applause thundered in the room. Audrey figured there were as many as two hundred. Forget that small get-together Carrie had three months ago!

Biden shook Audrey’s hand and handed her the mic.

“Thank you, everyone! Wow! I’m so honored!" Audrey's voice boomed. "I can't believe all the good work we’ve done! And a special thanks to the EPA for getting the job done and restoring our ocean to its beautiful blue self,” she said and whispered, “Thank you, Zexado.”

A storm of applause filled the room.

Audrey continued, “Of course, there's still work to be done on this great planet, but if we continue working together, the future will always be bright! Thank you.” The room burst into applause once more as Audrey handed the mic back.

A brown-haired gentleman wearing a tuxedo sauntered up to her and asked, “Audrey, what music do you want the band to play?"

“They may play whatever they want."

“But, it's your special night."

"In that case..." She paused, placing her finger on her chin. "Ask them if they know any Ariana Grande songs."

“Ok Madam.” He walked off.

“Congratulations, Audrey!"

“Thank you."


She wondered if that abomination was there. She would have to keep her distance from him.

“Audrey Turner, it's nice to finally meet you!" Michelle Obama said and shook her hand. “You have guts!"

“Thank you, Mrs. Obama, I didn't pay much attention to the news but, I remember my parents always spoke of you and your husband in the highest regard. It was in high school that I became a political nerd. I studied all kinds of history and got placed in the advanced classes. I also choose to take AP Government and AP economics."

“Wow! so, you really know your stuff! Let's see… define economic welfare."

“Oh, that's easy! That refers to gains through material goods and services.  In other words, that part of social welfare that can be fulfilled through economic activity."

“The world is in great hands!"

“Thank you, Mrs. Obama."

“Call me Michelle! I gotta go find my husband! I have a feeling you and I will talk again!”  She patted her back. "Keep up the great work!"

“I will, Mrs. Obama... I mean Michelle.” Audry smiled as the former First Lady walked away. “Oh, my God, I met Michelle Obama!” She jumped with joy. Damn, should’ve gotten a picture with her! Or would that have been inappropriate because I’m well… nude? She shrugged. Oh, well, maybe next time.

Her mouth felt dry and she wandered over to the refreshment table. She grabbed a cup and dipped it into the punch. She took a sip.

Something wasn't right.

She sighed and walked to her Secret Service Agent.

“Hey, can you drive me?"



“But, you're the guest of honor!"

Audry walked over to the band and asked, "Excuse me. May I make an announcement?"

The conductor cut the band off and everyone in the room stopped.

Audrey walked up to the mic. “Attention, everyone. Thank you for coming! It's been an honor! Unfortunately, uh, I have to go. Don’t worry, everything's fine., I just need to take care of some business, so goodnight and enjoy the rest of the party.”

* * *

“You have a visitor,” the guard said to Carrie.

Audrey walked up to her cell.

“Oh my God!" Carrie said. I can't believe it! You have the audacity to come here after you have your guards toss me in jail like a sack of shit?”

“I’m sorry, Carrie," Audrey replied.

“You're sorry? You came to my fucking jail cell just to say sorry?”

Audrey said nothing.

“You know, I used to think you were the nicest, most loving person ever.” Tears fell from her face. “But, not anymore."

“I’m still the same."

“Yeah, right!"

“Why, don’t you believe me?”

“People just don't decide to rule the world!"

“I’m not ruling the world. I’m—”

“Yeah, yeah… you're leading it. Whatever."

“I have a great cabinet."

”Who? Who is on your cabinet?”

“Uh, Ken Salazar, Bernie Sanders, Amy Klobuchar, Beto O'Rouke..."


“You know the answer."

“Audrey, you can't run the world with him! Does anybody else even know?"


"Of course. Audry, this is nuts! You have to resign and… I don't know, persuade the world to go back the way it was."

“No way! Everything is better because of me!”

"Yeah, right." Carrie rolled her eyes.

“Why, don’t you believe me?"

“It's just shocking everything that has happened."

"Yeah, but I'm doing it.""

"Doing what?"

"Making the world better."

Carrie sighed. “You really want this?"

“Yeah, more than anything."

"And you're sure it’s coming from deep within, not some selfish conquest?”

“Yes!” Tears spilled out of Audrey’s eyes. “I’m so sorry, Carrie."

“Have the guards come open this stupid cell."

"Jimmy!" Audry yelled and a brown-haired guard came over.

"Yes, ma'am?" Jimmy said.

"Open this cell. She's served her time."

"Aer you sure?"

"Yes," Audry said, looking into Carrie's hazel eyes.

Once the guard unlocked and opened it, Audrey yanked the door open.

Carrie threw her arms against Audrey's back and sobbed.

“How could I be such a bitch! I’m sorry!” Audrey said.

“You've already apologized."

“Yes, but I wanna do it again."

"OK.” Carrie smiled.

They hugged for what seemed forever then let go.

“Now, let's get the Hell out of here!”



“I just had a crazy idea."

”What is it?”

“What if I become your pet?”

“What do you mean?”

Carrie peeled her orange jumpsuit off.

“My pet?... OH!”

She ripped her black bra and panties off and threw them on the floor. Then she kneeled, put her hands out, stuck her tongue out, and panted!

May 29, 2021 02:04

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Monica June
01:07 Jun 02, 2021

Very action packed story!! It was very dialogue heavy, so maybe add a bit more imagery. And I didn't love the "AHHHH" thing at the beginning. Felt a bit informal. Other than that, with a little editing, this is a great story!


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Rayhan Hidayat
18:26 May 31, 2021

Was not aware this was part of a series, so as you can imagine, I was very confused. But it was quirky and fun 🙂 Good stuff, definitely didn’t expect things to get kinky at the end there lol


Charlie Murphy
19:08 May 31, 2021

Thank you, Can you give it a like? And read: The Path to Passive Teenage World Domination A Friendship Worsens


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Cliff McElrea
21:05 May 30, 2021

Unexpected ending. So, is the next story going to have Carrie as Audrey's pet? LOL


Charlie Murphy
21:15 May 30, 2021

Thank you, Cliff. I'm adding more dialogue tags.


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Josephine Samuel
17:19 May 30, 2021

Brilliant! The premise of the story needed a little more work input, but all together, great story idea👍👍


Charlie Murphy
17:34 May 30, 2021

What do you mean?


Josephine Samuel
18:10 May 30, 2021

Sorry about that. I meant the message of the story wasn't clear enough. I can tell your plot, but the premise wasn't precise. PS: You have a really good use of dialogue.


Charlie Murphy
19:09 May 30, 2021

Do I have too much going on in this story?


Josephine Samuel
19:40 May 30, 2021

Kinda. Nothing that can't be fixed.


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TJ Squared
16:05 May 30, 2021

interesting story, ngl. You have a very wild imagination, that's for sure!


Charlie Murphy
16:20 May 30, 2021

Thank you! Can you give me feedback?


TJ Squared
19:30 May 30, 2021

well the pace was quite fast, and things were happening so quickly. Maybe you could add who was speaking after the dialogue, like "“I‘m sorry, OK? Please, let me go!" (insert name) said." it would make it easier to read and understand. It was super packed and lots of things going on. Audrey's character was umm quite confusing, one moment they were a she and the next a he so uh yeah. and the Zexado character was a bit confusing as well.


Charlie Murphy
21:47 May 30, 2021

Thank you! I just edited it, can you reread?


TJ Squared
23:35 May 30, 2021

yes, reread, looking much better! one other small thing, I noticed that you kept switching between Audry and Audrey and yeah that's about it! The tags on the dialogue made it so much clearer :)


Charlie Murphy
01:14 May 31, 2021

Thank you! I noticed I unintendedly switched spellings in the other stories. Should I leave it inconsistent in this story too? Maybe I could give an explanation why her name is spelled differently in a future story?


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04:35 Jun 17, 2021

I love the casual flow of words here. And crikey, the end... I didn't see that coming XD


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Lavan D
17:49 Jun 03, 2021

This is a very interesting story it grabbed my attention right away. I would love to know how Audry met Zexado as well as see what the world was like before him. I'm itching to read more!


Charlie Murphy
00:02 Jun 09, 2021

Thank you, Lavan. I submitted the next part, A Pet Day


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Beth Connor
15:16 Jun 03, 2021

You have such a wild imagination. What a fun and unique story! I got from some of the comments that this is part of a series. Is there an order to read them in?


Charlie Murphy
16:35 Jun 03, 2021

Thank you and yes The Path to Passive Teenage World Domination A Friendship] Worsens the Resolution


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Claudia Morgan
05:35 Jun 01, 2021

Wow. That was good, the ending threw me for a loop! It was well written and I liked the characters! I did see one or two instance where Audrey was also Audry and this: ‘"Jimmy!" Audry yelled and a brown-haired guard cane over.‘ But other than that, this was great!


Charlie Murphy
15:24 Jun 01, 2021

Thank you! I'm glad you like it! I just fixed the typo.


Claudia Morgan
15:27 Jun 01, 2021

No problem!


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