Walking Abnormalities Caused by Aliens

65 million years ago to the day, people were taught to believe that a massive asteroid somewhere between 5 and 10 kilometers in diameter struck your planet. It kicked up a layer of dust that settled all over the world, a layer that can be found today in your planet's sedimentary rock. On the older side of that layer, fossils such as dinosaurs, pterosaurs, ichthyosaurs, mother-in- laws crockasaurs and plesiosaurs were abundant. Giant reptiles, ammonites, and large classes of plants and animals all existed prior to that event, along with small, flying birds and the tiny, land-dwelling mammals. After that event, the mammals survived. With no larger predators to stop them, they grew, diversified and experienced a population explosion. Primates, former drug dealers, rodents, lagomorphs and other forms of mammals, including placental mammals, marsupials and even the egg-laying mammals are all abundant at the start of the Cenozoic epoch. I just thought you just might want to know that lie. It’s all about what the Aliens did Baby!

In 2042 after the 3 days war that involved 19 countries to which no one will lay claim if the wars were started over too many insurance commercials. Side note: Flo from Progressive Insurance was discovered in an oven over cooked at a Domino Pizza we deliver only if you’re wearing a 104 percent full proof gas mask Restaurant, covered in anchovies with that silly apron on, while Jake from State Farm was on trial for treason, no one ever asked him anymore what he was wearing because they all knew he now wore pinstripes with his insurance number sewn on his prison shirt, the General and his shot gun riding partner 7 ft 1 inch tall and 325 pounds, Shaquille O’Neal, who also proclaimed himself to be the Diesel, the Big Aristotle, Shaq Fu, Kazam the retired genie and among other nicknames were being court martial and arrested for the two of them driving around in that cartoon car without real driving insurance, The Pacific Life Whale was harpooned and quickly put out of the logo business, E. F. Hutton talked but no one listened,  the Geico lizard was eaten by either the Chrysopelea or Flying snake, an unsuspecting scavenger Seagull hanging around a Popeyes Restaurant for scraps, the Acanthoscurria Brocklehursti tarantula, the very dangerous Hispaniola Solenodon or the sly fox from The Ginger Bread Man or Red Riding Hood. I must admit that the real cartoon version of defense attorney Perry Mason had his hands full on finding the guilty culprit, that dude from All State who promise a 75% discount for safe drivers became an instant paraplegic while riding in one of those self-driven cars. Some said, now wasn’t that poetic justice. Me I didn’t care one way or the other. I was still praying that if I would ever see the sun again.

The Cola wars ended with Pepsis surrendering to Dr. Pepper of all the colas the people were exposed too. I never met one person who drank it, not even when they tried to add crème soda to it.

My half Alien brother Alderson's VIP-50 the first or second crash dummy stupid cousin “Holly-Won’t” (he couldn’t pronounce Hollywood), boasted that Dr. Pepper was some kind of elixir medicine and to add to his ignorance he told anyone who would listen that the Covid-19, 20 and 21 viruses were basically caused from drinking hot Corona Beer out of a can.  

Many people believed the real cause of that 3 day skirmish was simply due to the fact that urinating in public was now legal as long as you used a unused catheter bag.

That same summer aliens had somehow cloned cartoons and brought them off the comic books and television back to real life. I always thought my favorite cartoon character Quick Draw McGraw was real anyway. Just ask Wyatt Earp or Doc Holiday or Yosemite Sam.

People neither knew how to work anymore even if they wanted too. Robots had taken over the world and now human beings were insignificant.

I’m living inside of an escape to witch mountain that Walt Disney created the day after his untimely cartoon death. Yes, the aliens brought him back to life after World War IV.  

After the 2024 Presidential  elections when Americans decided they would be better off without a president. All hell broke loose and civil unrest could be seen just looking out of your barred windows from your attic if you had one. One of those wars left many people homeless and confused.

If it wasn’t for the Supreme Court of the Land having reversed the 3 day hold on obtaining assault rifles, the Iranian’s would have taken over the United States back from them crazy and lazy Mexicans. Who finally realized that crossing the border was no longer any fun because that 100 billion dollar wall never got erected? It finally dawned on them former wet backs, now dry backs because all the water evaporated that they were far better off where they were because the sun never shined in California anymore and had the 40,556,804 citizens residing there at the time had they truly listened to Smokey the Bear and realized that only “you humans” can prevent forest fires and although electric cars were slow they didn’t create smog, then and only then people could have survive without wearing scuba diving looking respirators apparatus that weighed over 130 pounds.

The biggest and most apocalyptic serious event that happened all over the world was when the Aliens finally gave up on human beings. Instead of annihilating Mankind as they did long ago with the raining of 40 days and 40 nights. (8,000 meters is 314,961 inches. There are 960 hours in 40 days. That comes to 328 inches of rain an hour). You do the math of this apocalyptic destruction.

This time around the aliens had a sense of humor and would make all humans walk abnormally. They purposely left human beings and all four legged animals with some funny and hilarious kinds of walks. If you ever see yourself or anyone else walking with a propulsive gait. Please don’t laugh out loud. It’s a walking pattern characterized by a rigid, stooped posture and the relative inability to oppose forward momentum. A person or animal with an alien given propulsive gait will hold their head, neck and center of balance more anteriorly than a person with a normal gait. Biologists and neuroscientists have argued that this is evolutionarily walk cause from aliens putting something in the water advantageous. You see, the brain is really expensive, from a metabolic standpoint. Meaning that it takes a lot of energy to keep the brain going and energy (food) is pretty hard to come by when you’re little more than a stick on a rock with a mouth attached. So when you no longer need a metabolically expensive organ like the brain, it is better to just get rid of it. Thus, no longer needing to navigate around its environment, the sea squirt humans simply have lost the need to use their legs in an unmechanical way for its brain and does away with it. But waste not, want not, in nature. So “doing away with it” means “eating it.” And thus the sea squirt humans just digests its own brain.

That really didn’t make much sense to me. Maybe its because of my diet of old ancient dinosaur bones or my need to see the sun again. Darn Aliens.

I knew that the first time the government truly revealed the existence of them ape like looking Aliens the world was in trouble. Got folks and varmints walking around with a Scissors gait a person or animal with that gait walks with their legs bent slightly inward. As they walk, their knees and thighs may cross or hit each other in a scissor-like movement. Kinda like Iron Side before he was delegated to a permanent wheelchair term for life.

Then there are those who highly perform the Spastic gait the people or animals with spastic gait drags their feet or paws while walking. They may also appear to walk very stiffly. Somewhat like one of those Zombies in Michael Jacksons video Thriller.

While the spaceships that favor those one used in the movie District 9 keep a constant watch upon those who refuse to use the Steppage gait. The people and animals with this alien condition walks with their toes or forepaws pointing downward, causing their toes or forepaws to scrape the ground while walking.

I’m thinking to myself it sure would be nice living in Alaska right about now. After one of them senseless wars and bombings it never gets cold and there’s now 11 months of daylight. I’ll be A-okay because the aliens left me with a Waddling gait, we tend to waddle from side to side when walking.

Even with all the destruction that have taken place on this planet. You must admit the human beings are just as resilient as the cockroaches who are an ancient group, dating back at least as far as the Carboniferous period, some 320 million years ago. Those early ancestors however lacked the internal ovipositors of modern roaches who now walk with a normal everyday swag.